by John Walters

What The Frack?

Follow the bouncing stock: Chesapeake Energy (CHK).

In mid-April, with shares of the stock at around 15 cents—yes, cents… pennies— the company’s board approved a 200-for-1 reverse stock split. What that means is that with most stock splits, the price is divided by 200 and your shares are multiplied by 200 (e.g., if AAPL is selling for $400 and you have 2 shares, now it’s selling for $2 and you have 400 shares).

What CHK did was exactly different. If you have 2000 shares at 15 cents, now you have 10 shares at $30. So what has happened to CHK since that April 15 inversion?

Well first, in the matter of two days, shares of CHK more than tripled from $14 to $41. Then, in a matter of three weeks, they sunk all the way below $8.

But that was just a warmup.

On Friday shares of CHK (we own none) went from $14 to $25. Then yesterday they spiked up 181% to $69.92. Even if you had sat back on Friday and watched CHK’s glorious leap and said, Okay, I’ll put $10,000 on that, you made about $16,000 in profit yesterday. In one day.

That’s insane.

Then what happened? After the bell reports emerged that CHK will be filing bankruptcy. The stock is back down around $40 before the bell and don’t be surprised if it’s in the $20s by noon.

Pumping and dumping. And who knew about all of this? Plenty of insiders, you can bet.

Look Out, You Rock ‘n Rollers

Went down a little David Bowie rabbit hole this weekend. Thought about how Queen might never have existed without him, as he laid down the template for how Freddie Mercury behaved on (and off) stage. Also thought about how good he was at such a young age. Before turning 25 Bowie had written and released “Space Oddity,” “Life On Mars” and this song, “Changes.” Only the first of these would chart in the Top 40 and even then only four years after its 1969 release.

I love this performance of “Changes” because what it demonstrates to me is that David Bowie completely understood what being a performer is about. He looks out at his audience knowing he has them mesmerized. Shook. He’s in control and he knows it. And likes it. And the show is better for it.

This is from the Hammersmith Odeon in London in 1973. Lucky bastards.

Take a Walk

That’s Grammy nominee Mike Posner, who did not write the song that is the title of this item (that would be Passion Pit) but who did heed the tune’s advice. Last April Posner, who wrote “I Took A Pill In Ibiza,” (a move of dubious wisdom) which was nominated for Song of the Year a few years back, embarked on a coast-to-coast walking tour of the U.S.A.

He started in Asbury Park on April 15 (that date keeps coming up this morning) and finished at Venice Beach on October 18th. His most memorable day came on August 7th in Colorado, when he was bitten by a baby rattlesnake (lucky mom wasn’t around) and had to be airlifted to a hospital.

Why did he do it? Read for yourself. By the way, Outside says that Walking is making a comeback. Had it ever left? Probably a pandemic thing.

Police Mutant Ninja Turtles

We’re not sure what defunding police departments means, but we do believe that maybe cops shouldn’t be attired as if they’re the lead in Robocop III. Bill Maher did a screed on this a few years back, back when Barack was president. We agreed with him then and we agree with him now: if you outfit cops as if they’re Storm Troopers (Star Wars, not Hitler), pretty soon they’re going to feel as if they need to crush the Rebel Alliance.

I call it the HumVee Effect. Take a perfectly nice motorist. Then put him or her behind the wheel of a HumVee. Suddenly they’re making lefts at the intersection into oncoming traffic and NO YOU GET OUTTA THE WAY MOTHERF*****! You know?

And that’s what happens when you give police all of this “riot” gear? Did you see how the cops “cleared out” Lafayette Park last week? They stood in a column and then someone yelled “Go” and it was as if an offensive line coach and pre-game drills had just ordered the first wave to clear out the next seven yards in front of them.

Andy Taylor would have never done it this way. If there were a Black Lives Matter march in Mayberry, he’d have brought down some of Aunt Bea’s rhubarb pie, got out his guitar, and they would’ve been singing spirituals late into the evening as Floyd the Barber looked on, slightly confounded.

King James’ Other Bible

Things we’ve learned in the past week: In 1604 King James I, the son of Mary, Queen of Scots, commissioned an English translation of the Bible. It was completed in 1611 and has since gone on to become the best-selling book in the world. Not that any of the original writers were paid royalties… isn’t it always the way?

But seven years later King James came out with another great work of literature. Well, it was more like an edict. Called “The Book of Sports,” it was a mandate, which he made ministers at the Church of England read nationwide, that “recreation” was to be permitted on Sundays after church services.

The king did this because he saw growing conflict between Puritans, who believed that after working six consecutive days people should spend the Sabbath in prayer and meditation and church, and everyone else, who thought dancing around a May-pole or quaffing a Whit-sun ale after church on Sunday wasn’t the worst idea in the world. James sided with the latter.

Well, this pissed off the Puritans so much that… well, two years later a group of them boarded a boat and sailed west. Yes, the Mayflower. The Pilgrims.

To what do we owe our nationhood? You might say, Sports.