by John Walters

The Apartment Is A Christmas Movie

Two things happened yesterday that need to be mentioned in the same item: 1) I was subjected to a co-worker announcing that “Die Hard is a Christmas movie” as if he had conjured this epiphany himself and 2) The Apartment aired on TCM.

The 1960 Best Picture Oscar winner (deservedly so) is averse to pigeon-holing: Is it a comedy? An asexual romance? A New York City (never a scene outside of Manhattan) picture? A workplace drama? A morality play? Well, it’s all of the above, but it’s also a Christmas movie, as most of the high drama occurs on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and the week leading up to New Year’s Eve.

TCM, smart programmers that they are, followed this with Metropolitan (the best Woody Allen film Woody Allen never made), an all-time favorite of our judges, which also takes place (almost) entirely in Manhattan over the holidays.

Ford Vs. Ferrari Tesla

As we type this, shares of Ford (F) are $11.58 while shares of Tesla (TSLA) are just above $145. But that’s comparing apples (as opposed to Apple, AAPL) to chainsaws, as Chuck Klosterman would say. Look at their Price to Earnings ratios (i.e., the Price divided by Earnings-per-share, which is another way of saying the multiple of what it’s selling for as opposed to what it’s literally worth). Ford’s P/E is just over 5 while Tesla’s is over 44. That means Tesla shares are inflated 44x their real value, Ford’s only 5x. Ford, whose EV truck is supposed to be the next big seller in the EV market, seems like the better play.

Meanwhile, what was Elon Musk doing at the World Cup final with Jared Kushner and a bunch of extras from Syriana? Man, wouldn’t you like to have heard that conversation. And was Jared also being read the riot act? It says something that even the world’s second-wealthiest man has to take a ton of sh*t when he’s losing other people’s money… which is what Elon is doing.

Tesla shares were worth $402 at the start of the year. They’re now hovering around $145. What changed? Elon’s obsession with Twitter. Was he simply a figurehead here, doing the dirty work of the Koch brothers and other Far Right dark money holders who wanted to use the platform to advance Far Right extremist views? Or was this solely Elon’s vanity project that has exploded in his face? Elon’s ill-advised Twitter poll (“Should I step down as CEO?”) resulted in a 57% vote saying that he should. You have to think the sultans in Doha and Dubai are tired of losing money with Tesla stock. Maybe they reminded him that Jeffrey Epstein “committed suicide.”

Was Weekend In Doha Elon’s wake-up call?

Bridges To The Past

Last night the Phoenix Suns beat the Los Angeles Lakers 130-104 in a contest that did NOT feature LeBron James, Anthony Davis, Russell Westbrook, Devin Booker or Cam Johnson (that’s four All-Stars, at least three Hall of Famers–we’re not yet sold on AD– and four starters). Both squads were missing at least five players, some of whom had legit injuries and some who were taking a breather (the Lakers were on the second night of a back-to-back while the Suns play three games, albeit all at home, in four nights).

Then there’s Suns starter Mikal Bridges, who started and played in his 340th consecutive game last night. It’s more than double the NBA’s next-longest consecutive games streak and the silky 6’6″ swingman out of Villanova is still yet to miss an NBA game since entering the league in 2018.

It’s one thing that Bridges has avoided injury. It’s another that in this era of load management—Booker, the Suns’ top player, was clad in a Chicago Blackhawks sweater two nights after scoring 58 versus new Orleans, and he’ll probably play tonight—Bridges never gets, or perhaps yearns for, a night off.

As the streak extends, you will hear more about this. But know that Bridges is more than just an Ironman with a chill game and demeanor. He’s an outstanding defensive player with estimable offensive skills, when he chooses to show them off. He’s a legit 20 ppg scorer if he wants to be.

Playoffs?!?

One reason players such as Bridges are so rare these days (in fact, he’s so rare that there’s no one else even close to him)? The watering down of the playoffs in all professional sports (I’ll include college football here) outside of European soccer, which sort of is allowed to get away with not having playoffs in its various nation’s leagues by staging an inter-European Champions League that lasts most of the season and runs concurrently.

Check out the chart below (I made it myself!) (numbers in parens = total teams in league)

LEAGUE PLAYOFF TEAMS IN 1992 IN 2022/23

NHL 16 (24) 16 (32)

MLB 4 (26) 12 (30)

NFL 12 (28) 14 (32)

NBA 16 (27) 20 (30)

FBS 0 (107) 12* (131)

*Soon

By contrast, the Premier League in England has two fewer teams (20 to 22) than it did 30 years ago, still does not have a playoff, and remains immensely popular.

We contend that all sports would improve, in terms of quality, with fewer playoff berths, thus compelling teams to take the regular season more seriously (Are you listening, Bill Hancock?). But of course they won’t because more games means more concession sales, parking revenue and, most importantly, TV programming. So, we fans get a watered-down product but the owners/network heads already know that you’ll accept it. That we’ll accept it. Hell, we eat McDonald’s hamburgers. We’ll devour anything if its packaged and marketed correctly.

One more thing: no self-respecting league should ever have an odd number of playoff berths or regular-season games. It’s just un-American.

Harrumph. Have a good day.