Starting Five
1. Walter White coolly orders the executions of nine would-be snitches (“It had to be done”), but may have made a critical error by not stocking his bathroom with copies of Maxim or Sports Illustrated.
2. South Africa’s double-amputee sprinter Oscar Pistorious, alias “The Blade Runner”, earns silver in the 200 in the Paralympic Games (Who beat him???)
3. Two fans die in falls in separate incidents, at Houston’s Reliant Stadium during an NFL preseason game and at the Georgia Dome during the Tennessee-North Carolina State game.
4. The Oakland Athletics win their ninth straight and now have an identical record (76-57) to the (say it the way Costanza did when he first landed the job) NEW YORK YANKEES! (“Get! Out!”).
5. Alabama waxes Michigan, 41-14, in a showdown of AP preseason Top 10 teams. Both the Tide (7th) and Wolverines (1st) are also in the top 10 all-times in wins among Division I programs.
Pistorious finishes second in the Paralympics 200
The Bench
This is funny. Pistorius, a.k.a. Forrest Stump, complained about the unfair advantage gold medalist Alan Oliveira of Brazil had after losing to Oliveira in the 200. Now the blade’s on the other, um…
The Rev. Sun Myung Moon has died at the age of 92. Soleil Moon Frye, the Connecticut Sun, Star Jones and the Jetsons’ dog, Astro, still live.
Andy Roddick does not have to retire just yet (and trudge home to a place that has nothing to offer him except trunks full of cash and Brooklyn Decker).
The Crimson Tide are more like a rogue wave at this stage and their victory at Cowboys Stadium was the stuff of an indomitable force, but we do want to point out that they last played a non-conference regular season game west of the Mississippi at an opponent’s stadium in 2003 (at Hawaii) and have only played four such games this century. Bama’s record in those contests: 1-3 (losses at Hawaii, Oklahoma and UCLA).
Chipper Jones blasts a two-out, three-run homer against Jonathan Papelbon and the Phillies to cap a five-run ninth-inning rally. Braves win, 8-7. Even ex-BoSox had a cruddy weekend (Boston has lost six straight).
He’s a man! He’s 40!
Oklahoma State 84, Savannah State 0. If you had the Cowboys minus 67.5, YOU WIN! Even T. Boone Pickens was not pleased. “I just think we can do better,” says the Cowboys’ maestro of munificence. “Notre Dame’s already booked but I’d just as soon play Notre Dame. Everybody wants to play Notre Dame.” (For the record, Tulsa beat the Irish in 2010 and Oklahoma hosts them in November).
U.S. Open: John Isner loses to Philipp Kohlschreiber in five sets in a match that ended locally at 2:47 a.m.
In nautical news, Russell Crowe got lost kayaking off the north shore of Long Island. It would’ve been perfect if Paul Bettany were with him.
Because it has the words “Labor Day” in the first stanza and because it is one of our three favorite Jimmy Buffett songs, here’s “Come Monday.”
Ohio State’s Devin Smith made a pretty one-handed touchdown catch in the first half versus Miami of Ohio, and a local broadcaster roared that it was “the catch of the year!” It wasn’t even 2 p.m. on the opening Saturday of the season.
Happy 69th birthday to Montana Wildhack (a.k.a. Valerie Perrine).
New York Mets pitcher R.A. Dickey is first in all of baseball in Won-Loss record (17-4) despite playing for the Mess. In the Senior Circuit Dickey, 37, is first in WHIP, second in E.R.A. and third in strikeouts. Is the knuckleballer/author the frontrunner for the N.L. Cy Young Award?
e.R.A. Dickey. Some of us sentimental fools wouldn’t mind seeing him win the Cy Young Award.
S-E-C! The younger brothers of NFL quarterbacks Aaron Rodgers and Philip Rivers took snaps this weekend. Jordan Rodgers is the starting QB at Vanderbilt, which lost to South Carolina, while Stephen Rivers took a few backup snaps for LSU.
Singles news: Maria Sharapova needed three sets to slip past Nadia Petrova and into the U.S. Open quarterfinals and she has called off her engagement to Sasha Vujacic. “I was waiting for someone to ask me that question directly,” Sharapova said when queried about the status of her relationship. Oh, what’s that? You want to see a photo of Maria Sharapova? Oh, okay.
And, finally, Happy Labor Day to the 91.7% of you who can truly celebrate it.