by John Walters

John Means Business*

*The judges will also accept “Ways And Means”

In a matinee getaway game in Seattle, Baltimore southpaw John Means throws the first no-hitter the Orioles have had since Jim Palmer’s in 1969. He also tosses the third no-hitter (yes, we know) of this young season. Means’ came a wild pitch away from a perfect game, as he struck out the Mariners’ Sam Haggerty in the bottom of the 3rd inning but strike three bounced in the dirt and eluded the catcher. Haggerty was thrown out attempting to steal second base, so Means faced the minimum 27 batters.

On Twitter, the illustrious and very smart Tim Burke (@bubbaprog) argued that this should be a perfect game, but we disagree. How can a pitcher be credited with a perfect game when he has an error, which is what a wild pitch is scored as?

By the way, here’s another thing I love about baseball. Look at that photo. It could be from 1969. The uniforms, the infield, the daylight, it’s quite nostalgic, no?

India

Covid-19 related deaths in India the past five days, or in the month of May:

Saturday: 3,688

Sunday: 3,422

Monday: 3,438

Tuesday: 3,786

Wednesday: 3,982

That’s more than 18,000 deaths in the past five days. Granted, it’s the world’s 2nd-most populous country and the ‘rona sorta bypassed India the first time around. The nation’s now bypassed 230,000 deaths, which puts it in third place. Behind Brazil and… you guessed it.

We’re still No. 1, America! And we should be eclipsing 600,000 deaths, or a city proper the size of Denver, by this time next week.

Mitchin’

Here’s Sen. Mitch McConnell (R, for Reptile-Kentucky), speaking at a press conference in his home state yesterday: “One hundred percent of my focus is standing up to this administration.”

So I guess that whole “unify the country” schpiel back in mid-January was merely a smokescreen?

And Moanin’

Caitlyn Jenner to Hannity: "My friends are leaving California. My hangar, the guy right across, he was packing up his hangar and I said, where are you going? And he says, 'I'm moving to Sedona, Arizona, I can't take it anymore. I can't walk down the streets and see the homeless'" pic.twitter.com/Z1WbBBQXq7

— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) May 6, 2021

What did one private jet owner say to another private jet owner? “We’re the victims!”

What The Puck?

NBC/Comcast is like: Shit, I can’t believe we didn’t bid more for this. https://t.co/GsBgP9uXnc

— Richard Deitsch (@richarddeitsch) May 5, 2021

Guess the Caps and Rangers aren’t over that tussle they had a few nights ago on the ice. This was the opening moment of the game, or “fist period.”

Well … 🤪 https://t.co/FIYila4Bp5

— Jenny Taft (@JennyTaft) May 5, 2021