STARTING FIVE

1. Survivor

Former Syracuse Orangeman and Miami Dolphin fullback Rob Konrad heads out to sea solo to go fishing and then inadvertently finds himself as the star of Open Water 3. Konrad, 38, apparently fell out of the 36-foot boat nine miles offshore in south Florida and swam all the way back to shore in his underwear (smart move; the weight of the clothes would have fatigued him too quickly).

I mean, that’s some Navy SEALS shizzle. The swim in an Ironman (2.4 miles) is less than one-third that distance. Konrad was in the water for nine hours, all of them at night (he made it ashore about 9 a.m.) but, as many have noted, he is a Dolphin.

Two things: 1) How much alcohol was involved and if there were copious beers, how much more impressive is his feat? 2) Whither the boat? Will it be rescued?

2, The Sparks Gone Out

Word earlier this week that my college classmate and the most successful contemporary raconteur of love, Nicholas Sparks, and his wife have separated. The two met while he was a senior at Notre Dame and on spring break in Sanibel. I only remember this because I, too, hit Sanibel on that Spring Break and did not meet my future wife. Or maybe I did but failed to propose to her.

Sparks’ own story sort of reads like a Nicholas Sparks novel –he was California’s state prep champ in the mile and was a pharmaceutical sales rep after college, but then met his bethrothed’s grandparents whose own story gave him the idea for The Notebook, a manuscript that publishing houses roundly passed on until one low-level editor happened upon, then championed it. She is now his book agent.

Anyway, Sparks and his wife, Cathy, have been married 25 years and live on the coast of North Carolina, where many of his novels have been set. Honestly, I don’t know how couples stay together that long (spite, JW, spite).

3. Is College Station Over the Hill?

Remember when Kenny Hill made that audacious debut as a redshirt freshman quarterback for Texas A&M by passing for 511 yards and three touchdowns in the season opener at South Carolina? And then there was the hype of his self-dubbing, “The Trill?”

Well, the Trill is gone (and how refreshing to hear that a quarterback is not considering a transfer to LSU), having decided to take the Rust Cohle path and opt out of a raw deal.

No, I mean, he’s good. You’ll recall that the Dallas-area product had the Aggies at 5-0 (this reporter loved them) and was completing 67% of his throws. Then he was suspended three games for the dreaded “violation of team rules” (cutting in line at the dessert table, I presume). That’s when true freshman Kyle Allen from the lovely land of Scottsdale, Ariz. stepped in and won the gig. And now Sumlin Wicked This Way Comes has signed Kyler Murray (Kyle, Kyler, Kylest?), who led his suburban Dallas high school, which is named Allen, to a 42-0 record as a starter.

And you wonder where Friday Night Lights got all its story ideas…

Hill may wind up at TCU, which means he’d sit out a season as Trevone Boykin plays one last year and garners serious Heisman love. And if there’s one thing Hill knows, it’s succeeding a Heisman winner.

4. “Cover Me; I’m About to Appear on ‘Real Time with Bill Maher'”

So Real Time returns to HBO tonight and just WHAT will host Bill Maher discuss? Oh, I think we all know. Maher appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live two nights ago and, to his eternal credit –and why do I get the feeling that the words “eternal” and “Maher” are getting closer together? — Maher did not hold back on his thoughts about “Muslim terrorists.”

Maher is a very smart guy– when he’s not being condescending. His huge blind spot, IMO: failing to see that denigrating ALL religions, which he often does and did once again last night, is just as intolerant as the extremists he loathes; you can be an atheist, as he is, and not believe in God, but your “KNOWLEDGE” that God does not exist is no more factual that a religious person’s FAITH that God does exist. When I stand on the beach in New Jersey, I can’t see Europe…but it’s there…and I didn’t say, “in the Hamptons” because that would have been pretentious and, besides, I’d sort of be looking south).

Anyway, Maher’s appearance on Kimmel is highly representative of everything Maher is about: intelligent and courageous, but also pedantic and self-righteous at times. And for him to say that “hundreds of millions of Muslims” supported the attack on Charlie Hebdo or similar attacks, well, I’m not sure how he knows that.

Anyway, my point: Maher is a very smart guy. He understood, long before you or I did, that he has made himself a target of Islamic extremists. And I think he’s decided to pull a Tom Petty and say, “I won’t back down.” And he is probably well aware of the consequences of this stance. So I give him credit for standing up to bullies, for standing behind the First Amendment. And we’ll see what happens…

5. Corona del Soloist

That’s Marvin Bagley III, a 6-10 freshman at Tempe Corona del Sol High School (alma mater of Stanford’s Andrus Peat, among others). Bagley’s grandfather is local legend “Jumpin’ Joe Caldwell”, who played at Arizona State and was a two-time NBA and two-time ABA All-Star. Corona is an Arizona hoops machine: they’re 107-7 the past three seasons with three state championships and one of their starters transferred from ALASKA to come play on the team. Then again, winter in Alaska versus winter in Arizona….

Here’s Bagley just weeks into his high school career. Oh, his little brother is a 5-10 fifth grader who Bagley says is better than he is.

Remote Patrol

Real Time with Bill Maher

HBO 10 p.m.

I averred to this earlier. You know, not enough of us use “aver” as a verb. I’ll aver to a verb. Anyway, tune in and see if anyone gets shot (too soon? Of course). Also, I’d highly recommend Life Itself, the documentary on Roger Ebert, that will air on CNN at 9 p.m.