by John Walters

A Medium Happy 30th to Aubrey Graham, a.k.a. Drake

Starting Five

Pumpkins Patch

Parody is easy; comedy is hard.

As popular and funny as sketches such as “Black Jeopardy” or the cold open Third Debate may be, true genius is found when you create laughter out of nowhere. In the glorious tradition of one-off skits such as “More Cowbell” and “Two Wild & Crazy Guys” ( <– Yes, I know; save the comment) came “Haunted Elevator” or as it will likely be remembered, “David Pumpkins.”

Tom Hanks, a goofy suit, a solid premise and two beat-boy skeleton dancers. When Kate McKinnon is in your skit and she’s the least memorable character in it, you’re doing something right.

Special props to you if you noticed that, immediately after this sketch and a commercial, SNL returned with a performance by Lady Gaga in which she also gyrated weirdly and was flanked by two dancers. Any questions?

Also, if you missed the faux-promo for “Broken,” the new CBS comedy, that was pretty darn on-target.

2. Block to the Future

Haley raced downfield after scooping up the blocked kick as if he were something streaking across the night sky, what exactly I don’t know.

The first truly memorable play of the college football season. Late in the fourth quarter at Penn State, Ohio State leads 21-17. After a Buckeye third-down pass falls incomplete (nearly intercepted by the Nittany Lions, which would have been worse for them), Urban Meyer sends on his field goal team.

Bad move. In the grand tradition of Nick Saban in 2013 and Jimbo Fisher a year ago, an unbeaten team lost its virginity off a late field-goal attempt of farther than 40 yards. Penn State’s Marcus Allen (officially the second-greatest player to have that name in college football lore) soared high to block the kick of Tyler Durbin and Grant Haley scooped it up and ran to the opposite end zone for what turned out to be the winning score.

For Happy Valley: the first memorable moment on this field since Joe Paterno recorded his final victory nearly five years ago (it would go downhill and sharply one week later). For Ohio State: Not as devastating as you might think. Though no longer unbeaten, the Buckeyes still host a Michigan team that should be unbeaten in late November. Beat them and win the B1G Championship Game, and it still looks fairly bright (as opposed to Rosy) for them.

3. Running Wild

The DTrain will be arriving on time….

The Penn State-Ohio State finish overshadowed a trio of incredible rushing performances and a pair of wild games. At the Rose Bowl Utah’s Joe Williams, who retired after the second game of this season and returned last week (after the coaches begged him to return and his fiancee gave her blessing) galloped for 332 yards in a 52-45 defeat of the Bruins (Pac-12 Before Dark).

In Baton Rouge LSU’s Leonard Fournette, who took about three games off himself to heal a bum ankle, ran for 284 yards on only 16 carries against Mississippi and trucked a hapless Rebel. And in Lubbock, Oklahoma’s Joe Mixon ran for 263 yards in the Sooners’ 66-59 win against the Red Raiders.

We interrupt this offense-heavy item for some Jonathan Allen defense…

Wild scores? Cal beat Oregon in double OT, 52-49, as they topped the 90-point over. And that 66-59 outing in Lubbock had an NCAA-record 1,708 combined yards as both teams gained exactly the same amount: 854.

Elsewhere: Tom Herman has now lost to both SMU and Navy this month, Kirk Ferentz apparently forgot that he could go for two against Wisconsin, Louisville led 44-0 at the half against an N.C. State team that basically but for a shanked FG beat Clemson in Death Valley the week before, and Michigan State, Notre Dame and Oregon are all 2-5.

4. The Walking Dead Goes Inglourious Basterds

Negan: Designated hitter

Meanwhile in the post-apocalyptic world of The Walking Dead, Jeffrey D. Morgan as Negan went all “the Bear Jew” on two of Sheriff Rick’s favorite lieutenants. The season premiere was particularly gruesome and gratuitous and yeah, it sort of forced you to come to the reckoning that life is not civil in a post-apocalyptic world (as we may learn in three weeks), so if you’re going to go along for the ride, you can’t suddenly brush your hankie to your face and moan, “I do declare!”

So, yeah, it was brutal. And Glenn needed to die because none of us were buying that he survived the dumpster dive two seasons ago, anyway. And Negan is a compelling character. Meanwhile, I can’t help but think that the producers let Carl keep his left arm because it would be too expensive to green-screen that limb for the remainder of the series.

5. The End of the Tour Bus

Just outside Palm Springs on I-10, 13 people died early Sunday morning when a tour bus en route from a casino back to Los Angeles slammed into the back of a semi. You have to wonder just what was up with the driver, who died, if a bus is going so fast that 13 people die when it rear-ends an 18-wheeler.

Music 101

My Love

You have to wonder, had the Beatles never existed, how highly Paul McCartney and Wings would be regarded on their own merit. The cute Beatle far and away had the best post-Fab Four career and wrote the most hits. Dude, take a few years off, you just spent a decade as part of the biggest pop culture phenomenon since Shakespeare. Anyway, this 1973 ballad hit No. 1 both on the Billboard Hot 100 and the Adult Contemporary chart. You can hear why.

Remote Patrol

Horror of Dracula

TCM 8 p.m.

Bat’s Entertainment

It’s Dracula night at Turner Classic Movies, and this 1958 film stars the best Prince of Darkness of them all: Christopher Lee.

by John Walters

A Medium Happy 60th to Carrie Fisher. May the farce be with you.

Starting Five

Remark-Able

Just one night after their honeymoon in Vegas, Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump shared a dais at the Waldorf Astoria in New York City (just a few blocks from Trump’s home) for the Alfred E. Smith Dinner for Catholic charities (I know they fly private jets, but I’d never get used to flying as much as these people do).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oniAhOcxGxk

Worth paying attention to: 1) the last :90 or so of Clinton’s speech 2) her easier manner with self-deprecating humor 3) the fact that Trump, as in the debates, does okay in the first half and then has a meltdown in the latter half; he should have cut it after the Melania/Michelle joke, which was the best joke, the best.

2. Best Baez

Baez was selected 9th in the 2011 MLB draft; Indian shortstop Francisco Lindor was taken 8th

Did you see Cub 2nd baseman Javy Baez’s defensive gem in the bottom of the 7th inning to rob Adrian Gonzalez of a leadoff bunt single? Baez raced in from Silverlake to field that ball and throw out Gonzalez. He was the game’s Best Baez, as Dodger reliever Pedro Baez surrendered five runs in the top of the eighth to put the game out of reach. Cubbies up 3-2 as we head back to Wrigley.

This is Eddie Gaedel-at-bat level surreal….

Also, about Jon Lester’s masterful pitching despite an inability to throw over to first base: say the Cubs win and he starts Game 1 of the World Series on Tuesday. His little mental hiccup doesn’t hurt him versus the Dodgers, who were 26th in stolen bases this season. But against the Indians, who were 4th in stolen bases, Lester’s aversion to tossing over to first is going to cost the Cubs dearly.

3. Blue BaYoU

Brett Rypien threw three touchdowns and two pick-sixes. Boise State committed five turnovers and still somehow won.

In a game that kicked off at 10:15 EST, Boise State outlasted BYU 28-27. The Broncos are now 7-0 while the Cougars have lost four games by a total of eight points. Boise State should finish 12-0, but this does not feel like one of their Kellen Moore-level teams. I see a New Year’s Six Bowl in their future, but not a playoff berth. Just wondering if the SelCom will again put them in CFB apartheid by pairing them up with a potentially undefeated Baylor or Western Michigan.

4. Life’s Funny That Way

That’s Belichick in orange in the second row, next to Vinny Testaverde. Saban’s right behind him, in the last row. Also on that staff: Kirk Ferentz

Quick, who’s the best coach in college football? Gotta be Nick Saban, right? He’s won five national championships in the past 13 years and looks headed to his sixth.

Quick, who’s the best coach in the NFL? Gotta be Bill Belichick, right? He’s won four Super Bowls in the past 15 years and may be headed for a fifth.

Quick, who’s the worst team in the NFL and has been for the past decade? Gotta be the Cleveland Browns, right? They’re 0-6 right now and they’ve only had one winning season since 2003.

Just a reminder that between 1991 and 1994, Belichick was the head coach of the Browns and Saban his defensive coordinator. Saban would leave to coach Michigan State and Belichick would remain one more year before being fired on Valentine’s Day, 1996.

You never know….And, it’s okay to fail. It’s what you do after you fail that matters.

5. Sing Street

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_YqJ_aimkM

After he retired from kicking field goals for Notre Dame and a slew of NFL teams, John Carney became a fantastic film writer and director (wait, you’re telling me it’s not the same one?). If you didn’t see Once, stop reading this right now and find a way to see it. Now Carney is back in Ireland and is back dealing with lovelorn musicians in a movie that is more John Hughes.

This is Sing Street, an ode to Eighties New Wave and a young boy who starts a band in order to get the girl. And Lord Petyr Baelish plays the dad, so you cannot go wrong.

Music 101

Joy To The World

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dp7KfG9AjaY

“Jeremiah was a bullfrog/Was a good friend of mine…” You can’t write opening lines like that stone-cold sober, can you? Three Dog Night had a MASSIVE hit with this peace and love anthem in 1971. It was the number one pop single overall that year and sold more than 500 units.

Remote Patrol

Saturday

No. 6 Texas A&M  at No. 1 Alabama

CBS 3:30 p.m.

This will be Peak Uncle Verne & Gary, and probably the last game they do together featuring a No. 1 facing a fellow Top 10 team. Love this duo, my favorite in college football. Can anyone topple the Tide? Probably not, but the Aggies have had a week’s rest and Trevor Knight has some serious wheels to go with that arm.

by John Walters

A Medium Happy 28th to Candace Swanepoel

Starting Five

“Bad Hombres” Meet “Nasty Woman”

The third and final debate took place last night in Las Vegas and the republic is still standing. Hillary had no good answer as to why her foundation accepts donations from human rights-violating countries, while Donald told moderator Chris Wallace, who did a fantastic job, that “I’m going to keep you in suspense” when asked whether he would challenge the results of the November 8 election.

CLINTON
To women: You can do anything

TRUMP
To women, you can do anything

— Rebecca Piazza (@heybecks) October 13, 2016

First debate: Handshake before and after.

Second debate: Handshake only after.

Final debate: No handshake.

Also, Trump said that all of his accusers have been debunked (not true at all; they’ve been debunked by him in the same way that he claims he has won every debate) and that he never denied accosting women based on the fact that they were not attractive enough for him (also not true). Trump is the garish, gropish guy at the office who has no idea how much of a misogynist and sexual predator he is, and every woman he meets who is attractive is a potential target. We met this character once before, on WKRP in Cincinnati. His name was Herb Tarlek.

2. A Quest Called Tribe

Francona demanded both the ball and a handshake from his novice starter after that sterling performance

Cleveland advances to its first World Series since 1997 as it seeks its first championship since 1948, as the Tribe shuts out Toronto, 3-0. Rookie pitcher Ryan Merritt, who took the mound with 11 innings of big league experience, allowed just two singles in 4 1/3 and then baseball’s most withering bullpen took care of the rest. An Indians-Cubs World Series would be muy bueno.

3. Brooklyn Codger*

King is getting more air time on FS1 than Clay Travis this week

*The judges will also accept L.A. King

One rather distracting aspect of keeping track of the Dodgers-Cubs series in Los Angeles is the constant view of 82 year-old Larry King, who used to attend games at Ebbets Field as a kid in Brooklyn. Los Angeles’s most famous expat of that borough has replaced Vin Scully as the most famous octogenarian inside Dodger Stadium.

Mike Brito also has that “Weekend at Bernie’s” look

Those of us above age 40 find it weird to look into a home Dodger playoff game and not see Dodger scout Mike Brito, the man in the Panama hat with the radar gun, seated behind home plate. Brito, who discovered Fernando Valenzuela decades ago, is 81, by the way.

4. Smithy

It’s James Corden singing in a car, but years before you or I ever heard of him. Here he is going Don Rickles on the England Football Team. Yes, that’s David Beckham and Stephen Gerrard. Thanks to my good friend Mike for suggesting this….

5. Cruise-in’…..

What won’t actors do to promote their movie?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytEgqN-BdKA

Music 101

My Wave

In 1994 Soundgarden was poised to join Nirvana and Pearl Jam as the third leg of the Grunge invasion. They, too, were based in Seattle and lead singer Chris Cornell was every bit as charismatic as Kurt and Eddie and he could even reach higher notes. The whole movement sputtered after Cobain’s suicide, but this gem from the band’s Superunknown retains an irresistible turn-it-up quality. Note: Soundgarden and Stone Temple Pilots are very similar; they were poised to carry rock’s American flag into the late Nineties, but it just didn’t happen and we were left with the Goo Goo Dolls and Matchbox 20. I’ll never forgive them for this.

Remote Patrol

BYU at Boise State

ESPN 10:15 p.m.

Hill

I know, I know. Game 5 of the NLCS and Miami at Virginia Tech. We’ll miss nights like this come January and February. But the Broncos are 6-0 and the Cougars, who ripped up Michigan State in East Lansing a couple weeks back, are likely the last team standing in the way of an undefeated season and a difficult choice for the Selection Committee. BYU has 3 losses by a total of 7 points, all to good teams. Prediction: both Boise State and Western Michigan go undefeated and the SelCom sends them to the Fiesta Bowl to play one another. Keep an eye on BYU QB Taysom Hill, an Idaho native.

by John Walters

A Medium Happy 50th to Jon Favreau, star and writer of Swingers and Chef

Starting Five

In his last four appearances, totaling 6 2/3 innings, Jansen has allowed no runs and two hits

Artful Dodgers

Only two teams have played more postseason baseball games than the Dodgers, who played their 200th yesterday: the Yankees and Cardinals. Yet their 6-0 shutout of the Cubs in the NLCS last night marked the first time that the erstwhile Brooklyn Atlantics, Bridegrooms and Superbas had ever recorded consecutive shutouts in playoff games (they blanked the Cubs 1-0 on Monday).

So L.A. leads the series 2-1 and Game 4 is tonight up against debate.

2. Yet Another Notre Dame With A Problem

Notre Dame Prep, the McDowell Mountains in the background….

As the Notre Dame in South Bend trudges through a 2-5 season (despite having outscored its opponents in full), Notre Dame Prep in Scottsdale, Arizona, has just been placed on probation and ruled ineligible for the postseason. The Saints, as they are know, held a “summer football class” in June and put players in pads and would you believe, some photos were taken and placed on social media (No! Yes. NO! Yes.). Also, NDP sent out letters to athletes at other schools inviting them to attend.

Notre Dame Prep is a new and ultra-rich school, located in the wealthiest section of the wealthiest town in the Phoenix area. The Saints are 6-2 overall but 3-0 in their division and probably would qualify for the playoffs. Local media have located the “concerned” parents whose only takeaway is that they feel sorry for the kids, and we get it, but this was a fairly blatant violation of a known rule. More great life lessons being taught by adults.

3. Nigel, Please

Madison Man

Last Saturday ESPN’s College GameDay visited Madison, where the most famous local athlete is Badger varsity basketball player Nigel Hayes. The 6’8″ senior, who averaged nearly 16 points and 6 rebounds a year ago, is going to be a very wealthy man (especially relative to his classmates) a year from now. Hayes is just not wealthy now and yes, by being a major star who earns nothing (BESIDES A COLLEGE SCHOLARSHIP VALUED AT $47,544 FOR OUT-OF-STATERS, WHICH THE TOLEDO, OHIO, NATIVE IS), that seems unfair to some people (athletes and sports writers, mainly).

You know what “employees” at other businesses do when they feel that they are underpaid or taken for granted? They quit. Hayes does not seem to want to do that.

If you think the NCAA is exploiting these players, I’d like to welcome you to every business in America, if not the world. This is simple economics: As soon as I or any university president reads the story of a 4- or 5-star athlete turning down a scholarship offer, maybe the system will change. As soon as a team goes on strike en masse (before a Final Four contest), maybe the system will change.

Instead of coddling these student-athletes, sports writers should give them a lesson in economics. Management’s job is to make you an offer that is good enough to keep you from leaving the job. It isn’t to cut you in on what you think is a fair share of the pie.

Of course, the comeback here is that it’s a cartel. I guess, but the idea that you’re going to overhaul the system because 3% of its members need to take this route for their profession (which is about how many make it in the NFL or NBA) is ludicrous. I was a pre-med paying full tuition: I’d argue that my future profession was far more valuable to society and about 33% of us were moving on to med school. No one stepped in and paid my way.

Yes, but you didn’t fill up a football stadium. No, I didn’t, but my (and my classmates’) intelligence was every bit as valuable a commodity. The thing is, I can’t get into medical school without an undergrad degree, and the better the undergrad institution, the better my odds. Same with the NFL and college football. The potential NFL player also benefits greatly by playing at an Alabama or a USC. Not to mention the countless tangible and intangible benefits: expanded horizons, life experiences, media exposure, sorority honeys, and in some cases, Alaskan king crab legs.

But it’s just not fair, you say. And you’re right. It’s probably not fair that Apple, which has a market cap o $632 BILLION, employs Asian workers who make a fractional amount of what a U.S. worker would. But I don’t see you putting down your iPhone and I don’t see you not attending college football games or not watching them. You’re not willing to sacrifice anything for this noble cause (I’m talking about you the consumer, not the athletes), which just makes you a whiner.

Josh Dobbs: Starting SEC QB, aeronautical engineering major. Easy? No. Possible? Ask him. Or the people who put together Nike marketing campaigns.

Could the NCAA do more right by its student-athletes? Absolutely. Pay for their parents’ traveling to at least one postseason game per year, for starters. Give every four-year grad at least 72 further credit hours (I’d even go up to 144, about the equivalent of a four-year education) that he could either give to a family member who qualifies academically or for his or her own use. Assist by providing more education, not with money.

There are three major money problems: 1) Not all NCAA athletes have the same valuable (probably 1% or so would really be missed by the general public) 2) Once you agree to pay them, you’ve set a market. And now negotiations as to price become a constant aspect of the game and 3) You surrender the idea that young men should be going to college to receive an education; it’s just a minor league. The idea should be to reform the system and stress the value of the degree—and allow young men to earn meaningful degrees—not to be so jaded that we accept that it’s just a marriage of convenience.

Still, as soon as a Rivals 100 player turns down a scholarship, you may see university presidents and athletic directors huddle and discuss. But until then, well, these are mostly smart businessmen. Why pay more for something when the people who have the free will not to sell it (their athletic talent) to you do so anyway 100% of the time?

4. That 3rd Quarter

It’s been four days, I’m finally ready to talk about Stanford 17, Notre Dame 10.

What I want to discuss, as Keith Arnold and I talked about on our podcast, is that 3rd quarter. Not just because it’s where it all went bad, but because it’s a fascinating character study of Brian Kelly (who nine games ago had a 72% winning mark in South Bend and now has a 67% victory mark).

First drive: Notre Dame gets the kickoff to start the half (Finally!), but DeShone Kizer throws a pick-six. Great undercut of the route by Stanford’s Quenton Meeks (who had missed most of the last three games for the Cardinal) and a terrific open-field run to score it. Huge momentum change.

Second drive: On 3rd-and-7 in Stanford territory, Kizer misses an open Kevin Boykin, a completion that would have rendered a first down. On 4th-and-7 Kelly opts not to punt and Kizer, facing heavy pressure, throws a pick downfield. It’s a bad pass, but the pass the play before was the real error.

Third drive: The Irish defense forced a turnover just two plays later (on an insanely great play by Jarron Jones, the best defensive play of the season), so Kizer’s pick was not a huge blow. It’s midway through the 3rd quarter, your starter has just thrown picks on consecutive drives, and you still lead. If you’re ever going to give Malik Zaire a shot, now’s the moment. I think most of us can agree that this wasn’t the worst move, to shake the offense and Kizer out of his doldrums.

On the first play, Zaire sprints around right end for 13 yards. The stadium is energized. As is the team. Oh, what’s that? A flag? Holding on Quenton Nelson. I think that one flag changed the trajectory of Zaire’s career. Now it’s 1st-and-25 and the offense is deflated. The Irish will punt. But Stanford will punt right back. If you’re keeping count, the defense has now allowed one offensive touchdown in nine quarters, dating back to the second half of the Syracuse game.

Fourth Drive: Center Sam Mustipher snaps the ball high, fast and to the right of Zaire, whom Kelly has given a second chance. The ball sails out of the end zone. Safety. The score is now 10-9. On his second drive, Zaire was not even given a chance to touch the football.

Fifth Drive: Stanford scores on offense, finally, and gets the 2-point conversion, because of course (have you been watching Notre Dame football the past three seasons?). It’s now 17-10 and I tweet something to the effect, “If Kelly doesn’t put Kizer in now, that is a huge mistake.” Kelly sends Zaire back in. Three and out.

And there, kind of, is your ballgame. By the time Kelly finally returns to Kizer, for a 3-minute drive, he’s rusty and out of sync. He still almost pulls it out, though. He still should have not been on the bench that long. One series? Sure. Two? Maybe. Three? Never.

You have to wonder if Brian Kelly felt so much guilt over the hand that Zaire has been dealt that he made that the priority, massaging a former starter’s ego, over winning the game. It’s not Zaire’s fault. These are problems Nick Saban never faces. He’s a cold-hearted mofo, but it’s about putting your best team on the field and giving all of them the best chance to win. Ask Blake Barnett.

5. Matt Taibbi

If you have yet to read Matt Taibbi’s “How Trump Lost His Mojo,” from the Sept. 22 issue of Rolling Stone, I highly recommend it. It’s one of his masterpieces. This race changes so often, the major gaffes and low moments, that some of these issues will seem stale one month later. But the writing is too good to be ignored.

Describing a rally: “The audience roars. This is the Trump they fell in love with. It’s the same uber-confident, self-congratulating gasbag who bulldozed the Republican nomination on the strength of long, unscripted rants that were glorious tributes to every teenager everywhere who has ever taken a test without studying.”

Reserves

Canada Dry Humor

In case you have not yet seen this. Our Canadian friend Moose sent this. I think Canada is trying to help us, but it’s a wee bit patronizing, eh?

Music 101

Reach Out of the Darkness

1968 was the most tumultuous year in American history since the end of the Civil War: the Tet Offensive, the assassinations of MLK and RFK, Chicago riots, Nixon’s election, etc. (and yes, 2016 may still give ’68 a run for its money). It was Peak—or Nadir—Sixties, and this song by Friend and Lover is a groovy, hippie folk plea against the violence and chaos. I think this tune also ended the Mad Men episode that concludes with Megan Draper watching footage of the RFK news. The song peaked at No. 13, the duo’s only hit.

Remote Patrol

Baseball

Game 5 , ALCS

TBS 4 p.m.

Game 4, NLCS

FS1 8 p.m.

Donaldson and the Jays will attempt to do some more staving of elimination today

Or you can watch the third debate, but I’d rather just wait to see how SNL distills it down to 10 minutes in three nights. Did you know that the first pitch of Cubs games has been taking place at 7:08, that’s 19:08, Central time? Love that.

by John Walters

A Medium Happy 78th to Mary Ann herself, Dawn Wells

Starting Five

A Band-Aid would have technically been a foreign substance

The Bauer and the Gory*

*The judges will not accept ‘Let It Bleed’

Cleveland Indians pitcher Trevor Bauer, noted drone attack survivor, is forced to depart Game 3 of the ALCS in the first inning when his pinkie won’t stop bleeding. The Tribe won anyway, 4-2, to move within one game of their first Fall Classic since 1997.

I cannot wait to hear Trevor Bauer’s political views in 2028.

— Kyle (@KyleKoster) October 18, 2016

2. An Imperfect 10

Ames, Iowa. Never been, have always wanted to go.

The Big 12 has ten members. The Big Ten has 14 members. Let’s begin there. When I was a child my dad could never explain to me how the Atlanta Braves were in the National League West or the Dallas Cowboys were in the NFC East. So that is where we begin: that two major conferences in college cannot even count. Think of the children, Bob Bowlsby (at least the SEC is geographically accurate).

Anyway, The Big 12, after months of what a certain feisty former female editor (whom I love) at Sports Illustrated would have called “finger banging” Rice and Houston and BYU, among others, the Big 12 has decided not to expand—for now. I would have invited Rutgers myself, just for the giggles and the easy W. Big 12 Expansion, your 2016 SI Sportsperson of the Year.

p.s. The above two paragraphs are ALL the professional energy I’ve ever devoted to this topic. I’ll never understand why my colleagues get so riled up about these kind of topics.

3. Knock, Knock, Knockin’ on Dylan’s Door

The Swedish Academy, the scholars who hand out the Nobel Peace Prize, say they have “given up” trying to reach Bob Dylan. Even though his whereabouts are fairly well-known. The troubador played a concert in Indio, Calif., last weekend and one in Las Vegas last night.

Guys, it hasn’t even been a week yet. How many times must an Academy reach out to Dylan, before they will hear back from him? The answer, my friends, is blowing in the wind…

4. Lady and the Trump*

*The judges will accept donations for this hed

Above, that’s cartoonist Tom Toles of the Washington Post. And this scary one below, in Rolling Stone, is courtesy of artist Victor Juhasz.

And then this, below, may be the most terrifying. As one friend shared, “Just this month this election has been hijacked by a Bone, a Bush and pu**y. What is happening here?”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jAPDac7A4ss

5. Yes? Yes!

Spinal Tap with better music: Yes!

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame nominees for 2017 are in. Here’s the complete list.

Here’s who I think Jann Wenner will make sure gets in: Pearl Jam, Tupac Shakur, Joan Baez, Jane’s Addiction.

Here’s who I would put in (max. of four): Yes, ELO, The Cars, Pearl Jam.

I understand Tupac’s iconic importance. If hip-hop/rap is rock-and-roll (I’ll leave that decision up to someone else) then yeah, he’s in.

Music 101 

People Are People

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErnMC7xokQ8

I always found I liked about 40% of any Depeche Mode song. They were definitely nowhere near my favorite New Wave band, but now they’ve been nominated for the R&R HoF and don’t you be surprised if they’re inducted. This song is a classic example of my 40% rule: I can’t stand the refrain (which actually leads off the song), or the verses, but I love the “Can’t understand what makes a man/Hate another man/Help me understand ...”. This 1984 song was their first hit single in the U.S. climbing to No. 13 on the charts.

Remote Patrol

Baseball Doubleheader

Indians at Blue Jays: Game 4, ALCS

TBS 4 p.m.

Cubs at Dodgers: Game 3, NLCS

FS1 8 p.m.

Andrew Miller: 9 postseason innings, a 0.00 ERA

I’m in Arizona this week. You want me to start watching October playoff baseball at 1 p.m.??? What do you think—okay. The Indians are 6-0 in October. The city of Cleveland has a 9-game win streak in postseason sports since falling behind 3-1 to the Warriors.