This week we’re simply going to try one-liners. Like Everett Golson, this feature is a work in progress.
No. 1 Alabama (2-0) at Arkansas (1-1)
CBS 3:30 p.m.
Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes’ hit tune “Home” begins “Alabama, Arkansas, I do love my ma and pa…” Hogs, minus quarterback Tyler Wilson, will put up non-magnetic zeroes.
No. 2 USC (2-0) at No. 21 Stanford (2-0)
Fox 7:30 p.m.
(Loathe to type anything for fear that Lane Kiffin might ban me, but you should know that Cardinal are 99th in pass defense after facing San Jose State and Duke, neither of whom dress out Marqise Lee or Robert Woods)
Wake Forest (2-0) at No. 5 Florida State (2-0)
ESPN 12 p.m.
The nation’s leading pass-catcher? Michael Campanaro of the Demon Deacons has 22 receptions in two games. Sideline reporter tip: Campanaro’s parents are both chefs.
His parents are culinary, and he is extraordinary: The nation’s leader in receptions, Michael Campanaro
No. 20 Notre Dame (2-0) at No. 10 Michigan State (2-0)
ABC 8 p.m.
In the last three years the Irish have been undone in the Mitten State by true freshman Tate Forcier (Ann Arbor), Little Giants (East Lansing) in OT, and Shoelace, all with 12 or fewer seconds remaining. The state of Michigan has the Upper Hand over the school from south of the border.
No. 13 Virginia Tech (2-0) at Pittsburgh
ESPNU 12 p.m.
The Steelers are 0-1, the Pirates have lost 10 of 12 and the Panthers are 0-2 including a two-touchdown home loss to Youngstown State.
No. 14 Texas (2-0) at Mississippi (0-2)
ESPN 9:15 p.m.
We just want to see Bevo walk through the Grove.
North Texas (1-1) at Kansas State (2-0)
Fox Sports Net 7 p.m.
The Wildcats are eighth in the nation in scoring offense (51.5 ppg) – sixth if you exclude schools that have played Savannah State.
Part Belldozer, Part Barkley: K-State QB Collin Klein
No. 16 TCU (1-0) at Kansas (1-1)
FX 12 p.m.
“Decided schematic advantage” versus a Gary Patterson defense that leads the nation, albeit after one game against an FCS opponent, in scoring defense, total defense and pass efficiency defense.
Massachusetts (0-2) at No. 17 Michigan (1-1)
Big Ten Network 3:30 p.m.
The Minutemen may be the “Allowing-a-point-per-Minutemen” this afternoon in Ann Arbor. They surrendered 45 to Indiana last week.
No. 18 Florida (2-0) at No. 23 Tennessee (2-0)
ESPN 6 p.m.
Can you believe the Vols have lost seven straight to the Gators? This dormant rivalry gets revived tonight. Call it a “revivalry.”
Houston (0-2) at No. 24 UCLA (2-0)
Pac-12 Network 10:30 p.m.
The Bruins’ Johnathan Franklin leads the nation in rushing (215 ypg) and one of his two 200-yard games came against Nebraska. Huge opportunity tonight for him against a Cougar defense that is 111th versus the run.
So negative about the Houston run defense. You say 111th nationally against the run, I say “top 15 nationally for opponents’ rushing.”
BTW, the linguine Campanaro in the FSU press box is divine, if a bit salty.