STARTING FIVE

1. Happy May Day

I attended college from 1984-1988, which meant that studying was often broken up by a syndicated episode of “Cheers”, even though the show was still running on NBC at the time (yes, for a short while “Cheers” and “Seinfeld” ran on the same network on the same night). That meant that Sam “May Day” Malone was our hero –even though the man playing Norm, George Wendt, had famously lived in our dorm before flunking or dropping out — and it showed in my proliferation of rugby shirts and how I wore my hair.

I wear fewer rugby shirts these days, but I still wear my hair that way.

In 1989-1990 I was a volunteer Chemistry teacher at a Catholic Indian school in Santa Fe, N.M., where no fewer (in fact, many more) than two very cool things happened: 1) I met Ted Danson, who owned a home there, in person (total Chris Farley Show moment) and 2) and only Domers can appreciate this one, Emil T. Hofman substitute-taught my Chemistry class.

Thanks for indulging this moment of nostalgia. And you should know that Sports Illustrated in 1994 ran a wonderful piece on Sam Malone, written by a future New Englander whose name everyone should know: Steve Rushin.

By the way, I always wondered, given his nature, if it were just a coincidence that Sam Malone also sounds like Sam Alone.

2. Nerd Prom

So some of the tables have been set for this year’s White House Correspondents’ Dinner, where your roast master will be Joel McHale. Some people refer to the WHCD as the “Nerd Prom” while others refer to it as “that one time all year you DVR C-SPAN.”

Top Five Most Intriguing Celebrities on the guest list, at least to me: Richard Sherman, Kristen Bell, Lupita Nyong’o, Cam Newton and Questlove.

A little worrisome? As far as I can tell, no one from “Veep” or “House of Cards” is on the guest list. I’ll have to get the scoop on those snubs via Ryantology.com, I guess.

3. Real-Life Craster’s Keep

When it comes to approximately 250 foreigners gone missing, cable news has devoted LOTS OF TIME to Malaysia flight MH 370 and a little less time to that South Korean ferry (both tragedies) and almost no time to the kidnapped teen brides of Nigeria.

To catch you up: about 240 teen girls in northern Nigeria, all of them sitting for a Physics final, were apprehended at gunpoint and whisked away into the jungle to become brides for members of Boko Haram, a radical, militant Islamist group.

No one can locate them because 1) they are deep in the wilderness 2) the militants are heavily armed and 3) someone very high up in the Nigerian military appears to be tipping off the terrorists whenever a military action is made toward locating them.

Boko Haram, in English, translates to “Western education is sinful.” These girls were apprehended not just because of their age and sex but as an intimidation tactic against women in Muslim, or semi-Muslim, nations seeking to better themselves through education.

4. Magic’s Kingdom

So, Mike D’Antoni resigns as coach of the Los Angeles Lakers because 1) Kobe doesn’t want to spend the next two, which could be the final two, years of his career playing for him and 2) Jim Buss would not extend D’Antoni through the season after next, in effect making him a lame-duck in Staple Center.

Under D’Antoni this year the Lakers had their worst season since 1957-58 but, lets’ face it, also their worst roster. As D’Antoni departs Magic Johnson tweets “Happy days are here again”, which is a more emphatic tweet than he delivered after Donald Sterling was lifetime banned.

By the way, let me go a little AC/DC “Who Made Who” on you here. Did Steve Nash make Mike D’Antoni (2005-2008), or did Mike D’Antoni make Steve Nash? I’m going to claim mutual symbiosis on that one.

Charles Barkley reacts on “Inside the NBA” by saying, “Magic’s better than that.” Is he? I wonder what Bill Simmons would say.

5. “Youthful Ignorance”

Ohhhh. So that’s what it was. Careful, Jameis. We can all abide a sinner. We can’t abide a phony. That smile will only take you so far.

Reserves

Michelle Beadle, who has a BFF thing going with Bill Simmons, will sub for Sage Steele, who does not, on ESPN’s studio coverage of the NBA playoffs on Friday night and Saturday. Steele apparently has a commitment outside the job. I’ll be curious about the studio chemistry.

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner 1937:  Tris Speaker, CF; Cy Young, P ; 1938: Grover Cleveland Alexander, P; Eddie Collins, 2B 1939:Nap Lajoie, 2B; Joe Jackson, LF; 1940: Billy Hamilton, OF; Cap Anson, 1B; 1941: Wee Willie Keeler, RF; George Sisler, 1B; 1942: Rogers Hornsby, 2B; Pie Traynor, 3B; 1943: Mickey Cochrane, C; Frankie Frisch, 2B 1944: Ed Walsh, P; Old Hoss Radbourn, P 1945: Lou Gehrig, 1B; Kid Nichols, P 1946: Ed Delahanty, LF; Lefty O’Doul 1947: Pud Galvin, P; John McGraw, INF 1948: Carl Hubbell, P; Addie Joss, P 1949: Harry Heilman, OF/1B; Monte Ward, P/SS 1950: Cool Papa Bell, CF; Jimmie Foxx, 1B 1951: Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown, P; Josh Gibson, C 1952: Paul Waner, RF; Charlie Gehringer, 2B 1953: Mel Ott, RF; Hank Greenberg, 1B 1954: Eddie Plank, P; Dan Brouthers, 1B 1955: “Wahoo” Sam Crawford, OF; John Clarkson, P 1956: Chief Bender, P; Bill Dickey, C 1957: Sam Rice, RF; Joe DiMaggio, CF 1958: Bill Terry, 1B; Heinie Manush, LF 1959: Dizzy Dean, P; Tim Keefe, P 1960: Gabby Hartnett, C; Mickey Welch, P 1961: Bob Feller, P; Ducky Medwick, LF 1962: Luke Appling, SS; Jesse Burkett, LF 1963 Jackie Robinson, 2B; Zack Wheat, LF 1964: Jake Beckley, 1B; Rube Waddell, P 1965: Ralph Kiner, 1B; Lefty Grove, P

1966: Ted Williams, LF; Smoky Joe Wood, P/OF 1967: Roy Campanella, C; Max Carey, OF 1968: Goose Goslin, LF; Rabbit Maranville, SS 1969: Stan Musial, 1B/OF 1970: Ferris Fain, 1B; Earle Combs, CF 1971: Warren Spahn, P; Yogi Berra, C 1972 Satchel Paige, P; Sandy Koufax, P 1973: Robin Roberts, P; Whitey Ford, P 1974: Mickey Mantle, CF; Eddie Mathews, 3B 1975: Lefty Gomez, P; Hack Wilson, CF 1976: Jack Pfiester, P; Johnny Mize, 1B 1977: Ernie Banks, SS; Mickey Welch, P 1978: Roberto Clemente, RF; Chuck Klein, RF 1979: Willie Mays, CF; Luis Aparicio,  SS 1980: Al Kaline, RF; Enos Slaughter, RF 1981: Bob Gibson, P; Harmon Killebrew, 1B 1982: Hank Aaron, RF; Frank Robinson, OF 1983: Brooks Robinson, 3B, Juan Marichal, P 1984: Hoyt Wilhelm, P; Arky Vaughan, SS 1985: Lou Brock, LF; Pete Browning, OF 1986: Sidd Finch, P 1987: Willie McCovey, 1B, Roger Maris, RF 1988: Willie Stargell, 1B, Catfish Hunter, P 1989: Earl Averill, CF, Billy Williams, LF 1990: Johnny Bench, C, Carl Yastrzemski, LF 1991: Jim Palmer, P, Joe Morgan, 2B 1992: Rod Carew, 2B; Gaylord Perry, P 1993: Reggie Jackson, RF, Tom Seaver, P 1994: Phil Niekro, P, Rollie Fingers, P 1995: Pete Rose, INF, Mike Schmidt, 3B 1996: Steve Carlton, P, Denny McLain, P 1997: Jim Rice, LF, Don Sutton, P 1998: Dick Allen, 1B, Dave Parker, RF 1999: Nolan Ryan, P, George Brett, 3B 2000: Robin Yount, SS, Carlton Fisk, C 2001: Kirby Puckett, CF, Mark Fidrych, P 2002: Ozzie Smith, SS, Gary Carter, C 2003: Eddie Murray, 1B, Tommy John (Surgery) 2004: Paul Molitor, INF, Dennis Eckersley, P 2005: Wade Boggs, 3B, Ryne Sandberg, 2B 2006: Hughie Jennings, SS, Herman Long, SS

2007

Cal Ripken, Jr., SS; 1981-2001  Orioles

Does Cal enter the Hall if he doesn’t break one of baseball’s most hallowed records, Lou Gehrig’s 2,130 consecutive games played (he reached 2,632)? Of course. He’s a 19-time All-Star and a two-time American League MVP who finished with 3,184 hits. I remember that September Sunday evening in 1997, seeing the Orioles take the field versus the Yankees on ESPN without Ripken–it hadn’t been announced previously. I recall phoning my good friend at SI (I’d left the office an hour or two earlier), photo editor Maureen Cavanagh, and telling her to turn on ESPN (she already had it on, but was too busy working). It was a pre-Twitter era. The word got out mostly through telephone.

Tony Gwynn, RF; 1981-2001, Padres

The best contact hitter of his generation, Gwynn won the National League batting title eight times and retired with a .338 average. Extremely personable –this is what a lifetime in San Diego will do to you–Gwynn was a 15-time All-Star but, and people forget, also a five-time Gold Glove winner. He’s the only man who played after 1970 who is in the Top 30 in lifetime batting average.

Remote Patrol

Clippers at Warriors, Game 6

TNT 10:30 p.m.

Listen. You know me by now. You know that I’m going to HIGHLY recommend you watch “Pitch Perfect” on HBO at 9 p.m. (it’s Anna-bolic! with Annas Camp and Kendrick) and I’m going to order you to DVR “Life Below Zero”on Nat Geo, also at 9. But I guess you should tune in to this game, although what you really want to do is take a nap and make sure you’re awake for the half-time and post-game shows with EJ, Kenny the Jet, Charles and Shaq. Last night The Jet tried to explain the old math about how you only need to shoot 33% from beyond the arc to get as many points as you would shooting 50% from inside the arc. Ernie went, “GAKKKKKK!” and then Charles unveiled the best type of cut of all, the innocent bystander cut-down, by rebuking Kenny with, “You know if Ernie and I are confused, then Shaq has no chance.”

Best show on television, non-Sunday night division.