Tweet Me Right
Boss.
Biden, His Time
Step right on down, Jason Sudeikis, because it looks as if Saturday Night Live is gonna need you for the next seven months at least (excluding the four summer months when they won’t be taping). In a second not-as-Super Tuesday last night, Joe Biden won Idaho, Mississippi, Missouri and, most importantly, Michigan.
Bernie Sanders won North Dakota.
Washington is still too close to call.
Give President Trump this: He knew who the Democratic nominee was gonna be all along.
Mutha Tucker
Pardon me as I go ahead and dissect this comical Tucker Carlson open from Monday night:
:24…. “None of it was in anybody’s plan“
Actually, it was. The Obama administration created a Pandemic Preparedness office to specifically deal with situations such as this. Of course President Trump gutted it because the GOP can’t have any signs that Obama was ever president. Also, there’s this thing called the Center for Disease Control. This is precisely what they’re all about. But go on…
1:00 “Like all matters of life and death, it is beyond human powers to affect”
Cancel health care.
1:04 “The first step is to take the virus seriously and convince the public that you are”
This will be the first time, but not the last, that Carlson lectures the Trump administration about how it needs to improve its game. But he will not mention Trump by name here.
Spoiler alert: Carlson will not utter the name “Trump” until late in the eighth minute, and only then to fellate him.
3:28 “Is this really the right time to join the rest of the world in Medicare for all? Probably not. That idea was always stupid.”
If you ain’t rich, you got no reason to live. But we do have enough money in the budget to make all the Trump children multimillionaires dozens of times over, to pay for all of Donald’s golf weekends, and to over-fund the military by at least 100%.
3:36 “Saving American medicine from collapse must be our leader’s top priority right now”
“Our leader’s.” Oh, Tucker. You are precious.
4:16 “As of tonight more than 95% of all the antibiotics available in America are manufactured in communist China”
I’m sure he’ll find a way to blame this on liberals; I just can’t wait to hear how.
4:32 “Imagine one of your children dying from an infected cut. China has the power to make that happen.”
Considering his audience, what he really meant to say was “grandchildren” but that’s okay. Tucker’s logic here is that because China has a virtual monopoly on pharmaceutical production, it could simply choose to cut off that production and we’d all die. Except that China would lose billions in revenue and we’d soon just manufacture it over here. But there’s nothing like a little good xenophobic fear-mongering to keep the lights on at Fox.
5:02 “Nine years ago famously brilliant former president Barack Obama...
I think he’s being sarcastic. Really, Tucker? You wanna go there? You want to put Obama’s intelligence up against Trump’s? Or yours? Go ahead.
5:45 “The people in charge have no idea what they’re doing and to the extent that they do, they’re selling us out on purpose”
See what Tucker’s doing here? A minute ago he talked about China having a monopoly on antibiotics. And now he’s talking about how our leaders have sold us out to China to help a few rich moguls. But in between he inserted a clip of Barack Obama so that his AARP-addled retirees viewing in the Sun Belt would connect Obama to all of this. When it’s been going on for decades from the Bushes to Obama to yes, even, “our leader.” This is first-rate propaganda technique-ing going on here.
6:25 “Global warming isn’t the existential threat we face; extortion from China is.”
Wrong. Wrong? Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong. Wrong.
7:12 “The Chinese coronavirus really is Chinese.”
Viruses don’t have DNA. Its point of origin was on a landmass that geopolitical maps refer to as China. But it’s about as “Chinese” as the Sioux tribe is Indian.
7:26 “China did this to the world and we should not pretend otherwise. That’ not xenophobia; it’s true.”
With malice aforethought? Please, Tucker, explain what China’s intent was here? This was their master plan? Oh, it’s precisely xenophobia.
8:09 “The Chinese coronavirus isn’t just a fluke of globalization. It’s the inevitable byproduct of it.“
Hear, hear! We need to eliminate all globalization of business. I propose we begin with prohibiting Australian Aryans from purchasing U.S. cable news networks.
8:32 “This pandemic vindicates Donald Trump’s entire political thesis.”
Correct. If you keep your head in the sand long enough and ignore science, you really can nurture a pandemic.
9:02 “The White House reaction to coronavirus so far has been uneven and limp”
I’m sorry. The judges were looking for irresponsible and dangerous.
9:14 “Instead of focusing on ‘race politics,’ things that divide us.”
The country was so much better when darkies knew their place. Now they’re all uppity and it’s dividing ‘us.’ Love it.
9:34 “It is time to show the world that America is back, bigger and better and stronger than ever before“
Except that Italy and South Korea among other countries have demonstrated a much swifter and more efficient response to the coronavirus outbreak. Why is that, Tucker? We’re three years into “our leader’s” presidency. You can’t pin this response on Obama. But man, if this outbreak were taking place during his presidency, we know that you would.
“So wait? This virus is young and Asian? Why isn’t Woody Allen dating it?”
Team Coco with footage from the Grand Princess standup comic. Good bit.
“Ohhhh, Robbbbb!”
The New York City suburb of New Rochelle (Rochelle) is creating a one-mile containment radius around a synagogue that is seen as the epicenter of the coronavirus in the Empire State. Some 108 attendees of that synagogue have been diagnosed with the CV, which represents nearly two-thirds of the state’s cases.
Residents within the one-mile area will be allowed to move around within the area, but otherwise it’s basically gonna be like the Warsaw Ghetto (poor analogy?). How this will affect Rob and Laura Petrie, and whether Rob will have to write the Allan Brady Show from home or leave the heavy lifting to Buddy and Sally (yeah, right!) is still unresolved.
Corona Countdown
On Sunday we had 17 states without coronavirus. We’re down to 12.
They are: Alabama, Alaska, Arkansas, Delaware, Idaho, Maine, Mississippi, Montana, New Mexico, North Dakota, West Virginia and Wyoming. I’m still betting Wyoming will report last, although Alaska may be a smart bet since the state is geographically self-quarantined.
This morning’s stateside totals: 31 deaths, more than 1,000 cases.
Quaranteenagers!
With all these school closures, etc., dad and mom still have to go to work. How will the teens spend their days? Reading classic novels? I think not. More like getting high and bingeing Fleabag again. We’re doomed, one way or the other.
Get Your Perv On
We were watching the first installment of the Netflix documentary “World War II in Colour” (yes, they used the “u”) last night cuz that’s how we chill. Near the end of the episode they went somewhere that completely surprised me: drugs.
It turns out that the Nazi blitzkrieg that helped overrun France at the start of Germany’s western advance was fueled by Pervitin, which was distributed to German soldiers as they advanced on the key town of Sedan and westward. And what was Pervitin? As one expert noted, it’s essentially crystal meth.
The French leadership was stunned by the German infantry’s ability to advance so quickly, basically going three consecutive nights without sleep. And now I know why. As one commentator being interviewed said, “Being on Pervitin for three straight days will produce some nasty side effects, all of which are better than being dead.”
He has a point there. It turns out the Nazis were Walter White Supremacists. “Yo, bitch, we’re advancing on Paris!”
I’m not going to equate watching the heinous TC with actually having COVID-19 but I do appreciate your sacrifice, jdubs. So, what does “Tucker Watch” equate with? How about watching every Knicks game, in person, from floor seats that cost you $100k? 🙂
So basically, Fox “News” is instructing the Sociopath & his collaborators to start using the term “Chinese Coronavirus” & no longer ‘COVID-19’ or just Coronavirus. When does Trump speak next? How much you wanna bet he uses it? Followed by every WH official “on record”.
As for now not being the time for Medicare for All?! Our current PATHETIC excuse for a national health care ‘system’ will show why other countries will be able to combat this virus far better/faster than us! THEIR inhabitants don’t have to worry that a stay in a hospital will BANKRUPT them.
I wonder how many of those France-invading Nazi soldiers survived the war & how many of the survivors then died of drug addiction after. I remember reading a few decades ago that many Nazi soldiers were on “speed”. I wonder if the writers meant Pervitin?