STARTING FIVE

1. Four Play

Ready or not, here comes the College F-Cubed (Football Final Four), and no, ESPN, I did not ask for it. And I don’t even despise it, but I do loathe that today’s event is simply a gateway drug to the eight- to ten- to 12-team playoff you really want (new year, same old grouch).

Florida State-Oregon at 3 and Ohio State-Alabama at 6:30. And I really don’t know who will win but I’ll take the Seminoles and Buckeyes, so there. In the “undercard,” which is the more intriguing contest, two Heisman Trophy winners meet in a bowl for the first time since the 2009 Orange Bowl, when Tim Tebow (2007) faced off against Sam Bradford (2008) before both went on to fabulous NFL careers. Jameis Winston has won all 27 games he has started for the Noles, who have won 29 straight. Marcus Mariota has not lost a game this season in which his team wore green or yellow or white. The Ducks’ lone loss was when they worked pink and black, so it’s their own damn fault.

I do like that the Spirit of Rose Bowls past stirred up a mighty zephyr and attempted to wreak havoc in the arroyo yesterday afternoon. Never give up! Never surrender!

2. The Frog of War

What was the bigger story yesterday: Both SEC West teams from Mississippi losing by large margins in their bowls or the fact that TCU stomped Ole Miss, 42-3, in the Peach Bowl?

Recall that the Horned Frogs were No. 3 in the CFB rankings when they hung a 55-3 loss on Iowa State in the final weekend and dropped to No. 6, or out. I always thought Gary Patterson’s team got the short side of both straws. If you want to say Ohio State outdid them on the (dotting the) eye test, fine. But then TCU was superior to Florida State on the eye test, too, no? Oh, but FSU was undefeated. Well, then, wasn’t TCU’s one loss way more impressive than Ohio State’s?

Don’t get it. The Frogs got screwed.

Meanwhile, it was another Paul, not Finebaum, but Johnson who had the definitive word on the SEC after Georgia Tech’s 49-27 win over Miss. State in the Orange Bowl: “And for at least a week or two we don’t have to hear about the SEC.”

Guess he’s not watching the Sugar Bowl tonight….

3. Her Humps

Over on ABC it was New Year’s Rockin’ Eve, a.k.a. Taylor Swift and People Who Used To Date Taylor Swift, starring One Direction and Eight Cans of Mousse, a Jonas Brother, and NOT Justin Bieber.

Meanwhile, is it anathema if I say that both of those Taylor Swift songs are incredibly average?

The best song of 2014, in terms of radio sustainability for decades to come, was Bastille’s “Pompeii.” Or is it Pompeii’s “Bastille?” Anyway, how am I going to be an optimist about it? Still, this is the “Take On Me” of 2014.

Meanwhile, Fergie, come clean: Soul Cycle? Cross Fit? P90X? All of the above?

4. Thunder Bolt

In Oklahoma City, Kevin Durant returns from his second injury of this young season and posts 44 on the Phoenix Suns in 137-134 overtime win. Welcome back, KD. Can your magic spread to other tall Kevins in the league?

Meanwhile in Cleveland, both K. Love and LeBron “Oh, My Achin’ Back, I’m 30 Years Old” James sit out as the Cadaverliers lost to Milwaukee.

5. Who Won 2014?

Love this idea from Grantland, which they have been doing for awhile now. Love even better that they did not forget “Ice Bucket Challenge” or “Mo’Ne Davis,” although I would have added “Men In Blazers” or “ISIS” or that chick from the AT&T ads (sorry, but I mean, who’d ever heard of ISIS before 2014) or “Nihilist Awful, Horrible, Hitleresque People” (so as not to exclude Boko Haram).

Remote Patrol

College Football Playoff

ESPN 5 & 8:30 p.m.

• All I ask from today is for Joey Bosa to sack someone and do the shrug emoji: ~\_(“/)_/~ (That was the best I could do, although playing around with the keyboard did teach me how to do this:

• All I ask from today is for Joey Bosa to sack someone and do the shrug emoji: ~\_(“/)_/~ (That was the best I could do, although playing around with the keyboard did teach me how to do this