STARTING FIVE
Who will lead me?
1. Austin Powers Truggle
Mack Brown, most renowned for leading the Longhorns to a national championship in 2005 and for his cameo role in the pilot episode of “Friday Night Lights”, is most likely out at Texas. It was a good run for Brown, who won 158 games in 16 seasons. But in the past four years four FBS programs within the Lone Star State have compiled better records than Texas.
Austin is a Top 5 (Top 1?) college town. South by Southwest, Austin City Limits, etc.
Among FBS programs, only Michigan (910) has won more games than the Longhorns, who are tied with Notre Dame for second place at 873.
Only the Wolverines and the Irish, tied at No. 1 at .773, Oklahoma (.719) and Ohio State (.717), have a better winning percentage than Texas’ .716.
Brown to resign by week’s end? I’m at DeLoss for words.
None of the aforementioned towns have superior barbecue.
Oh, and you may have heard, but there are quite a few people with money in Texas. Many of whom graduated from that university in Austin, which happens to be the state capital.
With or without Saint Nick, the Longhorns will be just fine. It’s a Top 5 coaching destination.
2. “O” My Goodness
Ovechkin has scored four goals in one game three times in his career.
On the off chance that frozen pond fanatic William Hubbell is reading this blog, we should mention that Alex Ovechkin, arguably world’s most gifted hockey player, scored four goals last night in a come-from-behind shootout win for the Washington Caps against the Tampa Bay Lightning. The three-time Hart Trophy recipient did not begin his scoring spree until the Caps trailed 3-0, in the first period. He scored one goal in the first period, two in the second and one in the third.
Joe Malone. Not to be confused with “Joe Malone 2: Lost in New York.”
NHL record for most goals in one game? Seven, which belongs to Joe Malone (which is one of my favorite Christmas films), who accomplished the feat on January 31, 1920…..Whaaaaaaaaaat?
3. Banquet Hall…of Fame
Whose idea was it to serve a nachos appetizer?
Dinner at Hogwarts? Not exactly. It’s the Nobel Prize banquet, which is held annually in Stockholm on December 10th, the date of Alfred Nobel’s death. Last night’s guest list was somewhat depleted by that other major event taking place down in South Africa where a former Nobel Peace Prize winner was being honored.
In case you were wondering, here’s the menu for last night’s banquet. And take a good look at that seating arrangement. God help the person in the middle who must heed the call of nature midway through dinner.
4. Metallantarctica
Enter night, exit light? Not exactly, as the sun shines in this part of Antarctica about 22 hours a day right now.
Off to Never Neverland, indeed. James Hetfield, Lars Ulrich and the rest of Metallica played a 10-song set on the continent at the bottom of the earth this weekend to become the first band to play live gigs on all seven continents (I have broken wind on all seven continents, but doubt I was the first to do so).
The band played their gig inside a transparent weather-proof dome (Boo!) and had the noise transmitted to fans through headphones so as not to disrupt the fragile environment (Yay!). The fans, by the way, were scientists and contest winners.
5. Hombre Malo
Garcia, 30, is accused of taking part in 200 murders and, if this photo is any evidence, stealing at least one reflective road crew vest.
That’s Felipe Viveros Garcia, the face of Mexican lawlessness. Garcia has been arrested and charged with ordering and/or participating in the murders of some 200 people, among them kidnap victims, police officials and members of rival drug cartels.
More than 77,000 people have died from drug-related violence in Mexico the past seven years, which is a greater number than Americans who died in the Vietnam conflict.
Reserves
“Oh, you are SO in trouble when we get home, Barack.”
it placed people in the uncomfortable position of saying, “Yeah, I know he spent 27 years in prison because he fought for justice, but do I really want to stand outside in the rain to listen to a bunch of stuffed shirts give speeches?”
****
Morris Code
Can one zygote earn an NBA All-Star berth? Individually, either Markieff Morris or Marcus Morris, identical twins who play for the Phoenix Suns, have little chance of gaining a spot on the Western Conference All-Star team, much less stardom. Neither forward even starts for the surprising Suns, who are now 12-9 after beating the Lakers at Staples last night.
Together, though, the third-year players out of Kansas average 24 points and 11 rebounds per contest. They’re the first two players off the bench and their games are remarkably similar. If not All-Star caliber, they should be favorites for a newly created trophy: “The Sixth/Seventh Man of the Year Award.”
*****
Time magazine names its Person of the Year. We pause, reflect, and then return to reading Huffington Post or The Daily Beast.
Pope Francis
T-shirt slogan (early Xmas gift) for you, jdubs :
Seven days without a pun makes one weak.