Starting Five

1. Bullet Park

Until Chris Corbellini graces us with a review of American Sniper, my thoughts:

–Based on what I saw in the film (I have not read the book), Chris Kyle was the perfect soldier. Why? Because he was mission-oriented and not policy-oriented. He never asked WHY we were there; he only asked how he could best protect his fellow soldiers. I’m not arguing that makes him the ideal person, just the ideal soldier.

–Raised in Texas; joins the SEALs; heads over to Iraq. Kyle’s story reminded me some of Marcus Luttrell’s (“Lone Survivor”), although Luttrell is, of course, still alive.

–It’s a good, not great, film. Yes, Cooper is terrific, but almost all of his most effective and pathos-dripping scenes are available in one of two trailers I’d already seen (one for TV ads, another that appears as a previews tease in theaters). In fact,  I think it’s a far more compelling trailer than it is a film, which explains the massive first January weekend in sales.

–The director, Clint Eastwood, and the screenwriter, Jason Hall, did a solid job of making Kyle three-dimensional. He wasn’t overly concerned with enlightenment–Kyle was the perfect Bush/Cheney pawn, a young man who loved America and desired to serve and protect it, and of course there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s just that, well, was this a just war? Kyle never questioned that, although one or two other characters in the film do.

–There were moments in the film when I thought, If this were a war fantasy film with no identifiable sides, would any audience be cheering for the side that possessed the overwhelming force and had seemingly indestructible vehicles and armor, the side that were technically the invaders? I’m not trying to draw anyone into a political debate, it’s just that, watching the film if you were an alien, would you really be rooting for the side Kyle was on? Why?

–Finally, I think future generations will hear the term “War on Terror” and either laugh or pity us. Or laugh or pity anyone who actually seriously used that term. I read “Comments” section missives about how what Kyle was doing was so important because he “was saving American lives.” As if American lives are more important than anyone else’s. I mean, Arizona lives, sure. But American?

–SPOILER ALERT: How’d you like to be the guy who auditioned for/landed the role of “creepy veteran who will murder our hero and is only introduced in the final scene?” His name is Vincent Selhorst-Jones and it turns out, he LOVES Physics.

–I always have time for what Matt Taibbi of Rolling Stone has to say. While he takes no prisoners (and place them in Abu Ghraib?) in his commentary on the film, he makes some strong points. One of Taibbi’s biggest arguments (mine, too) of the past decade is that we’ve become so blind to thinking America is always right that we’ve stopped trying to suss out what is inherently right or wrong. As a country, we’ve become S-E-C homers. And it’s scary to watch.

2. Cinnabon Can Wait

“I’ll just say it,” writes Stephen Marche in Esquire, “the first few episodes (of Better Call Saul) that I saw are better than Breaking Bad. They are smarter. They are sharper. I have never seen a prequel handled so cleverly.”

As Andy Samberg-as-Nicholas Cage might say, “High praise.”

Walter White’s consigliere has his own show on AMC (premieres Feb. 8) and it sounds as if Bob Odenkirk is about to do for defense attorneys what Hugh Laurie once did for docs.

3. “I Am Not a Crook!”

Bill Belichick appears at a press conference and maintains “I had no knowledge whatsoever about the situation until Monday morning….”

So Bill went all in…

Some people think BB threw his quarterback of 15 seasons under the bus, but that’s ludicrous. They’ve had more than 24 hours to coordinate their stories. This isn’t L.A. Confidential where Tom Brady and Belichick were put in different holding cells and played against one another.

Will Brady, who speaks at 4 p.m., also claim no knowledge? Or will he fall on his sword, flash his GQ grin, and hope the NFL suspends him from appearing in Uggs ads for the next year?

The Pats are gambling that the NFL will not impose a Super Bowl-related suspension, which is all they care about. Belichick, Brady and Kraft have not won a Super Bowl since 2005, an entire decade. Monetary fines do not worry them; not closing their careers with one more Vince Lombardi Trophy does.

Your move, Commissioner Goodell.

Meanwhile, I’m hoping a media member plays this tune as Brady enters his presser….

4. Plitt Falls

“Faster than a locomotive...” is a nice line for Superman but, despite that impressive torso, Greg Plitt was not born on the planet Krypton. The reality television star (<– oxymoron alert) died last weekend, according to TMZ, when he attempted to outrace a train as a stunt to promote an energy drink. Plitt finished second.

5. The Corrections

Pardon our irrational exuberance. The staff at Medium Happy improperly stated the date of the 2015 Miss Universe pageant as last night on NBC when actually it will be this Sunday night on NBC at 8 p.m. Medium Happy regrets the error. A reminder that every continent save Antarctica (Africa, Asia, Australia, North America and South America) has had at least one winner since the last time Europe, the bastion of western civilization –although the objectification of females is a planetary phenomenon– won. You’re due, Europe, and so we present Misses Great Britain and Germany….

Meanwhile, here’s hoping the judges properly inspect the bikini tops before the competition. We don’t need another Sunday sports event scandal…

Remote Patrol

Unforgiven

Encore 9:50 p.m.

Remember when Clint Eastwood was the American sniper? Here’s his 1993 Oscar winner for Best Picture, which beat out A Few Good Men, which I hope we can all agree was a superior film. Oscar really needs a five-year rule on Best Picture nominees, kind of like the Baseball Hall of Fame….