Because we have, like, four minutes to write this today unless Mr. Hubbell can provide an assist.

1. Kobe eclipses the 30,000-point barrier and in the process becomes the youngest player in NBA history to do so. Kobe, besides having one of the coolest first names in the history of sports (Cy and Ty applaud you), is now the fourth of five players who have achieved the 30,000-point barrier to have played for the Los Angeles Lakers. The exception? Michael Jordan.

2. So if you’re keeping score…. Monday: Sports Illustrated names LeBron James “Sportsman of the Year.” Tuesday: the Miami Heat lose to the 1-13 Washington Wizards and James contradicts his coach, Erik Spoelstra, who calls the defeat a “lesson.” Wednesday: Kobe, who has never won SotY, breaks the 30,000-point barriers.

3. FYI, two current members of the Miami Heat have been named SI “Sportsman of the Year.” Outside of them, six people have garnered that honor as pro basketball players since the Roger Bannister became the first honoree in 1954. Can you name them? (Answer below).

Big Dipper: Yes or No?

4. Any Volunteers to coach the Tennessee football team? This is one of the ten best jobs in college football. Are coaches afraid of the recruiting grind of going up against Saban and The Hat day in and day out?

5. Apple stock (AAPL) has plummeted 10% this week, but CEO Tim Cook will appear on NBC in prime-time tonight on “Rock Center.” That is what we call a “buying opportunity.”

Answer: Bill Russell, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Rory Sparrow (don’t ask), Michael Jordan, Tim Duncan and David Robinson.