STARTING FIVE

1. Jameis and the Five Dwarfs

Four quarterbacks — Florida State’s Jameis Winston, Alabama’s A.J. McCarron, Northern Illinois’ Jordan Lynch and Texas A&M’s Johnny Manziel, who won last year — and two running backs, Boston College’s Andre Williams and Auburn’s Tre Mason, will be in New York City this weekend as finalists for the Heisman Trophy. Or, five men will be clapping respectfully when Jameis’ name is announced.

Because the six most outstanding players in college football all play offense.

Hey, we know the award is slanted –there should be an offensive and defensive Heisman, but that’s just me.

Why six invitees, the most since 1994? Is it so provide some flanking for Winston in terms of relentless media pressure? Might they not have just invited the Seminole O-line?

The lone grave oversight, not that he would’ve won, is Fresno State QB Derek Carr, who led the nation in passing yardage (4,866) and TD throws (48) and was one of only four passers to complete greater than 70% of his attempts. Sub-par competition? Sure, but how come no ever notes that most players in Carr’s position also have, relatively, sub-par teammates?

2. Say More, Jay Mohr

Comedian Jay Mohr, a.k.a. Bob Sugar, hosted the NASCAR awards banquet and chose to trade paint with Dan Patrick. Which made no sense to me. I mean, he doesn’t even drive to work. He works out of his own house. So what’s the….what? Hunh? Ohhhhhh. Well, you can watch here.

The hardest part to watch was Mohr trying to ingratiate himself with Danica after the “I know you’re not used to being this close to the front” line. At least Norm McDonald, during his epic hosting of the ESPYs, scorched the earth and didn’t try to plant any seeds afterward. But it wasn’t as embarrassing for Mohr as it was for Patrick: not being able to laugh at yourself is a character flaw. As Jay said, “It’s a comedy show, Geez Louise.”

(I thought I was the only one who said, “Geez, Louise.”)

Mohr’s entire monologue is nestled in these words with the line underneath them.

3. How The West Was Fun

So far the Western Conference has a 70-33 record versus Eastern Conference teams this season in the NBA. Then again, the Miami Heat have only played four of their 22 games outside of the East. Still, the West has been dominant and just plain more fun, and that’s before Kobe Bryant returned (the Lakers are 0-1 versus the East with Kobe, in fact).

The West’s top three squads — Portland, San Antonio and OKC — are a combined 19-1 versus the East, the lone defeat being SAS’ loss last Saturday to Indiana, which just happens to have the NBA’s top record (18-3). Not surprisingly, 10 of the top 12 teams in SI.com’s latest Power Rankings are Western Conference clubs.

4. Swimrunning is a Thing? Yes, in Sweden

They run. Then they swim. Then they run some more. Then swim some more. And again and again and again.

The race is known as “Ottilo“ and it takes place in September in Sweden. Two-man teams, literally tied together, swim and run, between and across, respectively, 26 islands. Total distance: 75 kilometers, or about 46 miles. About 10K, or 6.2 miles, is swam and the rest, or 65 km (about 40 miles) is run. So if you don’t like running in soggy socks, do not attempt.

Also, it costs about $1,600 per team to enter, so if you don’t like spending lots of money, don’t enter. Here’s an expanded story and video on the annual amphibious race. And here’s one more.

5. “Condescending?”

According to news reports, Jason Kidd used a “13-letter word” on former assistant coach Lawrence Frank during a rant in a loss at Orlando last month. If you’ve seen Snakes on a Plane, you’re familiar with the word. If you have not seen Snakes on a Plane, you are still familiar with the word. I can’t blame Kidd, who at the time was just one week into his head coaching gig wit the GarNets and was trying to establish who was supposed to be the authority figure on the bench. You’ve got to establish who’s the boss and who’s, well, Tony Danza, in these matters.

Reserves

“You Say One D-…”

Paul Rudd as a crazed One Direction fan on SNL. Good stuff.

Andy Dufresne Was No Idiot

Crowds are beginning to swell on Mexico’s Pacific Coast, The New York Times reports. Like, duh. Captain Stubing and the ex-cons from Shawshank could have told them that.

So Close

No Iron City Miracle at Heinz Field, but it was the closest thing to a miraculous finish in the Steel City since the most miraculous NFL finish of all time. Antonio Brown proved once again that it is indeed a game of inches. At the end of a play in which about six different Steelers touched the ball, including both a 334-pound offensive lineman and Ben Roethlisberger twice, Brown blew an all-time Alcoa Fantastic Finish by grazing the white with his left shoe after he’d gotten behind every Dolphin defender? That’s karma biting Mike Tomlin in the tush.

 Remote Patrol

Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

ABC 8 p.m.

Wonder Bra. Wunderbar! Taylor Swift performs, too. Because, whatever.