by John Walters
/https://www.thestar.com/content/dam/thestar/sports/golf/2021/04/11/hideki-matsuyama-wins-the-2021-masters-in-a-historic-first/matsuyama.jpg)
Asia Major!
At Augusta, Japanese golfer Hideki Matsuyama becomes the first Asian to triumph at the Masters, as well as the first Asian male to win a major (thus our headline… don’t cancel us!). We also considered “Big In Japan,” “Turning Japanese” and “It’s Refreshing To See An Asian On The Right Side Of A Shot In Georgia.”
Matsuyama becomes the ninth different duffer of the past nine years to win at Augusta National.
The chances are pret-tee, pret-tee good that Matsuyama will light the Olympic cauldron in Tokyo come July. ESPN analyst Andy North, a former PGA Tour pro, estimates the one-stroke win will be worth $1 BILLION-with-a-B or Matsuyama.
Oh, and Bill Simmons had a few things to say about it and did not miss his chance to remind us that he’ll always have Red Sox-Yankees on the brain.
“So I had it. I had the savvy one. ‘Heat of the Moment,’ which was a song that won like five Grammys by a band called Asia in the 80’s. I think Nantz could have gone stealth and done, It was the heat of the moment, Hideki Matsui is our Masters champion. Something like that and then it just would have been really underground. Nobody really would have gotten it. But he just played it chalk. You know what? You just signed a new contract Jim Nantz. We don’t want a scared Jim Nantz. Come up with some sort of line. Anything? Disappointing.”
Gaetz-Stop-O!
The latest on Matt Gaetz. He basically flew down to The Former Guy’s backyard, Doral, to speak at the Women For America First conference, where he channeled Margaret Thatcher, saying, “If you want something said, ask a man. If you want something done, hire a woman.”
Hire a woman.
Or a girl.
Colin Jost had a fine joke on Weekend Update noting that it was refreshing to see women pay Gaetz for an hour of his time.
Oh, and Gaetz may have had an ulterior motive in venturing so near to Mar-A-Lago. A sit-down with The Former Guy. Denied. You’ve served your purpose, Matty. You’re of no use to him now. You’re just another bitch who needs to put her clothes on and get out.
Infrastructure, Bridges
Yesterday, former New Jersey governor and BridgeGate impresario Chris Christie accused President Biden of “lying” about his $2 trillion infrastructure package. Granted, there’s a lot more in it than simply bridges, tunnels, roads, airports, rails and even internet and grid stuff. But, I mean, of all the people to suddenly have a sense of integrity and candor related to bridges…
Meanwhile, a better infrastructure take was offered by Charlotte’s Miles Bridges, who knows how to navigate through traffic in the lane.
Padre No-No
The last Major League team without a no-hitter, the San Diego Padres, finally got off the schneid Friday night. Joe Musgrove, 28, who is a native of El Cajon, just inland from America’s Finest City, no-hit the Texas Rangers in their brand-new ballpark, Globe Life Field.
A few notes:
*The Padres just began their 53rd season. So that’s more than 8,200 games before their first no-no.
*Musgrove struck out 10 and came within one hit batter, in the bottom of the 4th, of tossing a perfect game.
*This was an inter-league game. The Padres and Rangers only meet once every three years.
*The Philadelphia Phillies (1964) have the longest no-hitter drought in MLB history.
*Globe Life Field was hosting its first regular-season homestand. It also hosted the World Series and NLCS last October. In its very nascent existence, it has already witnessed two southern California-based National League teams celebrate wildly on its infield.
*Blake Snell now pitches for the Padres. Which means that while he was denied a chance for a once-in-a-lifetime moment at Globe Life last October, he was able to rush the pitcher’s mound and celebrate his teammate’s no-no just six months later.
SNL Highlights
Two best moments from this weekend’s episode (and Mikey Day really shines in this first clip):
And here’s Bowen Yang as the Titanic iceberg:
A Few Good Tweets
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Y.E. Yang, 2009 PGA Champion, would like a word with you.
Playing in the last group with the dominant golfer of his era, he stared down Tiger to win.
Thank you. My apologies to Mr. Yang. I thought I’d heard it reported that he was the first Asian to win a major. Just first to win the Masters. Appreciate it.
Didn’t Halladay throw a perfect game for the Phillies in the playoffs?
You’re right! It must be a regular-season record. I found a story on longest drought, but you are correct! All types of mistakes today and Micah hasn’t even bothered to check in!