by John Walters

 

Starting Five

1. Spieth Easy*

*The judges are also happy to accept “A Performance That Spieths for Itself,” “Jordan Rules,” “Jordan, Heir,’ ‘Augusta and Everything After,” and “Tiger Popped A Bone…er?” Basically, they’d accept anything.

Like some Americans, we care about golf two weekends a year: in April and in July (the British, just because we like the word “gorse”.) But even a casual fan has to be in awe of Jordan Spieth, a native Texan who at age 21 shot an Augusta National record-tying 18-under over four rounds to claim the green jacket.

Spieth attended Jesuit High in Dallas, the same school that produced that Oklahoma frat dude who sings racially insensitive tunes. Meanwhile, Tiger Woods claims to have performed field surgery on his own wrist during Sunday’s final round. So there’s that.

And Phil Mickelson finishes 2nd for the 10th time in a major. Or, as Ricky Bobby might say, “Last.”

2. Bitch is Back…

First of all, thanks to frequent MH contributor Chris Corbellini and his lovely lady, Hillary, for allowing me to Constanza at their apartment to watch the season premieres of Game of Thrones and Veep (sorry, Silicon Valley, you’re okay but not in their class).

There was a moment when Prince Can’t-Get-a-Pizza-in-Indiana is offering platitudes of sorrow to Cersei over her father’s death (Old Blue Eyes) and the camera just focuses in on the Lady Lannister’s unabashed look of utter contempt. And I just blurted out, “I love her.” And then about 30 seconds later she walks past a wine tray and stops just long enough to grab a fresh glass. Classic Cersei.

My other two favorite moments: Varys’ pep talk to Tyrion, which might as well be the first ad of Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign. Also, when Daenerys’ lover (I’ll catch up to the names in a week or two) urges her to reinstate the fighting pits, which sounded like a PSA for the National Football League. Loved that.

But, honestly, the entire series of Looking had less male nudity than Sunday night’s premiere.

Also, per usual, Veep was fantastic. No show fills in more mean per minute. And nothing is out of bounds. “There’s a theory that Reagan paid Hinckley to do it because he wanted to spend two weeks in bed.”

3. …Speaking of Hillary

Remember when Tina Fey returned to SNL during the 2012 Democratic primary season to stump for Bill Clinton’s wife and ended with the tag line, “Bitch is the new black?”

Well, Hillary Clinton formally announced that she was running on Sunday. As a road racing enthusiast, I loved the dual coincidences that Mrs. Clinton announced this on the day of the Cherry Blossom 10-Miler, which begins and ends just south of the White House (in the shadow of the Washington Monument) and draws about 2,500 runners, and that she did so on the same day that Selina Meyer moved into the Oval Office on Veep.

4. From Down Under to Six Feet Under

Playing its first live gig in six years, AC/DC invaded Coachella on Friday night and to at least one reviewer from the Los Angeles Times, seemed to redefine the term “anachromism.” Angus and Malcolm Young and the lads were  thisclose to a Spinal Tap tribute band. I’ll have more Coachella reviews as soon as the DJs reboot their computers.

5. Jimmy & Jerry

Caught this episode of Seinfeld taking Jimmy Fallon out on his Boston Whaler for Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee. I love this series more and more with each passing episode. Are you like me? Do you notice that although Jerry is the host, he has the more compelling things to say in just about every episode? “This is angles,” says Fallon as they attempt to back the Range Rover hauling the vessel into a U-turn. “This is geometry.”

“Yes, it is angles and geometry,” Seinfeld agrees. “So is comedy. Comedy is all about geometry. Remember those geometry proofs you did in high school? That’s comedy. Begin with an absurd premise, then prove it step by step.”

And he’s still performing, even as recently as this weekend in Boston (no Whaler).

Irony Alert: The show is sponsored by Acura, but I’m fairly certain Jerry has never driven an Acura in the show.

Music 101

Grace Kelly

“I try to be like Grace Kelly/But all her looks were too sad/So I try a little Freddie/I’ve gone identity mad.”

Sorry, Adam Lambert, but no one does a better Freddie Mercury impersonation than Mika. Like the late Queen singer, whom Mika references in this 2007 tune, Mika is partly British and partly Persian (specifically, in his case, Lebanese) and plays piano. And he has the bicurious swagger down cold..