by John Walters
Starting Five
You can spend those five weeks off looking at that fourth Super Bowl ring, Tom.
1. TOM: Time Off Man*
The penalty: a four-game suspension for Tom Brady, a $1 million fine for the Patriots (courtesy of Dr. Evil), and a first-round draft pick lost next season. Also, the team and all of its fans must look up the word “recalcitrant” in the dictionary.
Brady will return on October 18, when the New England Patriots visit…the Indianapolis Colts! Isn’t life grand?
*The judges will also accept “P.S.I. Love You”
2. Mike & Molly Meets Mike & Mike to Form Mike & Mike & Molly
Qerim
Here’s salt in your wounds, Bill Simmons. ESPN, in promoting its bland, is moving Mike & Mike to Times Square and attaching a third host, Molly Qerim of the NFL Network. Asking a hot 20-something 30 year-old gal from Los Angeles to move to Manhattan and hang out with a couple of middle-aged guys sounds like a sitcom, I just can’t remember which.
Tons of laughs! Wait, I don’t get it….
Ah, but here’s the rub. Quorum grew up in New Haven, Conn., and graduated from Quinnipiac, which is right in Bristol’s back yard. She’s coming home.
Letterman departs, these two enter. This Week’s Sign that the Apocalypse….
Mike & Mike & Molly, or 3M, will begin airing form NYC on February 8. Unless a massive tsunami strikes Manhattan first.
3. 30 for Thirtysomething
Will ESPN — or perhaps Grantland? — ever make a short film about the seminal dramedy? One can…Hope.
I like ESPN, really. Some of my favorite people I deal with in the media, such as Josh “Demented and Sad, But Social” Krulewitz, Mac Nwulu, Mike Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuumes, Dave Nagle, Chris LaPlaca, Mike Soltys, Kerri Potts, yada yada yada….work there.
BUT… I’m always on the lookout for when ESPN is being insidious. When they are less than forthcoming. For example, if you are going to call yourselves the WWL and then create a documentary series, 30 for 30, about the greatest stories in sports –and, granted, it’s usually outstanding — maybe it’s time to recognize that sports preexisted the advent of ESPN in 1979.
ESPN just announced its newest 30 for 30 projects, and once again all the topics — Tyson vs. Holyfield, the Buffalo Bills, Pete Carroll — post-date the formation of ESPN. Granted, there have been a couple of pre-1979 topics, but the figure is disproportionately low. (by the way, “The U” came in at No. 25 on this list; who was doing the ranking, the editors of Rolling Stone?)
There are some absolutely fascinating stories that pre-exist the disco era. Here’s hoping ESPN delves further into them.
4. Dave, Don and Howard
Be gentle with the Gentile. Don Rickles and Howard Stern took turns ripping Letterman and the state of Montana last night. It was the sincerest tribute they could pay him.
5. “Obama, Dakota. Dakota, Obama.”
POTUS completes the list, visiting South Dakota, the one state that he had not sojourned to during his presidency (I’ve got 49 down, but am hoping to make it to 50 before turning 50). Obama becomes the fourth president to visit all 50 states, and the first one to do so who was not born in any of them.
Music 101
Wild Horses
Faith has been broken/Tears must be cried/Let’s do some living/After we die
Denoting a best Rolling Stones song is as specious an idea as claiming that there is a world’s most beautiful woman. Rather, just revel in all the greatness. This western-tinged ballad is one of my all-time favorites, off the 1971 album Sticky Fingers, and yet another tune that is at least tangentially about Marianne Faithfull.
Remote Patrol
Barca at Bayern
FOX Sports 1 2:45 p.m.
Neymar. The Boy from Brazil invades Munich.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, NBA playoffs. Bayern needs to outscore Lionel Messi, Luis Suarez, Neymar and the gang by at least 4 goals today in Munich if it hopes to advance to the Champions League final on June 6 in the Motherland. Good luck. Barcelona has outscored its last seven opponents, Bayern included, by a 25-0 score.
I am NOT happy about the ‘Mike & Mike’ change – apparently ESPN/DIS thinks it’s a GOOD thing for this show to be physically located right above GMA so they can “share guests & hosts”. Oooh yeah, that’s all a viewer needs – MORE freakin people on GMA. And to make M&M a “clone” of GMA? Who exactly is in charge of ESPN/DIS now? Maleficent?
Also, I checked several media postings about M&M’s beginning-of-the-end, I mean “change”, this morning & only one of them even mentioned that a new person would be added, but it was written as if she would just be another contributor. And didn’t even specify it was a woman, let alone her name. Hmmmmm.
The ONLY thing I like about “the change” is that more “guests” will be on air via live remotes & not just call-ins. Well, they could have done that still based in Bristol.
More malevolent ESPN doings – it seems Simmons & Skipper had barely communicated let alone talked money so Skipper’s original press release was intentionally misleading if not an outright LIE. Plus, if we don’t get to read or see/hear Simmons for the next 4 months, it’s like CONTRACT PRISON. For Simmons & his readers. #$@%&%! I also read that ESPN “owns” the name – “The B.S. Report”. That upset me too until I came up with a new name for his future podcast – “It’s Just B.S.” Do you like it? I think it’s prettee, prettee good! 🙂
Well, while you are spending your precious few hours of sports viewing amongst the Euros (how UNpatriotic of you), I shall “Carry On” with the AMERICAN NBA. It seems I was a tad too hasty yesterday in writing off the “vanishing Warriors”. Yes, it seems my once trusty Magic 8 ball let me down with “Reply hazy, check back later” 4 days in a row. Anyhoo, they’ve come roaring back into focus & I expect them to make it to the Western Finals against the Clippers.
As for the Eastern Finals, I still don’t know if the walking wounded Cavs will actually make it. It was iffy enough without the 3rd Amigo, so how can LeBron & the Pacemakers (that’s what’s needed to watch them these days) keep winning with a lame Kyrie? And poor Kyrie, his 1st playoffs & you KNOW he must have been hoping to show the world he’s not LBJ’s water carrier but a force of his own. Goodness, I’m choking myself up. (Seriously, I’m not snarking here, I feel bad for the guy!)
And then there’s the question of Blatt’s future. I’ve been pulling for him all season & have actually been a bit irritated with LBJ with at least his public handling of the coach. It was clear from the start (before the season) that LeBron doesn’t view a head coach as “essential”, at least not for himself & if he wants Blatt gone, I assume he’s gone. I have no idea how Coach Blatt is at practice or with the players but he’s been nothing but OVER supportive & complementary of LeBron every single day. Even when LBJ is throwing out the passive-aggressive nonsense. (See, I can be critical of, um, Sweet Pea.) 🙂
Finally, what do YOU think of the Deflategate penalties? Too much, not enough? I think the suspension gets knocked down to 2 games & the fine to $500,000 after the appeal. Hmmmm, WHERE have I seen that before? (I am available as Sports Universe Empress). And as usual, it wasn’t the “crime” but the cover-up (or in this case, lies & lack of cooperation) that did him/them in. And while I do think some penalty is warranted, I actually think the PSI Rule itself is either unnecessary or too strict. Is a lighter ball a hindrance to the DEFENSE? So what if it’s easy for some QBs to grip. Some guys actually like the ball heavier. They should loosen the requirement to 11 – 15 PSI or get rid of it entirely. The Empress has spoken.
Um, that’s “complimentary”. Hey, I’m “royalty” not a spelling bee champ.
Speaking of “The Bee”, your fave TV event is mere weeks away. Of all the issues on which we’ve had differing opinions, I guess the biggest shock was of reading your distaste of the National Spelling Bee. I love it – the various kids’ personalities, the way the kids “spell out” the words – some using fingers in the air, some drawing on the backs of their paper competition number, that almost all ask the probing (& or delaying tactic) questions : “Definition, please? Origin? Any other pronunciations”? And the mounting tension & drama. Man, HOW can you not get a kick out of it? And it’s 10 TIMES more exciting than televised poker; a pox upon our nation’s TV airwaves, a penance imposed for some unspecified sin (although I’d BET it’s because of the continual high numbers for ‘First Take’).
Come on, come on, where is today’s (5/13/15) post? I want to talk about LEBRONTOSAURUS! (Loved that name, btw). 🙂
At risk of sounding young, my mother absolutely loved thirtysomething. The initial shock of “They killed Gary” was a difficult time in our house. Still fun to see alums like Timothy Busfield popping up around TV.
If I had visited exactly 49 states, I think I would have to have a trip scheduled to complete the list. It’s an excellent conversation piece minus one, but I’d have to finish it. As Jerry Maguire would say, you complete me.