by John Walters

Starting Five

The KKK in North Carolina has announced a December 3rd victory parade for Donald Trump. No kidding.

Yes We Klan!

Is everyone who voted for Donald Trump racist? No.

Is everyone who is racist a Donald Trump voter/supporter? Almost certainly.

It’s been funny in the first 30 hours or so to witness the level of offense and umbrage taken at the intimation that Trump or his supporters are racist by the very same group that professed with no evidence that his predecessor was not born in the USA.

The millions of decent people who supported Trump? Why are they more bothered with being considered racist than they are that so many racists feel empowered by a Trump presidency? Where is their empathy for people, for fellow Americans, whose lives and welfare are now at risk? And what has their president-elect said or done during his campaign to assuage any fears that white supremacists and nationalists are about to become more brazen? The blood of innocent people is on the hands of anyone who voted for Trump. Strong words? Yes. But let’s not sugarcoat this.

2. Van Against Evil

This exchange between Trump surrogate Corey Lewandowski and Clinton surrogate Van Jones on CNN is incredibly symbolic. Here’s one grown man acknowledging his party’s defeat and calling for a period of grace and acceptance—basically the five-minute cooling off period after a sporting event—and here’s the other guy saying, “Nanny nanny doo doo.” This is just the beginning.

And here’s NBC’s RIchard Engel on election night, after midnight. Engel knows the Middle East and America’s foreign policy better than almost anyone, certainly better than Gary Johnson or Donald Trump. When Brian Williams asked him what a Trump presidency means for America’s standing in the world, Engel plainly stated, “Absolutely catastrophic.”

3. Why He Won: “Git ‘er Done”

Red, WHITE, and Blue

Whites still outnumber every other race in the U.S., and non-college-educated whites still outnumber college-educated whites. There’s nothing wrong with not having a college degree (I have two wonderful parents who did not attend college but literally worked two jobs apiece to send to a great school), but the heaviest incidences of unemployment and yes, nationalism and white supremacy, emanate from this demographic. Trump, while he very well may “love African-Americans” and the like, did little to disabuse white nationalists of the notion that their values were his values during the campaign.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2hzRnwLTMfM

Yes, in 2000 The Simpsons predicted America’s first female president, but only after a President Trump. Sad.

Popular Vote

Clinton…………………..59,814,018 (48%)

Trump……………………59,611,678 (47%)

Electoral College

Trump………………….279

Clinton…………………228

Among White Men

Bros For Trump

Trump………………63%

Clinton……………..31%

Among White Women

Trump………………..53%

Clinton……………….43%

AMONG NON-COLLEGE EDUCATED WHITE MEN

He’s mad as hell and he’s not going to take it any more. Mad about what, exactly, nobody knows. it’s as if some vegan tried to outlaw buffalo wings.

Trump…………………72%

Clinton……………….23%

AMONG NON-COLLEGE EDUCATED WHITE WOMEN

Trump…………………62%

Clinton………………..34%

If Trump wins, it’ll be the first time a billionaire moved into a public housing unit that was abandoned by a black family!

— Albert Haynesworth (@haynesworthiii) November 9, 2016

Among Blacks

Clinton…………………..88%

Trump……………………8%

Among Latinos

Clinton……………………65%

Trump…………………….29%

Among All Eligible Voters

“If you vote for her, you’re a grownup. If you vote for him, you’re a sucker. If you don’t vote, you’re an asshole.”  –Louis C.K.

Clinton…………………..25.6%

Trump……………………25.5%

Did Not Vote………….49.9%

4. I’m With Herb

California voters passed Proposal 64 (they couldn’t have called it Proposal 420?), making it legal to use marijuana recreationally. As many a tee-hee’ing scribe wrote, support for cannabis “reached a new high,” as voters in Massachusetts and Nevada approved similar proposals.

5. “Not My President!”

Protests erupted in cities (but not likely in rural areas) all over the country over the election. I dropped in on the protest outside Trump International Hotel on Columbus Circle. There were at least 1,000 protesters there, chanting things such as “Pay Your Taxes!”, “My Body, My Choice!” and “Not My President!” I also saw a young woman go topless and sit atop a dude’s shoulders.

I saw signs that read “My President, Not My Leader” and “Grab Him By The Balls.” Given the nature and the degree of invective that Trump launched, wholly without apology, during his campaign, given all the people he insulted, it shouldn’t surprise anyone that these protests are taking place.

But, for the moment, they are peaceful protests. And it is possible to support your nation, and to respect the office of the president, while not liking or respecting the person who holds it. That would be more than many a Republican did for Barack Obama during his eight years in office.

Word Up

Surreptitious (Adj)

Kept secret, especially because it wouldn’t be approved of

The president-elect engaged in daily surreptitious phone calls with Vladimir Putin.

Music 101

Happy

The second single from the Rolling Stones‘ classic Exile on Main Street, with Keif handling lead vocals. In the summer of 1971 Richards wrote the song in the south of France in his inimitable style: “We did that in an afternoon, in only four hours, cut and done. At noon it had never existed. At four o’clock it was on tape.” The tune reached No. 22 on the Billboard charts, or not as high as Pharrell’s song of the same name 40-something years later.

Remote Patrol

Utah at Arizona State

FS1 9:30 p.m.

If’s-and-Buts: Trailing 28-23, the Utes had three shots from inside Cal’s 2-yard line back in September to score win with less than :10 to play. Had they won that and with everything else being equal, they’re 8-1 heading to the desert tonight, the lone loss by a TD to No. 4 Washington. They can still win the Pac-12 South if they win out, beginning tonight in Tempe. Joe Williams, who has 683 yards rushing and 6 TDs in the 3 games since returning from “retirement.” was not at the Cal game.

by John Walters

R.I.P., American Decency

This is a text from a female friend that I received when I woke up (with very minor revisions) (UPDATE: My friend consented to let me use her name; it’s my old friend Moose, who lives in Toronto; she lived in the USA for more than a decade and Toronto is farther south than Minneapolis, anyway, so it may as well be in America)….

“I’m so depressed. It’s literally soul-crushing as a woman. Everything we were taught to believe is a lie. How can a man who literally says he’s going to grab women’s pussies still even be in this race let alone get elected? What does anyone tell their daughters tomorrow? What does any woman tell themselves? How does maybe the most qualified candidate ever lose to a misogynistic, racist, narcissistic, awful human being?

I cannot tell you how discouraged this makes me. That people would prefer this piece of crap over a capable woman is pretty much every experience I’ve had at work. I don’t think I’ve ever been this discouraged and this disgusted. Honestly, it was just too much as a woman to watch this happening. I went to bed and I cried. You can make jokes about me all you want but this election proves that women are still second-class citizens, still seen as objects, and I despair for all the little girls out there. 

How many times have I found my boss’ hand on my knee, or been pinned in an elevator, or been passed over and paid less? How many times has a man thought it was okay to put his hands on me? How many times have men ignored what was coming out of my mouth and tried to get a peak down my shirt? How many times have I been condescended to, had to listen to inappropriate jokes, had to play at being “one of the boys?” How many times have I literally fought off a sexual assault by a man senior to me at work? 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b1_QoHu8EJM

How many times have men talked to me in ways they would never have talked to a man? How much money over the years have I lost by being paid less than a man while working longer, harder and better? And we all keep fighting through it because we’d been raised to believe that we could do and be anything we wanted if we worked hard enough, tried hard enough, were enough. They’ve elected a female president of Pakistan! And this nation that holds itself up as the model of society, the greatest country on earth, elects as their head of state a truly vile, criminal, dangerous, lying piece of crap. 

A man who will stack the Supreme Court to take away the right of a woman to make choices about her own body. A man who considers sexual assault “locker room talk.” A man who preaches hate, racism, division and misogyny. A man who truly believes women are objects for his enjoyment and second-class citizens at best. 

I’m so not kidding. You just cannot know what this feels like. And how do I explain to my 10-year-old niece that “the bad man on TV who says such terrible things and uses such bad words that my mum turns off the TV” has been elected head of the greatest country on earth? How can I honestly look at her and tell her she can be anything she wants and do anything she wants? How can I move forward? 

That that man is what people prefer over a capable woman means that there is no hope. That people are totally okay with his actions and the words that come out of his mouth. It’s sickening. Every part of me hurts. And every battle I’ve fought through as a woman means nothing and we are all fools for ever believing things would change when the worst example of a man beats a woman who for 30 years has never quit on anything. I truly, truly despair. And my heart and soul are just broken. 

by John Walters

Starting Five

This may be Floorida. Or California. Or Arizona. Or Nevada. Or Colorado. You know, one of those funny states with a Spanish name.

Armageddon Ready To Vote

The new wonder drug? D.C.-alis “If your election lasts longer than 15 months, please consult a physician. 

It’s election day: and you thought Christmas would never get here when you were a kid. Get out there and vote. And remember to charge your phone before you go because you may be standing on line a while. Especially if you’re black.

2. Stronger To Get Her Elected

Two presidents—possibly three—two First Ladies, the first African-American president, possibly the first female prez, possibly the first First Gentleman, and possibly, who knows, the first female African-American prez….and a Stanford grad

On election eve, the Democratic nominee went to the birthplace of this nation, Philadelphia and Independence Hall. She brought out Bruce Springsteen as her opening act (possibly the first woman he has opened for since Anne Murray in the early Seventies), who was shrewd enough not to play “The River”, “Born In The USA” or “Roll of The Dice.”

The audience was both lit AND woke

President Obama made his last of 17 campaign appearances for Hillary Clinton in this battle. Trump: “He should be doing his job.” Donald, he is. He’s trying to keep America great.

Then for Hillary it was on to a rally in Raleigh, joined by Lady GaGa and Bon Jovi.

“Nuuuuuge!” Grabs himself by the pu**y

Trump held rallies in five states, finishing up in Grand Rapids, Michigan, with Ted Nugent in camo as his opening night. If you were watching MSNBC’s Brian Williams, he wryly noted as Nuge took the stage that “You may not be able to see him with all that camouflage, but trust us, Ted Nugent is there.” (Nugget’s last Top 100 hit, “Wango Tango,” came in 1980, by the way).

3.  Ann-o-Wrexit

You cannot spell “Hannity” without placing “ann” right in the middle

There was a Coultergeist sighting on the eve of the election, as America’s favorite harridan tweeted this:

If only people with at least 4 grandparents born in America were voting, Trump would win in a 50-state landslide.

— Ann Coulter (@AnnCoulter) November 8, 2016

And she tweeted this a few hours before 3 a.m. I’m not sure if there has been any time in this nation’s history when Americans who had four grandparents born on these shores were in the majority….which has always been one of the best aspects of America. I’ll give her this, though: she may be right. But she’s also Far Right.

4.  Arc Diocese of Curry

You think Curry was aware that his 13th three broke a record?

Someone gave Stephen Curry the scouting report on 0-6 New Orleans and he decided to make it rain in Oakland. Curry drained an NBA-record 13 threes (in just 17 attempts) as Golden State defeated the Pelicans, 116-106.

Curry finished with 46 points, and if you study that stat box further, you’ll see that he shot an abysmal (especially for him)  33% from inside the arc and 50% from the free throw line, but 76.5% from beyond the arc.

You may recall, and this is hardly a coincidence, that on Friday night, on the second evening of a back-to-back, for Golden State, Curry missed all 10 of his three-point attempts at the Lakers, snapping his league-record of 157 games with at least one three-pointer. So, with two consecutive days off, he rested up, maybe took a couple treys at the practice facility, and atoned.

It was Curry’s first 40-point game of the season (he led the NBA with 13 last year). Also, I may be wrong, but it may have been the first Dubs game in which both Curry and Klay Thompson (24) outscored Kevin Durant (22). The Dubs are now 5-2 after starting out 24-0 last season.

5. Who You’re Really Going To Lose Your Job To…

And he won’t ask for a raise…

Mexicans? Cambodians? Indonesians? Try C-3PO and R2-D2.

You see the headlines about “Driverless Cars” and “Drones” and your bank probably already has automated tellers. Robots are cheaper for employers because they don’t need health benefits, they don’t ask for raises, and they (probably) don’t sexually harass their female robot co-workers.

But ultimately every robot replaces at least one job, no? The next president is going to have to address this issue, that what’s better for a corporation’s bottom line (and stock price) is not necessarily better for the U.S.A.  Think of all the non-college educated people whose primary job is to drive something or someone somewhere. Where do they go when driverless cars and drones take their jobs? Will they all just become robot mechanics?

Now, think of things like Uber and AirBnB, which are basically completely deregulating the taxi and hospitality industry. That’s not a robot problem, but it’s still a problem. Basically, Isaac Asimov predicted the end of the world accurately more than 50 years ago. Sad.

Music 101

The Winner Takes It All

This song seemed rather apropos for today. Then again, you may say, “We’re even outsourcing our election-appropriate tunes now!!?! What the WTF?!?” Meanwhile, here’s the thing about Abba: they wrote all their lyrics in a second language, knowing who their biggest potential market was. The 1980 tune was voted Britain’s favorite Abba song, though it only climbed to No. 8 here ou the U.S. charts.

Remote Patrol

Election Night Coverage

PBS (and every other network, but I’d watch PBS) 7 p.m.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IZJujCge8Ys

Donald Trump last night: “If we don’t win, I will consider this the single greatest waste of time, energy…and money…” And that would make KellyAnne Conway America’s single greatest expert in waste management.

MSNBC contributor Nicolle Wallace, who worked on the McCain/Palin ticket, has been a breakout star of this election

Anyway, it all ends tonight. Then we can return to talking about how the Pac-12 gonna get screwed in the College Football Playoff.

by John Walters

Tate (15) left Smith (22) wondering if anyone dude can tackle him

Make America Tate Again

Not sure how often the ones scrimmaged against one another at Notre Dame practices between 2007-2009, but when they did, chances are that wide receiver Golden Tate Warrior and safety Harrison Smith had some good battles. On Sunday  in Minnesota, they were at it again, Tate caught the above pass in overtime, eluded Smith’s tackle, then nonchalantly helicoptered across the plane (SWIDT?) for the  game-winner. A 29-yard TD pass.

And he held onto the football

We’ve seen this before. One of the most underrated things about Tate, just ask USC’s Taylor Mays, is how strong he is. Watch him shake off Smith as if he’s a little brother.

Will never forget, after the 2009 season opener (a 35-0 thumping of Nevada, who had a QB named Colin Kaepernick), someone asked Charlie Weis if Michael Floyd who that day had TD catches of 24, 70 and 88 yards, would go down as the best wide receiver in Notre Dame history. Charlie’s answer: “Golden might not agree with that.”

Airborne Tate is nothing new….

I’m with Charlie. Golden Tate was at least the equal to Floyd, if not better. And he’s always been more fun to watch. Also a reminder: three players from that 2009 football team were on the field in Minneapolis yesterday: Tate, Harrison and Viking tight end Kyle Rudolph. And they still finished 6-6 and got Weis fired (Rudolph missed most of the season with an injury) (Update: No, he didn’t. Rudolph started 10 games; Floyd missed 5 with injury, though: remember, those 4 on the same team couldn’t beat Michigan and Tate Forcier became a one-week legend because of it).

2. Keepin’ It 10-0

This play had no effect on the outcome, but it typifies how difficult it was for the Tigers to stop Hurts

For three quarters in Baton Rouge, neither top-ranked Alabama or two-loss LSU were able to score off one another. It was the first game all season that headed into the fourth quarter with a score that looked like an old-timey barbell.

Then Tide freshman QB Jalen “Everybody” Hurts sprinted around right end on a designed keeper, cut back inside, and was barely touched as he scored from 23 yards out to break the ice.

Think of all the playoff hopefuls and all the points they put up on Saturday: Clemson 54, Michigan 59, Washington 66, Ohio State 62, Louisville 52. These are almost certainly the crop of teams that, besides Alabama, the four-team playoff will draw from. And yet Alabama (9-0) and its one measly TD and one field goal are easily the best team in the land.

3. Earthquake Alley?

Oklahoma tossing up more bricks than Klay Thompson

Remember when Oklahoma used to be infamous for its tornadoes (Is that why they named their NBA team the Thunder??? Whaaaaaat?)?  Anyway, a 5.3 magnitude earthquake struck central Oklahoma last night.

Here is a run-down on the number of magnitude 3 or higher earthquakes in the Sooner state the previous three years:

2013…….109

2014……585

2015……907

So what’s happening? Is it fracking? Indirectly, yes, as this article attests. Of course, fracking makes a lot of people in Oklahoma a lot of money while bringing down people’s gas bills, so I wonder what side of the aisle will dismiss this reasoning as ludicrous.

4. Bill Folds

Her show: “Garbage Time.” His show: garbage.

On Friday HBO canceled Any Given Wednesday, saying that this week’s show will be Bill Simmons’ last (special guest: John From Cincinnati cast reunion). That’s a quick hook—four months—but we could all see that this show wasn’t going anywhere. The best personality-driven sports show on TV is hosted on midnights on ESPN by Scott Van Pelt. As a TV host, SVP is HBO-worthy. Simmons just never was.

He’s an incredibly engaging writer. Very funny. And people who listen to sports podcasts like his (I’d rather listen to his old pal Adam Corolla on a podcast). Whatever. HBO wasted millions of dollars on Simmons—they were never paying that much just to have The Ringer or for him to be a behind-the-scenes sports doc guy.

So, what’s next? My guess is they’ll both behave as if this setback is something they’ll move past, but then Simmons—stop me if you’ve heard this—will get a little whiny and petulant and HBO will decide he’s just not worth the bother. They’ll “amicably” divorce and Simmons will be hired by his pal Jamie Horowitz over at FOX.

If there’s a Bill Simmons movie, or better yet a “30 for 30” doc on the parabola of his career (“What if I told you a sports blogger got more than he ever dreamt of and it made him miserable?”), the last scene is Simmons and ESPN’s John Walsh sitting pond-side in Boston Common, as Walsh keeps repeating, “It’s not your fault…it’s not your fault…it’s not your—wait, maybe it is your fault.”

5. Gimmicks Gonna Gimmick

Fitbit’s stock pace has fallen off some…

Do you own a GoPro? Or a FitBit? Did someone give you either as a gift last Christmas or did you bequeath either or both on someone else? The Christmas before, perhaps? Two very popular gadgets a year or two ago are now going the way of “Bop It!” and Rollerblades. Check out their stock arcs:

FitBit (FIT)

IPO, June 17, 2015: $20/share

Peak, August 5, 2015: $51.90

Today: $8.95

GoPro (GPRO)

IPO, June 26, 2014: $24

Peak: Sept. 30, 2014: $96.45

Today: $11.16

Which brings us to Twitter (TWTR), which is a service as opposed to a product.

IPO (Nov. 7, 2013): $26

Peak (Dec. 26, 2013): $74.73

Today: $18.17

Is Twitter a gimmick , too? Will it fade? I don’t think so. And I’m not saying the above two companies are dead. They’ve just settled to a place beneath Irrational Exuberance. I still believe Twitter has a far higher ceiling than the other two. It’s the only one of the three that I’m sure will eventually return to its IPO price.

Reserves

Election Special. Since we have “One Day More” before we vote on who will be “Master (or Mistress) of the House,” here’s the showstopper from Les Miserables (if this doesn’t draw a Katie McCollow comment, nothing will).

Word Up

An experimental feature in which we showcase and define a word that you probably won’t see on Twitter.

mellifluous (adj) Sweet or musical, pleasant to hear

Music 101

Travelin’ Man

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxEy5QX7jHk

“Sometimes at night/I see their faces/I feel the traces/They’ve left on my soul…” In 1975 Bob Seger released the album Beautiful Loser, on which this song opened Side 2. The album peaked at 131 and this song never even charted. The Michigan native was even more  of a local hero to Michigan than Springsteen is in New Jersey. One night in 1976, he played before 80,000 at the Pontiac Silverdome  only to perform before fewer than 1,000 fans the  following night in Chicago.

After Seger released Night Moves in 1976, he became an international star. He’d then release a live album, Live Bullet, on which this song was played together with “Beautiful Loser” (they don’t even appear on the same side on the album) and it became the most played song(s) on the album, which to this day remains a Top 10 all-time live album in terms of sales. Love this tune.

Remote Patrol

Bills at Seahawks

ESPN 8:30 p.m.

Buffalo Bill the man never lived in New York (but he did live in Toronto for awhile). The More You Know….

Quick, which city, Buffalo or Seattle has the greater latitude number? If you said, “Buffalo,” you’re wrong. Seattle is nearly five degrees farther to the north. We East Coasters get SCREWED on weather. It’s nice to see the Bills (4-4) on prime-time TV. Seattle is in first place (4-2-1) in the NFC West.

by John Walters

Durant was dominant with 39 points and this blocked shot

Durant’s Domain

Golden State used a 37-11 second quarter to take a 25-point lead into halftime versus the Thunder, then West Coasted home for a 122-96 victory. Kevin Durant wins the first battle between his present and former teams. Russ had 20. It was OKC’s first loss, while the Dubs have won 4 in a row following that season-opening embarrassment versus SAS.

2. Isn’t This How Facebook Started?

In true Puritan style, they wear a “Crimson letter” at each game (“Heathen?”)

Chauvinistic and craven Harvard males rating Crimson coeds on their looks? A dozen or so years earlier, this is how Facebook began. Now, it’s gotten the men’s soccer team’s season canceled as punishment.

For those of you college soccer-addled freaks, the Crimson were 10-3-2 overall, 4-0-1 in the Ivy League, and riding a 6-match win streak when the hammer fell.

3. An Oliver Twist*

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1OSTOFlM6fM

*The judges will grudgingly accept “Boulder Dash,” but it’s a hed the judges used for a story about CU football back in 1994, too, so….

Colorado gets past UCLA, 20-10, in Boulder when Isaiah Oliver took a punt 68 yards to the cabin with less than five minutes left. This game also featured UCLA running back Soso Jamabo and CU wideout Bryce Bobo. “Soso, Bobo. Bobo, Soso.”

4. Shelter from the ‘Storm’

Had the opportunity to see Aussie lyricist/pianist/comic Tim Minchin at the New York Comedy Festival last night. Brilliant dude, and last night as a second encore he had every last light turned down and did a spot-on rendition of “Hallelujah” (while apologizing for being the latest singer to cover the song).

Minchin veered away from discussing our election for all but about 30 seconds, where he relented and said the following: “If the FACT of him doesn’t bother you, my talking about the fact of him isn’t going to change anything.”

Anyway, here’s a bit he does that sort of shows off his genius for word play and genius in general. Up top is live, and down below here is the animated version.

5. Meanwhile in Bleaksville…

Does it feel a little like everyone has done that “I’ve come to Flyover Country To Understand Why Trump Voters Are So Angry” piece? Well, Benjamin Hart thought so, too. This is funny stuff.