I love October.
October is the crazy aunt of the calendar family–she dresses in wildly colorful outfits that look amazing even when they’ve turned to tatters, is drunk by noon, asleep by five and lives on apples and candy.
By the end of her visit you’re sick to death of her and never want to see another popcorn ball, but damn if eleven months later you’re not totally looking forward to seeing her again.
She’s fun…for a while
This month my posts will be chock full of mischief, spooky stories and tales of Octobers past. That is my promise to you.
Starting Five
1. Chocolate Covered Peanut Brittle
Because regular peanut brittle isn’t good enough, right?
I have to back up a little. You know how some people keep glass bowls of candy around their houses or jars of jelly beans on their desks? I am not one of those people, because if I were, I’d weigh 900 pounds and be broke from always having to re-buy the candy to re-fill the bowls and jars, which would be extra problematic since I am already broke from having chosen to be an artist instead of a dental assistant or some other, more financially reliable, thing.
You: My cousin is an artist and he makes six figures a year.
Me: While I have no doubt your cousin is a much better artist than I am, I also have no doubt that he is a total liar.
My point is, I really love sugar. I could stare at a bag of potato chips for a week and all that would happen is the bag of potato chips would be a week older and feel really awkward, but if I come face to face with a cookie or a box of Mike and Ike, ain’t nobody comin’ out a winner in that battle.
My parents keep candy around the house. They never eat it–they’re admirably fit and healthy, always have been, but a few years ago they were both told they had mild diabetes (is that a thing? I don’t know, but they were told to control it with diet) and they basically quit eating everything but cherry tomatoes and bran flakes.
But they buy giant bags of chocolatey treats from Sam’s Club and leave them in plain sight in the back of their kitchen cupboards behind the garbanzo beans, presumably to torture me and make me feel bad about myself.
The latest perpetrator is this stuff:
Why do my parents hate me?
Dear God. It is so good…there are no words. And a perfect segue to my number two…
2. Sweatpants As Real Pants
Remember this?
Ha ha! A hilarious and long-held truism–sweatpants are for lonely losers who want to drown their self-esteem in a bag of chocolate-covered peanut brittle, right?
Not so fast. I’m seeing these all over this fall:
Oh hell yassss
And I approve. Dress ’em up, dress ’em down, shower, don’t shower, all I know is, bring on the brittle.
3. Dumb George Clooney And His Dumpy New Wife
That wasn’t me saying that, I would never say that.
It was Angelina Jolie and Sandra Bullock, and they said it in super jealous voices. I mean I think…why else would they have skipped the big wedding? No other explanation is possible! Some people.
I did not spend a shamefully long time on Monday looking at pictures of the wedding and all the accompanying parties. I didn’t Google who made that short, flowery dress the bride wore afterward because I did NOT think it was fantastic. I have better things to do, thank you very much.
Great dress, who’s the guy?
I bet she never wears sweatpants as real pants.
4. Gone Girl, The Movie
Opens Friday, and I’ll be first in line. I’m not sure what I’ll be first in line for, but the movie still opens Friday.
No, I really do want to see this, like everyone I thought the book was great, so great I ran right out and bought Gillian Flynn’s first two books, Dark Places and Sharp Objects. Loved them both. Well, “loved” is not the right word–both way too dark and disturbing to “love”, I’m not Jeffrey Dahmer for God’s sake, despite that crack I made about the new Mrs. Clooney’s unfortunate cankles. Wait, I didn’t make that crack–but I bet Angelina Jolie did.
Damn Clooney, out-wifing Brad Pitt like that.
You know why I love following the lives of the beautiful people? So I don’t have to think about headlines like this one:
5. Dallas hospital diagnoses first patient with Ebola
Uh, no. That will not be number five. When I said I would fill my posts with stories of terror and mayhem this month, I meant more “Hey look we’re all having fun around the campfire”, not this.
Number five is my new kitten, asleep in the chair next to me, not a care in the world. Isn’t that so much better?
Think about this instead
Warm, fuzzy regards,
katie
AND October is my birth month. Me & a gazillion others. I’m not 100% sure of this but I think October & September are the 2 most populous birth months. Basis of my belief- back in summer camp, they held a special birthday dinner each season for everyone (so the kids not getting cakes & birthday wishes from cabin mates wouldn’t feel jealous) & everyone born in each month would sit at specially decorated table(s). And EVERY single year, the October & September tables (always 2 tables each for us) dwarfed all others. Makes sense – think back 9 months. Ahem.
If George is happy walking down the aisle, I’m happy. I like George. How can you not like George – smart, funny, not bad looking. Plus, his marital trip is a lesson to certain men (to remain nameless) that it’s NEVER TOO LATE to marry your one true love. But, here’s the thing- sure, his wife is a lawyer, attractive too, BUT she’s also a STICK! Skinny as in emaciated. Skinny as in model & NOT print-ad model, NOT Sports Illustrated model, but runway model, where it is mandatory one be a walking hanger. And this just irritates the heck out of me. You know those polls that men SUPPOSEDLY always say they “don’t like skinny women” & “don’t like women wearing a lot of make-up”? HAH! So why do all the rich, handsome, successful men marry SUPERMODELS or other such beautiful skinnies?
Anyhoo, since George’s new wife is in only in her mid-30s, I’m thinking George may become a father after all & Nicole Kidman will finally win her bet. (Hatched during that movie they made together where Nicole was some kind of nuclear scientist & George was a military guy & together they saved the world. Natch).
I have not yet read GONE GIRL. So when you do your critique, puhlease keep in mind. I’ve been planning to buy for ages but wanted to wait for the paperback (which took forever for this book!) & unfortunately, money’s been a bit tight the past few months. Hopefully soon.
BTW, I also love ‘Hart of Dixie’! Rachel Bilson is why I watched that OC show, but HoD is even better. Question – did you like Joel? I didn’t at 1st, was quite angry at the writers, but then, just as I warmed up to him & them as a couple, he gets written out. ARGH! Writers – can’t trust ’em. 😉
I did like Joel! He could’ve been a buffoon but he wasn’t. But I’m team Wade all the way.
As a fellow October birthday, Happy Birthday!
Here is my theory about George Clooney, which is really a theory about his first wife, Ms.Talia Balsam, who is a woman of nice but average, could-be-your-neighbor looks. They divorce, George swears off marriage and she goes on to marry…John Slattery, another total fox who seems completely cool. So my theory is basically that Talia Balsam, despite her lack of long skinny legs and flowing hair, is obviously the coolest chick alive, to have ruined George Clooney for other women and then married up.
Happy birthday to you & mamadubs too! See, we’re EVERYWHERE! 🙂
And ah, the Talia Theorem, you could be on to something.
And note to jdubs – when you’re in your early 50s, Taylor should be in or close to her 30s. You could do worse than follow in George Clooney’s footsteps (down the aisle). JUST sayin.
Susie B. is on target here as October is also Katie’s birth month. And Phyllis.’