The gang at Dunder Miflin, who are not particularly great at pushing paper but do have NBC’s highest-rated sitcom, will call it quits after the ninth season wraps. Their immortal forebears at Wernham Hogg punched the clock after just two seasons.

If we were to create a Hall of Worthy (and we just may… you cant’ stop us!), ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit would make it (in fact, so would his hair). Last night the Gameday dreamboat distributed his 12th annual Herbie Awards, his preseason picks of college football’s top players and teams. Here’s a rundown of his standard awards…

Running Back: Marcus Lattimore, South Carolina

Wide Receiver: Marqise Lee, USC

Quarterback: Matt Barkley, USC

Tight End: Tyler Eifert, Notre Dame

Defensive End: Sam Montgomery, LSU

Defensive Tackle: Star Lotulelei, Utah

… as well as a few of his more creative ones:

Most Exciting Player: Tavon Austin, West Virginia

Best-Kept Secret: Le’Veon Bell, Michigan State

Ahead of the Curve: Marcus Mariota, Oregon (true frosh QB)

Ankle Breaker: Denard Robinson, Michigan

Basic Instinct: Chris Borland, Wisconsin

 

 

Oh, and Herbie strays far from the reservation for his National Championship Game pick. Not only does the former Buckeye QB not have an SEC team winning it all, he does not even have one advancing to Miami Gardens. Herbie’s pick is Florida State, which has already booted off All-American cornerback Greg Reid for the dreaded violation of team rules, over USC.

Canadian rocker Avril Lavigne says “I’m With You” to Nickelback lead singer Chad Kroeger. “Making beautiful music together” strictly in a figurative sense.

Adam Dunn of the Chicago White Sox is in the midst of 1.) an historic season because 2.) he could be the first player in Major League Baseball to emulate a feat thus far performed only by the otherwise inimitable Babe Ruth. What has Dunn done, or attempting to do? The imposing 6-6, 285-pound designated hitter leads the MLB in three major categories: Home Runs, Walks and Strikeouts. No one has ever done that besides the Sultan of Swat, who did so in four different seasons.

A comparison of stats, though, shows two marked differences: 1. Dunn is batting .206, while Ruth never hit less than .323 in those four seasons, and 2. Dun has already struck out 177 times, while Ruth never whiffed more than 93 times in a season. This is not tectonic-plate shifting news, but Babe Ruth was a better hitter than Adam Dunn.

 

Player, Year                               HR                   BB                      K                       BA

Babe Ruth, 1923                           41                      170                      93                       .393

Babe Ruth, 1924                           46                      142                      81                        .378

Babe Ruth, 1927                           60                      137                      89                       .356

Babe Ruth, 1928                           54                      137                      87                       .323

Adam Dunn, 2012                       36                       89                       177                     .206

 

Should we simply remember 2012 as the year in which Newsweek and Time were edited by horny eighth grade boys?

Here’s this week’s Newsweek’s cover:

…and here’s last May’s Time cover:

 

Your move, “The Economist.”

Sports Illustrated college football depth chart: Austin Murphy, Andy Staples, Stewart Mandel, Lars Anderson and now Pete Thamel comes over from the New York Times and Thayer Evans from Fox Sports. It’ll be interesting to see how SI rotates everyone this autumn. Full disclosure: Murphy has been a friend for more than 20 years and has been at SI since the mid-Eighties, but his limited web presence has made him somewhat obsolete among the sexting generation. Does he care? Will this in any way impact his status as the magazine’s shutdown fullback of sorts on college football coverage?

Admire the Prague (Okla.) High School valedictorian, Kaitlin Nootbaar, for refusing to cave on the “hell” issue (officially, we are ranking her atop our “Most Admired Nootbaars” list and dedicating this link to her [ “You can stand me up at the gates of HELL…”]). And a warning to the Prague educational administrators: Heck hath no fury like a woman scorned. On the other hand, who majors in marine biology at Southwestern Oklahoma State?

Who are Cyrus Gray and Joique Bell? They are the only two running backs averaging more than 60 yards per game in the preseason. Gray, a rookie out of Texas A&M who was taken in the sixth round, is hoping to stick with the Kansas City Chiefs. Bell, 26, a Harlon Hill Trophy winner at Division II Wayne State, has spent most of his previous two seasons on practice squads and is looking to land with the Detroit Lions.

ESPN “SportsCenter” stalwart John Anderson co-hosts “Mike & Mike” with Adnan Virk this morning clad in a sherbet sweater that had a hole in the left arm… because Anderson could not find his “I Want To Be Anywhere But Here” sweater this morning.

Who said this, when, and about whom (answer at bottom): “Few of their children in the country learn English. The signs in our streets have inscriptions in both languages. Unless the stream of their importation could be turned…they will soon so outnumber us that all the advantages we have will not be able to preserve our language, and even our government will become precarious.”

MIA, Darron Thomas: The former Oregon quarterback started for the Ducks in the 2010 BCS National Championship Game versus Auburn, led them to a Rose Bowl victory in January, and threw a school-record 66 career touchdown passes (other Duck QBs include Dan Fouts and Joey Harrington). So where is he? Thomas went undrafted in April after leaving Eugene with a year of eligibility remaining and there are no signs of his whereabouts in any NFL camps.

Bottom 10th, tie game, nobody out, winning run on 2nd, and the Padres’ only legitimate power threat, Chase Headley (“Hedley!” for you Blazing Saddles fans), is up. The Pirates pitch to him with first base open. BOOM! Right-field porch homer, Padres win 7-5. The Pirates are now just 1/2 game ahead of the Dodgers for the final wild-card spot in the National League. File this loss away if it comes to that at season’s end.

According to Lee Jenkins’ terrific profile of Matt Barkley in this week’s SI, the USC Heisman Trophy frontrunner is taking one class this semester, “Macintosh, OSX, and iOS Forensics.” A reminder that another Trojan quarterback named Matt, also a Heisman candidate (and a Heisman winner), also from The OC, and also an alumnus of Mater Dei, took one class his senior season: Ballroom Dancing.

It’s also worth noting that Matt Barkley has sought out and become good friends with Louis Zamperini, the former Trojan track star whose incredible life story was chronicled in “Unbroken” (you MUST read this book if you haven’t already).

Answer: Ben Franklin, 1750s, German immigrants