Starting Five

1. That dude in the cheesehead who taunts Aaron Rodgers at the end of the “Discount Double-check” ads? Turns out he’s a replacement ref.

“Hey, Rodguhs! The replay official is not going to overturn it!”

2. Jon Gruden claims that Green Bay is 6,000 miles from Seattle (it’s about 1,934). Although if by “Green Bay” Gruden meant Hong Kong, then yeah, that sounds about right.

3. In the aftermath ESPN’s Linda Cohn refers to the NFL as the “best-run business in America”, then takes out her Blackberry to place a call for a new CD player on which to play her new CDs. (Apple, Linda?) Cohn also said that this play may turn out to be “the tip of the iceberg” in the replacement refs/NFL/union refs saga. Live TV ain’t easy.

That’s Shane Falco on your right, Clifford Franklin on your left.

4. The replay official, Howard Slavin, is a Los Angeles-based litigator (specializing in “Toxic Torts!”) who has been an NFL official since 1987. However, the manner in which the rules are written prohibited Slavin from overturning the call or even from flagging Golden Tate for P.I. Not that it was a big play or anything, just the single play that determined the outcome of the game. So, perhaps there’s a little room for common sense in the by-laws. What say you, counselor Slavin?

5. As our own Billy Hubbell noted, this game took place in Seattle on the 21st anniversary of a seminal moment in the city’s history, the release of Seattle-based trio Nirvana’s all-time classic album Nevermind. A denial. A denial. A denial. A denial. A denial.

The Reserves

Fail Mary, Full of Gripes…

“You get so frustrated with incompetence that it leads to anger,” says ESPN’s Trent Dilfer in the immediate aftermath, as Cleveland Brown fans nod in agreement. Peter King tweets, “One of the great disgraces in NFL history“, which we presume is still somewhere below the Personal Seat License concept and the 1978 Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Green Bay Packer guard T.J. Lang was more succinct, tweeting simply, “Got (hosed) by the refs. Embarrassing. Thanks nfl.” You know what else is embarrassing, T.J.? Allowing your quarterback, the reigning NFL MVP, to be sacked eight times on national television.

The flag is with thee…

“It’s like putting a mustache on the Mona Lisa,” says Rick Reilly on the ESPN postgame set in reference to the replacement refs, a line that draws admiring nods from Dilfer, Steve Young and host Stuart Scott, who didn’t recognize it from this 2002 Reilly essay in SI.com or this 2009 column in ESPN the Magazine. You know, we get so frustrated with incompetence sometimes…

Blessed Art Modell amongst owners…

Seahawk coach Pete Carroll has now been on the winning end of both the Bush Push and the Fail Mary. Give Pete his due: When he writes a book entitled “Win Forever”, he ain’t kidding around.

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And blessed is the foot of Justin Tucker…

If only the Fail Mary were a lone miscarriage of justice for the NFL in prime time this weekend. Did Baltimore Raven kicker Justin Tucker’s last-second field goal clear the uprights on Sunday night? Have you seen it from this angle yet?

Holy Moly, Mother of Sod…

This was ESPN analyst John Clayton moments after the final verdict was announced. It’s difficult to blame him. It was a wacky play. Maybe there’s a larger issue here, though, besides the outcome of the contest — it’s the third week of the freakin’ season, after all. Did the refs get it wrong? It sure seems that way. Is that lamentable? Yes. On the other hand, we can look back and find multiple instances of either incompetence (Jim Joyce and the perfect game), malfeasance (the snow plow game in New England?) or outright corruption (Remember Tim Donaghy?) when fans and media reacted with far less bitterness, sanctimony and hostility. Maybe it’s just that it’s an election year. Maybe it’s the insufferable sanctimony and self-importance of “The National Football League” and those who discuss it on ESPN (Merrill Hoge, anyone?). Maybe it’s ESPN needing to fill a news cycle and our crippling addiction to Twitter. Maybe America is losing its sense of humor. Maybe you had money on the Packers.

We know this: Steve Sabol and NFL Films would have captured the moment with pitch-perfect tone.

And there were some funny tweets. Eric Hansen of the South Bend Tribune, who covered Tate in college, noted that it’s “Free Maple Bars for everyone at Top Pot Donuts” while Ralph D. Russo of the AP wrote, “Steve Young’s sanctimonious soliloquy about the greatness of all that is NFL kingdom is the reason why this mess is so damn enjoyable to me.”

Pray for us sinners, as these refs are out of their depth. Amen.

Forget the question of who caught the ball. Golden Tate’s offensive pass interference was ridiculously flagrant — it was so offensive that it was a fragrant foul — and that went completely uncalled. Kudos to ESPN’s Lisa Salters for asking Tate about the shove, to which he replied, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Look at it this way: At least Golden Tate, Warrior didn’t teabag the Packers’ marching band after he scored.

Golden Tate, Warrior: The legend continues

Starting Five

1. “I”ll tell you what, the uprights extend through the heavens…” Al Michaels citing a little-known phrase (check 2nd video) in the NFL rule book. Baltimore 31, New England 30. Listen, Bill: As long as you coach the Pats and as long as the rest of us can remember the term “tuck rule”, you’re not going to get any sympathy from anyone who does not pronounce it “chowdah.”

2. “Jon, you gave a tremendous performance this year, and I for one am shocked that you did not win tonight… Too soon?” Emmy host Jimmy Kimmel pokes fun at Mad Men’s Jon Hamm, the George Clooney of television. (Mad Men had an unprecedented 17 nominations, yet picked up no statuettes.)

3. Mark Dantonio goes all Soup Nazi during his post game press conference after the Spartans’ desultory 23-7 victory over Eastern Michigan in East Lansing. NEXT QUESTION.

4. Notre Dame finally defeats Michigan exorcises the demon of Denard Robinson with a 13-6 win. Tommy Rees picks up his second save of the season and is now in contention for the Rolaids Relief Man of the Year in the FBS.

Rollie. Rees. Rolaids Relief.

After all, both have won at Yankee Stadium.

5. Wanting it in the American League East: In just the past ten days the New York Yankees have gone on a seven-game win streak, the Baltimore Orioles a six-game win streak and the Tampa Fay Wrays a five-game win streak.

 Reserves

“I can’t believe Bill Belichick just did that.” Cris Collinsworth on Belichick grabbing a replacement referee. Although, to be fair, that phrase has been uttered by opposing NFL coaches and cuckolded husbands for years.

So the Emmys were boring? Maybe HBO should air them. As Jimmy Kimmel mostly pointed out, the show’s name itself can be distilled into “My” and “Me.”

Drama Series: Breaking Bad Mad Men Homeland.

Comedy Series: Modern Family

“The 22 years I’ve been living, this is the most disappointed I’ve been in myself.” Michigan quarterback Denard Robinson after throwing four interceptions and fumbling in the red zone — on his birthday — in the Wolverines’ loss at Notre Dame.

Why, yes, the WNBA regular season did come to a close and it was the Washington Mystakes (5-29), losers of their final 13 games, that will have the best chance of landing Brittney Griner next spring.

Variety, Music or Comedy: The Daily Show

“Where are you going, sweetheart?” “I’m headed to the maul.” David Villalobos, 25, leaps from Bronx Zoo monorail into tiger pen because “I wanted to be one with the tiger.” Villalobos survived, and the only reason we can ascertain for this miracle is that he must have been wearing his cinammon cologne (“Tigers hate cinammon; they love pepper”).

Cats off-Broadway

Actress, Drama Series: Angela Chase Claire Danes

For what it’s worth, an anagram of Romney is R-Money.

Avalanche in Nepal. At least eight climbers, and perhaps three more, scaling the planet’s eighth-tallest peak, Manaslu, perish in an avalanche. Somewhere Jon Krakauer’s ears just perked up.

The world’s eighth-tallest peak claims at least eight climbers

Supporting Actor, Drama Series: This dude who once finished second on The Price is Right “Showcase Showdown.”

Seth Meyers (and how has he not won an Emmy?) to President Obama: Zip it!

After nearly a six-year drought Notre Dame is finally able to get all Neil Everett about its AP ranking.

Meyers deserves an Emmy. As Mark Dantonio says, “Players make plays.”

IAH is a Hader lover

Supporting Actress, Drama Series: Minerva McGonagall Maggie Smith

Supporting Actress, Comedy Series: Carol Vessey Julie Bowen

Old Dominion quarterback Taylor Heineke completes 55 of 79 passes for an NCAA Division I record 730 yards in a 64-61 defeat of New Hampshire. Heineke’s 79 attempts without a pick is an all-divisions NCAA record and has Denard Robinson going “Day-umm.”  The previous week Heineke had thrown seven TD passes. Does the name Gordie Lockbaum mean anything to you?

Supporting Actor, Comedy Series: Eric Stonestreet (“Keep it gay, keep it gay, keep it gay!”)

Actress, Comedy Series: Elaine Benes Julia Louis-Dreyfuss

Actor, Comedy Series: Ducky Jon Cryer

While researching Gordie Lockbaum, we came across this November 10, 1986 cover of Sports Illustrated. Glad they solved that problem.

Notre Dame bits of tid: The Irish have yet to trail this season and have outscored opponents 58-13 in the first half. Meanwhile, tight end Tyler Eifert, practically the consensus preseason choice as first-team All-American and Mackey Award winner, has one catch in the past two games (psst: It’s not his fault).

Oklahoma loses at home to Kansas State. It’s the first loss at home against a ranked opponent in the Bob Stoops era after 14 consecutive wins. The Sooners’ most popular player is their second-string quarterback (Bell Dozer!). That’s a problem.

On his 63rd birthday Bruce Springsteen took the stage at Met Life Stadium (in New Jersey!) at 10:30 p.m. and played until 2 a.m. Or, what Guns ‘n Roses used to call “office hours.”

So it was 114 degrees on the red carpet at the Emmys. Expect a spate of climate change made-for-TV movies next year.

 Heidi Klum. Va. Va. Voom.