Starting Five
Miss Universe, Maria Gabriela Isler, should be starring in “Modern Family” this time next year.
1. Venezuela’s Greatest Natural Resource
Three titles, six years. That’s Crimson Tide territory. On Saturday night in Moscow (Russia, not Idaho), Maria Gabriela Isler became the third Venezuelan nymph to be crowned Miss Universe since 2008. (Note to self: Orbitz one-way flights to Caracas). “There’s no doubt we have the most beautiful women of the world,” Marco Sandoval, a 68-year-old retiree, told reporters. “We also have the most corrupt and shameless politicians in the world.” Priorities, Marco. Priorities. The 25 year-old brunette is an anchor for Venevision, which actually telecasts the Miss Venezuela pageant. And while Venezuela may have more oil reserves than any sovereignty in the world, even Saudi Arabia, can we not agree on what this South American country’s most valuable resource is?
2. “Too Many Dead”
That’s the headline over at CNN.com, as Typhoon Haiyan may have killed as many as 10,000 people as it ripped through the Philippines on Friday and Saturday. Haiyan may be the worst storm ever recorded, with winds regularly sustaining speeds of 190 m.p.h. (Sandy, by contrast, had winds of 90 m.p.h.).
One of the tragic ironies of Haiyan is that while it generates a wall of water that reportedly rose as high as 15 feet, it leaves survivors searching desperately for potable water.
3. Jack of All Trades
Jack’s 66-yard touchdown run is the longest rush from scrimmage this season for the Bruins. Of course it is. Of course.
The shake-your-head talent of true UCLA freshman Myles Jack can be seen in the numbers from Tucson on Saturday night: Eight tackles, all solo; one tackle for loss; one fumble recovery; and a game-high 120 yards rushing, more than half of that total amassed on one 66-yard run off right tackle in the fourth quarter.
As Chris Huston, alias The Heisman Pundit, tweeted, “He’s basically (former Stanford two-way player) Owen Marecic with talent.”
I first noticed the talented freshman out of Bellevue, Wash., during last month’s Bruin contest at Utah. What I noticed is that on a linebacking corps that contains Butkus Award candidate Anthony Barr, it was the six-foot-one, 225-pound Jacks’ name that was being mentioned most often.
Fun quandary for Bruin coach Jim Mora: Do you keep Jack at linebacker and continue giving him spot duty at a position that his body seems better suited for? Do you groom him as your starting running back? Or do you start him both ways?
Here’s my other question: If you start both ways or if, like Florida State’s Jameis Winston, you play two sports, aren’t you entitled to two scholarships? You should be given an extra one that you may give to a family member, no?
4. “Walking Dead” Recap: Hershel, Walkers
Just a flesh wound. But then again, when you’re fighting zombies, those are the worst kind.
Hershel, the most dedicated unorthodox medic with a bum right leg since Dr. Gregory House, was the hero of last night’s episode as he singlehandedly fought zombies, a virus epidemic that spawns zombies, and the hell that is medicine in a post-Obamacare world…Lizzy still does not realize that zombies are not part of a petting zoo…Rick and Carl share share the innocent joys of father-and-son mass murder, as long as you’re mowing down trespassing walkers (get off my lawn, indeed)…oh, and in the final frame of the final scene, we get a quick glimpse of…The Governor! Still, this was Hershel’s episode. He’s easily the most extraordinary Hershel to inhabit the rural forests of Georgia since No. 34 was making magic between the hedges. “You’re a tough sumbitch,” Darryl tells him near the end of last night’s episode. “Damn right I am.”
5. Charlie Richie Incognito
“MA! WHERE’S THE MEATLOAF!?!”
Miami’s Richie Incognito puts on a button-down, long-sleeve collared shirt, sits down with Fox’s Jay Glazer, and comes across as a well-spoken and reason, albeit mammoth, human being. A+ for his agent on that one. Incognito’s crime blotter speaks for itself, but by beating teammate Jonathan Martin to the Oprah-esque sit down, he’s actually ahead on points at the moment.
And yet, as CBS This Morning’s Norah O’Donnell asked James Brown (not the singer…not the greatest NFL running back ever…the other one), “Why should all the rest of us care? Why is this such a big story?”
Terrific question.
The answer was supplied long ago by that great NFL observer Charlie Rich:
“Oh, no one knows what goes on behind closed doors…”
This is the real NFL, people. I once hung out with an NFL player who within the span of two hours introduced me to both his wife and his girlfriend, unapologetically. So you can only imagine the stories that Michael Silver has. Adam Schefter is your buttoned-up and polished NFL reporter, providing you real news about transactions, salary cap realities and player performances. But Silver, and Jay Glazer, have infiltrated the REAL NFL. And this is, in part, it. They’re not all Peyton Manning.
And, by the way, the Incognito-Martin affair gives you a greater understanding of why Tim Tebow might be such a locker room pariah.
Finally, Incognito and Martin exchanged 1,100 texts in one year. And we’re all just assuming this is strictly a platonic relationship, right? Is it? Has anyone inquired?
Reserves
Vontaze. So physique-wise, he’s not exactly Thor.
We Were ALL Wrong About Vontaze
After a miserable junior season at Arizona State in which he did not even enter the Sun Devils’ bowl game until the second half, linebacker Vontaze Burfict went undrafted. A lot of people, myself and Mike Mayock included, wondered if he was a technically sound enough and emotionally mature enough player to survive in the NFL. Well,
By Michael DePaoli
If you were to click here you would find that Vontaze Burfict is the leading tackler in the NFL (the only player with 100-plus tackles). Back in April 2012 just about everybody in the sporting world had given up on Burfict. As a college linebacker at Arizona State University he was an All-American in 2010. His 2011 season was not as productive. Burfict blamed his coaches. The NFL teams blamed Burfict, and he was not drafted in the 2012 draft. Burfict did not give up. He traveled to Cincinnati as an undrafted rookie free agent. He worked hard. He has now become a tackling machine. The moral of this story: Maybe Burfict was correct, maybe his college coaches did hold him back.
(Editor’s Note: The NFL’s leader in receptions, Antonio Brown, was a sixth-round pick; it’s leader in sacks, Antonio Brown, was a 5th-round pick. I got to get in on this NFL scout scam. Sounds easy.)
*****
Peyton Manning, discussing his displeasure with having to reveal injuries after yesterday’s Broncos’ win at San Diego: “I feel like the injury report is very revealing to the folks you’re playing as well as to the folks in Vegas.”
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Kliff Kingsbury at 7-0.
Texas Tech and Northwestern have both accepted bids to The Wheels Fell Off Bowl. When October began both the Red Raiders and Wildcats were 4-0 and ranked 20th and 16th, respectively. Since then they are a combined 3-8. Northwestern’s season –they’ve dropped five in a row– effectively ended on that missed 4th-and-1 conversion, while the Red Raiders, who’ve lost three straight, still are feeling that reversed/crossed field TD by Oklahoma. Kliff Kingsbury’s “Guns Up!” gang has lost its last two in Lubbock by a combined 41 points.
Kliff Kingsbury now…
****
Outstanding advice here, not just for entrepeneurs but for anyone. Numbers 8, 13 and 14 are my favorites.
Robach’s Diagnosis
Last month, for Breast Cancer Awareness Month, Amy Robach of ABC’s “Good Morning, America” underwent a mammogram (kinda like Matt Lauer underwent a prostate exam last week). That’s a nice television idea –show the viewer that we ALL should undergo cancer testing –, but then Robach got hit with the news that she has breast cancer.
Robach, who’s married to Andrew Shue and is one of the most stunningly beautiful women you’ll ever see, revealed the news this morning on “Good Morning, America.” At this stage, she said, she does not know what stage the cancer has reached but has opted to undergo a double mastectomy. I suggest she, or anyone you know battling breast cancer, read Moosenoos.com, written by my extra-good friend Moose, who is currently undergoing chemotherapy in her second bout with breast cancer.
*****
Just a reminder that nobody actually died in the Notre Dame-Pittsburgh game, though you would not know that from Brian Kelly’s post-game demeanor.
***
Yes, there is Green in the desert.
The Phoenix Tankers are 5-2 and Jeff Hornacek becomes the first Suns coach to begin his career 4-0 at home. Oh, and Gerald Green can sky (you won’t believe me, but he actually had a better dunk than this in the same game last night).
A Modest Proposal for Targeting
Targeting. In the SEC, they spell it “f-o-o-t-b-a-l-l.”
On Saturday night this hit took place in the Notre Dame-Pittsburgh game. Also on Saturday night, this hit took place in the LSU-Alabama contest. Which hit do you believe was delivered with more malicious intent? Which hit was less about a defender doing his job –tackling the man with the ball –and which was less about aiming at the head of a defenseless player?
It was the former play that resulted in a targeting flag against Notre Dame defensive end Stephon Tuitt and an automatic ejection. It was the latter, in which LSU’s Craig Loston went headhunting on Alabama’s Kevin Norwood, that resulted in a mere unnecessary roughness penalty.
So how about this? How about we never needed a targeting penalty in the first place, just like we don’t need to refer to a murder as a hate-crime (yes, I’m getting political)? Murder is murder. Assigning a motive does not make the crime any less heinous (to be clear, murder is not self-defense; murder and killing are different). Similarly, unnecessary roughness covers targeting. And if it’s done with what officials deem intent to cause bodily injury instead of making a fundamental football player, then toss the sucker out.
But, please, recognize what is happening here. This is about college football girding itself against a future class-action lawsuit such as the one the NFLPA brought about against the NFL, resulting in a (meager, used unironically) $765 million settlement. College football wants no part of that, so it is attempting to put on a show for us –and for all of you personal-injury claims litigators — to see that it is doing everything it can to prevent head trauma.
Short of, of course, outlawing the sport of football.
Remote Patrol
Miami Dolphins at Tampa Bay Bucs
ESPN 8:30 p.m.
Expect plenty of sideline shots from low angles tonight.
The Suck Bowl. Winless Tampa Bay, whose players are infected with flesh-eating bacteria, versus the Dolphins, whose locker room is infected with mutual distrust and hostility. At some point I expect the MNF producer to flash back to a Houston Oilers game circa late-1970s in which a disgusted fan gave the camera the finger (back when such a gesture was a really, REALLY big deal).