by John Walters

We awoke on Monday morning and revved up the computer machine and saw the same thing you saw: there was no MH server (as a sometime server, I was nonplussed… minused, even). Oue first thought was, Guess we’ve finally pushed Susie B. too far. But as it turns out we’d simply forgotten to pay the electric bill. We scampered over to our “In Case Of Emergency, Break Glass” friend, Tim “Oak” O’Connor. He understands how computer machines work. And fixed the problem. I owe him $20. That’s right, Susie B.: you get to read this for free, but I have to pay to write it. ‘Merica!

But no Jacob, this was not a Cancel Culture moment. Nor was this a response to Gov. Ducey’s latest shutdown about-face (about-facemask).

On with the show…

Cam, Patriots: Compatriots

The New England Patriots have signed free agent quarterback Cam Newton and why not? He’s still one of the most physically gifted human beings to ever play the position. Now Bill Belichick needs to go “two solariums!” and sign Colin Kaepernick as his backup. Two guys who’ve led their teams to the Super Bowl in the past ten years: How many other dudes can you say that about who don’t already have a starting spot or are named Manning?

Answer: Zero (Nick Foles and Joe Flacco are likely to start for the Bears and Jets, respectively, whose fans are immune to torture by this point).

Newton is also a former NFL MVP (and Heisman winner). Not a lot of those around on the junk heap.

A Meme Is Worth A Thousand Lives

Thanks to our friend in Park City, the great and Powerful Oz, who sent this along yesterday. A few of us were texting and one friend was unhappy because he thought other friend(s) had blocked him on our text chain. And so, being the insensitive puke that I am, I texted back, “Blocked Lives Matter.” And then Oz sent this.

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We interrupt today’s blog to note that our Arizona State online course, “Sports and Media” (MCO 465 in your scorecards) goes live today. We have no idea (yet) how you can take this course as a non-degree seeking student, but you still can for the next 24 hours. We’ll look into it or you can if you are sufficiently motivated. Sorry, Susie B., you’ll have to pay for this.

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To Russia With Love

So over the weekend The New York Times releases a report that says U.S. intelligence believes the Russians were issuing bounties on U.S. soldiers in Afghanistan and were paying off the Taliban for scores (Sean Payton was exonerated early in the process). And, AND THIS IS THE BIG DEAL, President Trump was notified of this. Back in February.

Pret-tee, pret-tee big. Particularly because at least one incident in which three Marines were killed in a roadside blast is directly linked to this.

So what does the President do? He retweets a video of some old white folks in The Villages, Fla., having their own private golf-cart assisted race war (with a “White Power!” chant). And then two days later he retweets the godawful, overweight St. Louis couple who stepped out of their mansion to go Rambo on protesters who’d committed the sin of walking down a “private street.” (The dude was a total cliche: about 30 pounds overweight and trying to fit into khakis he purchased 25 pounds ago).

Anyway, we’ve just wasted a paragraph on the President’s latest dog whistles (air horns) to his racist base and lost track of the actual issue: Donald Trump is Russia’s bitch.

I personally think it’s this simple: When Trump was bankrupt the Russians “lent” him a ton of money in the form of overpaying for Trump properties. He also got their money in the door at Deutsche bank as a means of lending it to him through supposedly above-board means. Why Deutsche would do business with a three-time bankruptcy loser like Trump in the early ’90s is beyond anyone’s ken other than to note that the Russians were really bankrolling him behind the scenes.

Trump will never take on Putin. Never. And so he’s either got to be shown to be incompetent for not paying attention to the intel or callous for not caring about American soldiers’ lives. What he does instead is get people talking about how he supports racism while implausibly denying even that.

Fossils & Foxes

You don’t even need a locator to realize within five seconds that this band is from the South. Or that at least one of the young ladies is the daughter of the guitar player fronting the band. This video is 10 years old now, but the aptly named band still plays gigs and if you go down a YouTube rabbit hole you can see them covering “Our Lips Are Sealed” (!), “Rolling In The Deep”, “I Can’t Let Go” (an all-timer favorite tune of MH), “Doctor My Eyes,” “Seven Bridges Road” and a few too many Todd Rundgren covers for our liking.

But this tune, this cover of “Suite: Judy Blue Eyes” by Crosby, Stills & Nash, is mesmerizing. That’s a really, really difficult song and they simply nailed it. Not bad for a dad-bod band.

They’re from the Atlanta area, by the way.

Talk About Cross-Promotion

Three days ago the HBO true-crime series “I’ll Be Gone In The Dark” premiered. Two days ago the serial killer-and-rapist who is the impetus behind the series, and the object of amateur sleuth Michelle McNamara’s obsession for the last 10 or so years of her life, confessed to all the crimes.

We won’t write his name here, but his first rape occurred on June 18, 1976. And he was free and unknown up until just two or so years ago, when DNA evidence linked him to the crime (a family member had gone on a genealogy site and that’s how they got a DNA match to the killer). Still, nearly 45 years of not being apprehended and then he comes to trial just one day after the premiere of the HBO series.

McNamara, a Notre Dame alum who was married to comedian Patton Oswalt, died of natural causes in 2016 at the age of 45. Her book on her obsessive quest to find the killer, I’ll Be Gone In The Dark (released posthumously with the help of two writers and Oswalt), is excellent if you’re looking for a good read.