STARTING FIVE

1. The Return of Ian Rubbish

The first move of the Seth Meyers era at Late Night is a shrewd one: enlisting former SNL cohort Fred Armisen to be his band leader. Armisen may not be able to take Questlove in a cage match, but his benignly goofy demeanor should put Meyers at ease. Plus, he actually has guitar chops –he’s closer to Ian Rubbish than Garth (and Kat) in terms of talent. If you watched Meyers’ “Weekend Update” farewell closely, you’ll note that the last person to appear onscreen, rising up into the screen like Peter Benchley’s cartilaginous creature in the final frame, was Armisen as former New York governor David Paterson.

Amy Poehler will be Meyers’ first guest. You get the feeling that Studio 8G is going to become the SNL alumni club hangout, and what’s wrong with that?

2. Oh, J. Simpson

American middle-distance runner Jenny Simpson lost track –literally. Last weekend at the New Balance Indoor Grand Prix track meet in Roxbury, Mass., Simpson, the 2011 world champion in the women’s 1,500, was running the women’s 2-mile, the final race of the meet, and in second place with two laps to go. She began sprinting furiously and overtook the leader, Sally Kipyego.

One problem: Simpson thought there was only one lap remaining.

” I came through the finish and saw the clock said 8:36,” said Simpson, cognizant that such a time would have been a world record –by 22 seconds, “and I think that image of the clock will be seared in my memory forever.”

Simpson stopped briefly after her false finishing kick, noticed that Kipyego was still running, and continued on. “I thought,  That’s way too fast,” said Simpson.

She finished second and, as you can see, was a good sport about it.

3. Has Rust Cohle Gone Too Far Undercover?

If you Google “Beaumont and AK-47 and banana costume”, and why wouldn’t you, the above is the photo that you will find. The 18  year-old man was standing at a freeway intersection clad in the costume and brandishing the weapon and apparently — you may want to sit down for this — a few motorists became concerned and phoned the POE-lice.

Turns out it was a promotion for a gun shop. Oh, Texas. You’re Florida in a 10-gallon hat.

4. Save The Tiger

A tiger in India has killed 10 people in the past six weeks. You know why? She’s hungry.

You remember what it feels like to be hungry? I mean, life-threateningly hungry? You probably don’t. I don’t. Anyway, I’m not happy that people are dying, but there are 1.2 billion people in India and about 3,200 tigers. So, me, I’m rooting that at worst the tiger is tranquilized and taken somewhere safer. But I know that I’m being unreasonably optimistic.

Read the story: I enjoyed the part where it said three of the six hunters failed to show up for work. I don’t blame them.

5. Deep-Sixers

Philadelphia plays it second game in as many nights in California and shows a bit of improvement, only falling by 43 at Golden State. The Deep-Sixers lost by 45 a night earlier versus the Clippers. If you’re looking at halftime scores, it was 69-30 on Sunday night and 66-33 last night. Only once befoe has a team lost consecutive games by 40-plus points, and that was also the Sixers, in 1994.

The Sixers have been bad all season, but not this awful. What’s happening? Are they tanking? Or are they just too young and not talented enough? As I’ve touted all year, the NBA needs to contract by about four teams. Lavoy Allen played 25 minutes for Philly last night. Do you know who Lavoy Allen is? I don’t.

Reserves

Kudos to The Football Scoop for noting the subliminal work taking place in this Kentucky promotional video. A blonde in a Wildcat jersey and Jay-Z? And yet no Ashley Judd.

*****

Here’s why I ADORE Mary Carillo: she travels to Siberia and is physically unable to resist a reindeer games riff. You can see just how much the sub-zero temps are impairing her ability to be witty, but she still does a worthy job. And here she is guzzling potato juice with Bob Costas: “Is this the Hoda and Kathy Lee portion of the show?”

***

After Kansas State defeated Kansas for like the first time in seven tries in Manhattan last night –but only after blowing a nine-point lead in the final two minutes and needing to win in overtime –the fans stormed the court. The Wildcat players stood atop the press table, where sideline reporter Holly Rowe decided to join them to grab a post-game interview. It was a nice maneuver by Rowe, and it’s nice to see a woman can work atop a table late at night without doffing clothes, but judging by the reaction on Twitter from ESPN employees, you’d have thought Rowe just outdid Sandra Bullock’s return flight from “Gravity.” Thus concludes the Phil Mushnick portion of today’s blog.

American alpine skier Julia Mancuso wins bronze in the super combined, making her the most decorated U.S. female alpine skier of all time with four medals. In other news, Johnny Weir showed up for work again today, making him the most over-decorated male figure skating analyst of all time.

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner

1937:  Tris Speaker, CF; Cy Young, P.

1938: Grover Cleveland Alexander, P; Eddie Collins, 2B

1939:Nap Lajoie, 2B; Joe Jackson, LF

1940: Billy Hamilton, OF; Cap Anson, 1B

1941: Wee Willie Keeler, RF; George Sisler, 1B

1942: Rogers Hornsby, 2B; Pie Traynor, 3B

1943: Mickey Cochrane, C; Frankie Frisch, 2B

1944: Ed Walsh, P; Old Hoss Radbourn, P

1945: Lou Gehrig, 1B; Kid Nichols, P

1946: Ed Delahanty, LF; Lefty O’Doul

1947: Pud Galvin, P; John McGraw, INF

1948: Carl Hubbell, P; Addie Joss, P

1949: Harry Heilman, OF/1B; Monte Ward, P/SS

1950: Cool Papa Bell, CF; Jimmie Foxx, 1B

1951: Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown, P; Josh Gibson, C

1952: Paul Waner, RF; Charlie Gehringer, 2B

1953: Mel Ott, RF; Hank Greenberg, 1B

1954: Eddie Plank, P; Dan Brouthers, 1B

1955: “Wahoo” Sam Crawford, OF; John Clarkson, P

1956: Chief Bender, P; Bill Dickey, C

1957:

Sam Rice, RF; 1915-1934, Senators (and one year with Cleveland)

No one has more hits without attaining the 3,000 plateau than Rice, who finished with 2,987 before 3,000 was such a magic number. He retired with 184 triples (14th all time) and 498 triples (60th) and a lifetime .322 average. Rice’s backstory begs a major motion picture.

Growing up along the rural Indiana-Illinois border, Rice was a young married man when he traveled to Galesburg, Ill., in April of 1912 for a baseball tryout. On that day a tornado swept through his town of Morocco, Ind., killing Rice’s wife, his two children, his mother and his two sisters. Rice’s dad survived a week before also succumbing to his injuries. Rice spent the next year wandering aimlessly, taking odd jobs and grieving, then a year in the Navy, before finally catching on with a Major League team.

Rice married twice more, the second time at age 69. When he was 75 he was interviewed for a program to honor his career and he shared the story about the tornado. That was the first time his wife and her two children had ever heard the story. What did Marty Hart say about his dad’s generation?

Joe DiMaggio, CF; 1936-1951, Yankees

If you eliminated 90% of the players currently in Cooperstown, Joltin’ Joe would still make the cut. A 13-time All-Star, a nine-time World Series champion and a three-time American League MVP whose 56-game hitting streak is baseball’s most enduring individual feat. Also, a lifetime .325 hitter.

Remote Patrol

Oklahoma State at No. 19 Texas

ESPNU 7 p.m.

Will the Cowboys rally in the absence of Marcus Smart, or has coach Travis Ford lost this team? The Longhorns in Austin may not be the crucible Oklahoma State was looking for in the wake of Saturday night’s debacle in Lubbock.