Starting Five

1. UConn’s Icon

That’s eight national championships for Luigi “Geno” Auriemma and Connecticut. In some ways this was the most incredible job Geno has done. The Huskies were just 5-3 between February 18 and the start of the NCAA tourney, although those three losses were to Baylor and Notre Dame. Know this: Geno opened up cases of whupass between the end of the Big East tourney and the launch of the NCAAs, and Gampel Pavilion was likely not a very happy place those first two weeks of March.

Eight is not enough for Geno

The product? Connecticut won its six NCAA tournament games by an AVERAGE margin of 34.67 points: 68, 33, 26, 30, 18 and 33. The Huskies blew out Louisville, with Rick Pitino seated in the stands and looking in dire need of a refreshing can of True Blood,  by a record-33 points in last night’s final. UConn went on a 19-0 run in the first half and a 24-6 run in the second. Dominant.

Kudos to Geno, who joined the ESPN on-site desk and was asked by a panel of Kevin Ngandi, Kara Lawson and Carolyn Peck to discuss his place alongside John Wooden (10 titles), Pat Summitt (8), Mike Krzyzewski and Adolph Rupp (4), for two things: 1) for correctly noting that he and Pat belong in one category and that the aforementioned men’s coaches belong in another and 2) for not saying, “I’m just here to add diversity.” (although he’s such a wiseass that I wouldn’t be surprised if the thought had crossed his mind).

2. Dortmund? Yes, Dortmund!

Let’s set the stage: Champions League quarterfinal, in Dortmund, Germany. Borussia Dortmund (northeast Germany) hosts Malaga (on the Andalusian coast, a.k.a. southern Spain). The squads play a home-and-home series, with the winner decided on aggregate goals. The first match, in Malaga, had ended 0-0, which meant that all Malaga had to do was score one goal and finish in a draw and they would advance (in case of the two squads being tied in goals after both matches, the winner is whichever side scores more “a

Dortmund: favorite Euro football team of Wiz Khalifa.

way” goals). In the 82nd minute, Malaga takes a 2-1 lead on a controversial goal by Eliseu, who appeared slightly offsides.

At the end of 90 minutes, it remained 2-1 Malaga. All the visitors had to do in three or four minutes of stoppage time was hold their hosts to one goal. They did not. Dortmund scored twice in the final four minutes of play in front of their home fans to win 3-2 and advance to the Champions League semi-finals. Easily the most dramatic finish to a soccer game since Manchester City erased a 2-1 deficit in the final 125 seconds of stoppage time last May versus Queens Park Rangers to avoid an epic choke job and win the Premier League title, their first in four decades.

Right now Adam Duerson is nodding his head and saying, “That’s my boy.”

3. Game of Thrones: (I know it was three nights ago; give a blogger a break) The View comes to Westeros.

 Theon actually had a choice between having his left foot mangled or having to listen to Lady Stark’s soliloquy to her daughter-in-law, Talisa Love-Hewitt (granted, my construction), on an endless loop. He chose the former. Wise man…My favorite scene occurred between Joffrey the Cruel (great ancestor of Johnny the jerk from the Kobra Kai martial arts studio) and Margaery of The Fairest Rack, when she realizes that her future betrothed is not so much into either women or men as he is into sadism. She’s a wise lass, that one. And how about that line, played out to a 2013 audience: “I imagine it must be so exciting to squeeze your finger here and watch someone die over there.” After that moment Wayne LaPierre excused himself and headed to the bathroom…Also, yes, that was the kid who played Liam Neeson’s son in “Love, Actually” befriending “Bran, the Illegitimate Son of Steve Perry”. Meanwhile, there are cats who are jealous of how many lives Arrya seems to get. As for Brienne and Kingslayer, shouldn’t Charles Grodin and Robert DeNiro sue for royalties? This is “Medieval Midnight Run”. Then again, I keep hoping they emerge from a wooded area to happen upon a Lilith Fair show.

“After this, let’s go hunt lions from helicopters using machine guns with our friends, the princes from the United Arab Emirates, ‘k?”

Duerson is now nodding more proudly and beginning to wonder whether I’m considering a move to Brooklyn and entering a competitive eating contest (no on both)

4. April Beard Report, Before and After:

Stan Rizzo, Mad Men:

Clean-shaven, before the Summer of Love and Sgt. Pepper’s….

And after…

Facial Hair Tonic

Josh Reddick, Oakland A’s

With the Red Sox

…and now with the A’s

Next stop: lead singer of My Morning Jacket

 Kevin Youkilis, New York Yankees

Fenway days

and now in the Bronx

And finally, Jaime Lannister (a.k.a. Kingslayer)

Back in his sister-bangin’ days….

and after…

Jaime and Brienne, reprising Grodin and Deniro’s “Midnight Run” schtick on “Game of Thrones”

5. This interview with Lindsay Lohan is why David Letterman remains the best at what he does. And the only host of consequence since Johnny Carson. Dave: “We’ve been here 30 years and there are still people here whose names I don’t know.” LL: “You don’t mean that.” Dave: “You’re right, I don’t mean it. It’s true, but I don’t mean it.” Lindsay herself was pretty charming, too.

Reserves

Remember when I dissed the Lastros? Houston scored 17 runs in their first seven games. Then they plated 16 men last night in Seattle. In my imaginary Lastros Hedge fund, I actually (I swear!) took the Lastros to win, so I’m now up about $6K. Tonight I’ll take them to lose in Seattle. We may make this a “thing” on IAH. Still considering…

The Lakers defeat the Hornets and the Jazz lose to the Thunder, and David Stern, who is visiting India this week, exhales. LA now holds the 8th and final spot out West in the battle to be hoobaspanked by the Spurs or OKC in the first round.

Tonight on ESPNU: The NCAA Diving Championships! It’s like “Splash!” without the alarming dearth of diving talent.

Former Michigan quarterback Denard Robinson at Comerica Park. As someone on Twitter opined, “He should’ve tucked the ball and ran.”

Lob that was LOL

Yes, some 81,000 people attended Met Life Stadium last weekend for WrestleMania 29. And The Onion with some terrific reportage on inconsistent officiating. So Ed Rush found a new job and pronto.

The first paragraph of this story on a survey of hedge fund professionals tells me one thing: between 64-65% of them are lying. Meanwhile, how many fans of either horticulture or the Georgia Bulldogs are feeling sheepish about having purchased a subscription to Hedgeworld?

What was the best zinger from last Friday’s Friars Club roast of Jack Black? I’ll let you decide, but my favorite comes from Jeffery Ross: “Dee Snider, Debbie Harry, Joan Osborne. Last time I saw these three musicians together was in a $1 CD bin.”

Remote Patrol

Torture Porn Night!!!!

Saw, TMC, 7 p.m.

Hostel, IFC, 8 p.m.

Remember that glorious time about a decade ago when kids would flock to theaters to watch teens and young adults be dismembered or disemboweled? I think “Hostel” was the worst thing to happen to tourism in Europe since the SS. Then again, Inglourious Basterds (TNT, 5:30 p.m.) is on tonight. I’ll stop short of calling it a classic, but I’ll say this: 1) the opening scene, the strudel scene and the bar scene are all mesmerizing, and 2) Diane Kruger is as underrated a beauty as there is.

“On second thought, you should have just ordered TWO more beers.”

xxx

Starting Five

Another early steakateria morning. Will do the best I can with what time we have together…

1. Louisville won in one of the most entertaining national championships ever not played in the 1980s. I’m just going to re-run some of my tweets from last night in this space (begging your pardon)…Pre-game: Jay Bilas is showing UM’s offensive sets w/help of Ga Tech players. But it’s not realistic cuz he’s not hurling balls at anyone. Warm-ups: If Mitch McGary were just a little slower, jumped a little less high, and slightly more doughy, he could play for Notre Dame. After someone tweets photo of Michigan native Kate Upton outside Georgia Dome: Atlanta: B.J., Justin and, tonight, Kate Upton. That’s a whole lot of Uptons in the 404. Pre-game: How did Chris Webber get to national championship game? He WALKED, of course. After Fab Five are shown sitting together: When the Fab Five go out after game, if they don’t split check 3 ways, then those guys are bastards.

The Fab Five are present for another UM title game loss. Paging Glen Rice and Rumeal Robinson.

Right after 5-11 Spike Albrecht drove past a Louisville defender to put UM up 33-21 and score his 17th (and final point) of the contest, the Cardinals called timeout. The first ad on TV was the AT&T classroom guy asking four NBA Hall of Famers, “Is it better to be bigger or smaller?” Perfect irony…. No Amanda Marcum during “One Shining Moment?” Epic fail, CBS.

When CBS drops the ball, I’m here for you.

2. The Great White Hoop The first half belonged to a pair of Caucasian back-ups whom the Utah Jazz have since likely moved to the top of their draft board. Michigan’s 5-11 freshman Spike Albrecht, a transfer from Appalachian State of all places (!) (correction: Spike’s only DI scholly offer was from App. State; he never attended school there. My bad. –JW), staked the Wolverines to a 12-point lead on 6-7 shooting, including four threes. Albrecht, who averaged 1.8 points per game this season, had 17 first-half points and the kicker is that UM coach John Beilein had inserted him into the game for the Naismith Player of the Year, Trey Burke, who had committed two early fouls.

Hancock and Albrecht. For one half, they hijacked the national championship game.

But then, faster than you can say Jimmy Chitwood, Louisville sixth man Luke Hancock buried four consecutive threes to actually give Louisville a 36-35 lead. It was a breathless, effervescent, scorching first half in which both teams shot lights-out (there goes my dome theory) and a pair of unheralded white people gained unexpected fame. All that was left to wonder was which of them Darnell Dockett was tweeting at in hopes of meeting them after the game for some buffalo wings.

3. CBS’ Doug Gottlieb had some terrific insights, but I disagree with the conclusions he drew from them. At halftime he showed that at least three of Albrecht’s four three-pointers came when he was wide open because Lousville was either caught napping in their switches or just didn’t respect his shot. Also, that he’d driven past a former walk-on for his two layups. Gottlieb called Albrecht’s 17 first-half points “fool’s gold”, which seemed rather harsh. Can you imagine him saying the same thing about a starter who’d scored 17 on six of seven shooting in one half? Albrecht still had to bury those four long-range shots, of course, and he still had to drive past a defender and into the lane knowing that Gorgui Dieng was awaiting him.

“No, this was the size of my ego at birth. It’s a lot larger now.”

But, to give Gottlieb credit, Albrecht was held scoreless in the second half.

For me Gottlieb’s wilder conclusion was that Michigan lost the game in the first half by sitting Trey Burke for 12 minutes because he had two fouls. He actually said, “How many fouls did Trey Burke finish with? Two. Great, you saved Trey Burke, but you lost the national championship.”

First of all, Burke would finish the game with four fouls, not two.

Second, if UM coach John Beilein sends Burke back into the game and he picks up a third first-half foul, he gets crucified in the media.

Third, Gottlieb completely discounts the idea that maybe UM had that 12-point lead because Burke’s replacement was playing out of his mind.

Fourth, Louisville came back from 16 down in the second half versus Syracuse, a Final Four squad, just three weeks ago. And won by 17. Nobody beats this Louisville team in the first half. Dumb premise.

Fifth, why not just give Luke Hancock credit for burying four out-of-his-own-mind threes? Does Burke stop them? Maybe. More likely, though, Hancock baits him into a third foul.

Sixth, Michigan’s leading scorer in the second half? Trey Burke, with 17 points. Is he that fresh or does he even see that much time if Beilein plays him more in the first half (and if he picks up a third foul?)?

4. Yesterday came news that Nevada is considering a bill that would allow private entities to place bets on behalf of investors. Translation: If this were to become law, every investment bank and hedge fund could employ a Joey Bag O’Donuts to head their high-risk sports yield division. And, gentlemen, I’m applying for the job. Why should a hedge fund manager waste all those resources hoping for a 6% annual yield when he can just wager against the Houston Lastros most days? In fact, let’s have some fun and begin with an imaginary $1,000. The Lastros, who finished with baseball’s worst record in 2011 and 2012, have now moved to the American League which, I’m sorry, is a tougher place to play (yes, I know about the Giants and Cardinals).

Rick Ankiel homered on Opening Day, but he has struck out 12 times in 14 at-bats this season.

So, if we begin with $1,000 and consider that Houston was 2:1 odds to lose their opener, you’re immediately down $2,000. But the Lastros have since lost six straight. Which means, if you bet $1,000 per game, that you are now up $4,000. So after one week of “shorting the Lastros”, your rate of return is 400%. Eat that, Stephen Cohen. By the way, Houston scored eight runs in its season opener and has scored a total of nine runs in the six games since. They’ve already been shut out three times in seven games.

5. Since Louisville won the men’s basketball championship and tonight’s women’s game is between Connecticut and Louisville, Notre Dame will be able to say that — no matter who wins this evening –that it was the last school to defeat both the men’s and women’s national champions in 2013. The Fighting Irish took down the Cardinals in five overtimes back in February –their final defeat –and on the distaff side defeated both the Cards and Huskies in the Big East tournament. If you’re looking for another connection, the Irish were the last team to defeat UConn on the men’s side two years ago before the Huskies went on a roll to win both the Big East tourney and the national title, just as Louisville did this season. Both Irish teams will attend a screening of Bridesmaids later this week.

My mom threw open the back door and yelled out to her yard-full of children, “He’s coming up again!”

We all ran inside to our kitchen to watch history unfold on our black and white TV (the color TV was further in the house and we weren’t allowed to go in there covered in sweat.) Hank Aaron hit his 715th home run tonight in 1974, passing Babe Ruth on the all-time home run list. Someone has since passed Aaron, but nobody cares. Aaron ended the 1973 season just one short of Ruth’s record. Can you possibly imagine how his every move would have been covered in the off season in today’s world?

Tonight’s national championship game is being played on the 220th anniversary of the first recorded college basketball game ever held, at Geneva College in Beaver Falls, Pennsylvania. The NCAA has since deemed several of the players ineligible and doesn’t recognize the contest.

Kurt Cobain was found dead today in 1994, three days after he’d shot himself with a shotgun in the greenhouse above his garage. Killing yourself to live indeed.

Here’s a top 20 Songs off of albums that were released on April 8:

1. Sweet Emotion, Aerosmith, “Toys in the Attic”– 1975
2. Save it For a Rainy Day, The Jayhawks, “Rainy Day Music”– 2003
3. Graduate, Third Eye Blind, “Third Eye Blind”– 1997
4. Semi-Charmed Life, Third Eye Blind– 1997
5. Janie Jones, The Clash, “The Clash”– 1977
6. Tailspin, The Jayhawks– 2003
7. You See Me Crying, Aerosmith– 1975
8. Jumper, Third Eye Blind– 1997
9. I’m So Bored With the USA, The Clash– 1977
10. Africa, Toto, “Toto IV”– 1982
11. All the Right Reasons, The Jayhawks– 2003
12. Walk This Way-– Aerosmith– 1975
13. How’s It Gonna To Be— Third Eye Blind– 1997
14. White Riot— The Clash– 1977
15. Toys in the Attic— Aerosmith– 1975
16. Narcolepsy— Third Eye Blind– 1997
17. Today’s the Day— America, “Hideaway”– 1974
18. Uncle Salty— Aerosmith– 1975
19. God of Wine— Third Eye Blind– 1997
20. Amber Cascades— America– 1974

— Bill Hubbell

Starting Five

1. Don Who

Don Ho. Don Juan. Don Corleone. In a sense Don Draper was all of the above last night. “Thanks for the toy,” says his neighbor, Dr. Rosen (no relation to Dr. Rosenrosen, I assume), when Don hands him some swag in the form of a camera. And little do we know it at the time, but Don might as well have replied, “Likewise.”

It’s Christmas, 1967 (Peggy Olsen gave it away when she said that it’ll be “The Packers against the Raiders or the Oilers” in the Super Bowl) at Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce. Don is still Don and Roger remains Roger (when Don vomits at Roger’s mom’s memorial, Sterling quips, “He was just saying what everyone else is thinking”), but metamorphoses are taking place (maybe Don should be reading Kakfa instead of Dante?). Anyway, show creator/writer sets up his theme of portals (the episode is titled “The Doorway”) via Roger speaking to an analyst, a sure sign that Wiener watches The Newsroom.

What other popular TV program began a season with an extended episode in Hawaii? The Brady Bunch.

It’s a little too easy –here, I’m just going to have my character spew the premiere’s theme out to a shrink midway through the two-hour premiere — but it’s still a terrific, cynical and sobering point. We are all just going through portals, and each one closes behind us. “Experiences are nothing,” notes Roger, who will take the news of his mother’s death with stoicism, almost nonchalance, but breaks down in tears when he learns of the death of his shoeshine guy. “They’re just some pennies you pick up off the floor, stick in your pocket. You’re just going in a straight line to You Know Where.”

For more, read the incomparable Alan Sepinwall, who notes that this was also the time when The Doors themselves were just beginning to break big.

2. No Title For Skylar Diggins

Is Skylar Diggins the best female basketball player ever to don a Notre Dame uniform? She IS the school’s all-time leading scorer and she is certainly the most photographed female athlete in Fighting Irish history. A South Bend native, she has represented the school proudly, leading the Irish to three straight Final Fours.

The Irish failed to win a championship, however, and this was the year they should have. Baylor was bounced in the Sweet 16 and the Irish just needed to get past a pair of Big East foes, UConn and Louisville, against whom they’d gone 5-0 this season. Notre Dame beat Louisville, which will meet UConn tomorrow night, by 29 and 24 points earlier this season.

Last night Diggins was completely outplayed by UConn freshman Breanna Stewart, a 6-foot-4 swing player with a deadly jumper. Stewart, from upstate New York, scored a career-high 29 points. It’s worth nothing that when Diana Taurasi faced the Irish in the Final Four as a freshman, she went 1 for 15. The Irish won that game and their first — and still only –national championship.

Sky-fall. Diggins denied again.

Ruth Riley led that Irish squad, and if Diggins is not the best player in school history, she is.

Notre Dame had beaten UConn seven of its past eight meetings, all during the Diggins era. Nobody beats Geno Auriemma that often. Nobody. Not even Pat Summitt. But if Auriemma can survive the Diggins era being able to say that the Huskies won two national championships in those four years and Notre Dame zero, that’s a major coup.

3. From Mad Men to mad man: Is Syracuse coach Jim Boeheim an insufferable grouch? Does Syracuse play zone defense? The Orange coach  and longtime misanthrope must exhaust his limited supply of charm on lovely wife Julie, but I will excuse him –slightly–for his latest cantankerous post-game outburst. Gregg Doyel of CBSSports.com, a fearless columnist who marches to his own beat, admirably, was called on to ask the first question after the Cuse lost its national semifinal to Michigan. Gregg led with, “When do you think you’ll decide, announce, whatever, whether or not you’re coming back next year or do you already know?”

Doyel

Valid question? Yeah, I guess. Boeheim is 68. Then again, Mike Krzyzewski is 66 and I doubt anyone asked him that question after Louisville defeated Duke last Sunday. There are a few things going on here. First (and as someone who is beginning to get up there in age but can still outhustle snappers of whip 20 years my junior), aging lions completely resent being reminded that they won’t be around forever, particularly when their performance has yet to drop off. Coach K led his squad to the Elite Eight while Boeheim and Rick Pitino, age 60, advanced to the Final Four (and Pitino might win it all). So, unless Boeheim is ill or his team’s performance is noticeably suffering, yeah, he’ll take offense to that question. And I don’t blame him.

Second, Gregg is a veteran of pressers. That’s not a question you lead off the presser with unless you are deliberately going after the Howard Stern/Stuttering John moment. Gregg said 100 hands went up in the air and he was surprised to be chosen first. Two things: One, all of us have more than one question in our arsenal. Two, if you know it’s that type of question, you don’t raise your hand initially. You let a few questions pass before you step up to the plate.

Could Boeheim have handled it better (and how many times can we ask that about Jimmy B. over the course of his career, especially in pressers?)? Of course. He could have pulled a Mark Dantonio and tersely replied, “Yes. Next question.” But I don’t blame him for being a little pissed off at Gregg.

4. This should bother you: The Tanzanian government plans to kick Maasai tribesmen off their land so that wealthy oil barons from the United Arab Emirates can use the area for trophy hunting of lions and leopards, etc. Poaching is bad enough. Government-sponsored poaching is just terrible. Can’t Matt Damon or George Clooney make a film about this? Can Toto perform a benefit concert?

“What beautiful creatures! Let’s kill them and mount their heads on our walls to compensate for our tiny…”

5. Instead of a bunch of words on Margaret Thatcher, the former British Prime Minister who died today at the age of 87, I’ll provide one of her many memorable quotes (why are British heads of state so much more quotable than American heads of state???): “Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren’t.”

Reserves

On “Weekend Update” Drunk Uncle is joined by brother-in-law Peter “Drunklage.” Drunk Uncle on taxes: “You know what I’m writing off this year? The next generation.” Drunklage, staring at his Scotch glass while discussing social media: “You know what’s in my Tumblr? Regret.”

Scotch and cynicism: make mine a double

Dinklage, by the way, was a convincing drunk. But the dude who portrayed PFC Dinkins on “Mad Men” was intoxicatingly good.

I got into a little Twit-snit with women’s hoops reporter Wendy Parker this week. Last Tuesday she tweeted, “Louisville-Cal will be a fun game. Don’t call it an undercard, (as compared to Notre Dame-UConn).” Then yesterday, by way of a link to her advance story on the game, she tweeted, “…the undercard (Louisville-Cal) has its own appeal.” To be fair to Wendy, she made a point in her story of noting that people consider that game an undercard, but it is not.
Except that, by every definition of the term “undercard”, it kinda was. Though she’s correct, it was a fun game. Geno Auriemma had the best line on the Louisville-Cal game, noting that Cardinal coach Jeff Walz was wearing a red-and-white checkered shirt: “He’s wearing an Italian tablecloth. I should hire him for my restaurant.”

Hey, everybody, Wesley Snipes is a free man again.

Jon Stewart, in his Lords of Flatbush get-up, interviews George Carlin in 1997. At the end (9:45), Carlin tells Stewart that “you are going to show us a lot, and I look forward to it.”

Remote Patrol

NCAA Championship Game

Louisville vs. Michigan

CBS 9 p.m.

Tip-off is at 9:23 p.m. Here’s betting that Phil Mushnick of the New York Post has already written his column blasting the suits at the NCAA and CBS for starting a title game after most kids’ bedtime. And, you know what? He’s right.

Starting Five

1. “A Leave of Presence”

That was the term film critic Roger Ebert used just earlier this week when announcing that he would begin curtailing his film review efforts. Yesterday Ebert, 70, passed away. No shortage of encomia accompanied Ebert’s death, from this one (terrific lede, by the way, one that Ebert would have appreciatee) by Neil Steinberg in the Chicago Sun Times, Ebert’s employer for more than 40 years, to this one from a fellow downstate Illinois native, Will Leitch (just wait until Darren Rovell dies), which originally ran a year or two ago. Too much to say here, but read Ebert’s memoir, “Life Itself“, if you get a chance.

As for other material, this 2010 Esquire profile by Chris Jones is as good as you’ll find.

The balcony is closed

Five Roger Ebert tidbits:

1) The first film he saw was “A Day at The Races”, starring the Marx Brothers (admission: 9 cents).

2) As a University of Illinois senior (he grew up in Champaign), Ebert was the editor-in-chief of The Daily Illini. The sports editor was future Sports Illustrated senior writer William Nack, whom some of us feel was the most poetic writer in the mag’s history.

3) He was fortunate enough to have legendary Chicago columnist Mike Royko take him under his wing soon after he arrived at The Chicago Sun Times.

4) He became, in 1975, the first movie critic to win a Pulitzer Prize.

5) He once sort of dated Oprah Winfrey. He admits that she put the brakes on it.

2. Bosh Bash

I think we’d all feel worse for Chris Bosh having been robbed of $340,000 worth of jewelry if the heist had not occurred while he was out celebrating his 29 birthday, a bacchanal that included a cake that was a “jewel-festooned chocolate elephant ridden by a miniature Bosh figure.” Oh, and he reportedly arrived by both helicopter and yacht. These are the types of details that a young Steve Rushin would weave into literary and comic gold when writing one of his outstanding SI features back in the 1990s, before the internet.

3-5: Apologies. Just got called in to the steakateria. Will finish later if I have the chance or this will run in full tomorrow.

3. I once spent three hours interviewing Jay Mohr at his beach house in California for a story that would run in TV Guide (I know). I thought that we got along well — we’re about the same age and we were both raised in New Jersey, and one of us is funny. Anyway, after believing that we’d bonded, as I was walking to my car he called out, “Enjoy those quotes! They’re the same ones I gave to People magazine.”

Rot in hell, Bob Sugar

Which is to say that sometimes, as a journalist –and particularly when you are dealing with actors/actresses — you are not going to reveal your subject to your satisfaction. Or your readers’. That’s what happened in this Rolling Stone cover story on Jon Hamm, who was amiable and charming enough, but at the end played his role as Don Draper to a tee for RS scribe Josh Eells. We learn very little of substance about Hamm, except for the fact that before he was cast in Mad Men, his last job was as a waiter at a Latin restaurant located just three blocks from where the show currently films. He even uses the same parking lot that he used then. What aspiring actor will not spend another five years in the biz (the biz of waiting tables, that is) upon reading that anecdote?

Also, we learn that as handsome as Hamm is now, he was even more studly as a high school football player in suburban St. Louis. Honestly, name an actor who looks/looked better in shoulder pads, ever, than Hamm does below.  Not even Tom Cruise’s Stefen Djordjevic is as much of a skirt-melter. Hey, I’m straight, but man is that a good-looking cat.

And Hamm was an All-State LB. Ben Fong-Torres and I would like that fact-checked, though.

4. Pac-12 director of officiating Ed Rush resigns. And spring cleaning at Rutgers, where head coach Mike Rice was fired, and both athletic director Tim Pernetti and assistant coach Jimmy Martelli, a.k.a. “Baby Rice”, resigned. Martelli is the son of St. Joe’s coach Phil Martelli, a longtime Philly hoops presence who 1) is best friends with Geno Auriemma and 2) could probably tell you more about Ed Rush and whether or not the Philly connection with NBA refs is a corrupt one.

Ed Rush: Cancun-bound?

As for Rush, he had to go and he’s too smart not to realize it. Three steps to his departure: 1) Singling out one coach, Arizona’s Sean Miller, for his officials to focus on instead of telling them to be tougher on coaches in general. 2) That coach, Miller, earning his first technical foul of the entire season, which leads to some serious dot-connecting, and 3) dot-connecting that only occurs when a referee chooses to inform CBSSports.com scribe Jeff Goodman of Rush’s comments. The real question here is why that official would do that. The most sensible answer is that Rush wasn’t joking –not enough, anyway — and that this official was tired of Rush’s bullying and/or his lack of integrity. As employees or underlings, we are always loyal to a boss/manager/coach who may say something off-color or inappropriate in confidence because we recognize the greater good that he/she is doing. People only go off the reservation if they feel their leader is harming the overall institution. That’s what Eric Murdock did at Rutgers, and that is what this anonymous referee was doing when he unburdened himself to Goodman.

5. Miami Heat: 27 games. Los Angeles Clippers: 17 games. Denver Nuggets: 15 games. New York Knicks: 11 games and counting. I don’t know if there has ever been a single NBA season with four 11-plus game win streaks. As for the scoring title, Kevin Durant is averaging 28.4 points per game, while Carmelo Anthony is averaging 28.3 points per game, with about two weeks left in the regular season.

Worth noting: Durant has played 14 more games. His season points total is 2,158 points, while Melo has scored 1,755 points. Still, as far as the league is concerned, it all comes down to ppg for the scoring title. I refer you to the 1978 season, when George Gervin of the San Antonio Spurs was averaging 26.8 ppg heading into the final game while David Thompson of the Denver Nuggets was averaging 26.6. Both teams’ final games were on a Sunday, with Thompson’s Nuggets playing first (both, notably, were playing for ABA refugee franchises).

Thompson went for 72 points.

Skywalker, soaring over Dr. J. Back in the ABA. Two best dunkers of the Seventies.

The Spurs played later that evening. Gervin went for 63, and won the scoring title. Thompson: 27.15 ppg. Gervin: 27.22 ppg.

The Iceman cometh

It makes you wonder what players are capable of when they REALLY, really care; and when their teammates feed them; and what both opposing defenses were doing.

Wondering if a similar final day of the season is in the offing. Until then, though, do note that the Knicks visit the Thunder tomorrow (Sunday). I see the ‘bockers streak ending at 11 games.

Reserves

The Washington Nationals may be baseball’s best team, and they have already recorded two shutouts, but they also lost 15-0 at Cincinnati last night. The worst loss in the majors in baseball’s first week. It’s only a four-game sample, but the Nats have been outscored this season, 16-11. Only five teams have a worse run differential, and two of them have won a World Series in the past five years (Phillies, -16, and Yankees, -12).

The New York Times hangs out with Louis CK. What reason could you possibly have for not wanting to read what the comic has to say. Funny and wise. I’ll take that every time.

It’s funny, isn’t it? ESPN exercised extreme sensitivity in never airing Kevin Ware’s injury, not once. And yet they torture-porn us with footage of Mike Rice going all Patches O’Houlihan at Rutgers for the past 72 hours. We get it, ESPN. Congratulations: you destroyed a few men’s careers. Granted, they may have deserved it. But so did Ed Rush. Except that you didn’t have tape on that. If Rice were to commit suicide this weekend, would his blood be on the hands of anyone in Bristol?

Let’s just remember that if we get a Syracuse-Louisville final (and I definitely believe that either Michigan or Wichita State, if not both, could still be standing on Sunday morning), that the last time they played Syracuse blew a 16-point lead only to lose by 17 to the Cards in the Big East tournament final final. There’s some coaching involved in that type of swing. My favorite Rick Pitino game of all time is when he led the Wildcats back from a 31-point deficit at LSU with less than 16 minutes remaining. The Wildcats won by four. So, yeah, he deserves that Naismith Hall of Fame induction. Well done, Rick.

It’s been a very good year for Rick Pitino. Is it about to get even better?

My old colleague Seth Davis is now a Subway sandwich spokesperson. He always craved being famous more than he did performing journalism.