Monthly Archives: December 2020

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 3 Comments

by John Walters

3,124

That’s the number of Americans who died from the coronavirus yesterday. In one day. So, yes, more than 9/11.

As Dr. Eric Ding noted on Twitter yesterday, with approximately 290,000 cumulative deaths since late February, more Americans have died of COVID-19 this year than U.S. soldiers in WW2 died fighting in the Pacific, France, Italy, Northern Africa and Germany combined.

Ah, but what about the U.S. deaths in Austria? See? See? There’s a bright side.

You know what would be fascinating? To go back and watch Chernobyl on HBO in light of how our government has handled this corona crisis. We’ve lost at least 10 times as many Americans as the Russians lost and our government has been even more averse to tackling the problem head-on.

Ohio Statement

Yesterday the Big Ten athletic directors got together and looked at the evidence:

  1. Ohio State is our best, and only undefeated, team.
  2. Before this wacky season began we imposed a 6-game minimum in order for a team to be eligible to play in our conference championship game.
  3. Ohio State will have played five games before the conference championship game.
  4. Ohio State is our only chance to make the college football playoff, a chance that recedes some if the Buckeyes do not play in the conference championship game.

Faced with those four pieces of evidence, the B1G did something both wise and pragmatic: they eliminated the 6-game minimum. Look for a Northwestern-Ohio State B1G CC, the Howlin’ Herbies versus the Fightin’ Rece Davises.

And Your Chicks For Free

I was thinking about this 1985 Dire Straits classic yesterday. The song is pure genius and Mark Knopfler wrote most of it while sitting in an appliance store in New York City and eavesdropping on a conversation between a few employees who were watching MTV on a television.

The song was released on June 24, 1985 and this performance at Live Aid happened just three weeks later. It’s one of the gem moments of that incredible day. And at the time Sting was one of the most famous musical artists in the world (along with Michael Jackson, Prince and Madonna) so having him along certainly helped.

A Whale Of A Story

Nearly 12 years ago, Sully was landing a commercial jet in the Hudson River (just three miles south of MH world headquarters). Today, a humpback whale is swimming up it. I call that progress.

Surely this whale is lost but one wonders if it will continue up river all the way to West Point, where it will be this Saturday’s College GameDay celebrity picker.

No Words

https://twitter.com/VippusaO/status/1336966925948170240?s=20

Rex Chapman, again. No one curates the internet better.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 2 Comments

by John Walters

So Much Winning

When even Fox News takes the time to reiterate on Dec. 8 that the election you lost on Nov. 3, you’ve still lost… well, time to hang it up, Don.

Yesterday the Supreme Court rejected the Trump legal team’s latest argument by a vote of 9-0 in a matter of minutes. Good news, America: not everyone can be bought. Team Trump now stands at 1-50 in post-election legal challenges and as someone wrote on Twitter, the 1972-1973 Philadelphia 76ers are feeling as if they have company.

Is This, Too, COVID-Related? Or Photo-Shopped?

The most glorious photo we’ve seen all year: a humpback whale in New York harbor. Totally looking forward to the day when Homo sapiens no longer runs the planet, aren’t you?

Purple, Hays*

*The judges will also accept, “We’ll Take Manhattan”

Division II Fort Hays State clambered into Bramlage Coliseum last night and took down Kansas State, 81-68 (i.e. it wasn’t even close). This is like Cinderella’s uglier little sister being the belle of the ball.

Anyway, that’s not even the strangest thing in college basketball that’s happened this week (and it’s only Wednesday). Duke lost to Illinois in an empty Cameron Indoor Stadium. It’s not even December 10 and Duke has already lost twice at home this season to non-conference foes (Michigan State last week).

The last time the Blue Devils lost twice at home to non-conference opponents in the same year? 1982.

Notice the stands

And even that is not the strangest college hoops news this week? In a game between Cleveland State and Ohio earlier this week, the Bobcats went on a 40-0 run in the second half. That’s a Division I record for consecutive points unscored upon. The Bobcats scored the final five points of the first half to go into halftime leading 51-25. Then they scored the first 35 of the second frame to go up 86-25. The Vikings missed 17 consecutive shots during the run.

The final was 101-46.

Extra Crispy, Extra Steamy

What’s real and what isn’t? Was there really a humpback whale in New York harbor? Is Bob Costas really on Twitter (his son Keith says it’s an impostor)? Is Mario Lopez really starring in an English-speaking telenovella in which he plays a young and buff Col. Sanders—and who in the good name of Sharknado would not want to see this?

The line from the trailer that rang hollow was that the film will premiere on Lifetime on Dec. 13 (Sunday) at noon. Kind of an odd hour to show a film premiere, no? Well, I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.

If this is simply a prank, fine. But this is a film we’d all like to see. And, dare we say, this could turn into a franchise of films. How about a back story on Burger King? Wendy?

The Game Is Off

Michigan will not play Ohio State this Saturday. It’s the first time these Big Ten rivals will not meet on the field since 1917, shortly after the U.S. joined The Great War (World War I). The reason? Either the Wolverines had too many positive tests or they “waved the white flag.”

So now what to do about the Buckeyes, who have only played five games thus far? There’s little doubt that Ohio State is one of the nation’s four best teams, but because of existing B1G rules—put in place for the pandemic just a few short months ago—Ohio State cannot play in its own conference championship game (not enough games played) nor can it schedule outside its conference this week.

Here are three teams that do not have a game this weekend, due to COVID-related cancellations, but who themselves are healthy, and their rankings: Ohio State (4), Texas A&M (5) and Cincinnati (8). Would it really be that difficult for those two teams located just 101 miles apart to play?

“Disappointed” is the word you were looking for here, Joel. Not “heartbroken.” Save that word for the 2,900-plus Americans who perished due to COVID-19 just yesterday.

A Messi Farewell?

He can’t actually fly, but would you be surprised?

Did Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo, the two greatest soccer legends of this (or any?) era, just share a soccer pitch for the final time? Messi’s FC Barcelona played Ronaldo’s Juventus squad in a Champions League match. Juventus won 3-0 as Ronaldo scored twice on penalty kicks.

Tesla Update


Who’s the dumbest person you know? I am.

For not following through on my own advice.

A year ago today shares of Tesla (TSLA) were selling for the equivalent of $70 (they were at $350, but that was before the 5 for 1 stock split). This morning, even with a $15 loss in share price, shares of TSLA are selling for $630. That’s a 900% jump.

Now, is TSLA WILDLY overvalued? Of course. Does it feel like a pyramid scheme, simply in terms of the exponential growth of the share price. Soy-tainly. But are people who bought TSLA a year ago and before and never sold happy?

No. They’re euphoric.

There’s only one rule in investing: make money.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

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by John Walters

Above The Clouds Forever

Rest in peace, Charles Yeager, who passed away yesterday at the age of 97. Yeager never stepped foot on the moon, never even took part in an Apollo mission, but if you read Tom Wolfe’s excellent book, The Right Stuff, then you know that all of the fly boys in the early Sixties looked up to Yeager as the king of all test pilots.

And if you read all of Wolfe’s tome, then you know that he devotes the final chapter to a test flight of Yeager’s that went wrong but illustrates all of the traits that made Yeager, and America at the time, a cut above the rest. Yeager should have perished that day. Instead he went on to live 55 or so more years.

Imagine

John Lennon, who was 40 years old at the time, was shot and killed outside his NYC apartment 40 years ago today. Most of us learned via Howard Cosell and Monday Night Football (Lennon had actually been a guest on the show once).

It is one of New York City’s great underground traditions that each year on this date guitarists gather around the “Imagine” imprint in Central Park and play Beatles tunes all day and all night. And draw quite a crowd on what is always a chilly night.

Love is all you need (love is all you need).

Keeping Up With the Joneses

In New York City Rashida Jones was just named the new president of MSNBC, while in Florida the cops just busted down the door of COVID-19 whistleblower Rebekah Jones. This is all very confusing because this is not the Rashida Jones who was on The Office (and is the daughter of Quincy Jones) and neither is Bridget Jones nor is either the the love interest in the song Me And Mrs. Jones (you may recall, they have a thing going on).

Rashida Jones becomes the first black leader of a cable news network

The Rebekah Jones story is straight-out Gestapo sh*t, as this Florida scientist was fired for not fudging the COVID numbers, then continued on her own to release factual data and distribute it to the public, so the cops enter her home guns a blazin’ and take her hard drive. How does this happen in America? Oh, that’s right, it’s Florida.

From Russia With KABOOM

This should have been the Katie Perry video.

Spicy Tuna Roll

As Bomani Jones tweeted, the UNLV of my youth would retire his number. Yep.

Breaking Down Your Heisman Field

No matter what you or I (or, more importantly, what I) think, the Heisman Trophy race will come down to three quarterbacks: Ohio State’s Justin Fields, Alabama’s Mac Jones and Florida’s Kyle Trask.

Fields leads the nation in completion percentage, an insane 78.1% (Jones is second at 75.7%). Trask leads the nation in TD passes with 38 (and only three interceptions). Jones is third with 27. Jones is second in the nation in Passer Rating (behind Western Michigan’s Kaleb Eleby) and third in passing yards per game (Trask is second…UCF’s Dillon Gabriel is first).

They’re all worthy and you can cherry-pick whomever’s stats you want to make your argument. You can argue that Jones is the most consistent across the board relative to the other two and that he is the quarterback of the nation’s top team. I’d argue that only Fields is the most outstanding player on his own offense (at Florida it is TE Kyle Pitts and at Alabama it is wideout DaVonta Smith).

So who will win? I’d vote Fields but my guess is that Jones will win unless Trask leads Florida to an upset of Bama in the SEC championship game.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

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by John Walters

Recount Dracula

America’s most vocal and visible ghoul, Rudy Giuliani, contracts the coronavirus. Has anyone ever destroyed his own legacy so utterly completely in so swift a time? I mean, besides O.J. Simpson?

Boastful Carolina

Quite a weekend in college football:

–In an incredible contest that was more like a last-minute prom date, Coastal Carolina outlasts BYU, 22-17, in Conway, S.C., in a stadium named in honor of the founder of Hooters. BYU’s undefeated season ended on a pass play that went down to the Chanticleer 1 yard-line.

–In a game that airs on Sunday night, USC boatraces Washington State 38-13 in Los Angeles. Here’s the funny part: the Trojans rushed for a total of FIVE yards. Five. Student Body WUT?!?

–Notre Dame defeats Syracuse as Ian Book completes an undefeated career as a starter at Notre Dame Stadium (which included the Irish’s first defeat of a No. 1, Clemson, since 1993). Book also becomes the first QB in school history to win 30 games.

–No. 1 Alabama destroys defending national champion LSU in Baton Rouge, 52-14. It’s the most points ever scored by either team in this series as the Tide avenge last season’s loss in Tuscaloosa.

So here’s how the playoff is going to shake out. Alabama will not lose. Ohio State will not lose. If Notre Dame defeats Clemson again, the Irish will meet the Buckeyes in Pasadena (before no fans in the Rose Bowl…ouch) and Alabama will face… Clemson? Texas A&M again? Cincinnati? If Clemson defeats Notre Dame, Ohio State will play Clemson in the semis (Pasadena) and Alabama will most likely face the Irish. Difficult? Only if you presume Bama or the Buckeyes will lose. They will not.

Tapper Taps GOP

Nothing needs to be added to this. Listen to Jake.

Mank

We started watching Mank on Netflix late last night. We’ve not finished it yet (about halfway through), but what a delight. Jack Fincher, the father of the film’s director, David Fincher, has written a charming, witty screenplay that should win an Oscar. Also Oscar-worthy? Amanda Seyfriend, above, as actress and William Randolph Hearst’s kept woman Marion Davies. She’s terrific in a supporting role.

Gary Oldman, whose stature just keeps rising and rising in late middle-age, plays the title character of Herman Mankiewicz. Who knew that the debauched writer of Citizen Kane did so from a bed as he was recuperating from a broken leg and/or hip? Other great oddities in this black-and-white film? Bill Nye (the Science Guy) as Upton Sinclair.

Peter Principle

https://twitter.com/petearchives/status/1335455033249456128?s=20

Here it is, Pete Davidson‘s best moment on Saturday Night Live thus far. Pretty much everything in this sketch is perfect, right down to 2nd-year cast member Chloe Fineman’s elf voice (Fineman’s beginning to get better roles and she’s up for it, while man, wouldn’t you love to be Heidi Gardner’s agent?) to Pete’s wonderful rage-filled reimagining of Eminem’s Stan (you know Mulaney helped write that song parody) to Kate McKinnon’s Dido. The only weird part was that normal-looking suburban Chevy Tacoma-looking dad at the end, who was the real-life Eminem.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 11 Comments

by John Walters

The Blindside II

After being ejected for a late hit followed by an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty, 6A Edinburg (Tex) lineman Emmanuel Duron rushed onto the field and body-slammed the referee. Duron, a junior, is one of the top linemen and wrestlers in south Texas.

If you were wondering, the game was between Edinburg and Pharr-San Juan-Alamo (that’s a lot to put onto a varsity letter jacket) and Edinburg won, 35-21. Duron was escorted from the field by police. The referee was treated for a concussion and shoulder injury but walked off under his own power. As this story relates, such an incident is not without precedent in Texas.

Call 9/11

On Wednesday, according to Johns Hopkins University, 2,658 Americans died due to the coronavirus. Yesterday, Thursday, 2,804 Americans died. We could reach 2,977 daily deaths by this weekend, which is equal to the number of Americans who died related to the terrorist attacks on 9/11 (not counting the thousands more who would die years later in Iraq and Afghanistan, including Pat Tillman).

Maybe if news channels just began superimposing the number of dead Americans each day over this photo, the dolts who refuse to wear masks would begin to get it. But probably not.

Unseen Screen

Fittingly, the most iconic film scene of 2020

The New York Times released its Best Films of 2020 lists and not only have I not seen any of them, I’ve only heard of two of them. Does this mean I’m no longer part of the Coastal Elite???

I did not see David Byrne’s American Utopia on a screen, but I have seen it twice in person. Does that count? And by the way, where is 1917? I liked that movie. That’s a 2020 release, no?

Going Coastal*

*The judges will also accept “Keeping It Teal”

A lot can change in a week. Last week we sports media types took umbrage at undefeated but unloved BYU passing up a potential opportunity to play unbeaten Washington in Seattle (as it would happen, Utah traveled to Seattle and blew a 21-0 lead to the Huskies and lost).

Turns out we had the wrong week, the wrong undefeated team and the wrong coast. Tomorrow BYU (9-0) travels to this fall’s other surprise unbeaten, Coastal Carolina (9-0), for what should be the most entertaining game of the season. At least among unbeatens after Thanksgiving.

BYU becomes the first team to play on both the blue turf of Boise State and the teal turf of Coastal in the same season. If only the Cougs could schedule a game at Eastern Michigan to complete the FBS trifecta.

Norwegian Wood

We always have time for a crunchy guitar cover of “Voices Carry” featuring Aimee Mann (she’s the new Helen Mirren). This is her best cover of the song in the past five years as she and her two bandmates don’t shy away from the cathartic ending. Mann has noted that she’s a little embarrassed by this tune and has shied away from playing it for years. Don’t know why. You wrote a classic rock song in your early 20s. That’s a badge of honor.

And here’s Carrie Underwood covering the mid-Eighties classic, so this would be “Voices Carrie?”