Starting Five

Not to get all “Day of Yore” on you, but the attack on Pearl Harbor (a U.S. territory, not a state, at the time) occurred at about noon Eastern time. You could do an entire senior thesis on how the news of that attack would have been disseminated differently today than it was back then. Conversely, D-Day began at about 1:30 a.m. Eastern time. Imagine attempting to launch an ivasion of 24,000 men across the English Channel today without someone tweeting out, “Boarding this boat. Grinding. Gonna take out some Nazis. SMH.”

1. What struck us about Brian Willliams’ interview with Apple CEO Tim Cook (War Eagle!) is what was implied but not directly stated. First, the Rock Center anchor informed us during the introduction that the interview, Cook’s first for television since becoming Apple’s top geek, had only come to pass after “months of negotiations.” During the interview, which lasted for two segments (roughly half an hour), we are never told that Cook is a bachelor, which is highly unusual for a CEO of a major company, much less the world’s wealthies. When Williams asks Cook what he does with his free time, handsome, fit, well-dressed (code words!) Cook replies that he’s “in the gym at 5 a.m.” and that he likes “to visit national parks.”

Tim Cook, National Park aficionado: Not that there’s anything wrong with that

Later in the piece, Williams, who is far too smart and clever to have stumbled across this term, tells Cook, “This is kind of your television coming out.” We interpreted that as Williams telling Cook, Yes, we agreed to your terms, but we’re still going to tweak you. Especially when reports of your lifestyle are fairly accessible on the web. (By the way, we shouldn’t have to say this, but we of course have zero problems with anyone’s sexual orientation as long as it doesn’t include children or farm animals…or domestic pets…or strays).

Cook’s best line about Apple: “Our whole role in life is to give you something you never thought you wanted, then once you have it, can’t imagine living without.” (My coke dealer has the same business mantra).

2. Tennessee finds a volunteer for its head coaching vacancy: Cincinnati head coach Butch Jones. How did the last coach to leave the Bearcats do in his next job?

3. Notre Dame linebacker Manti Te’o, who we believe is already an Eagle Scout, has picked up six national awards this week. Last night he won the Maxwell Award (nation’s most outstanding player), becoming the first defensive player to earn that honor since 1980. He also won the Bednarik Award (outstanding defensive player) and Walter Camp Award (similar to the Maxwell but less prestigious, unless you attended Yale). Earlier this week he won the Lombardi Award (player most likely to publicly insult his wife [“Shut up, Marie”]), Dick Butkus Award (most likely to attack a bus), and the Bronko Nagurski Award (most likely to crack Wrigley Field’s brick wall).

Jadeveon Clowney won the Ted Hendricks Award. He’ll be the nation’s top defensive player next season, if he isn’t already

Three things: How many awards must a player win before people start discussing naming an award after him? Two: having won half a dozen baubles this week, either the Heisman is a lei up for Te’o tomorrow or he’ll go home fairly sated, anyway. Three: there are a surfeit of college football awards.

4. LeBron’s big week continues, as the Miami Heat lose by 20 at home to a New York Knicks squad that was without Carmelo Anthony, Amar’e Stoudemire and Jeremy Lin (Whaaaaa?). After the game and media interviews, King James retreated to a practice court, it has been reported, to work on his game and perhaps set an example. So maybe he is trying to teach his teammates a…lesson?

5. Savannah Guthrie has better chemisty with Willie Geist than she does with Matt Lauer. On Today this morning, during a segment on cats of the wild, the handler brought out a cougar. “This is a different cougar than you are used to dealing with, Willie.” Ooh, su-nap!

Reserves

1. “How can I forget? The Germans wore gray, you wore blue.” Turner Classic Movies aired “Casablanca” last night, one of those classic films that is not the cinematic equivalent to eating your vegetables. It’s actually fast-paced, quick-witted and highly dramatic. Besides, coming out as it did in 1942, shortly after the U.S. became involved in World War II, it’s fun to hear the subtle digs directed at U.S. isolationism as personified by Rick “I don’t stick my neck out for nobody” Blaine. Here’s a song from the film that we enjoyed, and it’s not the one that everybody knows.

“Sam, did you order that case of Do or Die?”

A reminder that there are three college football awards (Ted Hendricks, Ray Guy, Fred Biletnikoff) named after players who were all members of the Oakland Raiders at the same time. No team was cooler than the early- to mid-Seventies Raiders.

Jersey Boys: Garden State governor Chris Christie appears on the show of fellow “What exit?” native Jon Stewart and reveals that he has seen Bruce Springsteen in concert 132 times, but who’s counting (only everyone between the ages of 40 and 70 who has lived in New Jersey)? That’s two big New Jersey bosses. CC revealed that number during his Daily Show appearance with Jon Stewart, though Stewart seemed to miss it.

MH loves itself the Chris Christie

The duo actually got into a lively, albeit amicable, debate on Republican philosophy. Stewart’s point is that to Republicans an “entitlement” is something the disenfranchised want from the government, but if it’s something the upper middle class needs (hello, TARP?), it’s for the good of the country. Christie remained focused on Sandy and Obamacare and refused to be drawn into J-Stew’s debate.

This editorial, by Melinda Henneberger, should get plenty of traction. We report, you decide.

Newphemism: Graydar. Definition: When you spot a man, usually on television, whom you know is unnaturally coloring his hair. Best examples: Tim Brando of CBS and Joe Kernen of CNBC.

Graydar alert

This guy, too

 The Phoenix Suns offer a “guaranteed good time” money back guarantee to their fans. The Suns lose to the Dallas Mavericks, 97-94. Should all 17,500 fans send in their requests for a refund? Hell, I would. Just to send a message to management to stop silly stunts.

Because we have, like, four minutes to write this today unless Mr. Hubbell can provide an assist.

1. Kobe eclipses the 30,000-point barrier and in the process becomes the youngest player in NBA history to do so. Kobe, besides having one of the coolest first names in the history of sports (Cy and Ty applaud you), is now the fourth of five players who have achieved the 30,000-point barrier to have played for the Los Angeles Lakers. The exception? Michael Jordan.

2. So if you’re keeping score…. Monday: Sports Illustrated names LeBron James “Sportsman of the Year.” Tuesday: the Miami Heat lose to the 1-13 Washington Wizards and James contradicts his coach, Erik Spoelstra, who calls the defeat a “lesson.” Wednesday: Kobe, who has never won SotY, breaks the 30,000-point barriers.

3. FYI, two current members of the Miami Heat have been named SI “Sportsman of the Year.” Outside of them, six people have garnered that honor as pro basketball players since the Roger Bannister became the first honoree in 1954. Can you name them? (Answer below).

Big Dipper: Yes or No?

4. Any Volunteers to coach the Tennessee football team? This is one of the ten best jobs in college football. Are coaches afraid of the recruiting grind of going up against Saban and The Hat day in and day out?

5. Apple stock (AAPL) has plummeted 10% this week, but CEO Tim Cook will appear on NBC in prime-time tonight on “Rock Center.” That is what we call a “buying opportunity.”

Answer: Bill Russell, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Rory Sparrow (don’t ask), Michael Jordan, Tim Duncan and David Robinson.