by John Walters
Recount Dracula
America’s most vocal and visible ghoul, Rudy Giuliani, contracts the coronavirus. Has anyone ever destroyed his own legacy so utterly completely in so swift a time? I mean, besides O.J. Simpson?
Boastful Carolina
Quite a weekend in college football:
–In an incredible contest that was more like a last-minute prom date, Coastal Carolina outlasts BYU, 22-17, in Conway, S.C., in a stadium named in honor of the founder of Hooters. BYU’s undefeated season ended on a pass play that went down to the Chanticleer 1 yard-line.
–In a game that airs on Sunday night, USC boatraces Washington State 38-13 in Los Angeles. Here’s the funny part: the Trojans rushed for a total of FIVE yards. Five. Student Body WUT?!?
–Notre Dame defeats Syracuse as Ian Book completes an undefeated career as a starter at Notre Dame Stadium (which included the Irish’s first defeat of a No. 1, Clemson, since 1993). Book also becomes the first QB in school history to win 30 games.
–No. 1 Alabama destroys defending national champion LSU in Baton Rouge, 52-14. It’s the most points ever scored by either team in this series as the Tide avenge last season’s loss in Tuscaloosa.
So here’s how the playoff is going to shake out. Alabama will not lose. Ohio State will not lose. If Notre Dame defeats Clemson again, the Irish will meet the Buckeyes in Pasadena (before no fans in the Rose Bowl…ouch) and Alabama will face… Clemson? Texas A&M again? Cincinnati? If Clemson defeats Notre Dame, Ohio State will play Clemson in the semis (Pasadena) and Alabama will most likely face the Irish. Difficult? Only if you presume Bama or the Buckeyes will lose. They will not.
Tapper Taps GOP
Nothing needs to be added to this. Listen to Jake.
Mank
We started watching Mank on Netflix late last night. We’ve not finished it yet (about halfway through), but what a delight. Jack Fincher, the father of the film’s director, David Fincher, has written a charming, witty screenplay that should win an Oscar. Also Oscar-worthy? Amanda Seyfriend, above, as actress and William Randolph Hearst’s kept woman Marion Davies. She’s terrific in a supporting role.
Gary Oldman, whose stature just keeps rising and rising in late middle-age, plays the title character of Herman Mankiewicz. Who knew that the debauched writer of Citizen Kane did so from a bed as he was recuperating from a broken leg and/or hip? Other great oddities in this black-and-white film? Bill Nye (the Science Guy) as Upton Sinclair.
Peter Principle
Here it is, Pete Davidson‘s best moment on Saturday Night Live thus far. Pretty much everything in this sketch is perfect, right down to 2nd-year cast member Chloe Fineman’s elf voice (Fineman’s beginning to get better roles and she’s up for it, while man, wouldn’t you love to be Heidi Gardner’s agent?) to Pete’s wonderful rage-filled reimagining of Eminem’s Stan (you know Mulaney helped write that song parody) to Kate McKinnon’s Dido. The only weird part was that normal-looking suburban Chevy Tacoma-looking dad at the end, who was the real-life Eminem.