Starting Five

The Apple Watch will be available for purchase on April 24 and at three price points: $349, $549 and $10,000 for the above, which Anna Kendrick describes as “the new gold standard in douchebag detection.”

1. Apple Watch List

The Cupertino, Calif., based-tech company staged an event yesterday in San Francisco in which it unveiled its first wrist-bound timepiece (as opposed to the iPhone, which is a non-wrist-bound timepiece), announced a universal cure for cancer (surprise: it’s a mixture of vinegar and Tabasco sauce), revealed the exact date of the Day of Reckoning, and also what the meaning of the final 10 minutes of The Sopranos was.

The stock sold on the news.

2. Suge Life

Tam’s Burgers: Very tasty, but beware of the Drive-Thru

The surveillance video showing the episode in which Suge Knight ran over two men in their fifties, Cle “Bone” Sloan and Terry Carter, killing  Carter, after an argument on the set of Straight Outta Compton (which is not ironic at all, no sir). TMZ released the video  yesterday and Roger Goodell expects to view it for the first time in November.

I don’t know how you feel, but having seen the video, I actually think Suge’s gonna walk. I’ve never had anyone poke a gun in my face (I’ve never driven a pimped-out red truck before, either), but who’s to say how you would drive if you felt your life was in danger. Should Suge have simply driven off? Possibly. But who knows what was said? And you can’t out-drive a bullet at close range.

Either way, I think the In-n-Out Burger near LAX is probably the healthier option, all things considered.

3. ThinMintissippi

“Guam, the territory that sounds the most like a punch from Batman…”

This is what John Oliver does best on Last Week Tonight: He takes a topic that you sort of know about, the kind of topic that you have a one-sentence repository of information for in case it is mentioned at a dinner party (Do people still have dinner parties? They do? Well, how come I’m never invited?), and then he goes deep and hilarious on it and makes a fairly irrefutable argument. It doesn’t hurt that Oliver has a beguiling British accent when he does so.

Oliver did that on Sunday night when talking about voting rights for people in American territories such as Guam, Puerto Rico. the U.S. Virgin Islands and American Samoa.

My only question that Oliver did not address was whether these “nationals” pay federal income taxes. It sounds like, from what I read hear, that they all pay either federal income tax OR taxes to their own government.

Oh, and in case you missed it, here’s LWT on DST.

4. Be Like Mike

Grizzled Man

How is Better Call Saul unlike most shows? It devotes more than 45 minutes of its fifth episode to backstory on an admittedly intriguing character: parking lot attendant/ex-cop Mike Ehrmentraut (played by Jonathan Banks).

It’s arguable, if not the absolute truth, that Mike is every bit as compelling a character as Jimmy McGill, so the show runners of BCS (Championship?) were shrewd to make the dark character such an integral part of the show. This is the type of star turn that will win Banks a J.K. Simmons Memorial Golden Globe for “Best Underappreciated Bald Character Actor.”

Anyway, it was an outstanding episode (even if the coffee spill scene was contrived; that ain’t working; detectives are suspicious of everyone and everything 24-7) in that it makes us empathetic about Mike’s fall from grace. You might even say that it…validates him.

5. “I’m Mr. Whiteside…”

In the past 5 years, Whiteside has played on 2 NBA teams, 4 D-League teams, 3 Lebanese teams and 2 Chinese teams. Seductive talent, disruptive personality?

If it’s Monday night in Miami, Heat seven-footer Hassan Whiteside is probably fracas-izing with the opposing team’s center. Last Monday it was Alex Len of the Phoenix Suns (both players were ejected). Last night Whiteside, who spent one season at Marshall in which he led the NCAA in Blocked Shot, pushed Boston’s Kelly Olynyk from behind, which is going to be a tough sell to Adam Silver if you’re declaring your innocence. Whiteside was ejected from last night’s game as well.

Whiteside vs. Len: He’s making Monday night wrestling an NBA thing as well as a WWE thing

I interviewed Whiteside back in his one year in college, when he set an NCAA record for Blocked Shots by a freshman (182), over the phone and wrote a story about his problematic teen years in Newark. There are very few phone interviews I’ve ever done that were more like a visit to the proctologist’s office (“dentist’s office” is so cliche). Maybe he was shy, maybe he was guarded, maybe he just doesn’t like media types, maybe he just didn’t like me. Either way, it was a miserable experience. Whiteside wasn’t hostile, he was just severely laconic.

Clipping (but not Clippering) on Whiteside, 15 yards

The young man has plenty of talent. He has already had games of 23 and 24 points in less than two months with the Heat, as well as a triple double. But it was strange that on the same night that personable Heat center Chris Bosh addressed the (sparse) Miami crowd to thank them for their support that teammate and future Hall of Famer Dwyane Wade admonished Whiteside for his behavior to the media after the game.

I’m all for a Dahntay Jones versus Hassan Whiteside blindside hit contest.

Music 101 

“Funkytown”

Released in 1980 and written by a Minneapolis-based musician named Steve Greenberg, this single by Lipps, Inc. is as catchy and infectious as anything that other Minneapolis-based musician of that era ever recorded. When I was an 8th grader in 1979-80, this tune was absolutely foreign and scary and inescapable. Disco’s last gasp, but a deep inhalation.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xF77Y1JLScc

Remote Patrol

WCC Championship: BYU vs. Gonzaga

ESPN 9 p.m.

Haws, with Keanu, preemptively celebrating an NCAA tourney berth while wearing what is now a prohibited NCAA jersey.

a.k.a. “White Punks on Dope.” It’s 2015 and the four marquee players in this meaningful college basketball game are Caucasian? BYU’s Kyle Collinsworth has a NCAA record-tying SIX triple doubles this season, teammate Tyler Haws is the nation’s third-leading scorer and has come a long way since teaming up with Keanu Reeves in Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Gonzaga’s Kyle Wiltjer played in the 2012 national championship game (with Kentucky) and Kevin Pangos has the last name Pangos, which is bonkos!

Starting Five

1. It Is, After All, March

Fifty years to the day after civil rights activists are beaten and fire-hosed in Selma, Ala., what is known as “the Bloody Sunday that Bono Does Not Sing About,” the  African-American president of the United States leads a march through town (either that or the AIDS Walks are starting earlier this year). Karma is a bitch.

If you look closely you can see Bill O’Reilly and Brian Williams near the back of the throng.

The Ku Klux Klan found their own way to get involved in the festivities, too.

One thing the weekend highlighted, besides the strides in civil rights in the past half-century, is that our nation could probably need a few new bridges. That Edmund Pettus Bridge is p’rty enough, but it’s older than most people in this photo…

(Potus 44 & 43: The first annual Edmund Pettus 5-K had both an Chief Executive and a wheelchair division.

By the way, this is the bridge’s namesake.

Wikipedia says that he was a lawyer and an enthusiastic champion of slavery. Edmund Pettus served as a Confederate general during the Civil War and was captured three times. After emancipation (his and theirs), Pettus opened a number of not-so-successful fried chicken outlets.

2. Four Play

Boy Wonderful: Curry’s innocent face and his prodigious talent is about to make him the most marketable player in the NBA. Just watch….

Last night on SportsCenter John Buccigross, in saluting Russell Westbrook’s 7th triple double of the season, said as if it’s a foregone conclusion, “He will not win the MVP.”

Seriously? How does anyone presume to “know” who deserves to be the NBA MVP already? It’s a legitimate four-man race (though I would really love to know what LeBron James during that two week midseason sabbatical in south Florida).

Russell Westbrook: Last night his seventh triple double of the season, and he now leads the NBA in scoring.

Stephen Curry: the Warriors have the league’s best record, they’re now 27-2 at home, and he’s the best thing to happen to Vine since cute kids and animals.

James Harden: Second in the league in scoring. Where would Houston be without him.

LeBron: Could the most dominant player in the NBA finish 4th? It says here that, even if everyone acknowledges that Susie B.’s favorite player is the league’s best, he’s not taking the trophy this year unless the Cavs go on an insane 16-1 run to end the season. Even then, I”m not so sure even though he is 3rd in the NBA in scoring.

Oh…enjoy Steph’s teammate, Draymond Green, not enjoying being shoved by Dahntay Jones post-game. Something more going on behind the scenes here? Green scored 23 in GSW’s win; Dahntay got a DNP. Green’s reaction afterward is here.

3. Drum Lines

I still haven’t seen Whiplash, but this opening scene is seductive. Love this recurring segment from the New York Times, “Anatomy of a Scene.” It lets you know just how much a good director is trying to impart to an audience in any given moment in a film. Here’s their “AoaS” from my favorite film of last year, Nightcrawler and this is from the Best Picture Oscar winner, Birdman.

I imagine they don’t have one for Boyhood because they shot it so long ago, who can remember what Linklater was thinking?

4. Targaryen Meets Taylor

The folks at Nerdist merged “Blank Space” with George R.R. Martin’s Game of Thrones to create this mash-up. Not bad, although he looks less like the Seven Kingdoms’ creator than he does Franklin Delano Romanowski, the friend of Kramer’s who told him to “Drop Dead.”

FDR

5. Members Only

Hemsworth heated up the SNL stage and brought a late winter Thor. He’ll be invited back as a host.

Simply announcing that you have a large reproductive organ counted as a joke on Saturday Night Live over the weekend–it counted as a joke in three different sketches in the first 40 minutes. Cabin fever and that long winter is beginning to affect the writing staff.

Honestly, I wasn’t offended as a prude–I was offended as a comedian. I mean, the dick joke is the last refuge of the lazy comic mind (see: Deadspin).

It was actually a pretty decent episode and Super Handsome Guy Chris Hemsworth put his all into a love scene with a real live chicken (who, let it be said, got more air time than some cast members this week). He was terrific in “So You Think You Can Live With Brian?”, which was the best Beck Bennett/Kyle Mooney film yet.

It feels as if SNL is still in transition phase, as if we are still playing “New SNL Cast Member or Arcade Fire.” The stars are Taran Killam and Kate McKinnon. They’re carrying the show right now. Cecily Strong is just a notch below them, and Pete Davidson has a bright future. Kenan Thompson is a glue guy.

Colin Jost is beginning to grow into his WU role. I liked the way he came back at Leslie Jones with “Nice transition” last night. Not a big Leslie Jones fan. LOUDER does not make something that ain’t funny any funnier.

Music 101

The Go Go’s, who actually lived up to the hype. By the time Talk Show, their album third in four years, was released in 1984 the five females had slept with/snorted/smoked/drank everything. It’s a little too bad, because songs like “Beneath the Blue Sky” demonstrated they were only getting more mature. And how underrated is Belinda Carlisle’s voice? I always thought she had a late Sixties sound that was sent to the future. My favorite Go Go’s song that no one ever mentions.

Remote Patrol

The Thomas Crown Affair

TCM 10:30 p.m.

As much as I want to steer you –yet again–to Better Call Saul (AMC, 10 p.m.), this is the original 1968 version with Steve McQueen and an in-her-prime Faye Dunaway. Put them up against Pierce Brosnan and an in-her-own-prime Rene Russo in the 1999 version and I call that a push.

Also, worth noting that tonight on CNBC (6 p.m.) marks the 10th anniversary of Jim Cramer’s Mad Money. Boo-yah, skeedaddy!

Starting Five

Even if Brian Williams was a passenger on this Delta flight, he’s probably learned by now to keep it to himself….

1. The Edge of Wetness*

The judges will also accept “Skid, Whoa!”

Well, that’s one way to get to Riker’s Island. Delta Flight 1086 from Atlanta nearly skidded off the runway at LaGuardia Airport (the shortest runway of any major commercial airport, which is one reason it’s my least favorite airport on Earth) (correction: my aeronautically attuned friend Eric points out that both Midway and John Wayne have shorter runways; John Wayne, in Orange Co., supposedly has the shortest at 5,700 feet, but it still feels so much less stressful than LaGuardia, whose runways are just a foot or two longer than 7,000 feet) and into the drink that is the confluence of the East River/Long Island Sound.

Anyway, lots of folks will want to compare it to that U.S. Airways flight that touched down ever so gently in the Hudson six winters ago (“Sully!”) but really it’s much more akin to a pair of crashes, both involving U.S. Air flights and La Guardia, around 25 years ago.

Walking the runway in New York has never been less glamorous

In March of 1992 U.S. Air Flight 405 crashed into Flushing Bay just after taking off from LaGuardia in snowy conditions and 19 people died. Half the passengers were able to swim to shore.

Three years earlier another failed takeoff at LaGuardia, this time in rainy conditions in September (US Air 5050), also ended with the plane in the water and two dead.

US Air 5050

No one died yesterday. That little hill saved quite a few lives, most likely.

If you want a truly thrilling/terriflying (!) runway approach, try Telluride Airport in Telluride, Colo.

* Hey-O!!!!!!!

2. Plane Ironic

Ford was flying (Han) solo at the time of the crash. He is in fair condition and is now searching for bamboo trees with Anne Heche

So, yes, Harrison Ford has piloted a few aeronautical objects in his cinematic past.

You may recall this one from Star Wars….

…or this one from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom….

…or this one from that movie (Six Days, Seven Nights) where Anne Heche shows off her fabulous yoga bod…

Elle Heche….

o

…or this one where he’s the president of the United States..

….or, well, I think the only Harrison Ford movies in which he was not in a cockpit are Witness and Regarding Henry. MH interns will fact-check that for me, I hope.

3. One Word…

“Sealfie.”

That’s all I got for this.

4. Beardman

Dollar Shave? Bah!

There is such a thing called “lumbersexual,” as chronicled in the Billings Gazette. Read the piece. It swarthy of your time.

5. Wisdom

So the topic the other day was why some cultures quote-unquote “advance” while other cultures, which have been around for millennia longer, do not. And my friend’s father, who worked as an agriculture and food resources specialist in Africa for years, opted to tackle the question for me. He is in his eighties now. I really liked what he had to say, so I am sharing parts of it here with you:

Chad:  1975 

I was on USAID project to determine impact of US food assistance to Sahel (edge of Sahara desert) which suffered several years of severe drought.  In northern Chad, I met an old man and asked through an interpreter, “What happened during the drought?”

 He said “A few more babies died, and a few more old people died, but that was good.  It got our population back in balance with the food supply.”

This was wisdom of the ages, living with one’s environment and resources.  The Judeo/Christian tradition says all life if precious and must be saved at all costs. Other cultures say death is part of life, and accept it as the natural course of events.  This theme or concept is largely repeated by American Indians, Eskimos, and many Asian, Mayan, and Inca societies.

And here are two examples of how well-meaning Westerners drop into a culture or society and by attempting to bring it up to speed, instead cause irreparable damage. The Law of Unintended Consequences is greatly underappreciated:

The missionaries in Nigeria that we frequently visited said they got their start in Africa to rescue twin babies which were killed at birth because of the belief that twins are a bad omen because they increased the population faster than available resources.  Once they got started, missionaries started schools & orphanages in accessible locations – along major rivers.  Thus some Tribal and ethnic groups got education while the inland nomadic groups did not.  The colonials favored the educated ones for govt. positions in police, education, clerical jobs, etc.  On independence, the literature groups took control even though they were often minorities.  This has been the largest source of conflict in Africa as the Arabic/Islamic groups grew up largely uneducated and deeply resented being ruled by minority Christians. 

And…

The Fulani tribes of Chad, Niger, and Nigeria, are traditional nomadic herdsmen of cattle.  They constantly moved, following grass & water availability for their animals.  The United Nations thought by drilling wells and creating water holes, the lives of the Fulani could be improved.  After the wells were dug, The Fulani stayed near them and their herds grazed nearby.  The end result was the grass could not recover from constant grazing, and the areas around the wells became barren deserts.  Now there are fewer opportunities for the Fulanis to graze and greater dependence on international aid for survival.  Many have gone to the cities to become laborers and beggars. Their culture is greatly diminished. 

Finally, while our cultures and rituals and daily practices may be greatly different, there are some universal aspects of humanity that cross oceans and languages and colors. This man also recognized this:

A flashback to a time in Chad, traveling down a dusty road in a truck with my German partner. I had just finished driving a hard muddy trail and he took over.  As we passed by a hedge row with grass huts close to the road, an old woman came out of a hut and looked at me in a strange way.  I felt that she was telling me that she was about to die soon.  I could not understand why she was telling me this until much later.  

Several weeks after that, I was bringing Mother home from the hospital in Kansas City.  She was being treated for cancer. Mother was in the back seat.  When I looked in the mirror, Mother had the same expression on her face as that old woman in Chad.  Mother died a few days later.  I do not know how or why gestures and expressions across cultures and oceans are so uniting and compelling, but I am grateful for the experience.

 Remote Patrol

College Hoops Two-fer

ESPN 6 p.m.

“And Justise for all…” Winslow’s dad, Rickie Winslow, played in 7 games for the Milwaukee Bucks in the 1987-88 season

Beginning with College GameDay, we get four ACC schools all ranked in the Top 20. First, it’s No. 2 Virginia at No. 16 Louisville, followed by, at 9 p.m., No. 3 Duke at No. 20 North Carolina.

Starting Five

Students line the road along St. Mary’s Lake –or is it St. Joseph’s Lake?–awaiting Fr. Hesburgh’s funeral cortege (it’s St. Mary’s Lake)

1. Ted Talks

Former Notre Dame president Fr. Ted Hesburgh (1952-1987) who died last Friday morning at the age of 97, is laid to rest on the campus of Notre Dame. Outside of perhaps Knute Rockne and the school’s founder, Fr. Sorin, (and maybe….mayyyyybe….Rudy), he was the most important person in the school’s history.

Former President Jimmy Carter, former Secretary of State Condi Rice, and Dr. Lou spoke at a tribute to Fr. Hesburgh at the Purcell Pavilion last night. And the Irish went out and beat No. 16 Louisville by 12 last night.

A few numbers regarding Fr. Hesburgh, whose contributions to the school overall are unquantifiable: allowed women to matriculate…doubled the enrollment…tripled the faculty…endowment grew from $9 million to $350 million…as an outgoing act of grace in 1987, pardoned my friend Smoron of all his crimes against humanity, particularly the time when he tossed water balloons out the third floor of Dillon Hall at unsuspecting grad students headed to lunch.

On the last day of February ’79, Hesburgh was a passenger in an SR-71 that eclipsed 2,200 miles per hour. Seriously. He died 35 years to the day later.

Here’s NBC’s Anne Thompson, an alum, introducing Lou Holtz. Dr. Lou is the best speaker I’ve ever listened to in person, by far, so I invite you to listen to him here.

So if you’re keeping score this winter, the Midwest has gained a Harbaugh and lost a Hesburgh.

2. The Lovely Bone

It was MURDER! (I have to quit binge-watching ‘CSI: Ethiopia”)

The oldest human lineage bone ever discovered, dating back some 2.8 million years, was found by a U.S.-led team in Ethiopia earlier this week. 2.8 million years ago. And we think anything beyond 2,000 years ago is ancient history. That’s like saying $2 is a lot of money when the bank has $2,800, just for a sense of perspective.

The bone was found atop a hill, not even hidden under tons of dirt. Can you really call it a “dig” if no one actually had to dig?

3. Russ-diculous

It takes a lot for a play in the 2nd quarter of a game in March to become etched in memory, but this one shall…

We’ve got quite the interesting four-way battle for the NBA’s MVP award heading into the final month of the season. How do you split hairs between LeBron James (the best overall player…even if I didn’t believe that, do I really want to tempt the wrath of Susie B.?), Russell Westbrook (the single-most valuable player on any team who has delivered the most meaningful performances), James Harden (the leading scorer) and Stephen Curry (the modern-day Maravich who is leading the Warriors to the top berth in the West turns and heads downcourt before his threes even kiss the net)?

Well, you look at last night’s performance by Westbrook, playing with a broken facial bone that is somewhat less than 2.8 million years old, and you see that he had 49 points, 16 rebounds and 10 assists to lead the Thunders in an overtime win against Philly. That’s his fourth consecutive triple double. Also, he made THIS PLAY. Just five dribbles while catching the ball going the wrong way against his favored hand and still going coast to coast.

The Big O: Why doesn’t anyone in the NBA use the patented Bruce Lee clear-out kick any more?

Westbrook, 26, now has 18 career triple doubles. Oscar Robertson, “The Big O,” retired with an NBA-record 181. Here are the 10 NBA players who lead that category all-time.

The Thunders are still in 8th place in the West. On one hand, I’d hate to see them face GSW in the first round. On the other, it would make the greatest 1-8 matchup in NBA history.

4. Conan in Cuba

As mentioned in yesterday’s IAH!, Conan O’Brien visited Cuba last month and the show aired on TBS last night. So, keeping score, Conan becomes the most famous Harvard alum since JFK to interact with the Cubans and probably this was the highest-profile case of an American in Cuba since Michael Corleone’s New Year’s Eve visit in The Godfather II.

Here’s a clip. Worth viewing.

5. Beep! Beep!

I’d like that to be my epitaph

So I’m driving home from a wake last night with good family friend Jones (he’s so famous, one name will suffice) and he is telling me about an incident that happened to him along the Beeline Highway northeast of Phoenix some time ago. Jones was driving along and he spotted a roadrunner crossing the road (not too unusual). Not long after he came across a coyote crossing the road (a little more rare).

“And I thought to myself, ‘That cartoon is real,'” said Jones.

I wondered aloud if an Acme anvil fell near the vehicle.

Not an hour after that conversation, these set of rules by Roadrunner/Coyote creator Chuck Jones popped up on the Twitter. Extra eerie since both men are named Jones (Chuck passed away in 2002 at the age of 89; our Jones has many decades left).

Remote Patrol

Thunder at Bulls 

8 p.m. TNT

Dion Waiters had arguably the most overlooked 20-point, 10-rebound game in NBA history last night.

How much gas will Russell Westbrook have in the tank after last night’s 49-16-10 performance? Then again, who on the Bulls is going to stop him with both Derrick Rose AND Jimmy Butler out with injuries? Aaron Brooks? Tony Snell? Or will Joakim Noah volunteer for the assignment? I’m intrigued.

Starting Five

Towns paced the Cats with 19 points and 7 boards and made a solid argument for hyphens connecting first names, not surnames

1. Bluebloods Prevail

I don’t know if anyone has coined a term for this phenomenon, but all too often in sports we see it: the team that has a history of greatness finds itself trailing in a game late and yet, almost through sheer force of destiny, prevails. It’s as if everyone watching, both at home and in person, knows who is supposed to win, and so the prophecy fulfills itself. Even the team that is in the midst of pulling off the upset seems like a willing participant in its own demise.

Happened twice last night. Undefeated and No. 1 Kentucky trailed Georgia in Athens by nine points with 9:10 remaining and still by six with 4:55 to play. But then coach John Calipari told his players, “Scared money don’t make money” (he’s right) and the Cats cruised to a 70-62 win, outscoring the Bulldogs 16-2 in the final five minutes.

Frank Mason III is a full foot shorter (5’11”) than Towns, but he, too, had 19 points and 7 boards in KU’s win

At the same time in Lawrence, Kansas, the Jayhawks trailed West Virginia by eight points with 2:02 to play. The Mountaineers even had the ball. So of course, KU forces overtime and then wins.

That’s why they are who they are. UK and KU have a combined 11 national titles in men’s hoops, Georgia and West Virginia have zero.

2. Sir Vivor

If only God had spared one domestic housekeeper –preferably an illegal immigrant–as well

Two men, each living in the American southwest, basically isolated from civilization and not taking advantage of the good woman they have backing them: Phil Miller and James McGill.

What does it say about Will Forte’s new sitcom, Last Man on Earth, that we all find shyster lawyer McGill far more appealing as a human? LMoE has some nice touches, such as the inflatable margarita pool, but whither the conflict? Will it all emanate from the one-note joke that even if you and she are the last two people on Earth that your wife will still nag you?

My favorite moment? When Phil tries to figure out how to use the giant water shed to water Carol’s tomatoes (not a euphemism) and is using duct tape and even a gun and I’m thinking to myself, this is a situation that needs MacGruber!

3. Roasted

Biebs. Roastable? Uh, yeah…

Now that Stephen Colbert has departed and Jon Stewart will soon join him, the best reason for Comedy Central to still exist may be its celebrity roasts. Next up? Justin Bieber, who recently turned 21 and will be singed on March 14th for a telecast that will air on March 30th.

Now, we all know how bad Rolling Stone lists can be (see its recent ranking of SNL cast members), but you may want to click on this link simply to watch all the clips of 18 previous Comedy Central roasts, from Charlie Sheen to Joan Rivers.

4. Thieves & Princes

Curry and Westbrook are both having career seasons…

I don’t know how common or uncommon this is, but the NBA’s top three leaders in Steals are three of its top four scorers. The Steals list looks like this:

Stephen Curry…………2.12

Russell Westbrook…..2.04

James Harden…………1.95

….as is Harden

The Scoring list looks like this:

James Harden……………………………..27.1

Russell Westbrook……………………….26.5

LeBron James……………………………..26.2

Stephen Curry/Anthony Davis………23.9

That doesn’t really help when it comes to narrowing the MVP field. Curiously enough, the Atlanta Hawks, who won last night to move to 48-12 on the season (.800), don’t have a scorer in the league’s Top 25. Paul Millsap is 30th at 16.9 ppg.

5. Things I Didn’t Know… (Cont.)

China’s Civil War made our Civil War, which was happening contemporaneously, seem puny by comparison

Before yesterday I’d never heard of the Taiping Rebellion in China or of Hong Xiuquan, the leader of the rebellion who announced to his followers that he had received visions telling him that he was the younger brother of Jesus.

The rebellion lasted from 1851-1866 and here’s what’ll blow your mind: 20 million Chinese lost their lives. That’s like taking the ENTIRE CURRENT populations of New York City, Los Angeles, Chicago, Houston, Philadelphia and Phoenix and completely exterminating them.

So yeah, 20 million people. By comparison, 620,000 soldiers died in the American Civil War, which took place at the same time. Never knew that. My smart buddy Dan told me about that.

Remote Patrol

Conan in Cuba

TBS 11 p.m.

Not that a six-foot-five carrot-topped comedian would stand out in Havana, but 54 or so years after another Harvard alum (JFK) stared down Castro, Conan O’Brien takes his entire show down to that lovely island south of the Florida Keys for a show. The last time an American late-night talk show host visited Cuba was in 1959 when Jack Paar took The Tonight Show there (statistics provided by Elias Late Night TV Show Bureau).