The crew at Medium Happy were practicing trust falls this a.m. and the staff mascot, Mirk, forgot that it was his turn to catch someone. Much pain, confusion and, of course, recriminations, ensued. Oh, there were recriminations alright.

We’re working on an illustrated cover of the incident under the banner “TOUT LE PARDONNEZ!” right now. Bear with us. Cat with us. We’ll try to get to LeBron (“I’m Coming Home”) and Cardale (“I’m staying home”) later, but c’mon, this is already better than 84.3% of all previous Medium Happy posts…

STARTING FIVE FOUR

1. Auguste, St. Joe County

Notre Dame basketball, off to its best start (16-2) since the peak years of Digger Phelps, may be without 6-10 center Zach Auguste for awhile. Auguste, the team’s most improved player who is averaging 14.3 points and 6.7 boards per game, missed last night’s game at Georgia Tech with “academic issues.”

It’s become more of an expected semester ritual at Notre Dame than an SYR.

Fall Semester, 2014: Frozen Five; Spring Semester, 2014: Jerian Grant and DaVaris Daniels; Fall Semester, 2013: Everett Golson.

Hey, this has happened before (Julius Jones, anyone), but rooting for the Irish, as one tweep said yesterday, is just like waiting to be punched in the nuts. I should amend that: rooting for the Irish men’s teams.

Anyway, sources tell the Chicago Tribune that Auguste did not commit an honor code violation, so it may be just a matter of making up work from last semester. That bodes well.  Classes began on Tuesday in South Bend.

Without their only true post player, a junior from Marlborough, Mass., the Irish are at best a Sweet 16 team (and that’s being optimistic). With him, in a season such as this where Notre Dame may have already played the nation’s top team just this past weekend –losing to Virginia, 62-56–they could go as far as Digger ever took a team…to the Final Four. Stay tuned.

Meanwhile, one web site tabbed Notre Dame football as the No. 2 “up and coming” team of next August. And left tackle Ronnie Stanley, who could be a first-team All-American in 2015, announced that he will return for a senior year (as will nose guard Sheldon “Lonesome” Day). However, it’s way too soon to know which Irish gridders will run afoul of the blue books and graduate student T.A.s this spring and summer.

2. “And I’m Freeeeeeeeee! Free Climbing!”

“But Tony, I brought the sandwiches” “Step off, George.”

Climbers Tommy Caldwell, 36, and Kevin Jorgeson, 30, took dead aim at Rule No. 1 (“Gravity Always Wins”) and lived to tell about it. The pair became the first men in history to free climb Yosemite’s 3,000-foot El Capitan, the world’s largest granite monolith, earlier this week.

Caldwell and Jorgeson’s euphoria was short-lived, however. When they reached the summit, they were beset by Jon Snow, Samwell Tarley and a host of other sworn members of the Night’s Watch, and quickly put in a cell.

For the record: The pair did have harnesses on in case they fell, but they did the entire climb with no outside assistance (i.e. ropes, carabiners, etc.). All arms, legs, core muscles, fingers and toes. That is officially cray-cray.

3. Oscar, Oscar, Oscar

I have yet to see or mention “Whiplash,” which I know a lot of people loved. My thought? They should’ve titled it “American Drummer.”

The New York Times posits, quite correctly, that the two films that are locks to be nominated for “Best Picture” are Birdman and Boyhood. My feeling: both are somewhat flawed and neither is as compelling or just plain good as Nightcrawler, which was completely ignored by the Hollywood Foreign Press at the Golden Globes.

I realize that I’m championing one film here, but as much as I LOVED a few scenes in Birdman, the last Edward Norton-free half hour is kind of a mess. Worked for some but not for me. Boyhood, as I’ve said before, just isn’t that great. We all get the conceit. Bravo! Doesn’t necessarily make it a Best Picture-level film.

Nightcrawler, though, is the kind of movie you can watch over and over.
Also, Eddie Redmayne, a relative unknown, may be the Best Actor favorite because he adhered to Robert Downey, Jr.’s, advice of “never go full retard” in his portrayal of Stephen Hawking. However, Jake Gyllenhaal is a world-class actor with an outstanding resume and here he just gave the best performance of his career (besides the one in which he pretended that he had sincere feelings for Taylor Swift for two months) as Lou Bloom.

The Times’ article advocates for Nightcrawler, as do I. Even more so, I hope Gyllenhaal wins Best Actor before I learn how to spell his surname without having to look it up.

Oh, and I don’t think The Interview will win Best Film or Best Foreign-Hacked Film.

Update: Nominations coming up as I type….So, you can forget most of what I just wrote as Nightcrawler and Gyllenhaal got screwed. Here’s the list of Oscar noms…

4. Bad Look for NFL (Again)

This, we assume, was not McNary’s one phone call he was allowed to make…

One of the four remaining teams in the NFL playoffs is the Indianapolis Colts, who just happened to have one of their linebackers, Josh McNary, charged with rape. McNary is a West Point alum who served two years in the United States Army. Could’ve been an inspirational story leading into Sunday’s game at New England; now, just another bad look for Roger Goodell’s league.

When police arrived at McNary’s door in relation to the December 1 incident, McNary reportedly told them, “I know why you’re here.”

McNary, a backup for the Colts, is Army’s all-time leader in Sacks (28) and Tackles for Loss (49).

Thought du Jour

Free speech is going to see Selma dressed in KKK garb. I’m just sayin’…

Remote Patrol

Cavaliers at Lakers

TNT 10:30 p.m.

“Who’s got a Harvard degree and made the cover of SI in consecutive weeks? THIS GUY!”

Two teams with losing records who just happen to have –arguably–two of the top ten players in NBA history on their rosters. Kobe. LeBron. But watch as Kryie Irving and Swaggy P. take over the show….

Starting Five

Hey, JW, aren’t you “Deadspinning” here? Accusing another outlet of covering something not worthy of coverage as a cover to cover it yourself? Brilliant!

1. “When You Wish Upon a Star…”

The Phoenix Suns, paced by Markeiff Morris’ 35 points, outlasted the Cleveland Cavaliers 107-100 last night to improve to 23-18.

No. Try it like this:

The Cleveland Cavaliers continued to show symptoms of dysfunction as they dropped their ninth game of the past 10 at Phoenix. Kevin Love did not play in the fourth quarter and while LeBron James did contribute 33 points, what did he think he was doing attending the College Football Playoff National Championship game one night earlier in Arlington?

ESPN’s “SportsCenter” highlight showed all of one Suns basket.

ESPN.com hed this a.m.: “Cavs Still Straying Off Course.”

Who owns ESPN? Disney. What does Disney know as well as anyone? The importance of creating characters that audiences care about…

I’ll give credit where it’s due: Brian Windhorst did a terrific job on this story.

The Cavs, owners of the NBA’s 14th-best record, have tonight off, then it’s back-to-backs Thursday and Friday night at the Staples Center (Lakers, then Clips), where they will face a massive Windhorst-Markazi double-team. Courage, boys.

2. May Day? 

Pound for pound, the greatest pugilist of the 21st century

Promoter Bob Arum tells Yahoo! Sports that his client, Manny Pacquiao, has agreed to a May 2nd bout with Floyd Mayweather. It’s the (non-MMA) fight that fans of the sweet science have wanted for at least half a decade.

Pacquiao, 57-5-2, would get 40% of the gate. He is 36.

Mayweather, 47-0, would get 60% of the gate (plus whatever he wagers on himself). He will be 38.

This would easily be the most lucrative fight in history. Tickets at the MGM Grand would reportedly go for $5,000 at face value. and Mayweather could earn more than $100 million.

3. Gone Girl

That is SO wrong, JW. So wrong….

Reports that Ann Curry is leaving NBC News for good. Bully for you, Ann. You were in that bad marriage too long as it is. They did not appreciate you. I thought the work you did on the Syrian refugees in Jordan was topnotch.

Then again, you are earning $12 million per annum without doing too much heavy lifting. Geez, the money in TV is crazy (If only I were telegenic or had any experience on camera or could write my way out of a paper bag; not that I’d see any purpose of writing my way out of a paper bag, and how big would that bag need to be, any who? I mean….).

Seriously, if Ann Curry is making $12 mil a year, can you imagine what Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are hauling in? No wonder Amy got the new globes. By the way, did you notice that shot she fired across the bow at ex-hubby Will Arnett in relation to Gone Girl? Aaaaaand, we’re back to the top…

4. “107 Bottles of Beer on the Wall, 107 Bottles of Beer…”

Next time he should wear 107

Wade Boggs, a man known for having a rapacious appetite, reportedly told Charlie Day (of It’s Always Sunny with Horrible Bosses, 2 fame) that he once consumed 107 beers in a day. Hey, if Rob Konrad can swim 9 miles in the open ocean on a January night, why not? Chuck Norris stares up at both of you gentlemen in awe…

5. Who? What? When? Where? Why? How?

To my friends at the Paul and Young Ron Morning Show in south Florida. It’s not my role to believe, or to disbelieve, Rob Konrad. I’m not his friend, as you are (and I’m not his adversary). It’s my job to keep asking questions until the facts of his extraordinary ordeal and his survival are unimpeachable. When the person at the center of the tale is the only one with facts available, it is right to be skeptical.

Richard Nixon famously said, “I am NOT a crook.” Oh, well, in that case, let’s stop the investigation (hey, I’m not saying the nation would have been worse off if we had; I’m just trying to demonstrate a point).

For good measure, I invite anyone to visit his/her local 25-yard pool and swim 650 laps without touching the sides (or bottom). If you can replicate 4-foot swells, even better. Of course, the physical trials are only half the equation.

The will to survive, the other half,  is a truly powerful thing, particularly in someone who has already demonstrated extraordinary athleticism and fortitude in the past. The question is: What are its limits? And the answer is that almost all of us walking and breathing have never been pushed anywhere near far enough to know.

I do know this, though. My friend Phyllis Reffo, an extraordinary athlete who at age 50 swam on the Pepperdine swim team and does 3-4 mile swims in the Pacific, heard the tale and called it “impossible to believe.”

The acolytes seem to think that because Mr. Konrad spoke in a press conference about his ordeal that there are no questions left to ask. Or that by asking questions, that I am suggesting an ulterior and sinister version. Not true. If it’s as simple as Rob Konrad’s will to live superseded what most humans would be able to endure, bully for him. And I hope next time he wears a life-jacket when he is out fishing alone.

Remote Patrol

Again, nothing really worth watching tonight. Do what I’m doing and bingewatch from start to series finale the emotional thrill ride that was The Courtship of Eddie’s Father….

Starting Five

“Oh, you’d like a photograph to serve as a metaphor? Okay, how about this one?”

1. Urban Renewal

“He was born in the summer of his 47th year/Coming home to a place he’d never been before”.…Ohio native Urban Meyer completes his magical quest, leading Ohio State to a national championship behind a freight train –quarterback Cardale Jones--disguised as a third-string quarterback.

Sophomore running back Ezekiel Elliott rushes for a championship game-record 246 yards. Meyer has now, like Nick Saban, won a trio of national championships in the past 10 years and has won championships at two different schools. Cue the Urban > St. Nick columns.

The game’s signature play, right chee-ah.

Also, Mean Tweets, a segment that never fails to deliver, gives us its College Football Edition (not appearing: Tom Rinaldi).

p.s. The photo editing staff of MH happened to pick the above shot only to see later that SI is using the same pic for its cover. Great mimes…

2. Boyyyyyyeee-hood

Don’t laugh: This film got a 96% rating on Rotten Tomatoes (only 2% below Boyhood)

I didn’t dislike Boyhood. I just don’t think it was close to being the most compelling film of the year.

What’s amusing to me is that it’s almost like that science fair project that no one quite understands but that all the parents agree probably required the most effort. Last year, 12 Years a Slave won the Oscar for Best Picture. This year it might be “12 Years a Slave to Richard Linklater’s Process.”

But now it’s the favorite heading into the Oscars because the Hollywood Foreign Press (a bunch of dudes and dudettes named Kirpi, Yoko and Paz) named it Best Motion Picture, Drama. Kudos to them for having far more pull as a brand than their individual members could ever hope to have.

Oh, and I also thought that if you were going to give a Best Actor statuette to anyone in that film, Ethan Hawke deserved it. Ethan, you’re going to need to get uglier before you get the great bauble (ask Tom Cruise).

3. An Alcoholic Beverage Worse than Bud Light? Yes!

Yet another reason the Budweiser lizards were such a horrible idea…

In Mozambique 71 people die after drinking a home brew known as Phombe. Everyone who died was involved in a funeral (hello, Irony) or involved in making the brew. Originally, “crocodile bile” was blamed as being the toxic ingredient but some experts are labeling that claim –do forgive me–a croc of shit.

Anyway, you have to hand it to Africa: no continent has uncovered as many creative ways for scores of people to perish on a weekly basis (Boko Haram, Ebola and now Craft Beer).

4. Charlie’s Angels

Is it just me, or is there a little subliminal message being sent by the shape of this character’s headgear?

Because I was curious, and because I haven’t seen anyone in the media explain the etymology of the name (maybe you should stop watching Gilmore Girls reruns all day, JW) (Hey, don’t judge), here it is: “Charlie” is both after a monthly of the same title, which itself was inspired by Charlie Brown, as well as an inside joke related to former French president Charles de Gaulle. “Hebdo” is short for “Hebdomadaire,” which means “weekly.”

Anyway…the murders of 10 staffers did not prevent the remaining members of CH from not only printing this week’s issue but upping the run from its ordinary total of 60,000 to about 3 million (a true cynic would find a way to note that this is one way for print to save itself).

Meanwhile, reports that some Parisian Muslims are blaming Jews for orchestrating the attacks in order to make Muslims look bad and a religion in denial says what?

5. Kevin Hate

Ohhhh, ohhh, ohhh, why can’t this be Love?

Yes, Kevin Garnett appears to call Dwight Howard a “bitch ass nigga” last night at the Barclay’s Center as the Rockets rolled over the Nets (nice work here, Jason McIntyre). Garnett is the NBA’s leader (all-time leader?) in “It’s business, it’s not personal” boorish behavior. You’re up, Adam Silver.

Remote Patrol

It may be time to sit down and read a book. Or exercise. Or go on a date. Or better yet, sleep. Really, you still want to watch television? Well, I will not endorse such an activity tonight.

Starting Five

Impressive and inspiring. On the other hand, the French didn’t care who won yesterday’s games in Green Bay and Denver.

1. Sunday Masses

More than one million people gathered for a unity rally in Paris yesterday. Meanwhile, last week Boko Haram reportedly massacred 2,000 people in one town in northern Nigeria, but that was in Africa, sooooooo…

“Oui Shall Overcome.” Parisians prove it is possible for a million or so to gather in the streets peacefully even if Taylor Swift is not performing.

Still, it was heartening to see 40 world leaders (but no one from the USA) link hands and join an estimated 1.6 million people in Paris for the rally. Overall, an estimated 3.7 million people took part in rallies across France yesterday.

One warning note: I hate to be the buzzkill here, but if I’m Al Qaeda or ISIS or whoever, and I see that an act of terror can draw that many people –including so many important figures–together in one place, well, I’ve got my next two-fer planned. A follow-up attack with a sucide bomber at this rally would have claimed far more lives.

2. “Overthromaha!”

“I am not/Having too much fun” (Nationwide jingle)

A pair of teams that went a combined 16-0 at home this season, Green Bay and Denver, hosted playoff games on Sunday. The Broncos lost and the Packers survived.

Denver, except for an astoundingly gritty 4th-down run by C.J. Anderson in the third quarter, looked anemic. Peyton Manning overthrew too many receivers and then when he didn’t, on short bubble screens, they dropped his passes. Andrew Luck was seldom pressured. Jim Irsay looks like a genius now. An alcohol-fueld and drug-addled genius, but a genius.

“This might be, my finaaalll game.” (Peyton, “Nationwide” voice).

I mean, it would be poetic if Peyton allows a loss to Andrew Luck and the Colts to be his final game,  no?

Incomplete though it may have been, Dez Bryant’s effort and athleticism on this fourth down pass was phenomenal.

Meanwhile at Lambeau, it was also Dallas’ first road loss of the season. The Cowboys looked to be in position to take the lead late with Dez Bryant’s balletic catch on fourth down that brought America’s Team to the Packer 1, but it was overturned on review. The Calvin Johnson rule.

I get the rule and I get why Bryant and Dallas are upset, but here’s what I wish were different: Okay, Bryant failed to “complete the process,” but the ball popped out of his grasp and then back into his grasp before it ever touched the ground again. If you consider it as the ground causing the fumble, well, he recovered before the ball struck the ground again.

Because I’m old, my mind immediately returned to Super Bowl XII and former Cowboy Butch Johnson’s touchdown catch. Did Butch “complete the process?”

3. Wifetime Achievement Award

George and Amal

Best speeches at the Golden Globes: George Clooney, Michael Keaton and Kevin Spacey. Funniest intros: Ricky Gervais, noting how he will not insult those in attendance because America doesn’t want to hear it (“Ordinary people at home don’t want to hear how you’re better than ordinary people; you know it, they know it…”) ; and Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig reciting “famous” movie lines (“Not today”).

The only thing missing from the Hader-Wiig riff were cameras panning to a pissed off Tommy Lee Jones not enjoying himself one bit. They should have just panned to Frances McDormand or Matthew McConaughey, neither of whom seemed to be enjoying the evening a-tall.

No mention of Clooney’s “Facts of Life” work last night…

The big winners last night were homosexuality and cleavage, and I know you’re asking, “So how was this different from any other awards show?”

J-Lo definitely showed nip, which inspired Jeremy Renner’s nip quip: “You sure have golden globes.”

And here’s Tina Fey and Amy (Check out my new Golden Globes) Pohler on Bill Cosby…

Best Motion Picture Drama was Boyhood. I like that Jack Black noted it was filmed IN 12 weeks over 12 years, “so let’s pump the brakes on that a little.”

4. Mangia

Not on Bourdain’s List: this unlisted burger joint hidden inside a luxe Midtown Manhattan hotel.

This is old, but I’d never seen it before. Yesterday I overhead a dude mentioning it as he stood outside a bar smoking, and I was intrigued. So here it is, “Anthony Bourdain’s 13 Places to Eat Before You Die.” 

Spoiler Alert: Olive Garden did not make the list.

For you out-of-towners: For a memorable cheap eats experience, I recommend Burger Joint in midtown Manhattan. You’ll have to search a little to find it, but these days that just means plugging the name into Google.

5. 1,000 on Hold

Jahlil Okafor of the One-and-Done Devils…

No. 2 Duke lost its first game of the season yesterday at nearby North Carolina State –your AAU team may have traveled farther for its game–but don’t weep for Coach K, who remains “stuck” on 997 career wins.

Had the Blue Devils won, Krzyzewski would have been on pace to win his 1,000th on the road, at Louisville (no easy task). Instead, if Duke can get past the No. 5 Cardinals, then he’ll be slated to win No. 1,000 at Cameron Indoor, which would be more fitting, against Pitt on Jan. 19. If Duke loses another before then, it’ll most likely come AT St. John’s at MSG.

Also losing yesterday: No. 7 Arizona at Oregon and No. 4 Wisconsin at Rutgers. Bad day for the ranked against the file.

Remote Patrol

Ohio State vs. Oregon (Kind of a Big Deal)

ESPN 8:30 p.m.

Cardale Jones

The scholarly, soft-spoken Heisman Trophy winner versus the guy who said, “We’re here to play football, we’re not here to ‘play school.'” Joey Bosa’s shrug. O Faces aplenty. I’ll take Urban Meyer for the win, not just to cover the shrinking spread…