Starting Five

1. The aftershocks of Hurricane Clowney continue to reverberate. The South Carolina defensive end’s hit on Michigan’s without-hap Vincent Smith was of the order that immediately when it struck, there was no doubt it was a classic. Both a helmet and a football flew askew, as if Smith were Charlie Brown and someone had just taken his patented slowball pitch back up the middle. This is the type of hit, such as when Alabama’s Cornelius Bennett pulverized Notre Dame quarterback Steve Beurlein in 1986 (the last time the Tide beat the Irish, by the way) that will be remembered for years. Our only question: Why did last night’s SportsCenter put it as the fifth or sixth story? Were they actively teasing us? That’s our only answer. Yes, there were bigger games (Rose Bowl, for one) than the Outback Bowl, but Clowney’s hit is all that anyone was talking about. Noted football scribe and rub aficionado Andy Staples of SI.com wisely focused his entire story on the hit…because that’s what we wanted to know. (Our question: Where are the Vincent Smith quotes? For him the Outback Bowl was nearly the Knockout Back Bowl…okay, we’re stretching on that one).

Attacks this violent are usually seen on Animal Planet.

2. On a Chamber of Commerce day-quality afternoon in Pasadena, Stanford defeats Wisconsin and its throwback coach, Barry Alvarez, in the 99th edition of the Rose Bowl. ESPN squanders a prime opportunity to bill this contest as a battle between schools whose famous alums in other sports found infamy in Las Vegas: Suzy Favor Hamilton versus Tiger Woods. (Note: Cardinal coach David Shaw is 23-4 in two seasons on The Farm; honestly, top academics, the deepest endowment west of Cambridge, Mass., sublime weather, Stewart Mandel on your doorstep, a gorgeous campus: Why would any five-star recruit with an ounce of sense NOT head to Palo Alto? Even Mark Zuckerberg up and moved from Harvard to the area, and he’s no idiot).

3. Why not? Well, yesterday ESPNU aired a practice from the Under Armour All-American Bowl, too (we were quietly hoping for someone to get booted from practice, or at least to see the coaches have the kids do suicides up to the 25-yard line at the end of practice). At one point, probably to quell the drama, they posted a chart of the top five reasons top recruits choose a school. “Academics” was not one of the reasons listed (“Coaches” was the top reason, at 35%). Also not listed, although we believe they play a major role, were “Climate”, “Cool Ass Uniforms”, and “Quality Honeys Like the Ones We Met on Our Official Visit.”

4. As our vehicle was last seen careening toward the Fiscal Cliff, we hopped out a la Harold in Harold and Maude at the last moment and avoided oblivian (or, in Mike Tyson’s case, “Bolivian”). For the moment. The House of Republicans Representatives passed a bill by a vote of 257-167 (which, ironically, was the same spread for the Heart of Dallas Bowl) that will raise taxes on those individuals earning more than $400,000 per year (We’re screwed!). It’s the first time in 20 years taht federal taxes have been raised for any Americans. By the way, how many Americans earn more than $400,000 per year? Less than 2%. Meanwhile, the real problem –cutting spending– will need to be addressed in the next two months. And if you want to sing out, sing out/And if you want to be free, be free…

We’ve always wondered how he was able to leap from the car, save the guitar as well, and it still be in tune…

5. The Clippers lose at Denver, halting their win streak at 17. You sort of saw this coming after a home-and-home with the Salt Lakers (such a superior name to Utah Jazz, no?) and then having to fly back toward, and this time over, the Continental Divide. We’re going to blame it on being in Denver on December 31: New Year’s Rockies Eve!

Reserves

Somehow, we doubt that outside of his family, few people will have empathy for the paparazzo (the singular of paparazzi) who was struck and killed by a vehicle while shooting photos of Justin Bieber’s white Ferrari yesterday. The Biebermobile had just been pulled by the police over on Sepulveda Blvd. near the Getty Center in Los Angeles (we know the road well) but Biebs was not inside. The photographer, a 29 year-old man whose name has not been released, arrived and shot the photos. As he was crossing the road to return to his vehicle, he was hit.

 The Commonwealth of Pennsylvania vs. the NCAA may be even bigger than Alabama vs. Notre Dame. Penn State took the deal, you must remember, but it appears that state officials are lathered up by the fact that the $60 million in fines that the university has agreed to pay Mark Emmert’s association are not being used in the Quaker State itself. Our prediction: this entire harrumphadoodle will wind up costing Pennsylvanians even more money. It may soon be known as, if it is not already, the Commonpoverty of Pennsylvania.

Saw the extended trailer for World War Z post-Orange Bowl last night. The star of the movie appears to be Brad Pitt’s hairstyle (which, suspiciously, looks a lot like Jennifer Aniston’s). Dig it: We unabashedly (with absolutely no bash, not even Dana Bash) loved this zombie apocalypse book and agree with Tweeps who say that it should’ve been a series (a la “Game of Thrones”).

Cinematically, we are trying our best not to be Z-nophobes

The book had too many storylines for a two-hour feature (or even a three-hour feature) that centers on one man and his family. Sure, we should reserve judgment until the film disappoints us, but if the trailer was any harbinger, it already has. That said, we are looking forward to “The Battle of Yonkers.”

In news that relates to both the Clippers and to untimely deaths, the son of  team owner Donald Sterling was found dead at a home in Malibu. Scott Sterling, 32, had not been seen for a couple of days. Investigators, according to the Los Angeles Times, were looking into the death “as a possible drug overdose.”

The Lakers lose at home to the Philadelphia 76ers and Kobe Bryant calls his team “old.” This is not news. Loss Angeles, 15-16, is a team with plenty of chefs but no prep cooks, no kitchen staff, no waiters, no hostesses. You need a little bit of everything to form a successful restaurant.