Starting Five

1. We cannot help it. We are falling helplessly in love with Robert Griffin III. It’s not just that he’s a winner, or that he’s smart, but he also has impeccable comic timing. If he hasn’t hosted Saturday Night Live by this time next year (we mean, even Eli Manning landed that gig), we are going to lock up Lorne Michaels next to Girl You Wish You Hadn’t Started a Conversation With at a Party. We are not even sure whether Indianapolis landed the superior rookie QB, but we do know that the Redskins have potentially the league’s most charismatic player — for as long as he stays healthy.

“Smile Like You Mean It”. He’s not yours or mine, he’s Our G3.

2. Texas A&M quarterback Johnny Manziel, alias Johnny Football, wins the Heisman Trophy, becoming the first fourth-semester freshman to do so. Manziel deserved it (as did Te’o, but only one man can win). We just want to know how come Nada Surf has never received any public credit for coining his nickname.

3. From the pages of Trolling Stone: seminal music magazine continues slide into obsolescence with its year-end list of the 50 Best “Singles of the Year.” You may have heard of a little ditty called “Call Me Maybe”, the video of which has been viewed 335 MILLION times on YouTube. Trolling Stone put it at 50, which is more insulting than if it had just omitted it from list. Popular does not necessarily equal, quality, sure, but if a song with an irrepressibly catchy hook that lassos the zeitgeist (remember this (17 million views)? Or this (10 million views?) cannot make the top ten in a year of pretty mundane, at best, music, isn’t this more about Jan Wenner’s peccadillos? Adding insult to injury, RS ranked Taylor Swift’s laughably immature “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” No. 2 (this song is a wan version of her funny SNL “You Got Lucky” tune).

Yet another Alabama that got a No. 1 ranking this season

No. 1 on the list? “Hold On” by the Alabama Shakes, which isn’t even the best version of a song with that title (We’d go with Triumph’s “Hold On” followed by Wilson Phillips’ “Hold On” ahead of both). It’s a decent song and all, but our suspicion after listening to it is that someone at RS thought this was My Morning Jacket and simply out of habit voted it No. 1. Either that or it’s just that time in history in which some people assume that anything with “Alabama” in the title deserves to be top-ranked.

4. We were afraid this was an apocryphal anecdote, but Greg Bishop of the New York Times reported it so we think it must be true. Apparently, Mitt Romney strolled into Manny Pacquiao’s dressing room before Pacquiao’s bout with Juan Manuel Marquez and introduced himself by saying, “Hi Manny. I’m Mitt Romney. I ran for president. I lost.” Is this the most delicious sports quote since, “Good job, good effort?” Pacquiao, as you know, lost — for the second time this year — and for only the second time since 2005.  Marquez knocked him out in the sixth round.

Mitt Romney: Eminently quotable and coifable

(Not reported as widely: A few moments later Karl Rove appeared in Pacquiao’s locker room and insisted Romney had not lost).

5. The Arizona Cardinals, who have devoted nearly all of their nine-plus decades in the NFL to putrid play, suffer the worst defeat in franchise history to the Seattle Seahawks, 58-0. How did Mitt Romney get from Las Vegas to Seattle so swiftly? On Monday morning’s SportsCenter, Hannah Storm incorrectly stated the final score as 48-0. She’s such a compassionate soul.

Reserves

In the grand tradition of Texas A&M quarterbacks — a tradition that as far as we know began with Ryan Tannehill — the Heisman Trophy winner has a hot girlfriend, according to The Big Lead.

More Heisman: This haircut may be more impressive than anything Manziel, Manti Te’o or Collin Klein did on the football field this season.

Even More Heisman: Ed Sherman talks to his former editor (and for a time, mine), Mike Kellams,  about how the Chicago Tribune handled a dilemma of one of its writers who covers Notre Dame having a Heisman vote. Our two nickels — and the writer is one of our closer friends in the media: either give the vote back to the Downtown Athletic Club, permanently, or vote as an individual and, as our hero Sgt. Barnes would say, “Take the pain.” By the way, we could tweak our pal and note that his preferred choice went to a player whose school wears purple and is nicknamed the Wildcats, just like his alma mater.

The Loss Angeles Lakers fall at home to the Utah Jazz and Jack Nicholson looks old and tired. Lakers are 9-12 and in 11th place in the Western Conference. What this roster desperately needs is a happy camper, and Steve Nash fits that bill. When old No. 13 returns, at least the attitude will improve. We’ll see about the play.

Apparently, the Kansas City Royals got burned in a trade. But who cares? Stories about the ups and downs of the Royals’ fortunes are not unlike stories about massive windstorms on Mars? How will any of this ever affect us?

Dallas Mourning News: Dallas Cowboy defensive lineman Josh Brent is at the wheel, and allegedly intoxicated, when he allegedly lost control of his 2007 Mercedes Benz. The crash led to the death of teammate and “very best friend” Jerry Brown. Brent has been charged with manslaughter and released on $500,000 bond.

Skid marks at the scene of the crash

Even More of More Heisman: Nothing would return the mystique to the Heisman Trophy faster than if the Downtown Athletic Club were to prohibit the ceremony from being televised. ESPN has turned the award presentation into a slick, hyper-produced television show and robbed it of much of its allure. We don’t need for this to last an hour.

The very first guest on the very first episode of NBC’s classic and seismic, in terms of programming at that hour, Late Night With David Letterman, was Bill Murray. There was no better choice, as this clip demonstrates. More than 30 years later, Murray appeared on Late Show last week (of course, he has appeared numerous times over the years) and remained true to his cause: making people smile, grin or even laugh. Dave: “What did you know about FDR before you undertook the role of playing him?” Murray: “I knew that he was on the dime.”

The same guy who used to rank Oscar nominees on “Weekend Update” will probably be one again come February

 Murray — and Tom Hanks — remain the gold standard of talk show guests. Martin Short is a close third.

Tickets for the 12.12.12 (yes, but when is the concert taking place?) Sandy Relief concert at Madison Square Garden are being offered at anywhere between $620 for one and $29,983 for four tickets on StubHub.com. Then again, when you realize that mortality is going to strike the British Invasion in the next decade or two, the opportunity to see Paul McCartney, the Rolling Stones, The Who and Roger Waters all at once — not to mention Bruce Springsteen, Eddie Vedder, Bon Jovi and Billy Joel — is probably worth $620 to a die-hard rock fan.

I guess I lost my way/there were oh so many roads

A few thoughts: 1. Pair Eddie Vedder with Roger Daltrey for “Hunger Strike.” 2. I would not put this artist quite at The Who/Stones/Beatles/Pink Floyd level, but it seems that one dude who definitely belongs on any stage with Bon Jovi and Billy Joel in terms of contributions of classic songs is Bob Seger. As the years roll on, songs such as “Against The Wind”, “Night Moves“, and “Main Street”  only grow in my estimation. You can say the same for John Mellencamp and “Check It Out”, “Small Town”, and “Lonely Ol’ Night.” But these two bards of the Midwest never seem to get invited to hang out with the cool kids in class.