Starting Five
Beat that spread!
1. That Guy!
Day One of March Madness didn’t suck. Nine of the 16 games were decided by less than five points, a Round of 64 record one-day record.
Five one-point games.
One two-point game.
Two three-point games.
One four-point game.
Twelve of the 16 underdogs covered the spread, but 12 of the 16 favorites actually won the games. The four teams that both failed to cover and failed to win: SMU, Texas, Baylor (South By Southworst Festival, anyone?) and Iowa State. The four schools that both covered and won? Georgetown, Utah, Villanova and Xavier.
The Big 12 went 0-3. The Big East went 4-0. Five Texas teams lost. Two Boston-area teams lost.
Alford and the Bruins overcame our skepticism, the Mustangs’ defense, and those trunks to edge SMU by one.
Harvard came within a long-three pointer of defeating North Carolina. UCLA needed a three-pointer from Bryce Alford that did not actually go into the bucket to beat SMU. Alford buried nine of 11 three-pointers. His dad, UCLA coach, Steve Alford, was known as something of a deadly outside shooter back in the day AND he had better hair.
A pair of 14-seeds pulled off the biggest upsets, taking down a pair of 3-seeds from the Big 12: UAB took down Iowa State and Georgia State defeated Baylor.
It was a good day Let’s do it again today…
2. Dall-Ass Buyers Club
Botched butt injections: “All wrong, all wrong, all wrong.”
It’s too easy. A woman in Dallas was discovered dead after she went to have butt injections performed on her. You’ve got two people not licensed to practice medicine as prime suspects and a transgender witness. Police in Dallas estimate that between two and four Oscar nominations might come out of all this.
3. Race To Get Her?
“But the cup is WHITE!!!! ARGHHHHH!!!!!”
“I’d like a white mocha…but I don’t mean anything by that. I mean, I also prefer cream in my coffee, too. Does that make me…You know what, I’ll just have a brownie. Oh my God! I didn’t mean it that way. You know what I meant. Maybe I’ll just have some crackers.”
Starbucks issues “Race Together” cups in an effort to get totally caffeinated strangers to discuss racism, and the writers at Saturday Night Live could not be more appreciative.
4. South By South-what-the-hell?
Guillermo, Guillermo Murray, and your host in Austin
Jimmy Kimmel took his show to SXSW this week and of course Bill Murray showed up in a dress.
I once spent a week in March in Austin, Texas, but it had nothing to do with the annual SXSW Festival. No, it was where my college rowing team trained during spring break (Wow, if I had only bought a house in Austin in the spring of 1985 with the money I’d saved from bussing tables at Garcia’s….anyway….).
Austin?!? “Yeah, baby, yeah!”
So here’s a little wrap on this year’s arts and technology festival. All you really need to know is that people lined up around the block to get a look at/photo op with Grumpy Cat. Who is now probably Grumpier Cat.
5. Boeheim Watch
Last night John Calipari said, “This isn’t Communism” when referring to playing time at Kentucky, and yet that wasn’t the strangest thing that a living coach who owns a championship ring uttered yesterday. Syracuse coach Jim Boeheim held a press conference in order to clear the air about the rest of his tenure and about Syracuse’s infractions with the 2A.
Notably, Boeheim accused skeptics of his program of “racism” while referring not to African-Americans specifically but instead to “foreigners.” Also, the inveterate Orange coach noted off-hand that he’s “the 45th-highest paid coach in America,” which is definitely an, “I’m not sayin’,” I’m just sayin'” thing to say.
Boeheim even, as the kids say, “threw shade” at Derek Jeter and the Syracuse football program.
Music 101
“We Just Disagree”
In the 1970s, we had this oxymoronic genre called “soft-rock.” You can blame it on the Eagles if you like. Artists like England Dan and John Ford Coley, or Dan Fogelberg or Starland Vocal Band or Ambrosia flourished. Anyway, AM radio went nuts for it. This tune, released in 1977, this is sonic soft-rock perfection. Lead vocals by English performer Dave Mason and backing vocals by Jim Krueger, who actually wrote the song. It reached No. 12 on the Billboard charts. This is a perfect song, by the way, for when you’re driving down a country road in a place you’ve never been. Very atmospheric.
Remote Patrol
NCAA Hoops, Day 2
CBS/TNT/TBS/TRU TV
11 a.m. til Eternity
Pangos, the bastard child of Marty McFly, leads the Zags into the tourney tonight
Day 2 brings us Frank the Tank from Wisconsin, Kevin Pangos playing with his coif, Tom Izzo, Bob Huggins’ track suit top, Bobby Hurley, Mamadou Ndiaye, Steve Lavin and Steve Fisher, and of course, the anxiety and excitement that comes with the potential of a first-round exit by Duke.
Not sure what to write about Dat Ass. Not sure what’s wrong with that picture, except that she later died. Isn’t that what America asspires to – a voluminous ass that can break the Internet if photoed correctly? It’s your fault America, you made her do it.