Starting Five
1. “Let’s get ready to hummmmmmbblllllllle!”
Lots of chatter already about how New Pope, Pope Francis (I had $40 on him choosing “Sheldon”, so I lose), can outhumble anyone in the sacristy. We’ll see about that.
A few tweets of mine from yesterday, in case you missed ’em:
“Anyone out there remember me? Hellloooo? Son of God here. I’m kind of the reason behind the hullabaloo.”
“It takes one day to elect a new pope, but all weekend to select the NCAA tournament.”
“I guess you could call this a ‘mass’ gathering?”
“Have there ever been this many people assembled outdoors, not in an arena, who did not witness a live performance by Taylor Swift?”
“The new pope ran a 4.82.”
“In 1 year: ‘Couple that met in St. Peter’s Square awaiting papal announcement to wed’ #WeFoundLoveInAPopelessPlace
One final item: My former SI colleague, Josh Elliott, was there live for “Good Morning America” and erroneously tweeted “black smoke” when the white smoke escaped from the smokestack. It’s okay to be wrong. Josh deleted that tweet. I’m sure the Ministry of Information supported that move.
2. The answer? Four. The question? “How many conference men’s hoops tournaments are being staged in Las Vegas this month? The West Coast Conference champ, Gonzaga, was crowned last Sunday at Orleans Arena. The WAC is staging its tournament there right now. The Mountain West Conference is holding its tourney at the Thomas & Mack Center while the Pac-12 is staging its tournament at the MGM Grand.
“The Thomas & Mack Center strictly prohibits masturbating during halftime. Thanks, Osama.”
A few thoughts: I’d REALLY love to be in Vegas this week….Wouldn’t it have been cool to sit by yourself, cheering on Nevada, and declare yourself a “One-Man Wolf Pack?”… So college hoops can not only double down but, yes, quadruple down on college hoops in Sin City but the NBA, NFL and MLB won’t stage a regular-season game there? And when is the last time Las Vegas hosted an NCAA tournament game? Much less the Final Four?… Who was Kelly Lundy cheering for?
3. The Miami Heat win their 20th in a row, 98-94 at Philly. It was on the second night of a back-to-back, so you knew it wasn’t going to be a walk. So, let’s turn our attention to the longest win streak in NBA history, the Los Angeles Lakers’ 33-game streak in 1971-72.
Who’s the genius that thought it would be a good idea to have Wilt sitting down?
A) Miami’s next four games are on the road, including a Toronto-Boston back-to-back on Sunday and Monday. If the Celtics were actually comprised of Irish or Irish-American players, I’d have no fear for the Heat playing one day after St. Patrick’s Day. However, this could pose a challenge.
B) If Miami eludes that gauntlet, look for the March 27 contest at Chicago to be a battle. And what if Derrick Rose has returned?
C) If the LeBrons pass that test, then the ultimate challenge, with the victory streak at 29, comes on the final day of this month. At San Antonio. Win that game, get to 30, and then it’s just the Knicks at home, a visit to Charlotte, the Sixers in Miami to tie and Milwaukee in Miami for the record.
D) Let’s be clear. It’s the NBA. You can lose on any night (the Spurs lost to the T-Wolves on Tuesday). Miami has lost to Detroit and Washington this season. However, as they approach history — NBA history — I think you will see a more focused team. I think that they want this.
E) One question: Do the former, surviving Lakers pop open a bottle of Dom if Miami loses before they get to 33?
4. So apparently the woman with the world’s longest legs lives not far, in northern Virginia, from the woman with the world’s largest natural breasts. Somewhere inside the Beltway there’s a dude cruising in a red Ferrari hoping to complete a menage a trois for the ages (thanks to E.L.K.)
Wondering if Svetlana owns any ZZ Top albums
5. Yahoo! Sports Dan Wetzel can flat-out write, baby. He’s now become the unofficial bard of sexual miscreantism related to football in the Appalachian region, what with his coverage of the Sandusky trial last year and now this piece on the Steubenville rape trial. Wetzel did not find this story — credit here to the New York Times for blowing it up big a few months ago — but he is taking control of it.
Remote Patrol
You’re on your own tonight. I’m working a double at the steakateria, where we are debuting our newest dish, the Steak Shapiro.
Also, the NCAA pulls the diving championships out of New Jersey when they announce plans to legalize sports gambling but having several conference tournaments (championships) in Vegas is copacetic??
No “Don’t Cry for Him, Argentina”?
The second his name was announced, I went to Yahoo & read some piece written pre-conclave about the various Cardinals. Just one of the reasons I think this choice was FLAWED & not inspired – because this guy was apparently the Archbishop of Argentina til the year before & had stepped down “DUE TO HIS AGE”. So, too old to be an Archie but not a Francis? Que lastima.
BTW, one of the 1st books I read about stock investing (waaaay back in the 80s) included the famous story about the waiter in one of New York’s fancy restaurants whose clientele was mostly the then-current Wall Street movers & shakers (as opposed to the Harlem Shakers..) & he went on to become a millionaire himself from investing on stuff he overheard at his tables (stations). He never wrote a book. See where I’m going with this? NYC’s next multi-millionaire, book deal, movie deal, engagement to the next Beauty Queen-Sideline reporter (to the choking consternation of one S.Spain). Who needs sports journalism when you’ve got all that in front of you?