by John Walters

https://twitter.com/onikasgivenchy/status/1323857811734933504?s=20

Hey Now, Heyyy Now, Don’t Dream It’s Over

Not sure how long ago this was, probably in the last two weeks, but here’s Bernie Sanders, who’d have made a better president than either of the two men on the ballot, explaining almost down to the county how the 2020 presidential election would play out.

One thing that seems clear now is that — regardless of who wins the presidency — this election didn't produce a resounding repudiation of Trumpism, which means it's unlikely to face a reckoning within the GOP and right-wing media. It's here to stay.

— Oliver Darcy (@oliverdarcy) November 4, 2020

By the way, we avoided watching most of the election coverage and are still doing so. For us, no matter who wins, the mandate has been established: America, with everything it knows and has experienced, did not repudiate Donald Trump.

So this was America’s chance to say, “Throw the bums out!” and America failed. You’re going to see a whole wave of Matt Gaetz and Jim Jordan and Devin Nunes (not to mention the Trump kids) in the future because for some reason, half of America is down with corruption, incompetence, grifting and bullying.

We’re not the best country. Not even close.

Bastard Out Of Carolina*

*The judges are not explicitly talking about Lindsey Graham, but if your mind went there we won’t truck with you.

It’s been a decade or two since we read Bastard Out Of Carolina by Dorothy Allison, but here is what we remember: single mom dating a total bad boy, and bad guy, who treats her daughter quite poorly. In fact, he physically abuses her and ultimately rapes her.

https://twitter.com/nhannahjones/status/1323957711919337472?s=20

But mom doesn’t leave him. She knows who he is but she’d still rather be with him than not.

This is an analogy. I think you get it.

Trump Flat-Earthers, The Coronavirus, and Austin Powers

One thing I’ve heard from Trump truthers the past month, and not just one but a few, is that “no one could’ve really contained the coronavirus.” It’s as if that routine ground ball to the first baseman would’ve gone through anyone’s legs, not just Bill Buckner’s.

But it’s simply not true. It’s false. You or I could’ve done a better job fighting the coronavirus. Seriously. Why? Because we would’ve been smart enough to let the pilot fly the plane, i.e., ask the epidemiologists what to do and follow their lead. But what about the economy? Oh, stop. Like prolonging a pandemic for another year is a wise economic move?

So for me it’s like this: Trump truthers claim the coronavirus is a meteor hurtling toward Earth and we are powerless to stop it. False. What the coronavirus is is this: it’s that very slow-moving steamroller in the first Austin Powers film that the dastardly henchman sees coming from 20 feet away but instead of doing anything about it, he simply screams in horror while, with plenty of time to elude it, freezing in place until it ultimately flattens him.

And that’s why I always think in metaphors.

Jacobellis’ing It

Remember the 2006 Winter Olympics, when all Lindsay Jacobellis had to do was jump correctly and then snowboard home for a gold medal? Instead, she tried styling during her jump, fell, and finished with the silver.

Well, the President attempted to declare victory. Prematurely. Last night. We weren’t awake for it but you’ve certainly heard about it.

https://twitter.com/JudithBenezra/status/1323923239261728770?s=20

Here’s the interesting, but also depressing thing: Neither side produced a landslide. Lindsey Graham and Mitch McConnell were reelected. Tommy Tuberville was elected. The point? Neither side is dominant. The political strife of the past four years will simply continue moving onward. I’m tempted to say, “I’m out.” Cuz this sh*t just ain’t worth it. Find me a beach somewhere. The beach bums have all the wisdom.