Starting Five

1. We You Made It!

As a sports fan/New Yorker, I’ve always felt that “good autumn” ends with the finish of the New York City Marathon (bad autumn is the rest of the season, technically, but it feels like “pre-winter”) and that spring begins with the first Thursday of March Madness.

So give yourselves a hand. You survived winter. I’ve been in sunny Arizona the past two months, empathizing with your plight. I hope you felt my empathy.

1A. “The Balls Are Tipped…”

I’ve watched it many times, but I’m still not sure how Dayton’s Dyshawn Pierre got pantsed while grabbing this rebound in last night’s First Four loss to Boise State. You have lo love how coaches get about 3 dozen timeouts per game but that Dayton did not waste one here to help out Pierre. Nope, he just held the ball with one hand and pulled up his shorts with the other as Boise State’s cheerleaders looked on in shock.

Here’s the questions: Does this make the “One Shining Moment” montage? And where was Meadowlark Lemon during all this?

2. Messi, Not Messy

We like J Dubs a lot more before he fell head-over-Sambas in love with soccer. I mean, we didn’t actually like him, but we liked him more.

Okay, I hear you. But–if you did not tune in to Manchester City-F.C. Barcelona yesterday afternoon, you missed a virtuoso in his absolute prime. Barca’s Lionel Messi, the most artistically perfect player of his generation, did not score a goal but he was in the rarest of forms. He’s Maravich (or, for the kids, Steph Curry) dribbling a football and he also made a perfect touch pass for an assist on the game’s only goal.

Barca advances to the quarters in UEFA Champions League. If they don’t meet Bayern Munich in the final, it’ll be a shame.

3. “NORRRRRRRRRM!”

A man who should have his own talk show, Norm MacDonald, makes his final appearance with a man who already does. Norm killed last night with stories of Jack Warden, Bob Uecker and here, on the late comic George Miller, a man whom Letterman was always outrageously fond of (no comedian ever wore worse sweaters while doing stand-up, not even Cosby).

4. Tragedy in Tunisia

At least two gunmen killed 19 tourists, injuring dozens more, at the Bardo Museum in the capital city of Tunis. You’ll remember that Tunisia was ground zero for the Arab Spring, the first country in the Arab world to overthrow its dictator in 2011 and elect a democratic government.

5. “If You Don’t Have Anything Nice To Say…

…you’re probably roasting Justin Bieber.

I’ve unearthed more mots of bon from last Saturday’s roast of Biebs for Comedy Central. I don’t think there’s ever been a Comedy Central Roast that was more vicious. There’s no undercurrent of friendship or admiration–just pure hostility. It’s less like a roast than an extended segment of “Mean Tweets.”

This, from Snoop Dogg, was one of the gentler burns: “When you get to the county jail, hear me, you’re gonna be the first dude who ever had a girlfriend and a boyfriend named Gomez.”

This is what it would have been like had Osama Bin Laden lived and then agreed to be roasted on Comedy Central.

Music 101

It’s Different For Girls

Absolutely love Joe Jackson. Once he put on shoes and learned to play the piano, he completely reinvented himself. This is off his classic 1979 album, Look Sharp! Jackson never won a Grammy, which is just another reason why the Grammys are crap.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fKr2n-9p7WM

Remote Patrol

NCAA Basketball Tournament

11 a.m. til The Rest of our Lives

It all tips off at 11 a.m. for a pre-game show on TRU TV and then you’ve got Notre Dame vs. Northeastern at noon. Over/Under on number of Oberto Beef Jerky ads it’s going to be before I give up and decide I prefer hiking to watching hoops? Seven? ICYMI, our invitation to participate in Mark Madness.