by John Walters

Texas Christian Massacre

65-7

May we never speak of it again. At some point during the second half I began entertaining visions of ESPN cutting into its telecast with Scott Van Pelt and Ryan Clark in the studio, the latter reminding us that the Horned Frogs “aren’t just football players, they’re human beings!”*

*Kudos to my former student Jack for that one.

Seriously, though, at least Damar Hamlin came back to life one Monday night earlier on ESPN. The Horned Frogs, after briefly giving its audience hope at 10-7, surrendered 55 unanswered points.

For posterity’s sake, this was the largest point differential (58) in the history of bowls. Not in the history of championship games, but in all bowl games. I don’t recall Fowler and Herbie noting that. I do recall Herbie twice saying, “I have no idea what to say.” He could’ve said that.

The 12-team playoff means we won’t be seeing games like this in the championship game, but rather in the first and second rounds. It’s becoming more the way we choose a president. Multiple layers of vetting to keep out the great unwashed (and occasionally, once every century, a demagogue steps in). But for the near future, expect to see only SEC schools, perhaps Ohio State or Michigan, or maybe even Clemson or USC, in the natty. Once we get to 12 teams.

Imagine being an Ohio State fan last night. Knowing your school blew a 14-point second half lead to the Dawgs and also could’ve won it at the end with a sub-50 yard field goal. That wasn’t just for a win; it was for a national championship. And, yes, we all know Alabama would’ve kept this game close. SIngle digits, most likely. Or even flat-out won.

A bizarre night. A trio of white dudes named Stetson, Ladd and Brock leading Georgia to the most convincing championship ever. Rain crashing sideways into SoFi Stadium, which has a roof but no walls in some parts so that only TCU fans were being drenched. Sometimes Mother Nature supplies the metaphors gratis.

It Never Rains In Southern California

Some of America’s most idyllic towns—Montecito, Malibu, Santa Barbara, Carpinteria, Ojai—were absolutely pummeled by torrents of rain yesterday. Some areas received as much as two inches of rain. Pray for the Golden Globes this Sunday!

Dollar Quiz

The back of the "Hollywood Squares" set in 1976. pic.twitter.com/oeex2lJpxA

— Cinema Scholars (@ScholarsCinema) January 9, 2023

Yesterday’s Answers: 1. True, 2. 51 3. Both Northern 4. Hollywood Squares and The Brady Bunch, 5. Jackson and Hamilton.

Today’s quiz is a tough one but should teach us all something:

1. The winner of the inaugural Indianapolis 500, Ray Harroun, had help from a clever device that he devised himself. What was it? (the year was 1911)
2. Which one of these was not among the original 13 colonies: Vermont, Georgia, Rhode Island?
3. If the distance from home plate to first base is 90 feet, and all bases are equidistant, you can calculate the distance in a straight line from home to 2nd base using what? (I will not accept “tape measure” as an answer).
4. Which one of these three were NOT named to the five-player charter class of the Baseball Hall of Fame in 1936: Walter Johnson, Honus Wagner, Cy Young?
5. What surviving women’s tennis player has the highest career win % (minimum 500 matches won)?It’s just a hair below 90%.