by John Walters
Happy 47th to the lovely Rena Sofer, who maybe made a guest appearance in every sitcom between 1995-2005.
Thought for the day: What qualifies as ‘adventure’ these days is blogging from a different coffee shop.
Starting Five
Paul and Dave on “Every Breaking Wave”
1.Angel of Midtown
It was a cold and wet December day, when Bono and the Edge came to play. Carnegie Hall. A completely untelevised event featuring the mononymous U2 pair, Hozier, Jessie J, Miley Cyrus, Trevor Noah, Stephen Colbert, Sting, Michonne from The Walking Dead, Bill Clinton and very funny Joe Biden.
My story at Newsweek.com.
2. Grizzly Madams
The love scene from The Revenant. “Take my paw, Rose.” (I realize that doesn’t even make sense, but I don’t care)
Comes word that Leo DiCaprio has a sex scene in his new film, The Revenant, with a bear. As one smart tweep noted, “That bear couldn’t have been older than 23.” Leo’s ursine co-star was last seen sunning itself on a yacht in the Mediterranean.
Updated: Leo NOT raped by bear.
Even More Updated: Leo and the bear free to see other mammals, wish each other the best, promise to remain friends.
Somewhere Timothy Treadwell is jealous…but of whom?
3. ESPN Not Keen On Keenan
Some day Keenan Reynolds will be POTUS, and And Katz, Jr., will show up hoping to get his 16-team CFB playoff picks for December Dementia, ad Keenan will give HIM the Heisman…
What’s more bizarre than Leo being raped by a bear? How about ESPN, or Nissan, swabbing the decks of Navy quarterback Keenan Reynolds in its Heisman fan poll because the senior NCAA record-setter was leading the race? Yes, they just Markinson’ed Navy’s best quarterback since Roger Staubach (who won the Heisman in 1963, by the way).
(For its next trick, ESPN will invade the GOP Gallup poll?).
Anyway, Navy Athletics was the one who called out the WWL, the latter of whom may forget who the actual WWL is: Uncle Sam. ESPN’s explanation to Deadspin as to why it pulled Reynolds, who was in the lead with 37% of the vote: He has to be on their “Experts Poll” in order to appear on their easy-to-vote board.
The real explanation: Army-Navy airs on CBS. ESPN is not going to pull its Heisman strings (it airs show) to promote players not appearing on its air. I’m sorry, but who scraps a leading candidate in a poll on a technicality….especially when he actually IS friends with the blacks?
You can vote for Reynolds, the NCAA’s all-time leader in rushing touchdowns with 82, here. Search for “American” under conference, “Navy” under team, and then Reynolds.
4. Kobe Desert (cont.)
Last night the LOLakers lost to previously 0-18 Philadelphia, 104-91. LOLakers have now lost to a 15-0 team (Golden State, helping them set a record for best start) and to an 0-18 team (helping them stave off a record for worst start) in the same fortnight. Kobe was 7 of 26 from the field.
The Lakers are happy to keep losing for a Top 3 pick.
Kobe is happy to collect $25 million for one last lap around the track.
Fans are happy to “honor” the ghost of an all-time great.
You are witnessing an NBA franchise lip-synch an entire season.
5. Give It Away Now
Yesterday Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg became a father for the first time. To celebrate the birth of daughter Max, Zuckerberg and his wife (Dr. Priscilla Chan) have pledged to give away 99% of his Facebook stock, at an estimated value of $45 billion.
Two thoughts: 1) The things you can afford to do when you marry a doctor and, 2) Can you think of a better way to troll the Winklevoss twins?
Good on you, Mark Zuckerberg. And if you ever need a hand out from Medium Happy, we are here for you –and we don’t even have a Facebook page.
Music 101
I‘m Like A Bird
Canadian/Portuguese canary Nelly Furtado also celebrates a birthday today, so here’s a nod to her breakout, Grammy-winning hit.
Remote Patrol
How The Grinch Stole Christmas
NBC 9 p.m.
If only people actually heeded the message of this holiday special, which provides lessons on materialism and how to deal with Syrian refugees alike. Oh, well. Far who for-aze to all.
You forgot one thing on your Laker-Kobe list :
Kobe haters (that would include me) LOVE seeing Kobe suck. (Sorry, I know you don’t appreciate that word in here but I used “awful” yesterday & can you argue that he doesn’t suck like a Hoover these days?)
Watching what happened with Kobe & Steve Nash these past 4 years has me wondering how much longer Sweet Pea will play. I can’t imagine he’d want to go out like that. Or would he be ok with a reduced role like Duncan has played on the Spurs the past few years? I’d been thinking he would play at least 6 more years but now I’m not so sure.
Speaking of the Cavs – I didn’t see the game last night but when I saw the clips, I couldn’t stop exclaiming – “WHAT?! WHAT?! What’s happening?! The Wizards had LOST 4 in a row & come into the CAVS’ HOUSE & nobody was home! If LeBron was cranky with some of their efforts before he should be LIVID with how they were outplayed (from start to finish!) last night. Unless they were all sick with bad colds (like yours truly). Even LBJ had 9 turnovers! I know it’s only December but just two more games & the season will be 25% over.
Since your Film Critic has yet to make a return appearance, did YOU see CREED? What’s your review? (I know, I know, gift horse… stop looking at those teeth! But I just want to know what YOU think of it, if you saw it – it’s a compliment!).
And finally, even if Stanford beats USC in the Pac-12 champ game, I do NOT think they should make the Playoff over Oh State! They lost TWICE & most recently to Oregon only a few weeks ago! If UNC beats Clemson, then I think the Buckeyes should get in. And is it THEIR fault that none (except Mich State) of their B1G opponents were “top 9” this year?
As for ND – on one hand, I feel bad for them as they had such a tough schedule & endured all those injuries & will miss out by only inches. On the other hand, they should feel PROUD of how they played under such adversity. To what bowl will they go?
I don’t normally vote for that Heisman (what ever happened to I before E, anyway?), nor do I normally fill out an online poll. That said, I definitely hunted down the American Conference, Navy and Keenan Reynolds and voted.
Terrible stuff by ESPN to pull him from the poll. As you alluded to, it’s suspect at best that they’d pull the leader in the poll for no other “stated” reason than he wasn’t among their “experts” top candidates. Ridiculous, I say.
“promise to remain friends.” yea, like that’s gonna happen*
*but I’m not bitter