STARTING FIVE

Wright overcame the Fire Swamp, an evil daddy and Sean Penn to win a Golden Globe.

1. All Wright, All Wright, All Wright!

Princess Buttercup, Wooderson, Jordan Catalano and Dr. Timothy Watley were among the winners.

Best line occurred during the Tina Fey and Amy Poehler monologue: “Gravity is the story of how George Clooney would rather float away in space and die than spend another minute with a woman his own age.”

That dude from Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros won. So did the dude who directed that Weezer video. And so did this guy. However, this song should’ve beaten him/them.

Jacqueline Bissett is still talking. Or pausing. Or both.

Aaron Paul gave us one final, “Yeah, bitch!”

Tina Fey’s intro for Leo DiCaprio sent the NBC sensor into a tizzy, apparently.

Jim Carrey got about 45 seconds, made a joke at the expense of Shia LeBoeuf (and who can ever be against that?) and flashed that trademark mischievous grin. His flicks are uneven, but I miss seeing Jim Carrey. One of the funniest ad-lib humans alive.

E!, during its red carpet show, used a “Fun Fact” graphic noting that Michael J. Fox was diagnosed with Parkinson’s in 1991.

Robbie: Loves to do cross fit in Buenos Aires.

Also during the E! telecast, host Ryan Seacrest tells the lovely Margot Robbie that it’s nice to meet her, but she reminds him that they met “in a gym in Argentina.” How do you forget meeting Margot Robbie?

2. Tony Montana, Meet Tony Bosch

It was Tony Montana who once said, “I always tell the truth. Even when I lie.”

Illicit drugs. Death threats. Miami. Associates in Colombia. It was all there in the “60 Minutes” piece last night as Tony Bosch, the founder of Biogenesis, provided a detailed account of how he provided PEDs for his client, Alex Rodriguez.

A day earlier an arbitrator had ruled that A-Rod will serve a 162-game suspension, as Bud Selig laughed maniacally and said, “Say hello to my little friend.”

I’m still not sure how Michelle Pfeiffer figures in all of this.

So, last January Lance Armstrong ‘fessed up to Oprah. This January A-Rod does not ‘fess up — in fact, he’ll probably blow another year’s salary in legal fees fighting this decision –but he must disappear from Major League Baseball for a year. So maybe he’ll play for the Astros.

3. NFL Final Four

Harbaugh, Carroll or Belichick: Who is the NFL’s premier coach?

San Francisco at Seattle.

New England at Denver.

These are the match-ups everybody wanted to see. These are the NFL’s four elite teams.

Denver trailed New England 24-0 at halftime of a Sunday night contest on November 24 and recovered to win. San Francisco and Seattle split their divisional home-and-homes, with the Seahawks putting a collar on the Niners, 29-3, when they met at CenturyLink Field. Of course, that was mid-September.

The AFC championship is the story of two of the greatest quarterbacks of all time: Peyton Manning will win his record fifth NFL MVP award this season. He and Tom Brady have the two most prolific single-season TD pass records in league history (55 and 50 TD passes, respectively).

Their NFC counterparts, Colin Kaepernick and Russell Wilson, are on the cusp of brilliant careers. Honestly, how would you rank these quarterbacks 1-4 for next week? For the sake of argument, at this point in their careers, I think I’d go Manning, Wilson, Kaepernick and Brady. You?

The NFC game, though, will also focus on coaches Pete Carroll and Jim Harbaugh, whose mutual enmity pre-dates the “What’s Your Deal?” game by two seasons, when Harbaugh took a poor Cardinal team into the L.A. Coliseum and shocked a USC team that was 41-point favorites. That Stanford team was so bad that it would end the season with a home loss to the worst Notre Dame team (3-9) in almost 50 years, but it still defeated top-ranked Southern Cal.

Two years later Harbaugh would hand USC its worst loss ever, 55-21, again at the Coliseum. The following season Carroll was up in Seattle. You can say that Jim Harbaugh, if he did not exactly chase Carroll out of L.A. (the NCAA did that), at lease ended USC’s hegemony in the Pac-12.

4. Hire Lane Kiffin

Nick Saban has a terrific sense of humor, hiring The Man Who Nobody Likes, Lane Kiffin, to become his offensive coordinator at Alabama. Is this Nick’s way of coming off as the good cop? Now there’s talk that Coach O may be headed to Tuscaloosa as well, and someone on Twitter suggested that Saban should go all in and hire Mack Brown. Do I hear Rick “Punting is Winning” Neuheisel as special teams coach?

Of course, some in the media want to convince us that this is a good hire because Kiffin’s resume is so strong. Is it? Yes, he has held some terrific jobs: head coach for the Oakland Raiders, Tennessee Volunteers and USC Trojans, and he still is under 40. Do you hear many ex-players of his praising him, even a fraction of the amount that Orgeron was praised in November and December?

Was he such a winner? His record at those three stops is 40-36. And as for being USC’s offensive coordinator, he only had three Heisman Trophy winners to work with from 2002-2006. You could argue that he turned them into that. I’d argue that there was a ton of talent on those offenses.

Kiffin may have a strong hire, but getting hired isn’t an achievement. Especially when your father carved out a niche for the family name. No, succeeding at the job is what matters. It’s like what Seinfeld used to say about rental car reservations.

Speaking of which…

5. Jerry Seinfeld Has a Pit Crew?

Seinfeld adores Superman, but like Batman he drives a vehicle (and has a pit crew)

Watch this episode of “Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee” in which Jerry’s DeLorean breaks down soon after he picks up Patton Oswalt. That’s going to hurt DeLorean sales. Wait, what?

Oswalt: “Is a talk show panel story better than a bit?”

Seinfeld: “Nooo. Nothing is better than a bit.”

Reserves

Quite the transformation.

More McConaughey. His HBO series with Woody Harrelson, “True Detective”, made its debut last night.  Here are two A-List Hollywood actors doing TV (so they now sit at the back at the Golden Globes?) about a 17-year hunt for a serial killer. This one has plenty of promise.

By the way, I pretty much agree with what McConaughey’s character, Rust Cohle, says about us as a species and self-awareness and extinction in his first big monologue. Does that make me bad?

****

“The armor? It’s a hand-me-down.”

The Season 4 trailer for HBO’s “Game of Thrones“, which is just 83 days away. Kingslayer got a haircut. And, “If you want justice, you’ve come to the wrong place.” You tell ’em, Tyrian.

****

Notre Dame photographer Matt Cashore posts his favorite shots from 2013.

****

Oregon’s De’Anthony Thomas may have worn a Rolex during pre-game warmups at the Alamo Bowl. That’s swag.

The most interesting stock of 2014? Intercept Pharmaceuticals.

Last Wednesday Intercept (ICPT) closed at $72.39,

Overnight came news that there had been successful testing with one of their drugs for chronic liver disease.

On Thursday ICPT opened at $231 per  share and closed at $247.

On Friday it opened at $373 and reached $484 (almost a 700% jump in two days) before landing at $445. It was like holding a lottery ticket.

And today it has plummeted $77 on news that the same drug that brought this bounty may be linked to higher “bad cholesterol” levels.

That’s quite a wild ride.

The Bank

Balance: $964

Last: Took the Heat in Brooklyn minus-5, thinking “There’s no way Miami loses to a pair of bum teams on consecutive nights before a four-day break.” Well, I was wrong.

Record: 4-4

Tonight: Since the Rudy Gay trade, the Raptors have won their four home games by 15, 13, 21 and 16. Toronto is a 12.5 favorite versus the NBA’s worst team, Milwaukee. I know I should probably take the Bucks because of all that, but I’ll play the percentages. Toronto, $40.

Remote Patrol

No. 1 UConn (17-0) at No. 7 Baylor (14-1)

ESPN2 7 p.m.

Buy this book. Feed a sportswriter.

The Bears own the nation’s longest home win streak, 69 games. The Huskies own the longest home win streak in women’s hoops history, 99 games. No one has come closer than 22 points against the Fighting Auriemmas since Thanksgiving, and as much as I like Kim Mulkey, I don’t see the Bears coming within 10 of the Huskies tonight. But who knows?

STARTING FIVE

Niklas has a promising future both in the NFL and on “The Bachelor.”

1. Troy Story

Notre Dame tight end Troy Niklas, a six-foot-seven stud who in just one season as a starter showed the promise of joining the Fasano-Carlson-Rudolph-Eifert class of Irish tight ends, declares for the 2014 NFL Draft, as first reportedgog by the Chicago Tribune’s SINow’s Brain Brian Hamilton.

A mistake? As usual, that depends on your priorities.

Niklas had 32 catches and five touchdowns in 2013. If he sticks around for next season, he’s a potential first-team All-American and Mackey Award winner. And if his helmet comes off after a catch and someone snaps a photo, suddenly it’s “Cam Who?”

NBC sideline reporter Alex Flanagan told The Grotto in autumn that Niklas reminds her of her husband, Kevin, when they were in college. The idea of Alex Flanagan humblebragging about her spouse…

Hercules flashing the universal “Hey, Tommy, I’m open” sign.

Anyway, Niklas was known to his teammates as Hercules, and I’ll note here that the film “The Legend of Hercules” opens today. And that’s largely what he’ll remain to Domers. Meanwhile, Davaris Daniels, the team’s second-leading receiver in 2013, has been suspended for the spring semester due to an academic issue.

It was Woody Allen who said that “80% of success is just showing up.” Brian Kelly would agree.

2. How Do You Get to Carnegie Hall? Whip Your Hair

He’s been to Hollywood. He’s been to Redwood. He’s crossed the ocean for a heart of gold.

One of the true legends of rock and roll, Neil Young, does four nights at one of the legendary venues of all performing this week. The last show is tonight. Check out this setlist. One night of Neil Young >>> three days of Coachella 2014.

3. Shoelace Joe Jackson

Chin up, J.R. Those seats cost $3,600 and you got yours for free.

Happy Knick Year continues as NYK take down the Miami Heat, 102-92, for their fourth win in five games. More noteworthy, with a roster that is short-handed, coach Mike Woodson chooses to give J.R. Smith a “DNP-CD” to send a message about his shoelace-pulling stunts. And the ‘bockers respond with their best win of the season as Carmelo goes for 29,

Paying David Stern/Adam Silver $50K is one thing. Being embarrassed publicly for all to see, and knowing that you and everyone watching knows that you deserve it, that’s far more effective. Ballsy move by Woodson, and maybe it works. This is beginning to get interesting.

4. Related?

Petrino, 52.

Check out prodigal Louisville football coach Bobby Petrino, whom the Cardinals rehired yesterday, and second-year Kentucky football coach Mark Stoops. They know a lot about bloodlines in the Commonwealth, so you wonder if these two are related a few generations back.

Stoops, 46.

Is this going to be confusing for recruits and their parents in the Bluegrass State, or will they just remember that Petrino is the arrogant blowhard and Stoops is not?

5. Highly Questionable Decision

Krysten Ritter shares a birthday with the subject of this item. And she’s prettier.

It’s right there in the title of his own show.

Dan LeBatard.

Should ESPN put DL on the DL for a week?

Hey, if you want to be an anarchist, fine, go ahead. But when you choose to suck at the teat of the largest establishment in all of sports and then you decide to punk another establishment, all you are is a hypocrite.

I don’t know Dan LeBatard. I do remember him writing a piece in GQ or Esquire in the ’90s in which he bragged about what a ladies’ man he was (I thought he’d be better-looking when I finally saw a photo). And I do remember when he tried to race-bait Jay Bilas on his radio show a few years back, and Bilas started to retort, “With all due respect–”

LeBatard interrupted Bilas and told him that that clause was devoid of meaning. And so Bilas quickly replied, “Okay, then with no due respect..” and proceeded to light into him.

In short, I’ve never understood the appeal of Dan LeBatard. I’ve never understood how people could not see that Dan LeBatard is the world’s greatest Dan LeBatard fan and that not much else matters to him.

Okay, perhaps his father matters to him. But I hear he’s giving him to Yardbarker.

Reserves

Spear

Miss Venezuela 2004, Monica Spear, 29, and her ex-husband, Thomas Henry Berry, 39, are murdered when they are abducted from their car. Their five year-old daughter survived.

Nearly 25,000 Venezuelans are murdered every year in a nation of 30 million. In the USA, by comparison, approximately 14,000 are murdered annually in a country whose population is more than ten times that of Venezuela’s

This morning police claim to have nabbed the perpetrators and imply that it may have been a contract killing.

*******

Unlike Ron Burgundy, this San Diego native really is “kind of a big deal.”

UCLA. An undefeated team. Bill Walton in the house. And a late 12-point (make that 13-point) run. It was a fitting way to promote the January 19th 40th anniversary of Notre Dame ending UCLA’s record-88 game win streak last night, although this time Goliath win. No. 1 Arizona (16-0) squandered a 68-55 lead late but held on to defeat the Bruins, 79-75, with Walton serving as ESPN’s analyst.

Big Red was his typical erudite and cranky self, preaching fundamentals, joking that Digger Phelps is “the devil” (he is), opining that San Diego State’s win at Allen Fieldhouse last week was the “greatest day in the history of basketball in San Diego, the nation’s eighth-largest city”, which was funny both because Walton is a native San Diegan and because he was discounting his time as a San Diego Clipper.

Anyway, I love Big Red. I love that he wears polo shirts to call games as if to say, “When you shoot 21 of 22 in an NCAA title game and are a part of a program that wins 88 in a row, come talk to me about dress code.” I love that he relates stories about Coach Wooden. I want he and Dan Dakich to partner up with Dave Pasch for telecasts and pull a Statler and Waldorf act.

****

Yours truly in Newsweek on how the Hall should become MORE exclusive.

****

My favorite sports writer of late, Jason Gay, advocates an All Apologies Channel.

The Bank

Balance: $1,008

Last Night: Took the Bruins plus-2 against Arizona for $20. Bruins lost by four.

Record: 4-3

Tonight: Let’s put $40 on Miami minus-5 at the Kevin GarNets. The Heat aren’t going to drop two games along the A subway line in as many nights, are they? And Dwyane Wade isn’t going to shoot 0-for-6 from the free throw line again.

Remote Patrol

Saturday

AFC Playoffs

Colts at Patriots 

CBS 8:15 p.m.

I bet Borat would return our man Tom’s high five.

Both AFC playoff games are intriguing, but here come the Colts, slayers of Denver, Seattle, San Francisco and Kansas City (twice), to face a New England team (12-4) that has been overshadowed all season but who are just three plays away from being 15-1. Indy recovered from a 28-point second-half deficit last week, but don’t forget that New England came back from a 24-0 halftime deficit versus Denver and a 26-14 deficit in the final two minutes against Cleveland. This one has the Yogi Berra seal of approval. Brady. Luck. This is huge.

STARTING FIVE

1. Overkill Bill Will

Maybe Carl Monday made appearing on camera look easier than it is.

Are Fox –and USA Today –attempting to re-create the multi-platform magic of Bill Simmons with Will Leitch? This week the founder of Deadspin has been a regular on Fox Sports 1, while USA Today has been indulging his passion for both pop culture and social media with “The Will Leitch Experience”, which is almost but not entirely different than the Jimi Hendrix Experience.

Right now, at least for me, Leitch remains too nervous and hyper-kinetic on camera. That’s who he is, fine. On camera, though, it unsettles everyone and also makes you appear a little shifty. He’s jovial and engaged, and that’s good, but watch how relaxed Charissa Thompson is when she asks a question. She’s Betty Draper’s younger sister who attended Colgate on a volleyball scholarship and now smokes Winstons with her friends at Dorian’s.

2. Johnny Bye Bye

Neither of these women are named Seymour. I’m just sayin’…

Johnny Manziel announces that he is entering the NFL draft, and bully for him. He’s been out of high school for three seasons and spent two of them entertaining us college football fans with a level of mastery and sheer fun that few players ever achieve –Reggie Bush, Herschel Walker, Bo Jackson, Earl Campbell, Doug Flutie and Roger Staubach come to mind.

Meanwhile in South Bend, tailback George Atkinson III, who began the season as Notre Dame’s No. 1 running back but ended it where his suffix is, announces that he will also enter the NFL draft.

I think most adults would say that the happiest days of their lives were their school days. So those who leave college early are missing something that is very important in terms of their total life. I understand the attraction of the big money, but they are missing something vitally important.

Feel free to disagree with me, but I did not actually write that previous paragraph. John Wooden did. I agree with it; but those are his words.

3. Outkast Won’t Be Outclassed

Hey Ya. Andre 3000 and Big Boi return to the stage together after a six-year hiatus.

The announcement of the lineup for Coachella 2014 was made last night and tickets go on sale this weekend. The folks at the annual southern California April music festival must be advocates of the AT&T “More is Better” campaign.

The festival takes place over two three-day weekends, with the second weekend replicating the first. Headliners are Outkast (Friday), Muse (Saturday) and Arcade Fire (Sunday), while hot current acts such as Haim, Cage the Elephant and Lana del Rey will perform.

For old farts such as myself, there’s (similarly) past-their-prime acts The Replacements, The Cult, Bryan Ferry, Pet Shop Boys, Queens of the Stone Age and Beck.

Oh, and Foster the People will perform and let’s see if they troll all 90,000 fans by refusing to play “Pumped Up Kicks.”

Thought: Now that pot is legal in Colorado, how long until the Rocky Mountain State embarks on hosting a similarly ambitious mega-music weekend? And I don’t mean the Telluride Bluegrass Festival.

4. Let’s Hug It Out One More Time

Is Vince married? Is Johnny Bananas? Are E. and Turtle still short?

Vince, Johnny, E., Turtle, Ari and LLOYYYYDD!!!!! are back and will begin filming the Entourage movie within a week or so. So tell Sloan I say what up.

Me, I’m just happy to see Mark Wahlberg involved in a project again. I was worried about him.

5. Sleazy Rider

Those crazy kids, Josh and Jessica, did eventually wed. Morgan now works for the Ol’ Ball Coach (as opposed to the Ol’ Ballin’ Coach).

You see Pitino/I say Petrino/You say Louisville/I say Loserville,

Pitino/Petrino/Coitus/Exploit us,

Let’s call the whole thing awful…

Louisville hires former Louisville football coach Bobby Petrino to replace Charlie Strong. You have to wonder how long ago the (motorcycle) wheels for this union were set in motion. Athletic director Tom Jurich had to have a pretty good idea that Strong was a hot coach moving up the ladder and this was, after all, most likely to be quarterback Teddy Bridgewater’s final season. So Petrino takes a job relatively close by at Western Kentucky –this is a man who not too long ago coached the Atlanta Falcons — and reconnects with some old power brokers.

SI’s Stewart Mandel is not a fan of the hire. Most ethical people are not.

The Bank

Balance: $1,030

Last Night: Took the Blazers minus 12.5 at home versus Orlando for $60. Portland trailed by nine (my bad) four entering the fourth quarter, but a 39-19 final frame put them in the winner’s circle.

Record: 4-2

Tonight: Friedman’s First Law (authored by SI Senior Editor Dick Friedman) is that there’s no such thing as a home upset in college hoops. No. 1 and undefeated Arizona visits UCLA, first-year coach Steve Alford and Pauley Pavilion tonight. The Bruins are 2-point dogs. We’ll take them for $20.

Remote Patrol

No. 1 Arizona at UCLA

ESPN 9 p.m.

Alford and Son. So who’s Grady?

You know who scored 20 points for the Bruins their last time out? Bryce Alford, the coach’s son, who is a freshman. So now we both feel old. Arizona is worthy of its top ranking, and they were manly in their win at Michigan, but it’s a Thursday night with national television in Westwood. I pray that Bill Walton is the analyst.

STARTING FIVE

Ron Baker, the Shockers’ second-leading scorer, started out as a walk-on.

1. “I’m Going To Wichita…”

The White Stripes’ “Seven Nation Army” has become the unofficial anthem of college sports the past decade, but only one school is able to claim that its very name is mentioned in the title: Wichita State. The Shockers are one of only five remaining unbeatens in college hoops after defeating Northern Iowa 67-53 on Monday night and also after Ohio State fell in overtime in East Lansing, 72-68.

Wichita State is only a capital “S” Shocker. It advanced to the Final Four a year ago, where it lost to eventual national champion Louisville by a very respectable 72-68 score. A No. 1 seed is in the offing for them. Only two schools, St. Louis and Alabama, have come within five points of them this season and there have been, nor will there likely be, any ranked opponents on the schedule.

Jack & Meg.

Six-foot-eight senior forward Cleanthony Early leads the teams in points per game and boards, but his stats are modest (16.6 ppg and 6. 5 rpg) and all five starters average at least eight points and three boards per contest.

The Shockers, like fellow farm-belt schools Wisconsin and Iowa State, are undefeated. Unlike those two, they most likely will remain so.

“I’m gonna work the straw/Make the sweat drip out of every pore…”

2. Score Loser

It was a boring T-shirt. Now it isn’t.

An honest mistake by the Florida State T-shirtery, or a genius guerilla marketing campaign? You tell me. This shirt is far more appealing than the correct one would have been. Collector’s item.

Either way, I’d prefer a silhouette of Red Lightning racing down the sideline and no words on the front of my T-shirt.

3. A Different Kind of High

I just figured out a great way to pay for our weed, bro.

How long did it take legalized marijuana to make an impact on the stock market? Less than a week. Yesterday shares of Medbox (MDBX), which basically has cornered the market on medication vending machines, rose 85%, from $39.95 per share to $73.90 (to answer your question, “No.”).

The company received a hit from being featured on CNBC’s “Closing Bell” on Monday afternoon, though I was disappointed that the report was not filed by Herb Greenberg.

If I may be blunt, pot stocks are a cool buzz. Still waiting for a company to feature a ticker symbol of WEED or BONG, though.

4. See More Seymour

Jane Seymour is after Helen Mirren’s thunder. The latter showed off her swimsuit bod in “Hitchcock” last year.

Yesterday I featured 45 year-old Stephanie Seymour in a red bikini in a photo that she clearly did not pose for. Only later did I notice that sexy sexagenarian Jane Seymour, whom you may recall as the randy senator’s wife from “Wedding Crashers”, posing in a bikini on the cover of Loser Weekly. Oh, what’s that? Ohhhh.

No word yet on whether Seymour has erected a bikini bridge on her topography.

5. Tat’s Entertainment

Sporting perhaps more body art on his epidermis than even Colin Kaepernick, Cousins is having an All-Star season.

Last night the Sacramento Kings (11-22) defeated the Portland Trail Blazers (including a wild fourth quarter in which the Blazers outscored Sac-Town 46-43) 123-119, denying Portland (26-9) the chance of climbing into a three-way tie for top spot in the West.

It’s time to take notice of King center DeMarcus Cousins, who ‘sploded for 35 points and 13 boards against the Blazers. The former Kentucky star, a head case his first three seasons, has upped his points per game average to 23.5, a 33% increase over his previous career high. In fact, only one player in the NBA has a better double-double average than Cousins’ 23.5 ppg/11.5 rpg: Kevin “How Deep is Your” Love of of Minnesota, who is averaging 26.4 ppg and 13.3 rpg and who is no worse than the second-best Kevin in the NBA.

Anyway, Love has gotten plenty of attention and, well, love, from us media types. Cousins’ focus this season merits attention for the former fifth overall pick of the 2010 NBA draft, at last.

Also, if Ohio State frosh Marc Loving turns pro after this season, we could have an NBA with Love and Loving, which is cool. I also like that his name has MarC LOVINg right there.

Reserves

Chris Kluwe appears on Fox Sports with Charissa Thompson and Will Leitch. You know what? Charissa Thompson is very good. She has a high ceiling. Smart move on Fox Sports’ part to feature her. Will Leitch, as talented as he is in print, needs plenty of work on TV. Two words: Calm. Down. (Fewer words. Economize. That may be who you are, but it doesn’t work on TV.)

*****

At his peak, Redford possessed Brad Pitt’s looks and George Clooney’s charm. And…chest hair!

Caught “The Way We Were” last night on TMC. Had never seen it. Examining Robert Redford’s career from 1973-1976, he was so hot that I am convinced he was on the juice: “The Way We Were”, “The Sting”, “The Great Gatsby”, “Three Days of the Condor” (highly underrated; terrific premise) and “All The President’s Men.” That’s a full career for almost anyone else, and a damn good one. And that doesn’t even include perhaps his most beloved role in “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid” (1969).

I still don’t get “The Electric Horseman” (1978), but he did get to ride a horse and Jane Fonda, so maybe that had something to do with it.

I’ll understand if the Academy gives him the Oscar for “Life of Pi, No Tiger” this year, but it’ll be about the seventh-most memorable film in which he’s appeared. If that. It would be nice if Hollywood stopped waiting until actors got their AARP cards to hand out “Please forgive us” statuettes.

The Bank

Balance: $970
Last Night: Took the Knicks for $20 minus-3 versus Detroit. Knicks 89, Pistons 85

Tonight: Blazers minus-12.5 vs. Orlando. For $60. Portland has lost two straight by a total of six points to a pair of sub-.500 teams. Expect Terry Stotts to have their full attention at home tonight at the Rose Garden versus an improving but sub-.500 Magic club. Huge spread, but Portland won last week by 30.

Remote Patrol

Saturday Night Fever

Ovation 8 p.m.

John Travolta: the Brooklyn hipster of the Seventies.

After Monday’s national championship game and last night’s Ohio State-Michigan State hoops tussle (in which Spartan fans chanted afterward “Just like football”), cleanse your palate with one of the signature films of the 1970s. It’s hard to fathom, in a Spotify/Sirius/Pandora world, just how much this soundtrack ruled radio in 1977. You could have never had a disco backlash unless this film had come along and enveloped pop culture.

STARTING FIVE

Another fateful play with Chris Davis in his own end zone, but this one ends quite differently.

1. Lone Survivor

Well, lookee here… when all the dust settled, there was just one unbeaten team and the championship game pitted two outstanding squads who went to the brink against one another. These men are such sage balladeers….

Auburn was valiant, racing out to a 21-3 lead, but credit the Seminoles for becoming the first team in the BCS NCG era to overcome a halftime deficit and win. Huge plays? The fake punt late in the first half on fourth-and-four that prevented the Tigers from entering halftime with a 21-3 lead; the holding penalty on Auburn on third down on their first drive of the second half when a pass completion took the Tigers near the red zone; the interceprtion of Nick Marshall; and, of course, the quick hitch route on the Seminoles’ game-winning drive in which two Tigers whiffed on FSU receiver Rashad Greene, who then raced for 49 yards before being horse-collared (not called) out of bounds.

–Kudos to Jameis Winston, but Auburn’s Tre Mason (195 yards rushing) deserved the offensive game MVP award.

–Florida State defensive end Timmy Jerningan is tremendous, but how are you too gassed to play in the final two defensive series of your team’s national championship game?

—Kelvin Benjamin did not have a terrific game, but he did catch the game-winning pass over Auburn’s Chris Davis (the six inch height advantage helped). I fell in love with Benjamin’s game in October when, versus N.C. State I believe, he crushed an outside linebacker with a crack back block on a pitch around right end and just started strutting back to the Seminole sideline. Didn’t even turn to see if his teammate had scored. He knew.

–Chris Davis: The ecstasy and the agony.

— Dee Dee McCarron, who tweeted “Am I listening to English?” during Jameis Winston’s evangelical post-game interview, has become the Crazy Wife of Kurt Warner of college football, even though she’s a mom. My Twitter feed was buzzing with no shortage of simlilarly, um, hostile takes on Winston’s rhetoric and persona in general. As one wiser Twitter pundit noted, Winston is both charismatic and polarizing. Like a young Ray Lewis.

2. The Megacast

This needs to be the next “Film Room” grouping.

Great idea by ESPN, and mostly well-executed. The “Film Room” on ESPN News was fantastic, and I expect we’ll be seeing more of that. Rotate the personalities, though. Tell Millen to move over some so the other dudes can see the screen. And would it kill ESPN to put a plate of nachos, wings, or maple bacon slabs on the table? Perhaps a frost-filtered bucket of Coors Lite? Product placement, plus you let the men be men.

The ESPN Party Room did nothing for me, but then I’m not much of a Michael Smith/Jemele Hill fan. Did you listen at halftime when Smith asked Tim Tebow an innocuous question about the first half and Tim went all Smart Football on him? Hilarious.

3. Polar Vortex

Stephanie Seymour, 45, photographed in St. Bart’s over the weekend. In case you were wondering if this was a scene from the season premier of Downton Abbey.

As loyal MH reader Greg Auman asserts, this is one of the more popular Gatorade flavors. Yes, it’s cold outside.

By the way, how do you get a job as a paparazzi (paparazzus?) in St. Bart’s during January? Hell, I’d take photos of Artie Lange frolicking in the surf if it got me out of the arctic northeast for one week.

4. Happy Knick Year?

All the Knicks needed as the Mr. Rourke mandate: “Smiles. Smiles, everyone.”

The Knicks are suddenly dangerous now that the calendar has flipped to 2014. They went 2-1 in Texas and came within a last-second shot at Houston of pulling off the three-game sweep. Iman Shumpert is actually smiling. They’re 11-22 right now and while Yasiel Puig isn’t walking through that door, it says here that, barring an injury to Carmelo, they’ll finish .500 and make the playoffs (true, at this point .500 would win their division).

5. “Shark Chokes on Moose….Canadians Rescue Shark”

Get back, Lo-retta!

This and other intriguing tales (and fins) from the Year in Review from Outside magazine. Always an interesting read.

Reserves

Sochi can’t ski. She can at least be a commentator, no?

Vonn Is Gone

Lindsey Vonn, the most recognizable–and bankable– American athlete of the Sochi Games, has officially withdrawn in order to have knee surgery. It’s a huge blow to NBC and the sizzle of the 2014 Winter Olympics. We’ll find new stars, of course. We always do. But this is a setback.

Patrick Maher of Grinnell sets an NCAA record with 37 assists in a 164-144 defeat of College of Faith. Relatively, it wasn’t even a blowout. Maher also scored 19 points as the Pioneers went to 8-2.

 The Bank

Balance: $950

Result: Took Auburn plus-9.5 for $40 in NCG. Won

Today’s Wager: Knicks minus-3 at home versus Pistons. You watch. The ‘bockers are on a mission (finally). Expect them to cover. Let’s put an Andrew Jackson ($20) on it.

Remote Patrol

No. 3 Ohio State at No. 5 Michigan State

ESPN 9 p.m.

Craft’s cheeks are rosy, just like the Spartans’ football team.

The Buckeyes are undefeated (15-0). The Spartans have one loss (although it wasn’t to Tommy Rees and Notre Dame). The good news for Brutus is that the winner does not go to the Rose Bowl. Aaron Craft may be the most announcer-beloved player in any sport in any country.