STARTING FIVE

1. “I’M OKC, YOU’RE OKC”

So, I just want to be clear here. Both ATH and PTI led with this story yesterday while calling out The Oklahoman as a purveyor of “small-town journalism.” Chico, please.

How many years ago was the Donald Sterling story? Oh, right, one day. Well, I guess that’s over, time to manufacture a nontroversy.

Headlines this harsh appear once a day in the New York Post, and while it went a little too far, watching ESPN gas bags scold the paper was like listening to China admonish Sierra Leone for its human rights record.

And why can’t we just credit The Oklahoman for pulling off the best reverse psychology stunt since Spicoli trashed Jefferson’s car before the big game in Fast Times at Ridgemont High?

2. Bye, George?

For the past two weeks and for at least the next four I plan to be suffering from “Post-NBA Game Sleep Disorder“, a bizarre malady that renders you useless during daylight hours because you’ve stayed up until 2 a.m. or beyond the night before watching Ernie, Chuck, Kenny the Jet and Shaq.

Last night’s golden moments: The show ran its own “Mr. Unreliable” poll, and got 600,000 people to vote on which of the four was most unreliable (Shaq won with 47%, though he also won by noting that he’d spotted Chuck in the hallway on his phone casting ballots). Then, when talk turned to whether or not Paul George should be suspended for Game 7 for “leaving the vicinity” of the Pacer bench during the brief George Hill-Mike Scott scuffle (too many first names in this paragraph, I know), Sir Charles noted that this entire bench-clearing brawl paranoia began after Greg Anthony sprinted off the bench when he was a Knicks player.

“That idiot–” Chuck began, but then Ernie cut him off to remind him that Greg Anthony is actually a color commentator for TNT these days. Oh, it was hilarious. Charles, to his credit, didn’t back down.

“Well, when he played he was an idiot,” Chuck shot back.

3. The Bangover?

Here’s the elevator pitch: Elizabeth Smart (I mean, Elizabeth Banks…if it were Elizabeth Smart it would be an entirely different movie) as an up-and-coming news babe who wakes up in a strange place 14 hours after a one-night stand with James Michener (I’m sorry, again…I mean James Marsden; again, a totally different kind of movie). And she has to be back at the studio in time for an audition for a big-time national gig (I assume as a sideline reporter/co-host of “Dancing With the Stars”) (ooooh, “Me-OW, JW!”). The whole movie is a rewind back from the moment where she’s in her most peril as we, the audience, try to see how she got there. In other words, we meet the cat when it’s already up in the tree.

Anyway, it’s basically “The Hangover” meets “Life or Something Like It” (the film that proved once and for all that Angelina Jolie should always be a brunette) and its title is “Walk of Shame.” Take your mom. It’s out today.

p.s. How many days until the knife stunt scene results in a guy being taken to an emergency room with a punctured scrotum? I’ll say 22 hours.

4. Minnesota Wild

Meet John David LaDue, who battles Seasonal Affects Disorder (SAD) by plotting mass murder. On the next episode of….Fargo!

Wait! This is real? Yes, this is real. Although does anything you see on TV, and only on TV, seem any less real if it’s fiction than if it’s actually happening? Is Reggie LeDoux any less real to Screen Nation (i.e., us) than John David LaDue?

5. Sweet Child O’ Mine

One of the side-effects of rock and pop stars hooking up with leggy supermodels? Well, twenty or so years later, they produce magically beautiful offspring (for example, did you know that Minka Kelly’s father is former Aerosmith guitarist Rick DuFay? Me, neither.). Here’s a slideshow of pulchritudinous offspring (hey, get off my case; it’s Friday afternoon and I’m in a Buzzfeed mood).

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner 1937:  Tris Speaker, CF; Cy Young, P ; 1938: Grover Cleveland Alexander, P; Eddie Collins, 2B 1939:Nap Lajoie, 2B; Joe Jackson, LF; 1940: Billy Hamilton, OF; Cap Anson, 1B; 1941: Wee Willie Keeler, RF; George Sisler, 1B; 1942: Rogers Hornsby, 2B; Pie Traynor, 3B; 1943: Mickey Cochrane, C; Frankie Frisch, 2B 1944: Ed Walsh, P; Old Hoss Radbourn, P 1945: Lou Gehrig, 1B; Kid Nichols, P 1946: Ed Delahanty, LF; Lefty O’Doul 1947: Pud Galvin, P; John McGraw, INF 1948: Carl Hubbell, P; Addie Joss, P 1949: Harry Heilman, OF/1B; Monte Ward, P/SS 1950: Cool Papa Bell, CF; Jimmie Foxx, 1B 1951: Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown, P; Josh Gibson, C 1952: Paul Waner, RF; Charlie Gehringer, 2B 1953: Mel Ott, RF; Hank Greenberg, 1B 1954: Eddie Plank, P; Dan Brouthers, 1B 1955: “Wahoo” Sam Crawford, OF; John Clarkson, P 1956: Chief Bender, P; Bill Dickey, C 1957: Sam Rice, RF; Joe DiMaggio, CF 1958: Bill Terry, 1B; Heinie Manush, LF 1959: Dizzy Dean, P; Tim Keefe, P 1960: Gabby Hartnett, C; Mickey Welch, P 1961: Bob Feller, P; Ducky Medwick, LF 1962: Luke Appling, SS; Jesse Burkett, LF 1963 Jackie Robinson, 2B; Zack Wheat, LF 1964: Jake Beckley, 1B; Rube Waddell, P 1965: Ralph Kiner, 1B; Lefty Grove, P

1966: Ted Williams, LF; Smoky Joe Wood, P/OF 1967: Roy Campanella, C; Max Carey, OF 1968: Goose Goslin, LF; Rabbit Maranville, SS 1969: Stan Musial, 1B/OF 1970: Ferris Fain, 1B; Earle Combs, CF 1971: Warren Spahn, P; Yogi Berra, C 1972 Satchel Paige, P; Sandy Koufax, P 1973: Robin Roberts, P; Whitey Ford, P 1974: Mickey Mantle, CF; Eddie Mathews, 3B 1975: Lefty Gomez, P; Hack Wilson, CF 1976: Jack Pfiester, P; Johnny Mize, 1B 1977: Ernie Banks, SS; Mickey Welch, P 1978: Roberto Clemente, RF; Chuck Klein, RF 1979: Willie Mays, CF; Luis Aparicio,  SS 1980: Al Kaline, RF; Enos Slaughter, RF 1981: Bob Gibson, P; Harmon Killebrew, 1B 1982: Hank Aaron, RF; Frank Robinson, OF 1983: Brooks Robinson, 3B, Juan Marichal, P 1984: Hoyt Wilhelm, P; Arky Vaughan, SS 1985: Lou Brock, LF; Pete Browning, OF 1986: Sidd Finch, P 1987: Willie McCovey, 1B, Roger Maris, RF 1988: Willie Stargell, 1B, Catfish Hunter, P 1989: Earl Averill, CF, Billy Williams, LF 1990: Johnny Bench, C, Carl Yastrzemski, LF 1991: Jim Palmer, P, Joe Morgan, 2B 1992: Rod Carew, 2B; Gaylord Perry, P 1993: Reggie Jackson, RF, Tom Seaver, P 1994: Phil Niekro, P, Rollie Fingers, P 1995: Pete Rose, INF, Mike Schmidt, 3B 1996: Steve Carlton, P, Denny McLain, P 1997: Jim Rice, LF, Don Sutton, P 1998: Dick Allen, 1B, Dave Parker, RF 1999: Nolan Ryan, P, George Brett, 3B 2000: Robin Yount, SS, Carlton Fisk, C 2001: Kirby Puckett, CF, Mark Fidrych, P 2002: Ozzie Smith, SS, Gary Carter, C 2003: Eddie Murray, 1B, Tommy John (Surgery) 2004: Paul Molitor, INF, Dennis Eckersley, P 2005: Wade Boggs, 3B, Ryne Sandberg, 2B 2006: Hughie Jennings, SS, Herman Long, SS 2007: Cal Ripken, Jr, SS, Tony Gwynn, RF

2008

Tanner Boyle, SS, Bad News Bears

While not an outstanding hitter, Boyle was an average fielder. At best. However, he did once fight the entire seventh grade and also staged a successful fan revolt at the Houston Astrodome.

Crash Davis, P, Durham Bulls

Not only was he one of the savviest backstops ever to ride a bus through the bush leagues, he had a certain charm with the town’s No. 1 femme fan fatale and, unbeknownst to most, also had time to sneak off to Iowa and build a haunted baseball field.

Remote Patrol

Game 6: Spurs-Mavs, Rockets-Blazers

ESPN 7:30 p.m.

The first game tips off at 8 p.m., but you’ll want to tune in at 7:30 to see how AVOWED SPURS FAN Michelle Beadle does as a stand-in for Sage Steele on “NBA Countdown.” It’s her biggest platform, at least in my mind, since her Olympics hosting stint at NBC. I’ll enshrine Bill Simmons in my personal Hall of Fame if he makes an “All About Eve” reference during the pre-game show. Or if he calls an ESPN analyst an “idiot.” Either one.