by John Walters

Starting Five

Trumped Up Charges

The Department of Justice’s inspector general, Michael Horowitz, released a 400-something page report on the FBI’s investigation into the Trump campaign and Russia. In essence the report states that while the FBI’s investigation has flaws, there is zero evidence that the FBI or any of its employees engaged in a conspiracy to sabotage him.

Just one problem: the man at the top of the Department of Justice, William Barr, isn’t happy with this conclusion. Now he’s suggesting someone investigate this report. In other words, come back with a different conclusion this time. Or you’ll have to do it over yet again.

William Barr is a very dangerous man. He’s that worst of combinations: a man who is well-educated but also arrogant enough to believe that the ends always justify the means. When a man who has sworn to protect the Constitution and is the top prosecutor in the nation decides that the Constitution and laws don’t count if they get in the way of preserving a great, Christian (read: White) nation, well, then, we’ve got a problem.

Donald Trump is just stupid and vile. William Barr is smart, calculating and impervious to truth. We’ve got trouble.

Black Is Beautiful

On Sunday night Zozibini Tunzi of South Africa was crowned Miss Universe. The reigning Miss Universe, Miss USA (Cheslie Tryst) and Miss America (Nia Franklin) are all black. Missy Misdemeanor Elliott? Also black. Ms. Jackson, to whom I’m sorry? Also black.

Miss World remains Courtney Love, though.

Megan Too Movement

In 2019 41 year-old Tom Brady won another Super Bowl and 43 year-old Tiger Woods won another Masters and who was named Sports Illustrated‘s Sportsperson of the Year? Well, fittingly, U.SA. Women’s World Cup soccer dynamo Megan Rapinoe.

Sue Bird’s partner not only lit up France with her goals but she also spoke out against injustice and repression of all types. France hasn’t seen a female this fearless since Joan of Arc.

Yes, We Have No Banana

Priceless art doesn’t just grow on trees, you know, but then bananas are not priceless and they do go on trees. So even this duct-taped banana exhibit by Mauricio Cattelan on display at Art Basel in Miami last weekend was valued at $120,000, can you really blame patron and fellow artist David Datuna for finding its appeal and devouring it?

Datuna announced, just before his first bite, that he was creating “performance art” by eating the fruit. And he wasn’t wrong. Datuna was escorted off the premises but not charged with any crime.

Five Films: 1971

1. The Last Picture Show: Call it recency bias if you will. I saw this for the first time just last month and while I was all set to put the No. 2 film on this list in this slot, I really believe Peter Bogdonavich’s film is more timeless. And beautiful, in a tragic way. Shot in black-and-white, this is the story of the slow death of a small Texas town, Aralene, seen through the lens of a pair of high school buddies circa 1950. But it’s about more than that. It’s about the death of community in America itself, as folks isolate themselves in their homes watching TV instead of going to the movies or the pool halls, etc. Ben Johnson and Cloris Leachman won Oscars here in supporting roles, both well-deserved. Also, it has The Dude. 2. The French Connection: Winner for Best Picture, Best Director (William Friedkin) and Best Actor (Gene Hackman), it also features the most bad-ass care chase scene to date in film. As someone who grew up near New York City at this time, I don’t think I know of another film, not even Mean Streets, that gets early Seventies New York City so accurately. 3. Dirty Harry: “So what’s it gonna be, punk? Do you feel lucky?” Clint Eastwood at his very best in a film that was inspired by the real-life Zodiac Killer events. 4. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory: The role Gene Wilder was born to play. We are the music makers and we are the dreamers of dreams. 5. Harold and Maude: An eccentric tale, a love story between a lost teen and a charismatic octogenarian who meet while attending funerals of strangers. With a soundtrack courtesy of Cat Stevens. Your favorite liberal arts major who orders exotic teas on-line will list this among his or her five favorite films.

A Clockwork Orange would make all the critics’ lists, and maybe yours, too. I last saw it in 1983 and just don’t remember all that much except that it kinda reminds me of Trainspotting? We should probably also mention McCabe & Mrs. Miller (never saw it), Bedknobs and Broomsticks (haven’t seen in 46 years), Fiddler On The Roof and Play Misty For Me.