by John Walters

Tweet Me Right

Put this on a coin pic.twitter.com/Vqc3XfUqbL

— AL🏈 (@al_marquez_) December 13, 2019

Starting Five

Taylor at 30

Musical artist of the decade Taylor Swift turns 30 today. What do we do with this information? How do we process it? Do we go see Cats just to view her in kitty body suit? Do we rank her songs? Exes?

I dunno.

Anyway, there it is. We still think “Love Story” is her best song followed closely by “Tim McGraw,” both tunes that she wrote and released before her 19th birthday. But who are we to judge?

There definitely is no one quite like her in pop music the past decade. She’s always had an old soul, even as she tries to conform to certain contemporary ideals. This moment, from SNL in 2013, captures a lot of her charm:

Heady Lamar

Granted, Lamar Jackson was only facing the Jets (and the quarterback chosen 29 selections ahead of him in the 2018 NFL draft), but the Baltimore Ravens quarterback threw a career-high five touchdown passes in leading his team to a tenth consecutive victory, 42-21. Baltimore clinched the AFC North and now sports a 12-2 record.

Jackson, with 86 yards rushing, also broke Michael Vick’s single-season rushing record for a quarterback (Vick had 1,039 for the Falcons in 2006; Jackson now has 1,108). He also wrapped up this year’s NFL MVP award. Man, do those AFC teams who chose Baker Mayfield and Darnold ahead of him—like, wayyyy ahead of him—in April of 2018 look stupid now.

https://twitter.com/DarrenMHaynes/status/1205347565060931586?s=20

That’s one Heisman Trophy winner (Mark Ingram) interviewing another…

Jerry Mandering

During yesterday’s impeachment hearings, the Republicans in the room proposed five different amendments to the articles of impeachment (things like, “Nancy Pelosi is a doo doo face”) all of which were voted down. And then chairman Jerry Nadler gaveled out shortly before midnight, before a final vote on the articles were taken, after 14 hours of convening.

The Republicans were enraged. Why? Most likely because they wanted to be able to say that the Dem-led House passed this vote “in the dead of night” and “when America was asleep” and Nadler was on to that narrative so he nipped it in the bud. Then again, Nadler is 72 and looks every one of those years and maybe he just wanted to go home to mother and tuck in to sleep.

Anyway, here’s what’s clear to us: the Republicans hate the Democrats more than they love this country. In Thursday’s arguments, they spent no time debating the facts of what president Trump did, only the criminality of it. Or they used the “you’ve been after him since before he took office” defense, which is partly true but only because, as people such as Carter Page, Mike Flynn and Paul Manafort, among others, have demonstrated, Trump has been committing treasonous offenses since before he took office.

This thread by University of Michigan law professor Barb McQade pretty much details every GOP argument and then bats it down like a kitten with a ball of yarn:

Defense 2. No harm occurred because the military aid went through. Response: The aid went through only after Trump was caught. In the meantime, months of delay cost Ukraine lives in its war with Russia. US credibility was harmed and moral authority to fight corruption was eroded.

— Barb McQuade (@BarbMcQuade) December 13, 2019

Defense 4: Abuse of power is not even a crime. Response: Impeachable conduct may be criminal conduct, but need not be. A president could be impeached if he watched TV all day and failed to fulfill his constitutional duty to take care that the laws be faithfully executed.

— Barb McQuade (@BarbMcQuade) December 13, 2019

Defense 6: There was no quid pro quo. Read the transcript! Trump’s request for a “favor” is strong evidence, corroborated by witness testimony, of months-long scheme to get Zelensky to “go to the mic” and announce Biden probe. Aid was leverage.

— Barb McQuade (@BarbMcQuade) December 13, 2019

Defense 8: Teatimony is hearsay. Response: Rules of Evidence don’t apply. Also, call summary, Sondland testimony are non-hearsay. Trump has barred direct witnesses. You can’t have it both ways. If they had information favorable to Trump, you can bet we would have heard from them.

— Barb McQuade (@BarbMcQuade) December 13, 2019

Defense 10: Impeachment would un-do an election. Response: All impeachments un-do elections. Constitution permits impeachment if president is unfit to serve. When rigging an election is involved, elections are ineffective for removal. Impeachment is not to punish but to protect.

— Barb McQuade (@BarbMcQuade) December 13, 2019

Defense 12: We need to hear from the whistleblower. Response: The whistleblower was a tipster, whose tip led to the investigation. Tipsters do not testify at trial, the witnesses do. We have a duty to protect whistleblowers to encourage them to use proper channels to report abuse

— Barb McQuade (@BarbMcQuade) December 13, 2019

Meanwhile, I’ll save our most devoted commenter the trouble: Senate Majority leader Mitch McConnell, whose role is to oversee his body’s impeachment trial that will follow the House’s “Yes” vote on impeachment, has already promised that he will coordinate with White House lawyers—yes, this is like the jury foreman working behind the scenes with the defense—and that the GOP-led Senate will resoundingly strike down the impeachment resolution.

The trial is over before it began.

Again, it’s not about the Constitution with these people. It’s about remaining in power. And maybe their rationale for subverting the Constitution is as simple as, “We’ve got to do everything and anything possible if it allows us to strike down Roe vs. Wade.” It really may be that simple. But know this: If and when a Democrat occupies the White House again, these people will go HAM at him or her on every little thing and completely forget how blasé they were about presidents not being above the law at this point in history.

Marriage Bore-y

I tried. Really.

I tried watching Marriage Story last night (Netflix) and I quit with about 29 minutes left. The performances, by stars Adam Driver and Scarlett Johanssen? Outstanding. And Laura Dern‘s yoga physique or whatever she’s doing? She’s never looked better—Dern is 52—and she actually has a damn good role. The scene in which she compares mothers to Mary and fathers to God is our favorite moment in the film.

Buuuuuuuut….

…For us, this was a film made by Hollywood (as most films are) about Hollywood types who have enough disposable income—like, a lot of it—so that the poor dad is able to toss out a $10,000 retainer for his first lawyer and then move on to a $25,000 retainer for a second who charges $900 per hour, while also keeping two residences (and he’s the one who, in many ways, is the one suffering here). Is this relatable?

There’s one scene in court where the personal attacks are coming fast and furious from both lawyers about who inhibited whose career and the judge finally halts it and reminds them there’s a full docket in front of him and they need to move this along. And the camera pans to a gallery full of, well, regular people. It’s the one self-aware moment in the entire film. Oh yeah, most of America doesn’t have the luxury to be this self-absorbed.

Anyway, if you’ve never gotten married (“Here, Mr. Kotter!”) and were wondering about it, this film will brighten your day. I turned to an episode of Seinfeld (“Bachelor Story”). Finally, you have to wonder if Colin Jost is re-thinking this whole nuptials idea jussssst a wee bit.

p.s. We’ll eventually get around to watching the final 29 minutes. Just not this weekend.

Five Films: 1974

The Godfather II: As good as the first film was, this fellow Best Picture winner may be more satisfying. Certainly it clings more tightly to actual events, and what an unorthodox structure. It begins, as the first one did, at a family gala but this time on the shores of Lake Tahoe, where Clan Corleone has relocated. It ends with Michael all alone, thinking about the full family dinner table he was once part of. In gaining so much power and wealth, he has lost the most important part of his life: la famiglia. 2. Chinatown: In most any other year this superbly crafted and paced modern film noir starring Jack Nicholson and Faye Dunaway would win Best Picture. Forget it, Jake, it’s The Godfather, Part 2. Still, this is an incredible film. Funny, sinister, sexy and tragic. And—spoiler alert—the second great film that Dunaway appears in where she is gunned down near a 30s roadster in the final scene. Also, the dude who gives Jake that “nose job” early in the movie is none other than the film’s director, Roman Polanski. You’d think he wouldn’t want to be associated with a knife wound in L.A., but whatevs… 3. Blazing Saddles: Harrumph, harrumph, harrumph! and Young Frankenstein: Mel Brooks was writing this film for Gene Wilder as he and Wilder were filming Blazing Saddles. Did anyone have a better 1974 than these two? 4. The Conversation: The answer to that question is, Perhaps Francis Ford Coppola and John Cazale, who also teamed up in this film alongside the first film on our list. Starring Gene Hackman as a surveillance expert. Sort of ahead of its time in terms of subject matter. 5. Earthquake (In Sensurround!), The Towering Inferno and Airport ’75: Let’s use the fifth pick on our list to recognize the Disaster Film, a genre that reached its peak in 1974. Americans were not quite yet ready to see films about real-life disasters such as the Nixon presidency and Vietnam (they soon would be), so these stand-ins did the trick.