We’re on the road today so this will be quick and disjointed…I doubt you’ll notice the difference…

Warren Peace

At the Charleston debate, Democratic candidate Elizabeth Warren is asked by Gayle King what evidence she had that Michael Bloomberg had once verbally accosted a pregnant employee of his? The former prosecutor shot Gayle a “Et tu, Mrs. Winfrey?” glare and then replied, “Because she said so?”

Lordy, I hate to sound like The New York Times here, but I sincerely hope a female wins the Democratic nomination. Either one. I don’t even care. They’re both better than all the boys.

Star Search

I posed this question on Twitter yesterday: What movie star, if you had the ability to know what he or she was doing at all times without them realizing it, would you most want to stalk? My immediate answer was Tom Cruise, mostly for reasons such as this interview:

Respondents on Twitter gave me Keanu Reeves (excellent), Denzel Washington, Gene Hackman, Gerard Butler, Lenny Kravitz, Phoebe Cates, Sean Penn and, my personal favorite, Clint Howard (Ron’s little brother).

Clint Howard, mostly. pic.twitter.com/bLQxde8sEh

— Dave Shelton (@hornbop) February 25, 2020

Wilder Wilding

It hit me yesterday: Thank you, Deontay Wilder. All these years I thought I lost my one and only fight at Crestview Park because he was faster and stronger than I. Now I realize it was simply because of my heavy parka.

Nobody Does It Better

Our Division III friend Eric Demers scored 36 points last night to lead Gordon College to a first-round victory in their conference tournament. Demers is now averaging 32.7 points per game on the season by our calculations. Gordon next plays at Nichols tomorrow night; the two schools tussled last Saturday and Nichols held him to a season-low 15 points.

Online Olympics

Yesterday a senior official at the International Olympic Committee hinted that the coronavirus could cause Japan to either delay or altogether cancel the Summer Olympics (as we alluded to in a blog post yesterday). Today other officials are yammering that he spoke out of turn (and likely through a germ-resistant mask). The bad part? Panic and chaos at the IOC and among athletes who are training. The good part? An entire new generation of sports fans had their first giggle over “Dick Pound.” Joshua Malina on Twitter: “I just heard about Dick Pound and wonder where I go to adopt.”

Here’s our idea: What if they just stage the Olympics like an on-line course? Submit your best effort on-line and we’ll judge it from a secure location at Chelsea Piers.

Hmmm

https://twitter.com/AsteriskTour/status/1232170084258459648?s=20

“All Is Well! All Is Well!”

https://twitter.com/jdubs88/status/1232373533667446785?s=20

Dow Down

Monday, down more than 1,000 points. Yesterday, down around 800 points. Today, at least at the open, the Dow will be up. But that was the case yesterday as well before it teetered off a cliff. We suspect more of the same today.

And just wait until coronavirus patients start showing up in New York City. Let’s say you’re a diabolical investment bank (redundant, I know) and last week you began shorting the market. And then you paid one of your young and healthy associates to contract the coronavirus. Maybe a few (some of whom won’t be formally known as your bank’s employees). And then you spread the word around town that the coronavirus has made it to New York City (“If you can catch it there, you’ll catch it anywhere…”). Imagine how the market would plummet even further…

The diamond in the mountain of coal (which we found yesterday)? Moderna (MRNA), which opened at $18 a share yesterday and is about to open at $28 per share today (MH staffers doing the Snoopy Happy Dance). It can’t stave off the coronavirus for sure, but for some it will stave off dramatic losses with other stocks.

Puppet People

In any assessment of the funniest people ever to perform on Saturday Night Live, Bill Hader belongs in the top tier (along with Kate McKinnon). Just noticed this yesterday. I’m willing to bet John Mulaney wrote this sketch.