STARTING FIVE

1. Cuban Missiles

Cuba’s Yoenis Cespedes “for the rest of us” (I didn’t watch; Did Boomer use this?) won the Home Run Derby last night for the second year in a row. I don’t want to say the contest was a protracted affair, but Dr. James Andrews performed three Tommy John surgeries in a kiosk beyond the center field wall between the first and last homer.

2. Hat’s Entertainment

Cut from the final version of Nike’s “Tip of the Cap” ad tribute to Derek Jeter…

1) Howard Stern, who was here before and will be here after, and is one of the few New Yorkers as popular as Jeter but also wealthier.

2) Alex Rodriguez tipping his hat while staring at a mirror (thanks to @okerland) and backed by his legal team.

3) A group tip from Mariah Carey, Jordana Brewster, Jessica Alba, Adriana Lima, Jessica Biel and Minka Kelly –all clad in over-sized pinstriped nighties..

4) Stephen Colbert, who  lives in New York and even has a segment titled “Tip of the Cap.”

5) Times Square’s “Naked Singing Cowboy”, who is arguably the second-biggest male attraction in the city, and, like Jeter, wears a hat as part of his uniform.

6) Lena Dunham…naked.

7) Former New York Yankee (assistant to the) traveling secretary George Costanza.

8. Former mayor Michael Bloomberg, pouring out a 32-ounce soda.

3. Just Missed

The 113th U.S. Congress has apparently just reached its Lightning Round.

I’m sure it is only a coincidence that only a day earlier a congressional blog noted that this edition was the ultimate “do-nothing Congress” (even its sexual congress is lacking, from the dearth of recent scandals), having passed fewer laws of substance than any.

They truly do not work for us; they work for themselves. Or, as John Oliver put it on Sunday, “You’d think that in a democracy, policies that benefit the very few at the expense of the many would not have a chance to succeed. But they do…”

4. Spokes and Sprinkles

(with our own tip of the cap to unpaid Medium Happy cycling correspondent Susie B.)

The Tour de France overtakes “Noah” as 2014’s Wettest Drama. Through 10 stages, wet weather (“Il pleut!”) has pelted the peloton (the peltoton?) and, sorry, Gene Kelly, but not no one is singing about it. Last year’s champ, Chris Froome, dropped out one day after crashing in during a stage that mixed pelting rain with cobblestone streets.

Two-time champion Alberto Contador dropped out yesterday after crashing on a descent and breaking his tibia. Popular rider Mark Cavendish dislocated his shoulder after crashing on the final sprint, which is his specialty, during the race’s opening stage in Yorkshire.

Right now Italian Vincenzo Nibali wears the yellow jersey and has a 2 minute, 23 second lead as the Tour takes a day of rest. But he’s only a spill away from disaster.

5. SEC Media Doze

Four days in Birmingham in July???

What was second prize– a jailhouse visit with the Alabama tea bagger?

If all 14 SEC media guide can be condensed to one disc, can’t this Hoover Happening be condensed into one two-hour phone call? Answer: yes.

Reserves

Pamelot

I covered the NFL for Sports Illustrated in the mid-Nineties, right as Pam Oliver’s career was taking off on Fox, and here’s what I can tell you: not a few players, when told that Fox wanted to do a feature on them during the week, specifically requested Oliver.

She was, and still is, a gorgeous African-American woman. And she’s also good at her job. She just happens to be 53 now, not 33 or 34 or 35. She’s the age of a lot of these players’ moms now.

Yesterday, my old friend and colleague Richard Deitsch broke the story about Oliver’s No. 1 role being usurped by everybody’s favorite Trubiotics salesperson, Erin Andrews (“It supports digestive AND immune health!”) and the internet reacted with its typical gnashing of teeth and tearing of garments (And I thought, Wow, I do miss the World Cup).

Another old friend and colleague, Jeff Pearlman, tore off this appeal-to-the-masses take on the whole sad incident.

Someone wrote me on Twitter this morning that Oliver had experience at six stations before she landed her FOX gig. Great! I don’t care if she’d memorized the NFL Fact & Record Book. She’s a terrific reporter, but then so is Vic Carucci (Who? Exactly) and no one gave him a high six-figure deal to stand on a sideline and report news and land interviews.

My point? Oliver landed this job, at least in part –and if you are honest with yourself, more than just “in part”–because of how telegenic she was and because not only did that appeal to viewers, but it also appealed to players who were more willing to talk to her. So if part of her initial evaluation was superficial, and that evaluation provided her 20 years of high-profile living and income, as well as a wonderful gig –when not being struck in the head by wayward passes–why is everyone so upset that a second evaluation based on superficial values bumped her to No. 2?

And, by the way, when two FOX executives fly to your hometown to break the news to you, that’s a sign of respect. Most people in most jobs never get that.

And so the era of Pamelot draws to a close. Is Oliver “better” than Andrews? All depends on your definitIon of “better.” Andrews is 36, has a larger contract and also more leverage. And 10 years from now she won’t. That’s how this game works. And everyone who plays knows it.

Then again, maybe Roger Goodell is still pissed off over this….

Finally, we would be remiss if we failed to note that yesterday it was announced that Fox had just hired Holly Sonders (who is married to Eric Kuselias, Over-Chicked Hall of Fame first ballot inductee) away from the Golf Channel. So maybe they had to clear some air space for her?

Remote Patrol

All-Star Game

Fox 7:30 p.m.

In which The Captain, Derek Jeter, will hit a slow roller between the pitcher’s mound and third base, leg it out for an infield hit, and be named MVP. The Midsummer Classic will never again draw the viewers it did when I was a child, in the Seventies, because a prime-time nationally televised baseball game (there was at the time one per week) is no longer an event, nor is seeing players from the American League face off against those from the National League something we only see in this game and in the World Series. Also, there’s Candy Crush and binge-watching of Orange is the New Black.

By giving us Christmas once a month, Bud Selig has devalued Christmas. As if it took a genius to see that.

Also, 37 players on a roster?

And, you start the best players, then sub them out while not allowing them to return, but you decide that the stakes of the game are which league’s champion hosts the final two games of the World Series?

More is not more, Bud. Less is. Ask anyone who ever put on a bikini.

My suggestion: 25 players to a roster, and you may sub position players back into the game. And if your favorite team doesn’t have an All-Star, tough. Tell them to play better. NEXT!