We give you the words of Ian McCulloch, lead singer of Echo and the Bunnymen, who sang, “Everybody’s got their own good reason/Why their favorite season is their favorite season/Winter winners and those summer sons/Are good for everyone, good for everyone/Spring has sprung/And autumns so well done

Starting Five

1. Opening night of the NCAA tournament (like many curmudgeons, we refuse to refer to it as the first round). While Marv Albert and Steve Kerr don’t regularly call college hoops, give credit where it’s duo (yes, I meant that). They called the game for TruTV, which as Marc Isenberg points out, was once CourtTV, so there’s a basketball connection after all. Solid job, and Marv, as long as you’re going to wear a rug, why not wear a blond one? Bully for you, even if it does remind me a little too much of Javier Bardem in Skyfall…

First album I ever owned? “Holzman’s Heroes.” Marv narrates Knicks’ superb 1972-73 championship season.

I make a joke on Twitter about North Carolina A&T being a favorite of dyslexics, and naturally Steve Rushin devises a superior joke: “There’s no ‘can’t’ in “NCA&T’ (I’m now being told there is)”…. Matthew Dellevadova –who is not a Russian female tennis player, despite that surname –shot 5 of 7 from beyond the arc and scored 22 points to lead the St. Mary’s Gaels past MTSU (“There is no ‘MUST’ in MTSU?); Dellevadova shot 1 of 18 outside the arc in the WCC tourney, but he appears to have rediscovered his long-range accuracy. If the NBA doesn’t draft him, Kim Jong Un will.

2. Nuggets stun Thunder in OKC, but even farther out west –and you probably did not hear about it — the Kings shocked the Clippers. Denver had a nice litte 12-game win streak going, but after an overtime win at Chicago the night before, this scribe gave them no chance of extending it against the league’s second-best team with the best home fans. Wrong. Denver, which has now outscored opponents in the paint for 50 consecutive games, silenced the Thunder, 114-104. Meanwhile at Arco Sleep Train Arena, (checking to see if “Sleep Train” is the title of a Counting Crows song), the Sacramento Kings outscored the Clips by 23 points in the final 11:17 to win 116-101. LOL City had an eight-point lead early in the final period and then suddenly the became the Robot when Dr. Smith would pull the power battery from his back side on Lost In Space. Bad loss, Vinny. Bad loss.

Scientists remain at a loss to explain why crushed velour is a smart look in other galaxies

3. Explaining North Korea’s sabre-rattling via a YouTube video from the recently completed SXSW Conference (which, like the Bigfoot Conference, is better than anything Jim Delany has come up with…you may have noticed by now that I have little respect for Jim Delany). Anyway, I could get all Fareed Zakaria on you and attempt to explain the tensions between Pyongyang and Seoul, the Dennis Rodman factor, the imagined attack by the North Koreans on Washington, D.C. (soon to become a Jerry Bruckheimer flick), the dynamics that led Major Houlihan to have an affair with Frank Burns when it was obvious she had the Hot Lips for Hawkeye (because she didn’t have enough self-confidence, that’s why), but really, this is what’s going on and this is what will happen if Kim Jong Un pushes it too far.

Alda Young Dudes, by Mott the Hoople

4. So Notre Dame begins spring practice this morning and head coach Brian Kelly informs the media that the team’s best player, Stephon Tuitt, will miss much of spring practice to nurse a “sports hernia.” Have you noticed how much more manly an injury/illness sounds if you just use “sports” as a prefix? For instance, “Last night I had a magnficent bout of sports diarrhea?” See?

Notre Dame’s next first team All-American

5. President Obama speaks to ESPN’s Andy Katz –apparently Andy told POTUS what questions he would ask before they went on-air and then did NOT pull a switcheroo (Jim Boeheim may have contributed reporting to this item) — to provide his annual tournament bracket. I like this tradition and let’s face it, having Mitt Romney break down the National Collegiate Equestrian Association national championship that takes place later in April (I’m not even making that up) does not quite pack the same punch.

Fans yell themselves hoarse at the NCEA championships (yes, too easy)

Obama’s Final Four? Louisville, Indiana, Ohio State and Florida, with Pitino’s crew cutting down the nets. Shouldn’t someone be dispatched to obtain Marco Rubio’s response to these picks?

Reserves

Belatedly, my John Stockton story. This, too, comes from my infamous trek across America with Adam Duerson and Jamie Lowe in March of 2004. Our mission: to witness — as fans as many NCAA games as possible. I know. Tough gig. So it’s an off day –we had just watched a women’s tournament game from the lovely haven that is Missoula, Mont., the night before — and we decide to visit Gonzaga. The Zags had just been bounced from the tournament two days earlier.

It was Jamie’s day to write, and so she set off in search of Blake Stepp. Adam and I decided to find Jack & Dan’s Tavern, the saloon that John Stockton’s father owns. It’s a sunny, quiet Tuesday afternoon. An inconspicuous day.

So there we are, nursing our expense-report beers, when who should stroll in wearing sneakers, jeans and an Izod Lacoste collared shirt, but the NBA’s all-time assists and steals leader. He’s got a pair of keys in his hand and he hands them off to his dad. As if he’s just any other man visiting his pop at his place of business.

Jack & Dan’s, not Jack & Diane’s

Adam agitates. “I’m going to go ask for his autograph!”

“No! No! No!” I beg. “You CANNOT do that. John Stockton is notoriously private. He’d never even do an interview with SI. He ducked Steve Rushin for an entire bonus piece, inspiring Rushin to go all ‘Green Eggs and Ham’ on him in print about how he was unable to be interviewed (He would not, could not, in the bar; he would not, could not, in his car/He would not, could not, at the gym/We would not, could not, speak to him). You will blow our cover, man!”

This story is about to improve.

About then, a bartender (not Mr. Stockton) approaches us all folksy like. “So, you guys visiting from out of town?”

“Um…yes,” I reply.

“Cool. So what do you do?”

“We’re accountants,” I say. “Traveling across the country on a road trip.”

“Accountants,” he replies. “That’s interesting. You guys are able to take a road trip in the middle of tax season?”

This may have been my all-time Costanza-est moment.

Yeah, he dressed pretty much exactly like this.

“Yes,” I say.

At this point he knows I am lying. I know that he knows I am lying. He knows that I know that he knows I am lying. It’s the O.K. Corral, with duplicity. We just stare one another down, and finally he leaves.

Adam never got the autograph. We drank up and left.

Jamie phones to tell us that she is having absolutely no luck finding Blake Stepp. Adam and I walk down the street to a very cool, intimate 50s style diner to grab some lunch. Who is in there, eating all by himself and looking as if someone just shot his dog? Blake Stepp.

It was that kind of odyssey.

Remote Patrol

KKK: Beneath the Hood

Discovery Channel, 8 p.m.

Let’s face it: You don’t know the name of a single player on any of the four schools playing tonight in Dayton (or at least I don’t). And so to watch basketball tonight is akin to having a turkey sandwich on the eve of Thanksgiving. So why not trade hoops for hoods and learn a little somethin’ about one of the darker (irony intended) organizations in the history of the U.S.A.? No idea whether they will explore the eye hole question that was broached in Django: Unchained.

Starting Five

1. Heat Wave

“As owners of the NBA’s second-longest win streak, the Heat can’t ignore the obvious,” reads the subhed on the home page of ESPN.com.  Hey, Bristol, have you been paying attention? Miami doesn’t want to ignore it. This team, these players, are fully aware of their shot at history and the only real downside is that now they’re going to have Mark Schwartz pulling a Pedro Gomez, riding shotgun on this magnificent quest, until they lose again.

Green Day? Jeff attempted to bid good riddance to the Heat’s streak, but fell short

If you’re a Heat fan, you breathe easy knowing that the next true test does not come until Miami visits San Antonio on March 31. If you’re a Celtics fan, you say, “Well, welcome to the NBA — finally — Jeff Green (the former Georgetown stud scored a career-high 43 in what is his fifth season).

Two more items: 1) the Denver Nuggets have their own little 12-game win streak going (much obliged, Joakim Noah), but that ends this evening on the second night of a road back-to-back in Oklahoma City. 2) If the Heat keep winning, they’ll go for record-breaking 34 on Tuesday, April 9 — one night after March Madness ends, how convenient — at home versus Milwaukee.

2. Tiger Woods, meet Alfred Hitchcock.

The world’s best golfer and film’s master of suspense had/have a type. And it’s the same type.

TIGER

(Elin, Lindsey)

SIR ALFRED

(Grace Kelly, Eva Marie Saint)

3. Flori-Duh: Deer head heist!

4. Boston Phoenix. It’s not just the 1976 NBA Finals (Gar Heard!), but it’s also one of the the country’s oldest alternative newspapers. Except that now, after nearly 50 years in print, the Phoenix is $1.2 million in debt and must stop printing. Ironically, and tellingly, the newspaper informed its readers of this sad news via tweet. Some 40 employees will begin looking for steakateria gigs be unemployed.

5. In case you STILL haven’t heard, Twitter is a public forum. It appears that the son of the FDNY (Fire Dept. New York) commissioner, Salvatore Cassano, never learned that lesson or even cared. Joe Cassano, an EMT, recently resigned in the wake of his pro-Hitler, pro-boob job, anti-Obama tweets (kudos to young Mr. Cassano for upholding the public’s — and Denis Leary’s — stereotypes of NYC firemen, by the way). Stick around for the last two grafs on the second page, by the way.

Reserves

Jere Longman of the New York Times with a take-out piece on the long, slow and tragic descent of Tim Danielson, the second American high school boy ever to break the four-minute mile.

Stephen Douglas of The Big Lead with an inspired account of a long, fast and not-so-tragic descent involving Katherine “World Wide” Webb.

The Triple Lindy? Sure, why not.

We should note, by the way, that “Splash” originated in Holland under the title “Sterren Springen“, or “Celebrities Jump”.

I guess it’s time for Medium Happy to move its home offices out of Nicosia. That’s the capital of Cyprus, which is where lots and lots of corporations –particularly Russian ones — based themselves to avoid paying standard tax rates. But now Cyprus banks are being compelled to up their tax rates if they hope to receive Eurozone bailout money.

Ken Pomeroy, alias “KenPom”, outs my former SI colleague Seth Davis on Twitter, noting that Seth chose Kansas to win it all over at SI.com and Louisville to cut down the nets at CBSSports.com. This is what our mutual ex-colleague Chad Millman might call “hedging your bets.” Between this and Josh Elliott’s deleted “black smoke” tweet from last week, these are sad days for former members of the SI bullpen.

You win $10,000 for making a halfcourt shot at halftime of the Atlantic 10 tournament final, so how do you celebrate? By speding about 11% of it –before taxes — at your favorite steakateria.

Defiance, Ohio, is not just a town but its T.J. Lane’s theme. While being sentenced to life in prison for a school shooting that left three classmates dead, the Chadron, Ohio, teen wore a T-shirt that read “killer” and flipped the bird to people in the courtroom, including family members and victims’ families. At least he correctly spelled “KILLER”.

Remote Patrol

Middle Tennessee State vs. St. Mary’s

NCAA Tournament Play-In Game First Round

ESPN 9:10 p.m.

We are desperately lobbying Mayor Bloomberg to call for the eradication of the “First Four” in Dayton (64 is a nice, round number that is both eight squared, four cubed, and two to the sixth; why would you mess with that???), but he is just so busy these days ruining everyone else’s vices fun. The Blue Raiders went 28-5 and 16-0 at home, which seems deserving of an NCAA bid. The Gaels went 19-3 in their final 22 games, with all three losses at the hands of No. 1 Gonzaga. As you know, they also boast Aussome Aussie Matthew Dellevadova, the most onions scorer in the tournament.

It ain’t ova til it’s Dellevadova

xxxxx

Starting Five

1. Unofficially, by my count, 32 states and the District of Columbia are represented in the NCAA tournament. Uninvolved: Texas, which is No. 1 in the Lower 48 in terms of geographical size and No. 2 in terms of population. No school from the Lone Star State has won the tourney since 1966 (Texas Western, now UTEP) and none has appeared in the final since the Phi Slamma Jamma gang from Houston lost to Georgetown in 1984… California and Pennsylvania have the most representatives — five schools apiece — while New York and North Carolina each have four.

Texas’s lone star in the NCAA tourney exists in the WOMEN’S bracket.

2. Quick tourney items: Gonzaga point guard David Stockton will play in the same arena for the Zags’ opening/second round game (Lord, do I hate the tyranny of the minority on this one) in Energy Solutions Arena, formerly the Delta Center, where his dad, John, played his entire NBA career. All John Stockton (tomorrow, my John Stockton story) did was become the NBA’s all-time leader in both assists and steals and how often do you hear announcers mention his name?… Indiana spent the most weeks at No. 1 this season, but the Hoosiers self-intercoursed at the Big Ten tournament, and so instead of a Midwest Regional Sweet 16 contest just 40 minutes north of campus in Indianoplace, they’ll be in D.C. at the Verizon Center for the East Regional… Duke is the lowest-seeded No. 2? Really? The tournament committee did No. 1 overall seed Louisville no favors here….(highly personal and subjective) sportswriter rankings of best opening weekend tourney sites at which to be deployed:

1. Austin: Miami (Shane Larkin) and Florida (Mike Rosario), UCLA and Shabazz Muhammad, and the country’s best college town. Is SXSW still going on? No? Oh, well.

2. Salt Lake City: Gonzaga and Belmont, plus you can go skiing on your off day.

3. Lexington: These folks know hoops, even if the hometown defending national champs are NIT-bound (and gagged) (honestly, the best thing that could happen to John Calipari would be to lose the NIT opener; the longer you remain in, the longer your friends notice that you’re on a blind date with the fat girl). The noisy neighbors from Louisville will take over Rupp Arena, while you will be enchanted by Bucknell’s Mike Muscala.

4. Philadelphia: Of course the committee placed Duke in Philadelphia, site of Christian Laettner’s historic shot. Doug McDermott of Creighton is the tourney’s most prolific scorer, Florida Gulf Coast is the smart scribe’s sleeper pick, and there’s a fantastic running path along the Schuylkill River.

5. Kansas City: Terrific BBQ, you get to hang with local Dennis Dodd, you get both Kansas and Kansas State, as well as the loaded weapon that is Mississippi’s Marshall Henderson. Wisconsin, too.

6. San Jose: Climate is sublime, but there is no school ranked higher than No. 4 Syracuse. My guess is Stewart Mandel will be courtside. He’s good people.

7. Auburn Hills: The locals will go bonkers over the Wolverines and Spartans. Nate Wolters of South Dakota State is a fun watch, but UM should silence him. Spend the off day visiting famous sites from the HBO series “Hung.”

8. Dayton: Have you visited Dayton in March? We have. Have you visited UD Arena? We have. Solid teams here –Indiana and Ohio State, plus No. 10 Iowa State will beat No. 7 Notre Dame by at least six — but we’d rank this site 9th if we could.

3. The Miami Heat go for their 23rd consecutive win, at Boston, on the fifth anniversary of the Houston Rockets’ streak of 22 consecutive wins being stopped. Who ended it? The Celtics (cue eerie music).

4. One of the reasons that I love Rob Sheffield and Rolling Stone is lists such as this. “The 30 Greatest Rock & Roll Movie Moments.” You can quibble with some of the omissions (no “Moving in Stereo”, the Phoebe Cates’ red bikini moment in Fast Times at Ridgemont High? No “Don’t You Forget About Me” in the closing scene of The Breakfast Club? What about “Stuck in the Middle With You” from Reservoir Dogs or the “Sister Christian/Jessie’s Girl” twinbill during the drug deal scene in Boogie Nights, which is Thomas Jane’s career apex?), but it’s a tight list and extra credit to RS (you realize the initials cover both entities?) for remembering that “Tiny Dancer” played a crucial part in a very poignant — no seriously– moment from the sitcom WKRP in Cincinnati.

You may be a “single, successful guy”, Judge Reinhold, but I’m going to marry the gay high school teacher from ‘Dave’ someday.

5. Two teens found guilty in the Steubenville rape case.

Reserves

The Lakers win without Kobe Bryant. Okay, sure, it was a home game againts the Sacrificial Lambs Sacramento Kings. Steve Nash goes for 12 assists while six Lakers score in double figures. That sounds like a Nash-ian team. When Kobe returns, that all disappears. The Lakers cannot win for any extended stretch without Kobe. But as long as Kobe is on the court, Steve Nash’s ability to help a team offensively is severely compromised.

The world’s top-ranked comedian at present, Louis C.K., masterfully handles a “heckler” who was actually trying to compliment him. Thank you for this, Louis. This is the wisest rant you’ve had since “Everything’s Amazing and Nobody’s Happy”. CK: “You’re not welcome to speak… it is not appropriate to yell shit at me right now… it is less appropriate to yell at me than almost anybody within several square miles… if you yell at a guy on the street you are not ruining a show for 2,500 (bleepin’) people.”

At some point in 2013 this man will make the cover of the Rolling Stone

ESPN suspended Bill Simmons for three days — but just from Twitter; Ha! — for his take on First Take. Some scribes agreed with Bristol’s punitive measure, saying it is never permissible for an employee to publicly trash his employer. Generally, I agree, but ESPN is about sports and opinions. And when an entity is as large as ESPN is, it’s difficult to be candid about sports and gain the trust of your audience while ignoring the influence that ESPN has on sports in general. For instance, I loved Bill Walton’s quips last week about Ray Lewis (a recent ESPN hire) emerging from a limousine and about Simmons’ suspension.

Is this the part where Magic says something that is so painfully obvious that I must avert my gaze to keep from laughing?

The beauty of Walton is that he could give a crap about ESPN suspending him or even firing him. He’s his own man. So, too, to an extent, is Simmons. Let that be a lesson to you kiddies: When you got nothin’, you got nothin’ left to lose. And that’s a terrific and liberating thing. See, Walton really does listen to Bob Dylan.  Meanwhile, there’s Dave Pasch playing the loyal soldier role and saying “We’re just going to dismiss that.” You know who each of these characters would be in “Dead Poets’ Society”, don’t you?

Anyway, if it’s up to me, ESPN maintains the right to mete out these suspensions while voices of integrity such as Simmons, Bilas, etc., maintain the right to speak their minds. As long as it’s not bigoted (Rob Parker) or neanderthal (Tony Kornheiser, Ron Franklin), speak your mind. If Big Brother disapproves, he censures you for a spell, but there’s no lasting effect in terms of job security.

Yes, South By Southwest took place in Austin last week (and the week before), but up north in Fort Worth they were staging the 12th annual Bigfoot Conference. I hope they served Slim Jims. And I am certain that Neal Sampat was there.

Currently dating Manti Te’o (cheap shot, I know)

I do believe I’ve found the real-life inspiration for Spinal Tap. Please tell me I’m wrong. And even if I am, if you are over the age of 40 (45?), this tune will revive some terrific memories. Sweet! Do yourself a huge favor and stick around until the :59 mark, at least.

One-hit wonders? Hell, no. Sweet also gave us “Love Is Like Oxygen”

Remote Patrol

Miami Heat at Boston Celtics

ESPN 8 p.m.

With a victory the Heat will own the second-longest win streak in NBA history. The Celtics have won 11 straight at Whatever-You-Call-Our-Arena-It-Is-A-Sacrilege-That-You-Don’t-Call-It-Boston-Garden-Anymore, a streak that began with a defeat of the Heat. Boston is not about to catch Miami napping, but they are catching them on the second night of a road back-to-back.

Starting Five

1. “Beware the Ides of March.” Act I, Scene II from William Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar (The Romans, by the way, pronounced it “KAI-CZAR”, not unlike the way Verbil pronounced his shadowy boss in “The Usual Suspects”. Anyhoot, the year is 44 B.C. and a soothsayer warns Julius Caesar, the Roman emperor, to beware of this date.

“At least…at least…name a salad after me…and hold the anchovies.”

In the Roman calendar, March was the first month of the year (it was actually “Mars”, named for the Roman god of war; whereas in the USA we name our first month after Don Draper’s ex-wife. Same difference). But the Romans did not count their days of the month sequentially. To avoid further digression, they counted back from three fixed points of the month: the Nones (5th or 7th, depending on the length of the month), the Ides (13th or 15th), and the Santa Maria Kalends (1st of the following month).

So that’s an Ide.

2. Charlotte-ans (the referees, that is)

Abominable finish in the Atlantic 10 as Pierria Henry of the 49ers shoots 11 free throws (making eight) in the final five seconds to send Charlotte to a come-from-behind 68-63 victory. Charlotte benefited from the referees giving them three FTs twice on “shots” from near or beyond half court, a dead ball foul, and two technicals on its coach, Chris Mooney. The first foul was a solid call, but the dead ball foul under the basket on the Spiders’ Derrick Williams was at best a double foul on two players. At worst, it appeared that the 49er was baiting this call (he grabbed Willliams, who shoved him to the floor, by the head first to induce this incident).

The only thing left to add: As any fan of children’s literature wonders, how can a school named Charlotte not be the one whose mascot is the Spiders?

3. No Lime or Reason

We understand that Adidas understands that the worst type of publicity is no publicity, but Notre Dame’s glow-stick lime Zubaz-inspired unis were the Freekbass of sartorial statements. They were that horrid. Still, the Fighting Irish, who have never won the Big East tournament, were the lone school to elude the chalk of the third day of this year’s tourney. Georgetown, Syracuse and Louisville all advanced, but the Irish recovered from an early 17-4 deficit versus No. 11 Marquette to win, 73-65. Notre Dame actually led by four at halftime.

Sherbet they won

As far as Catholics vs. Comebacks went, Boston College was even more impressive. The Eagles began their ACC tourney contest versus Georgia Tech in a 15-0 hole, but won by 20. Like the Irish, they were up (by 5) at halftime after their anemic start.

Back to the Irish: in two games thus far Pat Connaughton (is it just me or does he look a little like Dayne Crist) is 12 of 18 from behind the arc (66.6%, of course….Hey, those are Devil numbers!) and one-for-two from inside it. So we know where he lives.

4. Carnival’s Grade? Sea-Minus

Carnival Cruise Lines, a.k.a. “Ships Ahoy Polloi”, (thank you, Judge Smails) is not about to make anyone forget the Spanish Armada. Or McHale’s Navy. If you’re keeping score, Carnival’s Triumph, Dream, Elation and now Legend have all experienced serious difficulties in the past month. The Legend, the latest ship to hit the fan, reportedly is having trouble with its cruise control system (isn’t that the speed a cruise ship should be going?). We picture the next Carnival mishap being that the vessel’s left-hand turn blinker won’t stop blinking.

Carnival’s skipper assures public that there’s nothing to worry about

5. NFL to abolish Tuck Rule, which in the future will prohibit Notre Dame’s top defensive end from leaving school one year early when the Irish have No. 1 USC on the schedule the following season and Reggie Bush will run all over that vacated position to allow the Trojans to escape South Bend with a 34-31 victory. Wait… that’s NOT the Tuck Rule?

This Just in: The Tuck Rule has always been a sham.

Seriously, we remember watching that Raiders-Patriots game as the play happened and we still cannot believe that rule exists(ed). It felt as if the referees had conjured it on the spot. Anyone who has ever played football in their backyard or at the park as a boy knows that’s a fumble. It was always a travesty. However, if you believe in karma, go back to my 12th birthday (Sept. 10, 1978) and you’ll see that the Raiders benefited from one of the all-time great fumble calls (at least in the regular season) in NFL history, the “Holy Roller” play.

Still. Kenny Stabler. Dave Casper. John Madden. Now THAT was the NFL. Listen to the announcer: “There’s nothing real in the world anymore!” Kind of the way most of us felt when the Tuck Rule was announced 23 years later.

Remote Patrol

Big Ten Tournament

No. 3 Indiana vs Illinois

ESPN, Noon

No. 6 Michigan vs No. 22 Wisconsin

ESPN, 2 p.m.

Don’t ask me why, but I like the Illini to pull off the upset in Chicago today versus the Oladipos. The Wolverines and Badgers played a wild one in Madison last month (Dan Dakich is likely still asking Bo Ryan how come he didn’t foul the shooter on the previous play) and this one will be tight as well. Is the B1G the best hoops conference in the country this season? Yeah. Tune in this afternoon and discover why.

B1G POY Trey Burke, who tops out at 6’0″

–JW