STARTING FIVE

1. No, We Cantor*

This will be in the first graf of Eric Cantor’s obituary: “the first sitting House Majority Leader to lose a primary election.” The highest-ranking Jewish member of Congress in its history, the seven-term Virginia Republican spent $5 million on his campaign only to lose to a Tea Party candidate, David Brat, who spent about $150,000 and is an econ professor at Randolph-Macon College.

An historic upset. Today Cantor relinquished his role as House Majority Leader.

The judges will also accept, “One Brat Defeats Another”

2. The Chisenhall of Fame

Before Monday night Lonnie Chisenhall of the Cleveland Indians had 27 home runs in approximately 800 career at-bats. Then the Tribe’s 3rd baseman hit three in five plate appearances against the Texas Rangers.*

The fourth-year player’s historic evening included a five-for-five night with the aforementioned three long balls and nine RBI. Only three players –two of whom are in the Hall of Fame– have ever accumulated as many hits, homers and RBI in one game as the Indians’ left-handed hitter (Gil Hodges, Walker Cooper and Fred Lynn), but none of them went a perfect five-for-five.

Chisenhall, 25, said that he knew it was a “once-in-a-lifetime” performance. On Tuesday Cooperstown phoned and requested the bat that he used. Of course, he said.

Rule No. 27: “In baseball you can always count on seeing something you’ve never seen before.”

3. Kawhi? Because We Like You!

I was lucky enough to see Kawhi Leonard play in person a few times in his final season at San Diego State–not because of his prowess was I there, but because of the Aztecs’ awesome student cheering section, “The Show.” For a city as mellow as San Diego to harvest, on what is largely a commuter campus, such a passionate and funny student section was always a mystery to me.

As was Leonard. Because while you could that he had talent and an NBA build, he seemed quiet, on and off the court. He did not come off as a self-starter.

Leonard scored a career-high 29 points in San Antonio’s 111-92 Game 3 victory. The six-foot-seven dynamo never even scored that many as an Aztec. Gregg Popovich was asked whether someone on the Spurs had lit a fire under Kawhi after Games 1 and 2, in which he scored nine points in each. “He was talked to,” Pop said, getting all garrulous on us.

While he may not belong to the Big Three, Leonard represents San Antonio’s future. At this stage of all their careers, he has the greatest potential to impact an NBA Finals game as he demonstrated last night. People will right that he rescued a fading dynasty, and maybe he has. But they’ve also rescued him. In the wrong hands (and not as large as his, of course), Leonard might’ve sleep-walked through his NBA career as he did Games 1 and 2.

4. Cuban Missile: No Crisis

Yoenis Cespedes’ laser from deep in left field was SportsCenter’s No. 1 Top Play this morning. The WWL got it right. As the play-by-play man intoned, “I don’t believe what I just saw.” Neither do I. Cespedes and Puig: Why do Cuban outfielders have such insane arms?

By the way, you’d think the Angels would have learned by now…

5. John Wilkes Booth and a Subway Tunnel

Our Joe Kloc here at Newsweek with a tremendous tale of a Brooklyn subway tunnel and the plot to assassinate Abraham Lincoln in the pages of Booth’s diary, which is hidden in the tunnel… and here’s America’s foremost public loather of “The Goldfinch”, Alex Nazaryan, on the Pulitzer Prize winning-novel’s secret loathers (I suspect this was a labor of love for Alex).

Reserves

Katy Perry posts a bikini shot from vacation…

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For reasons I will get into some other time, I’m not a huge fan of the Miami Heat (loses his second-most loyal reader). I don’t despise them or anything, I’m just not a fan. But you know who I do love? Their coach, Erik Spoelstra. I always knew that I liked him, but he won me over for good last night with one word: “Clearly.” Read it here. Or you can watch the video, where it all begins at the 4:14 mark.

Remote Patrol

Napoleon Dynamite

IFC 8 p.m.

Gosh! Help us celebrate the 10th anniversary of one of the last true cult classic films with tonight’s screening. I’ll be cooking up a steak with Uncle Rico and listening again how they “coulda won state” if coach had just put him in.