Starting Five

So it’s Open Mic morning here at MH (“or should I say, heh heh, ‘Open Micah’ morning…yes see because, um….waka waka waka”) . Loyal reader and amateur phlebotomist Micah Sage has volunteered to dance around the keys this a.m. and I thought, Hey, why not? So please welcome MS to MH and, honestly, I have no idea if he’s a phlebotomy enthusiast. 

1. Shrinking Balls

Did the Patriots deflate their footballs during Sunday night’s beating of the Colts (the worst loss on a big stage by an Indiana-based football team since Alabama annihilated Notre Dame in the second to last BCS championship game). And is the NFL investigating?

From the sounds of it, the worst that could happen for the Pats is a loss of draft picks. I’m not saying that deflating footballs gives a team an advantage to the point of a 45-7 blowout, but if you cheat in a game, shouldn’t that result in a forfeit? I mean, if a student is caught cheating on just 1 question on a 100-question test, doesn’t that usually result in an F on the test?

We’ve seen this story before, though in the warmer climes of Southern California, with the student manager taking the hit.

Rumors have circulated that Lane Kiffin may make a return to the NFL next year as an Offensive Coordinator. Could this just be Belichick rolling out the red carpet for Lane?

2. MTV Goes Black & White

If you’re one of those people who hasn’t yet cut the cord, you may have seen that MTV went full on 1950s for Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, airing all of its programming in black-and-white.

Since I am one of those cord cutters, I can’t confirm, nor deny if MTV actually aired music videos while they went throwback Monday.

Editor’s Note: But if MTV did actually do this, please tell me that they aired THIS video...

 

3. You’re Gonna Need a Bigger Nightmare

One of my biggest fears growing up stemmed from watching Jaws with my older brothers and sisters. I’m the youngest of five, born and raised in St. Louis as a good Catholic who always wanted to do what his older siblings did. As the story goes, said eldest siblings ganged up on me and “forced” me to watch Jaws as a wee one. Nightmares ensued. Back in the pre-CGI era of movie making, this was as scary as it got.

At the pool the ensuing summer, they all convinced me that great white sharks were living under the huge grate in the deep end of the pool. That may explain why I hated swimming in anything deeper than what I could stand with my head above water.

If the terrifying dreams and fear of swimming weren’t enough, this would have completely pushed me over the edge. This Joseph Reginella-built nightmare throne conveniently comes in both crib-size and twin-size so you can scar your newborn and your toddler for life.

4. Evolutionary Science Programming Network?

I imagine Norby was not thrilled to see a creation vs. evolution debate play out last week between what is arguably their best college basketball game-calling tandem of Bill Walton & Dave Pasch. Good thing Jay Bilas was there to defuse some tension.

Apparently a similar debate raged over Twitter between two other ESPN personalities in November.

What’s interesting to me is that the Deadspin article portrays Pasch outing himself, words eliciting the same feeling as someone “coming out of the closet.” Since that seems to be the nomenclature we’re going with then I’ll go ahead and “out myself” as being a Creationist, too. I’m far, far from being alone.

For the record, I’m not offended that Bill gave Dave The Origins of Species, or even that it happened on live TV.

5. The Wire: Bushwick

Have you noticed that Saturday Night Live’s best “skits” for awhile now have been their pre-taped pieces? Makes sense: they have more time to work on them. Remember “Do It In My Twin Bed” or “39 Cents?”

Last weekend Kevin Hart was the host and they did a phenomenal job of mashing-up The Wire with the hipsterization of Brooklyn…

Mouse Patrol

Like I said, I’m a cord cutter. My wife and I are Netflix subscribers and get any and all of the free recent episodes of our favorite TV shows via Hulu or network websites. So, as a twist of the typical Remote Patrol, I present Mouse Patrol … what the wife and I will or could be watching online tonight:

Bones Season 9 on Netflix – My wife and I are living in the past (2013) when it comes to one of our favorite shows. Shh! Don’t tell me if they ever catch the Ghost Killer!