STARTING FIVE

1. “I’m Going To Wichita…”

The White Stripes’ “Seven Nation Army” has become the unofficial anthem of college sports the past decade, but only one school is able to claim that its very name is mentioned in the title: Wichita State. The Shockers are one of only five remaining unbeatens in college hoops after defeating Northern Iowa 67-53 on Monday night and also after Ohio State fell in overtime in East Lansing, 72-68.

Wichita State is only a capital “S” Shocker. It advanced to the Final Four a year ago, where it lost to eventual national champion Louisville by a very respectable 72-68 score. A No. 1 seed is in the offing for them. Only two schools, St. Louis and Alabama, have come within five points of them this season and there have been, nor will there likely be, any ranked opponents on the schedule.

Six-foot-eight senior forward Cleanthony Early leads the teams in points per game and boards, but his stats are modest (16.6 ppg and 6. 5 rpg) and all five starters average at least eight points and three boards per contest.

The Shockers, like fellow farm-belt schools Wisconsin and Iowa State, are undefeated. Unlike those two, they most likely will remain so.

“I’m gonna work the straw/Make the sweat drip out of every pore…”

2. Score Loser

An honest mistake by the Florida State T-shirtery, or a genius guerilla marketing campaign? You tell me. This shirt is far more appealing than the correct one would have been. Collector’s item.

Either way, I’d prefer a silhouette of Red Lightning racing down the sideline and no words on the front of my T-shirt.

3. A Different Kind of High

How long did it take legalized marijuana to make an impact on the stock market? Less than a week. Yesterday shares of Medbox (MDBX), which basically has cornered the market on medication vending machines, rose 85%, from $39.95 per share to $73.90 (to answer your question, “No.”).

The company received a hit from being featured on CNBC’s “Closing Bell” on Monday afternoon, though I was disappointed that the report was not filed by Herb Greenberg.

If I may be blunt, pot stocks are a cool buzz. Still waiting for a company to feature a ticker symbol of WEED or BONG, though.

4. See More Seymour

Yesterday I featured 45 year-old Stephanie Seymour in a red bikini in a photo that she clearly did not pose for. Only later did I notice that sexy sexagenarian Jane Seymour, whom you may recall as the randy senator’s wife from “Wedding Crashers”, posing in a bikini on the cover of Loser Weekly. Oh, what’s that? Ohhhh.

No word yet on whether Seymour has erected a bikini bridge on her topography.

5. Tat’s Entertainment

Last night the Sacramento Kings (11-22) defeated the Portland Trail Blazers (including a wild fourth quarter in which the Blazers outscored Sac-Town 46-43) 123-119, denying Portland (26-9) the chance of climbing into a three-way tie for top spot in the West.

It’s time to take notice of King center DeMarcus Cousins, who ‘sploded for 35 points and 13 boards against the Blazers. The former Kentucky star, a head case his first three seasons, has upped his points per game average to 23.5, a 33% increase over his previous career high. In fact, only one player in the NBA has a better double-double average than Cousins’ 23.5 ppg/11.5 rpg: Kevin “How Deep is Your” Love of of Minnesota, who is averaging 26.4 ppg and 13.3 rpg and who is no worse than the second-best Kevin in the NBA.

Anyway, Love has gotten plenty of attention and, well, love, from us media types. Cousins’ focus this season merits attention for the former fifth overall pick of the 2010 NBA draft, at last.

Also, if Ohio State frosh Marc Loving turns pro after this season, we could have an NBA with Love and Loving, which is cool. I also like that his name has MarC LOVINg right there.

Reserves

Chris Kluwe appears on Fox Sports with Charissa Thompson and Will Leitch. You know what? Charissa Thompson is very good. She has a high ceiling. Smart move on Fox Sports’ part to feature her. Will Leitch, as talented as he is in print, needs plenty of work on TV. Two words: Calm. Down. (Fewer words. Economize. That may be who you are, but it doesn’t work on TV.)

*****

Caught “The Way We Were” last night on TMC. Had never seen it. Examining Robert Redford’s career from 1973-1976, he was so hot that I am convinced he was on the juice: “The Way We Were”, “The Sting”, “The Great Gatsby”, “Three Days of the Condor” (highly underrated; terrific premise) and “All The President’s Men.” That’s a full career for almost anyone else, and a damn good one. And that doesn’t even include perhaps his most beloved role in “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid” (1969).

I still don’t get “The Electric Horseman” (1978), but he did get to ride a horse and Jane Fonda, so maybe that had something to do with it.

I’ll understand if the Academy gives him the Oscar for “Life of Pi, No Tiger” this year, but it’ll be about the seventh-most memorable film in which he’s appeared. If that. It would be nice if Hollywood stopped waiting until actors got their AARP cards to hand out “Please forgive us” statuettes.

The Bank

Balance: $970
Last Night: Took the Knicks for $20 minus-3 versus Detroit. Knicks 89, Pistons 85

Tonight: Blazers minus-12.5 vs. Orlando. For $60. Portland has lost two straight by a total of six points to a pair of sub-.500 teams. Expect Terry Stotts to have their full attention at home tonight at the Rose Garden versus an improving but sub-.500 Magic club. Huge spread, but Portland won last week by 30.

Remote Patrol

Saturday Night Fever

Ovation 8 p.m.

After Monday’s national championship game and last night’s Ohio State-Michigan State hoops tussle (in which Spartan fans chanted afterward “Just like football”), cleanse your palate with one of the signature films of the 1970s. It’s hard to fathom, in a Spotify/Sirius/Pandora world, just how much this soundtrack ruled radio in 1977. You could have never had a disco backlash unless this film had come along and enveloped pop culture.