by John Walters

Starting Five

This is as close as two storied NFC franchises were willing to go for “Color Rush Thursday.” Good on them.

Making America’s Team Great Again

It wasn’t their prettiest victory—rookie Ezekiel Elliott ran for only 86 yards and the opponent was without its quarterback, its former MVP running back and its head coach (“Win One For the Zimmer!”)—but the Dallas Cowboys got it done on the road in Minnesota on a Thursday night, 17-15.

That’s three wins in the past 12 days for the How ‘Bout Them’s, and 11 in a row after a season-opening loss to to the New York Giants (whom they now have 9 days to prepare for in a rematch). Roger Staubach never led the Cowboys to 11 straight wins. Troy Aikman never led the Cowboys to 11 straight wins. And, oh yeah, Tony Romo never led the Cowboys to 11 straight wins. But rookie quarterback Dak Prescott has.

His name is Lucky and he wears “13.” And yes, if you’re paying attention, this is not from last night.

It’s been a magical season thus far, as Prescott and Elliott have played like seven-year vets, while that massive offensive line, wideout Dez Bryant and tight end Jason Witten have been themselves. But let’s face it: It all goes back to Lucky Whitehead. You’ve got to have a Lucky Whitehead. Without a Lucky Whitehead, Dallas is nowhere.

2. Troubles in Paradise

Maybe if LeBron wasn’t so busy dancing on football sidelines and receiving a commemorative watch or picking up his Sportsperson of the Year Award, he’d start membering her’s a pro basketball player (sometimes I just like to poke the Susie B. bear)

The Cavs and Warriors, who have the best records in their respective conferences, both lost last night. Don’t know the last time that’s happened.

The Cavs lost for a second straight time (at Bucks by 17, home to Clips by 19) by more than 16 points. I don’t know the last time that’s happened in the regular season to a LeBron James team.

Not what they meant by ‘get a leg up’ on the competition

No time to panic (that’s for you, Susie B.), but I’m with Sir Charles: I don’t like the way the new Warriors play (and I’m not even referring to Draymond Green’s karate kicks). Now Chuck became the second Alabamian this week to take a public swipe at women, saying, ““Maybe I’m old school but I’m never gonna like that little girly basketball where you have to outscore people,” but I do agree with his larger point.

I know Golden State has the league’s best record (16-3), but the ball movement as compared to last season is lacking. It’ the David Guetta with Sia “Titanium” offense: “Fire away, fire away!” It’s not a sustainable strategy.

3. From Jerry Orbach to Jerry Maguire, From Christian Borle to Christian Bale…

I spent a rather significant chunk of this week NOT opining about who should be in the College Football Playoff (it’ll figure itself out tonight and tomorrow) but instead finding and explaining all 250 or so pop culture references from Gilmore Girls, A Year In The Life. From obscure Finnish conductors (sort of redundant) to 19th-century cabinet makers (“That’s a Duncan Phyfe”). I do this all for you, America. Here’s the fourth and last installment, which has links near the top of the text to the preceding three installments.

Not in Richard’s chair, Luke

Here’s the lede for No. 4:

Eight best picture mentions. George and Rosemary Clooney. Tori and Candy Spelling. Nancy and Barbara—but not Frank—Sinatra. Emerson, Wharton and Longfellow (but not Emerson, Lake and Palmer). Aaron Sorkin and Michael Bay. Jerry Orbach and Jerry Maguire. Christian Borle and Christian Bale. The Jungle Book and “Welcome to the Jungle.” Gilmore Girls, A Year in the Life, covered as many miles of the pop culture trail as Cheryl Strayed did the Pacific Crest Trail.

What did we learn, other than that residents of a Brigadoon-like New England town can be uncommonly erudite while making poor life choices? We learned that almost any hurdle can be overcome if there’s coffee and you have access to Emily Gilmore’s checkbook. That you can survive an entire year, with frequent trips to London, off one “Talk of the Town” piece in The New Yorker. That there really is a circle of life, as Logan is destined to become Christopher, Jess is destined to become Luke, and Rory is destined to be her mom. “Welcome back, Rory,” they said. “I’m not back,” she protested. Yes you are.

4. The Tragedy of Joe McKnight

As you know, McKnight becomes the second ex-NFL star to be shot and killed in a road rage incident in New Orleans this year

It’s too early to expound on the details of the road-rage incident that claimed the life of former USC and New York Jet running back Joe McKnight in his home town of Terrytown, Louisiana. McKnight, 28, got into some sort of altercation with 54 year-old Ronald Gasser, who is white. McKnight was unarmed; Gasser was not.

Apparently, Gasser shot McKnight more than once, then witnesses say he stood over McKnight and said, “I told you, don’t you f___ with me!” before shooting him again. Gasser turned over his gun to cops who arrived at the scene. It seems inexplicable, but Gasser was released without being charged. There has to be more to this, no?

5. Fascist Forward

Dude, You Already Won

It had all the charm and decorum of a Nuremberg rally. Last night Donald Trump embarked on his “Thank You” tour (or, if you didn’t vote for him or are a fan of the First Amendment, his “F___ You” tour) in Cincinnati by reminding his followers, some of whom were wearing “Deplorable Lives Matter” T-shirts, that the media is “dishonest”and singling out the 18 year-old Somali who attacked students with a knife on Ohio State’s campus earlier this week (killing no one; someone or some people set fires in eastern Tennessee last weekend that have killed 11, but they’re probably not Muslim, so you know…).

Trump boasted about saving 1,000 jobs in Indiana, while failing to mention that it meant a $7 million tax break for a company that made $7.6 BILLION in revenue last year. “There is no global anthem, no global currency, no certificate of global citizenship,” Trump said. “We pledge allegiance to one flag and that flag is the American flag. From now on it’s going to be America first, okay?”

And then they all went off and burned down the Reichstag and blamed it on someone else?

You don’t want globalization? Cool. We’re all down with that. You ready to pay more for items, America? Or are you ready to work for less? Option No. 3: the corporate overlords who worry about nothing other than percent-growth-rate above last year’s corresponding earnings quarter have to reassess their priorities. Oh, that ain’t happening? Then go back to Nos. 1 or 2. Those are your options, America. But you get a red baseball cap with them. Enjoy. And remember to always blame your problems on somebody else, some mass of people beginning with an “M” (Media, Muslims) as opposed to looking in the mirror.

I can’t blame Donald. Leading Fascist rallies is something he’s good at; picking cabinet positions is boring, and you don’t hear the roar of the crowd. He’s kind of like the Springsteen of presidents. He NEEDS to feel that adulation.

Music 101

14th Street

Laura Cantrell grew up in Nashville, moved to New York City to attend Columbia University, and only then discovered that she loved country music. For years she lived a double life, working as “Vice President, Business Manager, Equity Research” at Bank of America, while also playing spots such as The Back Fence and beyond as a country music singer. She even opened for Elvis Costello on a tour in 2002.

This song was actually written by another artist, Emily Spray, but I think you’ll like the job Cantrell does with it.

Remote Patrol

Pac-12 Title Game

Colorado vs. Washington

FOX 9 p.m.

Elijah Qualls: 6’1, 321….

Use the 7 p.m. Ohio-Western Michigan MAC title game as your amuse bouche, then dig into this game from Santa Clara. Try to watch at a bar with a lot of Wolverines fans, and see how long they stick around. I like the Dubs tonight, BIG. Not B1G. B-I-G.

Also, tomorrow, UCLA and Lonzo Ball at Kentucky in hoops (CBS, 12:30 p.m). Should be fun.

by John Walters

Starting Five

Luke 2.0

More Gilmore?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Spoiler Alert: If you watched Gilmore Girls all the way through, you learned an important life lesson: It’s best not to screw up in life, but if you do, it’s a good idea to have wealthy parents (or grandparents). You got that, kids?

Anyway, so much to say on the revival (loved “These Boots…”, LOVED Stars Hollow: The Musical, hated the Steampunk Life and Death Brigade’s homage to Across The Universe, thought Kelly Bishop [Emily Gilmore]  smacked it way over the fence and deserves at the very least a Golden Globe and Emmy nomination, missed Krysten Ritter, didn’t at all miss Luke’s sister and brother-in-law, loved Michel), but here’s what I’ll posit:

Emily’s D.A.R. scene in Episode 4 was a thing of beauty. “Bullshit!”

Rory is not carrying a wee Wookie in her womb. The child is Logan’s. Possibly (probably?) conceived in New Hampshire. Logan is the new Christopher, which makes our lad above, Jess, the new Luke. Logan is only bad for her, Jess is only good for her. Does this sound familiar? Also, did you notice how the camera turned from Rory to Christopher in his big office all alone in that final shot? He saw what he gave up, and for what?

Logan will be able to pay for the child’s needs, but he will not be part of its life (he may even do all that he can to keep it secret). Jess will be able to publish Rory’s book (I know a little something about self-published books in Connecticut taking off and being successful; Jess, pound the pavement, babe!).

Since being editor-in-chief of the Yale Daily News, Strong, 5’2″, has appeared in Mad Men and co-created Empire. Not coming up short.

This won’t be our last Gilmore Girls item; far from it. Curious footnote: Danny Strong, who plays Doyle, Paris’ estranged husband, lampoons himself somewhat in the revival. He’s playing “a sellout” Hollywood screenwriter who plays snooker with Michael Bay. In real life he’s one of the two co-creators of ABC’s Empire. Not bad, kid. Not bad.

2. Carrier Pigeons

It’s good that Donald Trump negotiated a deal to save 1,000 jobs at Carrier in Indiana. Of course, Carrier is going to save whatever money it is losing by not going global with tax breaks from both the federal and state (remember who the governor of Indiana is?) government. I think we can all agree that it’s better to have people work than to be on the dole, but what happened here is basically the government decided to subsidize 1,000 jobs, not that Carrier decided it was better business to keep 1,000 jobs here.

Two more items, both very important: 1) As current White House spokesman Josh Earnest said yesterday, “All president-elect Trump needs is to do this 804 more times and he’ll equal the number of manufacturing jobs saved during President Obama’s presidency.” So, even if he has eight years, he’d need to do the equivalent of this deal once every four days.

Pence cashe in some of his political capital on this Carrier deal. It’s a cortisone shot: feels better, but doesn’t cure the actual ailment.

2) And this is the more Trump-ian aspect of the deal: Carrier’s parent company, United Semiconductor, has existing contracts with the federal government that account for up to 10% of its revenue. So Donald, I’m assuming, may have just made Carrier an offer it couldn’t refuse. Hey, that’s just smart leverage on Donald’s part. On the other hand, this is a “give a man a fish” strategy as opposed to a “teach a man to fish” strategy.

As long as Americans insist on belonging to unions and demanding health care and other benefits, and as long as major companies operate with both eyes on their quarterly earnings reports, globalization is going to be a reality. And jobs will flow out of the country, no matter who’s president.

3. Plane In Vain

This shouldn’t happen in the 21st century. The charter flight that went down in Colombia just a few miles short of the runway in Medellin, killing at least 71 people, including most members of a Brazilian soccer team, apparently ran out of fuel. It’s one thing to run out of gas when you’re driving your KIA Sorrento out on I-275, but it’s another when there are dozens of people aboard a plane and gravity is in play.

Tragic story. The Brazilian soccer team, Chapecoense, was enroute to play the first leg of a home-and-home in the Copa Sudamericana against Medellin’s Atletico Nacional. Six people survived the crash because the plane did not explode on impact, which is likely because there was no fuel left to burn. This story on 41 year-old keeper Nivaldo, who’s been with the club more than a decade and was not on the flight, is worth reading.

4. “Oh, Mr. Graaaant Tinker

Tinker was not a meddler. He identified the talented people, then got out of the way. Good style, that.

One of the legends behind the scenes of network television (along with Garry Marshall, Norman Lear and Aaron Spelling) passed earlier this week. Grant Tinker, the NBC network exec behind The Mary Tyler Moore Show (he was married to her for 20 years), as well as Hill Street Blues, Taxi, The Cosby Show, Miami Vice and Cheers, died at the age of 90. Of those network era lions, only Lear, who created All In The Family (my pop’s favorite show and one of mine), survives.

Highly recommend this read. Go down to the part where the author invites everyone over to his house to watch TV as long as they tune theirs to Cheers. Tinker started out as an ad man, and he was basically a more polished Don Draper in the Sixties (he worked on The Dick Van Dyke Show, where he met and wooed a young MTM) without the clandestine back story.

5. Hot Karl

Towns: Just turned 21

It was still only November, practically preseason in the NBA (even though, don’t look now, but teams are more than 20% through their schedule), but we’ve had some stunning performance already (perhaps because it still feels like preseason). Last night Minnesota Timberwolves 2nd-year man Karl-Anthony Towns scored 47 points and grabbed 18 rebounds in a 106-104 loss to the Knicks.

If the T-Wolves can just keep that nucleus (Towns, Wiggins, LaVine) and if Ricky Rubio ever learns to shoot, this team could be dangerous. They’re like the 2011 OKC Thunder, but not quite as talented. Oh, by the way, they’re currently 5-13. Why’d they get rid of Sam Mitchell again?

Reserves

When Sportswriters Attack*

*The judges will also accept, “Heather Dinich Walks Into a Bar…”

I’ve never met Cecil Hurt of the Tuscaloosa News in person—we may have shared a press box long before I knew of him—but he is one of my favorite follows on Twitter. Perhaps my very favorite (I write that simply to make Jamie Reidy jealous).

Now yesterday, ESPN’s Heather Dinich appeared on an ESPN studio show (SportsCenter, was it? Pardon The Intervention?) opposite Paul Finebaum. Dinich is to the College Football Playoff committee what Richard Engel is to Lebanon: she’s the embedded reporter. And here she is probably asked by the segment producer to make the counter-argument to “PAWL!” as regarding the Crimson Tide. And we know which way PAWL! is going to lean, so she has to be the contrarian. Dinich reminds everyone…

“Their best win is against USC…when you look at their resume, who did they beat?” @CFBHeather on Alabama https://t.co/hSO2vgJv1w

— Paul Finebaum (@finebaum) November 30, 2016

That, for those of you laymen in the audience, is what we professionals refer to as a “hot take.” Well, I don’t know if Cecil was watching this live, or what, but then he tweeted…

You could walk into any sports bar in America and find someone more qualified than Heather Dinich https://t.co/kosSTrLU7l

— Cecil Hurt (@CecilHurt) November 30, 2016

As someone who’s sent out a few tweets I regret (Only last night I tweeted that the Pac-12 has zero black head football coaches, forgetting David Shaw, although let’s face it, David Shaw is whiter than Sonny Dykes, amirite?), I’m imagining Cecil wishes he had this one back. I respect him for not deleting it. And I don’t know Ms. Dinich, but I’m sure she’d be able to explain head-to-head versus best win better than that scraggly haired guy who’s always occupying the final stool at the Dublin House.

Alabama did not allow a single touchdown in November. Not one. The Tide are the best team in the nation, and there should be very little argument about that. Doesn’t mean they can’t be beaten on New Year’s Eve or in January, but to me it means there’s only so much that stats and advanced stats reveal. I DO trust my eyes. I DO trust my gut.

Meanwhile, I like Cecil a lot. That opinion was harsh and a lot of our colleagues came down hard on him on the Twitter because of it. He thinks she’s overrated (her best win is against USC?). To Heather’s credit, she chose not to get into a Twitter catfight (much to the chagrin of The Big Lead and other blogs).

But here’s the thing: At what point do you tell the producer of your TV show that you don’t want to have to make arguments that you don’t actually believe, that you’d rather have your integrity than be Skip Bayless? I dunno.

Music 101

Maybe We Should Fall In Love

The Springsteen of the Southwest, Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers consistently put out solid records and their live shows are purely evangelical. The 48 year-old from Tempe, Arizona, is a regular husband and dad who just happens to regularly go on tour and glug tequila shots from adoring patrons who pass them up to the stage. Good guy, good music.

Remote Patrol

Cowboys at Vikings

NBC 8 p.m.

Jason Witten: Now in his 14th season with the Cowboys. Only one TE in NFL history, Tony Gonzalez, has more receptions than his 1,072

I’m so not a fan of the NFL on Thursdays, but Dallas is the NFL’s best team this season, winners of 10 in a row. The Vikes, at 6-5, are having a surprisingly good season minus Teddy Bridgewater under center. This should be a good one. It would be an even better one if they were playing outdoors, truly outdoors.