STARTING FIVE

1. Deja Voodoo

“Time is a flat circle, and so are the symbols on Oregon’s helmets. The answer was always staring us in the face, like a naked, dead prostitute posed as if in prayer with antlers atop her head. Oregon versus Ohio State in the inaugural college football national championship, just as the Ducks met the Buckeyes 76 years ago in the inaugural college basketball national championship. And there was Rust Cohle doing Lincoln ads all through the second half of last night’s Sugar Bowl, symbolically riding a lawn mower over our psychospheres, taunting us with the answer. All this time, all this life, it was only a dream, but like all dreams, it has a monster…Barry Alvarez!“

2. Deja Voodoo, Part Deux-doo

So, yes, Ohio State is 8-0 versus Oregon all-time…in football.

However, back on March 21, 1939, the Oregon Webfoots, led by six-foot-four John Dick (he couldn’t help it), defeated Ohio State 46-33 in Evanston, Ill., in the inaugural NCAA men’s basketball tournament final. There were no diaper dandies, as freshmen were ineligible. You can read all about it if you like in Terry Frei’s book March 1939: Before the Madness, The Story of the First NCAA Basketball Tournament Champions.

The Webfoots were coached by Howard Hobson and were known as the Tall Firs due first to their campus location in the heavily wooded Pacific Northwest and second to a front line of 6-8 Slim Wintermute, 6-4 Lauren Gale and the 6-4 Dick. That was a tall front court at the time. They finished 29-5 that season.

According to Wikipedia, Oregon preferred to play an uptempo game while its opponents attempted to slow things down. Interesting.

3, 4 & 5. That’s Entertainment!

For we college football obsessives, New Year’s Day was better than Christmas. I daresay (oh, you daresay, do you?) that it was the best New Year’s Day of college football since the old days of my ladhood. To quote the incandescent Inconvenient Ruth, “Are you done binge-watching Breaking Bowls?” Anyway, old acquaintance should be forgot, but not these moments:

—Michael Thomas’ Catch: This touchdown grab, not thrown by a Buckeye quarterback but by wideout Evan Spencer (his first collegiate attempt), convinced Ohio State that it could win. First, it came off a double reverse from the 13-yard line. Second, there was absolutely no window of Spencer being open. Third, it was sort of overthrown. Fourth, Spencer had to haul it in and then get one foot down inbounds without having a chance to look down. Simply tremendous and it put the Buckeyes within one point at the half.

—Fat Guy Touchdown: Baylor’s 6-7, 390-pound backup guard LaQuan McGowan lined up as a tackle eligible and caught an 18-yard touchdown pass. I’m not sure if he isn’t the largest human to ever score a touchdown in an FBS game, but I do know that he caught the final of Bryce Petty’s 65 career touchdown passes.

–-Florida State’s Meltdown: Five second-half turnovers in the first 20 minutes of the second half doomed the Seminoles in a game that, despite the 59-20 final score, they could have won. They trailed 18-13 at the half despite coming within an inch of a 4th-down TD. They were driving for the go-ahead TD in the first series of the second half when freshman Dalvin Cook, who had been having a good game to that point, fumbled. Even then they traded TDs with the Ducks, but then more fumbles and an INT secured their fate.

It really wasn’t even the fault of Jameis Winston, who played well (29-45, 348 yards passing), but his unprovoked fumble-six will be the signature play of the game, as it was also the coup de grace. And that led to this, the last of many memorable Jimbo Fisher-James moments over the past two seasons: “If you don’t calm the (bleep) down, you’re going to the bench.”

(Like that would ever have happened).

“Resilliency”— I really enjoy Todd Blackledge as an analyst, but this word is his crutch. And it’s really a bastardization of the standard form, “resilience.” The former Penn State quarterback demonstrates a lot of resilience with his unflagging devotion to the incorrect form of the word.

How Baylor Blew It In the Cotton Bowl–You’re up 20 points in the fourth quarter and you secure a Pick-Six versus a Big Ten team. Buuuuut….one of your players needlessly blocks a Spartan player who was trailing the play in the back, the TD comes off the board, and then you allow three touchdowns in the final 13 minutes, all of them via drives of at least 60 yards. Baylor’s CopLand moment.

This was a meltdown even Western Kentucky –another school that, like Baylor, led the FBS in Scoring Offense at some point this year–could appreciate. And I’m sorry, Hilltopper fans, but WKU lost that Bahamas Bowl even though it scored more points. You cannot allow five touchdowns in the fourth quarter and be declared the winner. Just. Not. Allowed.

Great Note: Baylor blew a 20-point fourth quarter lead and lost. The only other time that happened this season? When TCU blew a 21-point fourth quarter lead to Baylor and lost. Turnabout is…?

—Barry Alvarez: Not having to fear the wrath of his athletic director, Wisconsin’s Barry Alvarez goes for it on fourth down and 2 from his own 47. The result is a Melvin Gordon run that probably jacked up his NFL draft stock. Gordon finishes with 251 yards rushing and Wiscy wins a wildly entertaining see-saw second half battle in the Outback Bowl, aided by two Fat Guy Brazilian Freshman field goals, in overtime, 34-31.

—Michigan State: With its comeback win in the Cotton Bowl versus Baylor, Sparty may boast that the only two games it lost were against teams that will play for the national championship.

—The Mystery of Lane Kiffin: You’ve got Derrick Henry AND T.J. Weldon, and you insist on letting Blake Sims win the game for you. Even a semi-retired dude like Barry Alvarez was smart enough to put the kibosh on Joel Stave arm punts at some point.

—Chris Fowler & Herbie: A respectable job in Pasadena, to be sure, but like you I missed Keith Jackson (who is alive but unable to work) and Brent Musburger (who may no longer be living but is certainly up to the task) calling the granddaddy of ’em all. And, yes, a Big Ten team will meet a Pac-12 team for the national title, which is even more reason to stage it in the Rose Bowl.

Fowler is the very best at what he does: Hosting College GameDay. As a big-game host, he’s not there yet. He’s not a natural raconteur and he’s a highly guarded individual. There’s just no warmth, no opportunity for the audience to feel empathetic toward him. As someone who was a guest at Fowler’s wedding, I derive no pleasure from saying that, it’s just what it is. But who’s got the stones in Bristol to tell him that? No one.

—S-E-C! Yes, the top five finishers in the SEC West all lost their bowl games: one by 39 points, another to a Notre Dame team that had dropped five of six, a third to a wishbone option team, a fourth to a team with a substitute dad coaching, and a fifth to a team with a third-string QB. “Coming up next on Mythbusters...” Meanwhile, 2015 is already the greatest year in B1G memory, as Ohio State, Wiscy and Michigan State all win and Michigan finally has a great coach again.

—Citrus Bowl: We did not forget you, Missouri-Minnesota. Here it is….–Golden Gopher tight end Maxx Williams’ double hurdle TD (one for each “x”)

******

A note: The top team in the NBA’s Eastern Conference, record-wise, meets the top team in its Western Conference, record-wise, tonight (Toronto at Golden State), but you won’t be able to see it on national television. And I really doubt ESPN or TNT is even weeping over this lost opportunity….